What makes the OW brag about being in a relationship with a MM?

[Raena]

Your husband brought this into your life, not her. She slept with a married man and you're upset about her poor values and judgement? That, I'd also guess, was one the reasons hubby took the bait. Free candy. Easy fun.

 

You didn't win. Your husband made sure of that.

 

Wait... what? I see it as they BOTH brought it into my life. He didn't have an affair all by his lonesome and she was well aware of his situation.

 

Quite honestly, this post isn't really about what HE did, it's about what she's been doing after the fact. What he did is a different topic.

 

But you are right... her lack of morals that got her into this situation also explains her choices afterwards.

[bubbaganoosh]

Because she's a loser. She doesn't give a rats ass if she's being used by some bum that just wants to get his hands warm. With some people, they would rather be in any kind of a relationship under any circumstances then not be in one at all.

 

Some day her bubble will be broke. tell tale sign will be when you see her holding a steak over her black eye.

[Raena]

Because she's a loser. She doesn't give a rats ass if she's being used by some bum that just wants to get his hands warm. With some people, they would rather be in any kind of a relationship under any circumstances then not be in one at all.

 

Some day her bubble will be broke. tell tale sign will be when you see her holding a steak over her black eye.

 

You know, as much as I don't like her right now I seriously hope that doesn't happen. But... she does seem desperate for attention and I could see where it could one day lead to that. I just wouldn't wish physical abuse on anyone.

[krazikat]

LOL. She "deserves" closure? Maybe she should get half of his pension and custody of his children every other weekend, too? ROFL!!!

 

Affairs aren't like normal relationships - they're built on lies, deceit, manipulation, and betrayal. The rules of a normal relationship don't even APPLY to affairs which are built on a foundation of lies and disrespect.

 

She got exactly what she deserved.

 

Maybe next time, the imbecile will think twice before lowering herself to be with a married man.

 

Omg you are absolutely killing me! In a good way! I have had a rough day today and needed to laugh!

 

I am also loving the UNDER the lowest point in life comment...not only SPOT ON TRUE!! but so well put.

 

Ya, the whole ow wanting "closure" thing? Biatch please. Even the desperite and slightly crazy ow in my sitch understood she got herself into the mess. Granted I had to answer 4am phone calls to hear this, but at least she acknowledged that fact....

[serial muse]

I suspect that you may have hit the nail on the head for my particular situation. My ex did say that she has been harassing him ever since he dumped her months ago that he better tell me the truth, so maybe part of it IS in fact that she didn't want him to "get away with it" while she had to suffer. (her husband found out and dumped her).

 

I still don't understand how that would make her choose to rub my nose in it so to speak. I mean she has said some pretty hurtful things to and about me in her rantings online. What's the point in that. I had no idea he was screwing around. (I saw some red flags and I had my suspicions long before before. I wasn't 100% sure and I even told her that in one of the conversations I had with her before the truth came out)

 

I didn't make him dump her, he chose to do that before I even knew the truth about it all. In fact, I had nothing to do with anything that went on between the two of them... that was all on them.

 

I suppose none of that matters to her though. She sees me as the enemy even though I did nothing to either of them. I'm guessing he cried on her shoulder telling her all his complaints (real or imaginary) about me so I guess that would fuel her fire into thinking I'm this terrible person who "ruined" what she had with him. (Yes, she did in fact say that to me)

 

The reality is, what they did was hurtful and it is much easier to blame someone else for your own mistakes than to accept and learn from them.

 

It is also easier to hide behind feelings of "oh he loved me but we can't be together because of HER" and be angry about it rather than see the stark truth of situation... which is that they never should have been together in the first place.

 

Yeah, I've never understood the anger toward the BS that you'll see on here sometimes, or that the OW in your situation is showing. Anger at the WS, OK, I guess. But the BS? Makes zero sense to me too.

[LilGirlandOW]

LOL. She "deserves" closure? Maybe she should get half of his pension and custody of his children every other weekend, too? ROFL!!!

 

Affairs aren't like normal relationships - they're built on lies, deceit, manipulation, and betrayal. The rules of a normal relationship don't even APPLY to affairs which are built on a foundation of lies and disrespect.

 

She got exactly what she deserved.

 

Maybe next time, the imbecile will think twice before lowering herself to be with a married man.

 

I'm not sure why its so hard for some people to understand when your husband decides to take on an OW, shes now both of your problem! Some are meek and sweet, some are bunny boiling beotches, thats the gamble your DH's make with his and your (the BS's) life. For better or for worse, Blame the husband!

 

Good for you OP, for not putting up with a cheating SOB

 

A scorned OW who doesnt get the closure they feel they deserve is a force to be reckoned with. Affair's ARE normal relationships, per say, when your doting DH takes on an OW, she becomes a part of your marraige, period.

[sweet_pea]

I'm not sure why its so hard for some people to understand when your husband decides to take on an OW, shes now both of your problem! Some are meek and sweet, some are bunny boiling beotches, thats the gamble your DH's make with his and your (the BS's) life. For better or for worse, Blame the husband!

 

Good for you OP, for not putting up with a cheating SOB

 

A scorned OW who doesnt get the closure they feel they deserve is a force to be reckoned with. Affair's ARE normal relationships, per say, when your doting DH takes on an OW, she becomes a part of your marraige, period.

 

Ohhhhh Lil Girl.

 

You are correct that it is the WS' fault for bringing OW into his/BS' life. BUT, it is not his fault if OW acts crazy. That is on OW.At the end of the day, she is responsible for her own behavior. It's kind of alarming that you don't seem to agree with that. Are you saying that it's strictly everyone BUT their own fault for how they act? Hmmm, that's interesting to say the least.

 

Sorry, life isn't fair and just because she didn't get the closure she wanted (not deserved, because what kind of closure does she deserve? How is an NC letter not deserved? What, does she deserve a cookie cake, bouquet of roses or something?) doesn't mean she should start trying to hurt the BS of all people.

 

And yeah, affairs sure are "normal" relationships, what with all the lying, deceit, sneaking around it involves. Oh, and all of the hurt it brings to the parties involved. I don't know what kind of normal that is, but I guess different strokes for different folks. Oh, and last time I checked, when most normal relationships end, most people don't act all bunny boiler-ish. But then again, normal is relative and I guess people's normals depend on their experiences.

 

#girlbye

Edited November 2, 2013 by sweet_pea

[HopingAgain]

I'm not sure why its so hard for some people to understand when your husband decides to take on an OW, shes now both of your problem! Some are meek and sweet, some are bunny boiling beotches, thats the gamble your DH's make with his and your (the BS's) life. For better or for worse, Blame the husband!

 

Good for you OP, for not putting up with a cheating SOB

 

A scorned OW who doesnt get the closure they feel they deserve is a force to be reckoned with. Affair's ARE normal relationships, per say, when your doting DH takes on an OW, she becomes a part of your marraige, period.

 

Sometimes I really wonder about you, Lil. Your posts leave me scratching my head for sure.

 

Whether an OW is meek,a raging B, or just flat out delusional and in La La land in terns of reality...WHs are the ones who bring her into the equation and he should deal with any issuesshe creates. If that means ignoring her like the NON FACTOR she isto the marriage itself so be it. She deserves no so called closure if she knew going in that itwas an affair. Thats the nature of the game. Dont want to get burned dont play. There is not a damn thing normal about an affair. At best its a dsyfunctional relatiknship with an efged up foyndation from jump. I think sometimes affair partners really try to inflate their importance in a marriage during and after the affair. Especially after and honestly that just doesnt jive with reality. I guess that does suck to think that an Ows imprtance to a WS can be reduced down to a "situation" that has to be dealt with bwfore resuming their marriage. But thats often the case.

[HopingAgain]

Oh, and a scorned OW being a force to be reckoned with is laughable. What power does she really have outside of harrasing MM and his wife? Restraining order takes care of that but usually blocking, deleting, and ignoring does the trick.

[LilGirlandOW]

Sometimes I really wonder about you, Lil. Your posts leave me scratching my head for sure.

 

Whether an OW is meek,a raging B, or just flat out delusional and in La La land in terns of reality...WHs are the ones who bring her into the equation and he should deal with any issuesshe creates. If that means ignoring her like the NON FACTOR she isto the marriage itself so be it. She deserves no so called closure if she knew going in that itwas an affair. Thats the nature of the game. Dont want to get burned dont play. There is not a damn thing normal about an affair. At best its a dsyfunctional relatiknship with an efged up foyndation from jump. I think sometimes affair partners really try to inflate their importance in a marriage during and after the affair. Especially after and honestly that just doesnt jive with reality. I guess that does suck to think that an Ows imprtance to a WS can be reduced down to a "situation" that has to be dealt with bwfore resuming their marriage. But thats often the case.

 

That being said there would be no "game" to burn people if there were no WS's. They a lot of the time mindphuk and manage the OW with their sob stories, and affection. It's bad enough to have to be a BS, let alone have to be. BS with your cowardly WS hiding behind you Nd a stupid NC letter. OW's are very real people with very real emotions, to her Nd the WS it wS/is a very real relationship with ILY's, passionate kisses, holding hands, sharing dreams, sharing bodily fluids, the whole 9yards.... When a WS decides to leave the affair relationship without incident within the affair relationship, I think the OW is entitled to whatever closure she needs, generally it bolides down to a face to face conversation that the cowardly WS is too scared to have. These 2 way conversations eliminate a lot of the questions most likely weighing on the OW's mind which causes poor bunnies to meet their untimely boiling.

 

Having a face to face breakup conversation would definitely save a lot of BS heartbreak and chaos, but those WS only care about #1 anyways, they use the chaos created from the heartbroken OW as a tool to further manage the BS

[LilGirlandOW]

Oh, and a scorned OW being a force to be reckoned with is laughable. What power does she really have outside of harrasing MM and his wife? Restraining order takes care of that but usually blocking, deleting, and ignoring does the trick.

 

Exposure is a rug sweepers kryptonite. You can restrain the AP's ability to let the world know what a POS the WS is.

[LilGirlandOW]

Ohhhhh Lil Girl.

 

You are correct that it is the WS' fault for bringing OW into his/BS' life. BUT, it is not his fault if OW acts crazy.

 

And yeah, affairs sure are "normal" relationships, what with all the lying, deceit, sneaking around it involves.s:

 

 

It's the WS fault for not being more selective in the OW he chooses to bring into the marraige. There are on LS alone a plethora of OW's, from my few months here, I've seen them range from bat****crazy to sweet and logical. Perhapse the WS should have spent more time selecting the OW?

 

Most of the lying, deceit and sneaking Round is down within the marraige the OW/MM relationship is generally very honest and open, the OW knows the deal

[LilGirlandOW]

Exposure is a rug sweepers kryptonite. You can restrain the AP's ability to let the world know what a POS the WS is.

 

Lol that was supposed to say you can't restrain the OW from telling WS's friends, family, workplace, community, blah blah blah. That is IF the OW feels scored enough do so

[yellowmaverick]

That being said there would be no "game" to burn people if there were no WS's. They a lot of the time mindphuk and manage the OW with their sob stories, and affection. It's bad enough to have to be a BS, let alone have to be. BS with your cowardly WS hiding behind you Nd a stupid NC letter. OW's are very real people with very real emotions, to her Nd the WS it wS/is a very real relationship with ILY's, passionate kisses, holding hands, sharing dreams, sharing bodily fluids, the whole 9yards.... When a WS decides to leave the affair relationship without incident within the affair relationship, I think the OW is entitled to whatever closure she needs, generally it bolides down to a face to face conversation that the cowardly WS is too scared to have. These 2 way conversations eliminate a lot of the questions most likely weighing on the OW's mind which causes poor bunnies to meet their untimely boiling.

 

Having a face to face breakup conversation would definitely save a lot of BS heartbreak and chaos, but those WS only care about #1 anyways, they use the chaos created from the heartbroken OW as a tool to further manage the BS

 

I am one of those BS who had to put up with a crazy stalking OW after d-day. My WH and she had met for sex about 6 times over 9 months when she paid hundreds of dollars each time to fly out to meet him on business. She was a separated MW who left her two young kids behind to screw a MM. No sane, rational person would consider blowing a MM in a car and screwing him in a 2-star hotel 6 times to be a "real relationship". She stalked us 3 times longer than she even knew him. THAT crazy behavior was 100% on her!

[LilGirlandOW]

I am one of those BS who had to put up with a crazy stalking OW after d-day. My WH and she had met for sex about 6 times over 9 months when she paid hundreds of dollars each time to fly out to meet him on business. She was a separated MW who left her two young kids behind to screw a MM. No sane, rational person would consider blowing a MM in a car and screwing him in a 2-star hotel 6 times to be a "real relationship". She stalked us 3 times longer than she even knew him. THAT crazy behavior was 100% on her!

 

They were probably much more intimate than your cheating SO told you, the OW in your case felt loved enough by your WS to stalk him for 2 years. Your story sounds like a trickle truth WS sob story. Ever hear the OW's side of the relationship? Crap like this infuriates the OW, the downplaying is as obvious as a football stadium light, but some BS's (not saying you in particular YM) are Afraid to know the actual magnitude of the affair relationship. If the BS knew half the crap some of the MM do with, say to, share with the OW, they'd be 10x as pissed as a scorned OW.

[LilGirlandOW]

I am one of those BS who had to put up with a crazy stalking OW after d-day. My WH and she had met for sex about 6 times over 9 months when she paid hundreds of dollars each time to fly out to meet him on business. She was a separated MW who left her two young kids behind to screw a MM. No sane, rational person would consider blowing a MM in a car and screwing him in a 2-star hotel 6 times to be a "real relationship". She stalked us 3 times longer than she even knew him. THAT crazy behavior was 100% on her!

 

What does it say about your WS that he allowed money to be taken from the hands and mouths of two young children so he could get "blown in a car" or have"sex in raunchy hotels"?

 

The WS is the base of the pyramid, the coach of the team, the manger of the business. The business of the BS-WS-AP situation.

[anne1707]

What does it say about your WS that he allowed money to be taken from the hands and mouths of two young children so he could get "blown in a car" or have"sex in raunchy hotels"?

 

The WS is the base of the pyramid, the coach of the team, the manger of the business. The business of the BS-WS-AP situation.

 

If you really think the WS is the "manager of the business" () and the one who "allows"OW to do things like spend money then why would a OW want a POS like that who thinks he can dictate to the women he deigns to f**k. Is this how your OM treats you?

[seren]

IRL, I have never heard anyone brag about being in an A, by their very nature they are secretive. I have a very good friend who was an OW for 15 years and saw first hand the lies she told herself, fed to her by the WS to keep her waiting and waiting for each and every excuse he could come up with only to be left without closure. I do think closure should be given, even if only a text message to say, it's over. I wanted my H to give OW closure, if only so she could get it into her head that I wasn't holding him hostage, chained in the cellar, which seems to be a common assumption.

 

I think that on sites like LS there are bound to be more people bragging or talking about their A, it is anonymous. It wouldn't work for me, I could not be a secret and only share bits of my lovers life, I also wouldn't accept being hidden and not sharing his life, it would make me feel as though he was ashamed of me or that what we had wasn't good enough to be shouted from the rooftops, but that's just me.

 

I also sort of understand the vitriol often dished out to BS, especially when the AP has been left hanging and wondering WTF is going on when the WS decides to stay in a marriage he had been wingeing about, though it is misplaced. It's hard to blame someone for something they know sod all about. I would urge all AP's to not accept being anyone's secret, the first person to brag about it to, should be the BS, but maybe that's the whole point, the WS takes steps to protect that side of their life, many times at the expense of the AP's feelings and that, for me, would be the crux of it all.

[yellowmaverick]

They were probably much more intimate than your cheating SO told you, the OW in your case felt loved enough by your WS to stalk him for 2 years. Your story sounds like a trickle truth WS sob story. Ever hear the OW's side of the relationship? Crap like this infuriates the OW, the downplaying is as obvious as a football stadium light, but some BS's (not saying you in particular YM) are Afraid to know the actual magnitude of the affair relationship. If the BS knew half the crap some of the MM do with, say to, share with the OW, they'd be 10x as pissed as a scorned OW.

 

These were the EXACT facts of my situation. She lived more than 2000 miles away....there was no "magnitude" of a relationship. I have chosen not to R with my H for a number of reasons. She went CRAZY when he STILL didn't choose her. There is NO excuse in the world that would have made it okay for her to stalk me and my children . We had never met her and would never want to meet her.

 

I had 2 very serious and long-term real relationships before I met my H. In both of those relationships, we talked about marriage. In the end, they did not work out and we parted amicably. We did not stalk each other or obsess about each for years later. THAT is how real relationships end. The crazy stalking behavior occurs when the stalker is delusional and not grounded in reality.

[Raena]

I'm not sure why its so hard for some people to understand when your husband decides to take on an OW, shes now both of your problem! Some are meek and sweet, some are bunny boiling beotches, thats the gamble your DH's make with his and your (the BS's) life. For better or for worse, Blame the husband!

 

Good for you OP, for not putting up with a cheating SOB

 

A scorned OW who doesnt get the closure they feel they deserve is a force to be reckoned with. Affair's ARE normal relationships, per say, when your doting DH takes on an OW, she becomes a part of your marraige, period.

 

I don't think I will ever agree that an affair is a "normal" relationship. It is based on lies and secrecy. That is NOT normal, nor is it healthy. No amount of ranting and raving on here will ever convince me otherwise.

 

If you want to justify to yourself that it is normal to go screw someone else's spouse then so be it, but just let it be known that this is by NO means normal.

 

Having an affair means you only get to see that one side of the person. You do not get to meet their friends, their family, their kids. You can't go out in public together. You can't announce to the world that you love this person because then you'd get caught. You only get the scraps of time that can be managed without getting caught. Everything boils down to not getting caught. Does it really matter what he said to you? In the end, he is obviously a liar because he is lying to his wife to be with you. That's normal? I think not!

 

Why not choose to be with someone who is willing to give ALL of themselves to you? Why settle for scraps and then cry and complain when that ends?

 

Seriously, LittleGirlandOW, you have a very warped sense of what a healthy relationship is.

[AlwaysGrowing]

LilGirlandOW, I have never seen you post such nonsense. And post, after post, after post. Reminds me of another OW who would monopolize a thread with post after post after post...mostly of themselves arguing/responding to everyone else's post..like they were the original thread starter.

 

Quite frankly, it looks frantic. And easy to dismiss someone who goes off on vents. It is just someone who is trying to bait others.

 

If all that nonsense is how you feel...then good luck with your life. You are going to need it.

[velvette]

I'm not sure why its so hard for some people to understand when your husband decides to take on an OW, shes now both of your problem! Some are meek and sweet, some are bunny boiling beotches, thats the gamble your DH's make with his and your (the BS's) life. For better or for worse, Blame the husband!

 

Good for you OP, for not putting up with a cheating SOB

 

A scorned OW who doesnt get the closure they feel they deserve is a force to be reckoned with. Affair's ARE normal relationships, per say, when your doting DH takes on an OW, she becomes a part of your marraige, period.

 

Wrong lol. F**&ing my H does not give you entre to MY life.

 

A force to be reckoned with??.......more like a top spinning out of control.

 

OW is not a part of my marriage no matter how hard she may try to make herself relevant. That's nuts if you believe that.

 

I daresay you would feel differently if some whack job was harassing you or your child.

[ComingInHot]

Quote: Originally Posted by LilGirlandOW I'm not sure why its so hard for some people to understand when your husband decides to take on an OW, shes now both of your problem!

 

Lil', this is Good stuff! I'm going to remember you wrote this*

[truthbetold]

It's the WS fault for not being more selective in the OW he chooses to bring into the marraige. There are on LS alone a plethora of OW's, from my few months here, I've seen them range from bat****crazy to sweet and logical. Perhapse the WS should have spent more time selecting the OW?

 

Most of the lying, deceit and sneaking Round is down within the marraige the OW/MM relationship is generally very honest and open, the OW knows the deal

 

Really? So within the affair you could call him up and if she picked up you could say who you were and could MM come out to play? So when he left to go see you he said, hey I'm going to see Lilgirl be back in a few hours? When he would return, he would say I just effed lilgirl it was the best I ever had, what's for dinner? When you saw them out together could you just walk up to them and escort him away because after all he was YOUR boyfriend? You said there's no deceit. Or was it more likely you had to stand across the room while he made jealous eyes at you?

 

If you answer no to ANY of those (except the last), you most certainly were living with lying and sneaking and deceit. Like it or not those are the facts.

 

As far as the rights of an OW scorned, they're never going to be the same as the wife's. If an OW exposes she's part of the deceit, so she'll just look crazy as she knew the score, the wife didn't. The OW exposing is not innocent in the deceit, but the wife is. That's what makes A's so dysfunctional it's a risky relationship there are no rights, there is no respect, that's about as far as "normal" as you can get.

 

Like another poster pointed out you sound a LOT, not even just a little off the rails. I've not seen you post like this either. Something to seriously look at if he is causing these wild behavior shifts.

 

Sorry for the t/j op, in a nutshell I just think if someone brags, it's rooted in insecurity of what they want others to believe, in most cases of the OW it's based on fantasy not reality.

[Steadfast]

Seriously, LittleGirlandOW, you have a very warped sense of what a healthy relationship is.

 

I don't believe you're reading her right. And what's more, you're in denial.

 

I'll never agree with the justification, but affair relationships are normal because they elicit the same emotional responses as 'normal' monogamous relationships. Some of those can be need, desire, flights of fancy and affection withdraw. A relationship is a relationship. Healthy or not.

 

Raena, your husband is 100% to blame. She may not be part of your everyday life, but she will always be a part of your history. Again, your husband made sure of that. Both of you will need twice (or more) the amount of love and understanding needed to maintain your marriage had he not cheated. For now, your anger is misdirected. You wish to live and combat her actions as a 'team' with your husband but he betrayed you.

 

The healthy thing is to acknowledge this and move on. Me? I advise divorcing all cheaters because I believe once that's happened the innocence of the marriage is lost. Some reunite after divorce, some choose to dismiss liars from their lives and seek more productive relationships. Yes; the OW is a twit. One that your hubbie had sex with. Good foundations start with the truth and reality. That's what you need now.