travelonic Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 It increasingly is becoming apparent to me that people seem to hold this belief that if it is not physical, than cheating is not occurring when it comes to people in a relationship getting close to people of the opposite sex outside outside said relationship. By this I mean not merely having platonic friendship, but going beyond - having a crush, fantasizing about them, trying to spend time with them, being deceptive about it, etc. What do you think about this notion? Do you think it is cheating, or do you think it is not, and do elaborate on your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 False. Cheating can take many forms, and emotional infidelity is often even more painful for the betrayed person than a sexual encounter. It's also more destructive to a relationship IMO. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Emotional affairs can be more damaging and harder to resolve, IMO. We have an open relationship, so the physical side isn't an issue unless something is pretty unusual about it. We can fall in like with someone, but expect any outside relationship to be ended if it becomes too emotionally close (there are exceptions even to this, however) so that it threatens our core relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
theothersully Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Cheating is *only* an emotional connection. If my spouse or girlfriend hooks up with someone by mistake or just because they are so hot... no problem. Start getting to know each other?? Huge problem!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author travelonic Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 These ideas actually pretty much summarize my thoughts on the matter - just, I have a much harder time articulating it. The idea that it is only physical - erm, cheating that is, just logically felt all wrong - like it took the process, took lots of the steps out, and called it a conclusive explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 Absolutely false, anyone who tells you that cheating is only physical is probably not someone you want to enter into a relationship with, since they obviously have a pretty big misunderstanding on what relationships entail. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I'd say false. But at the end of the day we're just splitting hairs. If someone has an emotional affair, I don't care if you call it cheating or not, she's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 False. Cheating can take many forms, and emotional infidelity is often even more painful for the betrayed person than a sexual encounter. It's also more destructive to a relationship IMO. I agree with this 100%. There are a good many people who believe cheating means having sex, but they are missing a bigger issue. Why do people enter into committed relationships? Is it because they have sex several times a week? No. It is because they form an emotional bond. When someone enters into an emotional affair they are giving their heart and mind to another person. As most people here know I am involved in a full blown affair, EA ad PA. While the sex is fantastic, the thing that keeps it all together for nearly fours years is the EA side of it. In some hypothetical situation if I was forced to decide between the sex or the emotional side of the relationship, I would choose the emotional side hands down. When you have someone's heart, it is far more powerful than any romp in the hay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Cheating is *only* an emotional connection. If my spouse or girlfriend hooks up with someone by mistake or just because they are so hot... no problem. Start getting to know each other?? Huge problem!!!!! WHAT? This is INSANE lol. It's not a problem that your spouse or girlfriend has absolutely NO self control? Good luck with that notion. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Cheating must be physical: true or false, and why? Since you included the word 'must' implying a universal law or rule or standard, my answer would be 'false', as no universal law/rule/standard applies, rather individual perspectives on what 'cheating' means to each person, specifically the person(s) in the relationship. For example, if my spouse found out I was flirting with other women online and considered that deception to be 'cheating', then it would be cheating for her. I could disagree until the cows came home, but I'd still face the same standard every night when walking through the door. Another couple could be completely different. Hence, when I post regarding cheating, it's specific to one's partner, in that *any* behavior which the partner considers an abrogation of the relationship commitment and is willfully withheld from that partner is 'cheating' to that partner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I think that committed people engaging in deep emotional interactions with people who are not their partners is a very slippery slope but when it comes down to it, if my partner did that I would still be willing to work on rebuilding our relationship / connection if they were committed to a reconciliation. Physical cheating (meaning sex) I'd be gone with no looking back. Link to post Share on other sites
Saurren Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Hmm I guess this a good as start as anywhere because I'm trying to figure out what the general majority of people think cheating is and how it is define. So maybe instead of trying to figure out if it is only physical or just emotional you should really look at what is "cheating". Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 This is so different for each person it is impossible to generalize. My view, as a betrayed husband, it's the physical part that makes it impossible for me to forget and thus forgive. The images in my mind of her screwing OM have diminished but will never be gone. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Cheating must be physical? No. Absolutely not. Cheating is never the answer to anything, and it's never a good thing, but of the two types of cheating- physical and emotional, I think emotional cheating is 1,000x worse than physical cheating. Emotional cheating involves the heart. People can f.uck with zero feelings at all. But once two people start connecting on a deep, emotional, meaningful level? That turns to actual love. If someone is emotionally cheating on me and so involved and into another person while with me? That cuts a lot deeper than a one night stand that meant nothing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author travelonic Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 I'd say false. But at the end of the day we're just splitting hairs. I really don't see how it is splitting hares, or how they being gone either way is at all relevant to this specific discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Cheating is anything that your SO would not feel comfortable doing or saying in front of you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Cheating is anything that your SO would not feel comfortable doing or saying in front of you. Really? I don't use the bathroom in front of my husband & would not be comfortable doing so. Under your definition I cheat on him multiple times per day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Cheating is anything that your SO would not feel comfortable doing or saying in front of you. I would have no problem having sex with another guy in front of my bf if he approved. Seriously. So I guess pooping is cheating for me but having sex with another guy is not Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Folks, let's move on from the discussion of confessed or withheld toilet habits and get back to discussion of whether or not cheating must be physical or not, and why, relevant to the general topic of infidelity. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 As pretty much everyone else has said...Cheating is not characterized by physicality. Sure physical cheating is one form...Be it sex, holding hands, kissing, cuddling or any of these combined. But lets not forget about emotional affairs. If the girl I am seeing in confiding deep intimate issues with one of her guy friends instead of me, I would consider that an emotional affair. Even if they never touched each other physically, its still cheating in my book. If she has fantasies about Vin Diesel or something, then no I don't consider that cheating, I mean we can't help having attraction so it would be silly to say that having a celebrity crush or whatever is cheating...But we CAN help how we re-act to that attraction. Actions speak louder than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author travelonic Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) Pardon me for necroing this thread, rather post relevant stuff instead of starting new threads. Suppose girl A dates guy B. She becomes obsessive over person C - though at first person C resists, eventually he spends more time with her - lets her stay at the college they all go to to hang out, lets her flirt with him passively (as in doesn't resist), even walks her home and in colder days puts his jacket on her to keep her warm - whilst knowing she is obsessed over him, which could threaten the relationship between the Girl A and Gy B, and the friendship between Guy B and Guy C, and that these actions could only fuel things more. How many lines would you say are being crossed? Edited February 11, 2014 by travelonic Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Pardon me for necroing this thread, rather post relevant stuff instead of starting new threads. Suppose girl A dates guy B. She becomes obsessive over person C - though at first person C resists, eventually he spends more time with her - lets her stay at the college they all go to to hang out, lets her flirt with him passively (as in doesn't resist), even walks her home and in colder days puts his jacket on her to keep her warm - whilst knowing she is obsessed over him, which could threaten the relationship between the Girl A and Gy B, and the friendship between Guy B and Guy C, and that these actions could only fuel things more. How many lines would you say are being crossed? Guy B is an idiot for seeing a girl obsessed with his friend Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 For me, and most betrayed husbands I know, it's the physical cheating that is the most devastating. My wife had some kind of emotional attachment in that she was flattered being pursued and charmed by the other guy, but that doesn't bother me at all. It's the sex. If I caught her sexting with another guy I would be pissed and make her decide whether she wanted him or me. If she chose me, without the mental images of her screwing him I would have a much easier time forgiving. I think many, if not most, men are like me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'd wonder why you'd want to have sex with another guy if you love your bf. Unless it was something like he wanted you to do so he could like..I don't know, masturbate while watching you or something, I would wonder why you'd be ok with sex with another man. To be honest, if my wife told me it was ok to screw a chick in front of her I wouldn't do it, because I'm in love with her and there isn't any other girl I wanna be with. I don't mean to pry and you don't have to answer, it just sounded like perhaps the only thing holding you back from sex with other guys is your boyfriends feelings as opposed to your own. I think you're taking this a bit too literally. Obviously I think the person meant anything you aren't comfortable doing WITH ANOTHER GUY in front of your spouse is probably inappropriate and I'd definitely agree on that 100%. Just because I love my bf doesn't mean I can't be attracted to other guys. They don't suddenly stop existing just because I'm in a relationship. I still wonder if he was turned on if he saw me with another guy, maybe I should breach the subject with him already. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) It increasingly is becoming apparent to me that people seem to hold this belief that if it is not physical, than cheating is not occurring when it comes to people in a relationship getting close to people of the opposite sex outside outside said relationship. By this I mean not merely having platonic friendship, but going beyond - having a crush, fantasizing about them, trying to spend time with them, being deceptive about it, etc. What do you think about this notion? Do you think it is cheating, or do you think it is not, and do elaborate on your answer. It would not come as a big shock to me, if ppl who hold onto this believe do so because they are trying to rationalize what they have done. To me, cheating is everything you do behind your SO's back because you know that he/she would not stand for it. Having an emotional affair, lying about how you spend money [financial infidelity does exist], etc ... I don't count having a crush though, because it will happen during a very long relationship; it's important how you handle yourself when that happens though. If you try to destroy your crush, maybe even discuss it with your SO, stay away from the individual you have a crush on ... i don't think that's cheating. But if you try to pursue your crush, then yes ... that is cheating. PS: I would not count as cheating if she had a sexual fantasy with Jason Statham or Vin Diesel. Edited February 13, 2014 by Radu Link to post Share on other sites
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