tgrace Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 I would like for the men to explain to me the reasons some men feel more comfortable having women friends than male friends. Is it all an eventual lead up to sex? Or am I missing something else? Link to post Share on other sites
Patiently waiting Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 oh, I can't wait to see the responses, this is a good one! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Most of my good friends are female. I met a lot of them when I was really, really in Love with someone else ( as If I'm not still now ), and I assume that, knowing that, they were able to be friends with me without thinking I was trying to move on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tgrace Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 How did the woman you were in love with feel/handle all your female friends? Link to post Share on other sites
swedeace Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by tgrace I would like for the men to explain to me the reasons some men feel more comfortable having women friends than male friends. What you are referring to is something called "cross-sex friendships." I have done some research on this and even bought a book on this subject. It's a very interesting one, if I might say. Now, back to your question about why men feel more comfortable having women friends. Because society labels men as harolding the "masculine" roles of being tough, "the" man, etc, they tend to be more "themselves" and talk more with female than male friends. Keep in mind the difference in gender communication: men have "closeness in doing" and women have "closeness in dialog." Is it all an eventual lead up to sex? Or am I missing something else? Not always. It depends on the people. There are factors that say "yes" and others that say "no." For instance, it's easier nowadays than decades before to make/maintain a non-sexual cross-sex friend. It's almost more sociably acceptable. In the past, these type of friendships would be questioned and people would wonder, "They're not really 'only friends' are they. They like each other and will definitely fall in love." In conclusion, it can go either way: fall in love or just be friends. It's mostly how the individuals take it/react to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bob47 Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 I'm a guy who's had a female friend for going on 5 years now. My motives have never, ever been to get into bed with her (I AM straight, I just respect her). But I've always had a sort of attraction to her. I've read a lot of articles on the web from professionals who study this, and they all say that each cross-gender relationship varies from couple to couple. One thing that they do agree on though, is that if anyone is to develop feelings in the relationship, it is more likely to be the man. I don't think many men who get into cross-gender friendships intend to get into bed with their friends, but from my personal experience, i know it is very easy to develop strong, genuine feelings for a female friend who you know very personally. I'd really like to hear from other guys who have had to deal with a close friendship with a woman. When mine started, my friend had a boyfriend, so I automatically knew romance was out of the picture. But recently my friend broke up with her boyfriend--now that barrier that had kept me from thinking of romance is gone. But this is after 4 years of friendship with a girl who has never shown romantic interest in me. Nevertheless, we are very close--we've practically shared every moment of college life together. Her boyfriend was always long-distance. Because of that, I feel I was always the surrogate. We act like a couple (without the romance). We argue like a couple. I've had to learn how to support her as a husband supports a wife, to know that what she says doesn't necessarily reflect what she's feeling. We've hurt each other, and then patched things up. But I still have never felt that she has as strong of feelings for me as I do for her. I feel like I'm stuck in some undefined grey area--we have more than a plain friendship, yet it is so far from a romance. Because of this, I am constantly going in circles from being head-over-heels in love, to knowing that we aren't a romantic match. And there seems to only be two ways out: break up the friendship, or start a romance. I couldn't bear the first, and the latter seems impossible. Has anyone else delt with this? edit: maybe this answers the question that started this thread. I care for my female friend because of all the warm, intimate, hurtful, sad, and happy moments. They reach down into my soul more than any friendship with another guy ever could. Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 I prefer women as friends because they're more interesting, verbal and insightful than their male counterparts. I like males in structured situations such as work and sports. When it comes to free form interactions women are simply more fun. The sexual differences and erotic tension--even muted--adds a spice and zing to yin/yang unions. Women friends are usually fantastic and such friendship is sometimes --not always--a gateway to something more... Link to post Share on other sites
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