Gf cheated on me, but I want her back

[LostInCollege]

My gf and I have been fighting for a few weeks now it's been rough because I'm in NJ while she's in Nashville, TN about a 15 hour drive. We decided to try long distance in college because we (were) crazy for each other and had such high hopes for each other the thought of marrying afterwards wasn't out of the picture.

 

The fighting became so bad that she finally wanted a break, to not speak to each other for a week or so just so we could recollect our thoughts and whatnot (understandable). But towards the end of our break I got a phone call from her and she sort of broke down asking me what our relationship was.... and I told her that we were still together until we actually have a long talk about it and see what's best for both of us.

 

That night I was just chilling with a few of my friends, when she randomly called me nd asked me if my friend Jeanne was here. I was immediately suspicious because she sounded frantic and drunk AF on the phone. So I asked her why but she quickly said "Go kiss her"... and that's when I knew something had happened that's when I had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach because i knew she messed up. that night she broke up w/ me

 

The entire day I tried to get it out of her but she kept denying it saying that he tried to kiss her but she stopped him and ran away. I kept at it the next day until she finally told me to skype her. That's when she confessed everything.. tears drowning her face and all.. confessed that she hooked up with some upperclassman at a house party.

 

I was just so mad because she knew I had a trust issue she knew that my last ex screwed me over a long time ago she knew that I was always paranoid when she went out to drink she knew that i wuld sometimes assume that shes gnna be tempted one day and the alcohol is just going to push her into doing something she's going to regret she knew that what i wanted the most was for her to prove me wrong on that.

 

After she told me everything, I was stupidly hopeful...so stupidly happy that there was a reason and that I could choose whether or not to forgive her. I was stupidly happy bc in my head i was thinking "all i need to do is learn how to forgive her and then things would be back to normal its no big deal". But it was far from that... I told her it was okay and that I'm still willing to work things out with her bc I know she was drunk AF and she told me the guy made the first move so I put myself in her shoes and wondered what I would do if i was really drunk and a girl grabbed my face to kiss me. It's hard to say whether someone would pull away immediately, especially if they were drunk. But then again, why get that drunk in the first place right? sigh.

 

She doesn't want to work things out because she says that she can't take herself anymore after what happened she can't deal with it she needs to figure herself out first. This is when I start to get desperate and use everything that i have like a dumbass because it all just happened too quickly. She was still asking about what we were one day and then the next she just completely lost all feelings and is so okay with moving on? it doesn't make any sense to me at all. The paranoid side of me still thinks that it's bc of another guy but she doesn't want to tell me bc it'd kill me... I still think that it's something else bc im completely in denial.

 

I told her I could help her out with this I told her how much I valued our relationship I told her so much when she came back for fall recess but she just insists on being free she says she feels too binded and suffocated in this relationship and it's time for me to move on. The last night that she was here I tried to accept it..... it was right before she left to go back to TN and it was the most dramatic thing I've ever experienced lol we were holding onto each other in front of her car in the parking lot and I was just telling her that it was going to be okay and that I'm proud that she's finally set her mind onto something she wants that she wants to find herself and improve........ but just a week later it all came back and I was pathetically txting her again lol ofc back to square 1. she even started to get mad bc I was bothering her

 

It feels so unfair because the twisted part of me feels like she owes me so much after what she's done. She literally cheated on me, but then rejects me over and over I know it's understandable bc it's just what she wants but I can't help but feel like sorry**** right now. My grades have been dropping my friends have noticed something different in me I don't talk the same anymore I can hardly go a day without a mental break down from memories and thoughts it's like every single thing reminds me of her and i hate it. It's like im just in Limbo I'm not even in my own body anymore I'm just watching myself live and it's the weirdest thing ever.

 

It's been about a week of NC now bc I finally found it in me to not txt her but it is the hardest thing ever, especially when I'm alone. I met a new girl that's having complications with a long distance as well, but I know that I can't start anything w. her.. it would just be an unstable disaster because its way too close to our own breakups. My gf heard about us somehow, and starts to text me angrily bc she says I'm a hypocrite for lying and for saying that she's the best and that i won't find anyone like her or wont find anyone to replace her. It's messed up bc she has no right to do this she has no right to be angry or jealous about me with anyone else. As sad as it sounds, if she still liked me I wouldn't even be talking to this girl. Coincidentally enough, she's in the exact same situation but she already said no to the guy bc she just isnt attracted to him. It isn't fair for her to contact me like this because it got my hopes up already for no reason bc she stil doesn't want us.. she's just angry how I said all of that and then found someone else right away.

 

What should I do?..... I never go on sites like these but I've never been this lost before she meant everything to me we were twins had the same interests in everything had the same sense of humor same attitude same personality we even looked similar people would call us siblings lol... I never took any other relationship as serious as this never had such high hopes never felt anything like this with my other relationships I just knew that she was the one and in my heart i just know that a girl like her would probably never show up in my life again I'm just going to be stupidly looking for her in every single girl I meet. I also wouldn't be able to handle her with anyone else..... I jst can't stomach the thought of her being in a relationship with another guy it just kills me.

 

Should I listen to my heart and keep trying to show her what she really means to me ?? Or should I grow a backbone have more pride and dignity and move on bc of she screwed me over this badly?? I'm just so mind fcked shocked and confused right now I don't evn know what to think anymore . Thanks, to those of you that took the time to read this

[road]

You do not need to come back years from now after you married her only to find out she is having an affair.

 

I have seen too many BH's post this story too many times.

 

Dating is the job interview for marriage. She failed. Go find another girl.

[LostInCollege]

You do not need to come back years from now after you married her only to find out she is having an affair.

 

I have seen too many BH's post this story too many times.

 

Dating is the job interview for marriage. She failed. Go find another girl.

thanks for the reply, road. and yeah i guess once a cheater always a cheater...

[Kate9292]

thanks for the reply, road. and yeah i guess once a cheater always a cheater...

 

Not always.

 

But honestly, you can't expect exclusivity from her. She's young, your long distance, there's plent of temptation around to succumb.

 

If you want to be with her, you can tell her you two aren't exclusive and she can see whoever she wants and so can you. If that's too much to stomach for you, just break up.

[Chi townD]

 

 

 

 

She doesn't want to work things out because she says that she can't take herself anymore after what happened she can't deal with it she needs to figure herself out first. This is when I start to get desperate and use everything that i have like a dumbass because it all just happened too quickly. She was still asking about what we were one day and then the next she just completely lost all feelings and is so okay with moving on? it doesn't make any sense to me at all. The paranoid side of me still thinks that it's bc of another guy but she doesn't want to tell me bc it'd kill me... I still think that it's something else bc im completely in denial.

 

 

 

 

 

This is what you wrote and this is what she said to you. So, take it to heart. Screw her! She screwed you over and just because you found someone that understands your pain, NOW she's all butt hurt? Why?

 

What you do, and who you see is NONE of her business anymore! She cheated on YOU! Not the other way around. She states that this guy made the first move on her. Okay, so what?!?! Does that mean that every girl I hit on is REQUIRED to sleep with me? I didn't know this!

 

Dude, she had all the power to say "NO" and she didn't. She willingly went along with this guy. She screwed him and tried to make YOU feel guilty about it!

 

Dude, stay NC and just move on.

[LostInCollege]

This is what you wrote and this is what she said to you. So, take it to heart. Screw her! She screwed you over and just because you found someone that understands your pain, NOW she's all butt hurt? Why?

 

What you do, and who you see is NONE of her business anymore! She cheated on YOU! Not the other way around. She states that this guy made the first move on her. Okay, so what?!?! Does that mean that every girl I hit on is REQUIRED to sleep with me? I didn't know this!

 

Dude, she had all the power to say "NO" and she didn't. She willingly went along with this guy. She screwed him and tried to make YOU feel guilty about it!

 

Dude, stay NC and just move on.

 

Yeah.. iK it doesn't make sense she has no right to be mad if I'm talking to anyone else..

and yeah i meant make out but ik what you mean bc even then she still could've pulled away sigh but there's always that factor of alcohol that's making me feel better making me feel like it's not as bad . . . . . how much does drunkenness play into the spontaneous moment when he pulled her in?? maybe im just trying to find excuses for a lost cause.. . .

[LostInCollege]

this is a long post man, anyway she confessed to you hoping that you have a reason to kick her to the curb, unfortunately you didn't, you acted like a doormat trying to forgive her, do you like being a doormat? I know that the memories are breaking you down, but what's more important to you?, your dignity, or her titties? ditch her she doesn't love you, she's just a selfish girl who wants to keep you as a reserve.

 

Now that I think about it that is true... she must've hoped that I was gonna stand my ground and break up w. her so she wouldn't have to do it ... but Lol fuq me..

As of now I don't even care about dignity anymore but no I know that the rational side of me doesn't want to be a doormat.... just don't know how long I'll be able to stick to it even now I'm still mind fcked I think about it everyday and it's been almost a month.

[LostInCollege]

ocd poetry by neil hilborn would be the best way to describe how I feel right now fasfsaekwnqw how do u just stay in NC and move on when all you knew was each other?? whn everything reminds you of her?? whn she was ur best friend?? Maybe im more shocked and mind fcked bc this was my first serious relationship but I just hate this no one deserves this I'm a confused lost mess and I jst want to be numb

[The Way I Am]

This is when I start to get desperate and use everything that i have like a dumbass because it all just happened too quickly. She was still asking about what we were one day and then the next she just completely lost all feelings and is so okay with moving on? it doesn't make any sense to me at all.

 

It sounds like this didn't happen that quickly at all. You just weren't paying attention, so it seems to you like it happened quickly. Your interpretation of her question on your relationship status is that she wanted more of the relationship. Then she just suddenly cheated and wants out. Well, the simplest explanation is that you misread her questioning the relationship. She probably wasn't asking because she wanted more commitment, but because she wanted less. Yes, she may have already had an interest in another guy and was asking for that reason.

 

It sounds like your now ex-gf might have been trying to end this relationship for awhile but you just weren't paying enough attention or didn't have the experience to pick up on it.

 

She used the cheating as a means to get you to break up with her, but you still aren't getting it. It could even be her way of "being nice" by not breaking up with you directly. It's a sh*tty and selfish way to go about breaking up, but she's probably inexperienced also. Some people think they're doing the nice thing when really what they're doing is totally screwed up. I had a friend once who didn't want to hurt her boyfriend by breaking up with him. So instead, she was really mean to him for quite a while, hoping that would make him break up with her instead. She thought breaking up with him was mean and that was the nice way to handle it. After several months of treating him like crap, she ended up finally being the one to break up with him anyway. In reality, it would have been nicer of her just to break it off when she realized she didn't want to be with him anymore and not wear down his self-esteem by being nasty to him.

 

You need to move on, because it sounds like your ex-gf has wanted to end this relationship for awhile. She just wanted you to be the one to end it. But you didn't, so she cheated. Even after that, she still had to be the one to dump you.

 

It seems like she's still trying to be nice by saying the reason she's dumping you is because she needs to figure herself out. (Trying the operative word, because what she's doing isn't really nice but pretty selfish.) But really, she just doesn't want to be with you. You need to accept that.