BottleofHope Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 After she dumped me I was devastated, couldn't eat, sleep, I always have panic attacks in the night thinking of her with someone else. I was paranoid and had panic attacks all the time. The only way I found peace was through drinking, heavy drinking, I don't mean getting wasted and trashed but I was just drinking every night with my best friend until I was too drunk too talk, then I would go home and sleep. I lost 9 kg in 3 weeks because I couldn't eat anything and was just drinking all day everyday. Then the guy flew away, they tried LD but only after 2 weeks she came back to me and I was so happy I jumped back into it (wrong decision but I couldn't help myself). Then after 6 months of trying to fix things (which was kinda impossible because she did not see the fault in her wrong doing because I took her back right on the spot! She did not have to go through any lonely period of time), we broke up again. Now I'm back here again, but luckily I can not go back to drinking (I'm just moved to a foreign country with limited budget and absolutely no friends). I've been crying all day, mostly in the mornings and evenings are the heaviest. Sometimes I just breakdown on the train to town or taking the bus home. I'm moving to another place again that I will have access to cheap alcohol and I am afraid that I will have to cope with losing her on getting drunk again. Can anyone give advice on how to deal with this? I can't push myself to take reading or working out at all and I know that alcohol (for me) is the best escape to forget about her and sleep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grayarea Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 How old are you? I'm 35, and I know I feel way worse the next day if I drank the night before. Alcohol is a depressant. It also is just really unhealthy. I know it's hard to believe, but you will get over her eventually. Try to feel good about yourself for having the courage to travel and move to different countries. What is she doing with herself that's as cool as that?! Besides, take it from me, I am now a struggling alcoholic that just got done spending the weekend in jail because I started drinking all of the time after a girl dumped me 14 years ago. Now I have a bad habit. Do something productive, or just read other people's sob stories on these forums.. I'm finding they're rather therapeutic. It's crazy the heart break so many people go through. It happens to us all. You aren't alone in feeling like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Can anyone give advice on how to deal with this? I can't push myself to take reading or working out at all and I know that alcohol (for me) is the best escape to forget about her and sleep. Quit telling yourself that you can't push yourself to read or exercise. If you want to feel better, you have to work at it. I suspect if you can't afford booze, you can't afford therapy or anti-depressants. Therefore, your best options, IMO, are reading and exercise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SilverlinedCloud Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 For a start, please keep reaching out in the way that you are. Making admission to the fact that you are hurt and from what it appears have hit rock bottom. Dont create a worst enemy out of yourself. The last thing you want is a dependency thats hard to shake AND still be heartbroken. Im only saying this because alcohol was thr first thing I went to. In and out of the relationship. Waking up and not being able to solutionise or be any closer to solving my own problems.. no bueno. And it wont be for you either. If you want to heal and feel better you have to see her for what it is that she WASNT. Know that the problem isnt and wasnt solely you! Acknowledge in the midst of your love for her her failure to troubleshoot her wrong doing when you tried to fix things. Its not finding fault its seeing the reality in the situation. Go NC. Fix yourself. You dont have to necessarily spend money in order to invest in your interests again. I made a gym out of my park during the day and went for walks at night. It still hurt. But for every minute I spent idealising where I wanted to be and what I wanted from myself. It was one minute I wasnt thinking about him. There was no longer him and I.. its just I. Im still hurting but you know what? I hurt less and its exciting to face the world again. The same with you. Use loveshack as a reading resource. Go for a jog. Write your thoughts down. Highlight sentences and hold them in your mind. Its going to feel impossible at first but just like any learned exercise or activity youll see its benefits and will slowly be able to pull yourself up and face the world. Youre stronger than this. Dont let someone elses shortcomings or mistakes make you compromise your position. Keep reaching out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Keep it up, don't stop it, if it pleases you. And after all you are not harming anyone else.. Well.. there are a lot better drugs in the world if you would like to take, for example this one, called Soma:- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soma Will work better. Link to post Share on other sites
mea_M Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 No! Alcohol is not the best way to forget about her. Take this strongly from an approaching longtime former alcoholic. Think about this. You are slamming down a poison all to numb the pain that you are too afraid to deal with right? You wake up and she's still on your mind. Alcohol will not solve you're problem. It will only make it worse. You can stay sober you just simply have to want to. That means courage and facing things head on. Let me tell you something right now! The power of sobriety is amazing. Our eyes and our hearts are no open to the life around us. The painful things we gain power dealing with by staying sober. You may have to feel, but to feel is to DEAL. Drop the drink. I'm rooting for you. Mea :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I was told once by a friend, when people feel any kind of negative emotion they either choose a productive or a destructive way to manage it. He said most choose destructive. They drink, smoke, take drugs, get into fights, sleep in all day, over eat. A few choose productive. They meditate, get counselling, go to a spa, have a massage etc. That's not to say you can't be productive and have a beer and a curry etc, but you have to recognise that you have a choice here. You can choose a destructive route or a productive one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BottleofHope Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 Thanks for all the feedback guys. I've been trying to stop smoking now because I realize that I'm only smoking now because I'm sad, mad, stress, or crying over this girl. I used to enjoy occasional smoking because I was happy before I lit a cigarette but now every time I light up is because I am miserable. I'm going to try and stay sober so that my eyes would be open but to be honest it's been rough because my heart is feels like its cut open every morning and night before I try to sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 What you've been through is really horrible and probably a big knock to your self-esteem as well, so it would be so easy to fall into destructive escapism. What you need to remind yourself when you feel this way is: 'I deserve to be happy' 'My body deserves to be treated with respect' (no cigarettes/excessive boozing - I believe a lil booze is helpful personally) 'I want to get through this stronger, not weaker' 'I am prepared to face this and get through it head on, not hide from it or put it off' Just remember you DESERVE to be happy and to take care of yourself so that you can get through this. I think anyone on these boards can tell you who has been through this how hard it is and no-one deserves it. Please be kind to yourself and your body when you are going through a hard time. You will recover sooner and be much stronger if you can be kind to yourself now. It's great that you recognise you want to swap bad habits for better ones and deal with this properly. Not all of these may appeal to you but here are some suggestions you might want to try: * Skydive or bungee jump * Therapy * Massages * Spa break * Learn an instrument * Join a class * Regimented exercise routine * Sport/hobby i.e. tennis * Time in nature/with animals * Volunteering/rescuing (This one was my personal life saver) * Family/friends * Art * Blogging/journalling * Affirmations/self help guides * Meditation * Prayer ( I am not religious. I am spiritual. But I ALWAYS pray when I am in despair) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mea_M Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Thanks for all the feedback guys. I've been trying to stop smoking now because I realize that I'm only smoking now because I'm sad, mad, stress, or crying over this girl. I used to enjoy occasional smoking because I was happy before I lit a cigarette but now every time I light up is because I am miserable. I'm going to try and stay sober so that my eyes would be open but to be honest it's been rough because my heart is feels like its cut open every morning and night before I try to sleep. One suggestion if I may, one addiction at a time. Seriously can the alcohol first. Smoking is not good, but you can pace yourself with that. Good luck. Mea :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts