oppo Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) I've been dating a divorced 27 year old woman with a 3 yr old child. She lives with her parents until finishing grad school. I'm 43, look much younger than I am with a bouncy personality, and she has absolutely no problem with the age difference, I am sure about that, and neither do I have a problem with it. Things started out awesomely, with us seeing each other at least 3 days a week for 3 weeks. We became intimate almost instantly as we are very attracted to each other. Then, on the 4th weekend I took her out for a nice birthday dinner, followed by a trip to a nice bar to have drinks, and fun. Only two hours into the date she gets a text from a guy she says is her friend, and he wants to buy her a birthday drink at another bar. I say great, let's go! I'm relatively new to the area and was looking forward to meeting new people. So, we get to the other bar, and she says to me, let's definitely do something tomorrow! In essence, she literally ditched me two hours into our date, had me drive her to another bar so she could meet a guy friend (she swears they're just friends), and then tells me it might be "weird" if I came in with her since the other guy "didn't know me". Basically I acted as her taxi to the next bar! I told her I wanted to come in with her, and she said "OK", but repeated it might be "weird". So I said to myself screw it, told her to have a good time, and I drove back home, by myself. The next day we met up again and I attempted to tell her in nice terms that what she did the night before was rude and unbelievably disrespectful, and asked her things would be cool as long as she didn't ditch me like that again. Well, to my shock she got pretty upset with me and said she did nothing wrong and that I was being too uptight. Most of my friends told me I was a fool for continuing to see her, and that I should have dumped her immediately, and if she contacted me again in the future, that I should go out with her but look at her as a "party girl" and basically just have fun/sex with her and blow her off most of the time (which they said would make her even more attracted to me). I got this advice three months into the relationship, unfortunately, and what bothers me is that I'm so socially inept that I didn't realize this myself. To make a long story short, after this "event", she said and did things going forward that I would consider her "testing" me to see if I would get mad or be jealous. For example, we would discuss all week about hanging out Friday night, and then at 6pm Friday she would tell me she's going to a concert with friends, essentially leaving me with no plans on a Friday evening, and her telling me "well I never said I'd be up for dinner on Friday, you just assumed it". She did this type of thing a couple more times over the three months we saw each other. And each time I got upset about it (should I have? or should I have played it cool and just view her as a F buddy?). Things ended in a "finale" on our last date, where she spent 90% of the time talking to one of my buddies and basically ignoring me. WELL, now the issue is that I was told her and my friend have gone out a couple of times in the last two weeks! At this point, I know everyone thinks I should move on, but it's very hard because I see my buddy a lot. To summarize this, what makes me mad/jealous/frustrated/nuts is: - I am very jealous of the fact her and my friend have hung out a couple times, and knowing them they have probably had sex already. Psychologically this really bothers me because she is pretty great in bed, as I am, and I feel like *I* should be the one F-ing her. Or, at the very least, I'd still be F-ing her and my friend might also be too; but at least I'm still having fun... Except, my buddy indeed has a huge dick and I'm more on the average side... So maybe this is one of the main sources of my sadness right now -- feeling as if I can't supply what she's looking for... I'm just feeling empty at the moment. - I am upset at myself because, at 43 years old, you would think I'd have the social sense to understand her for what she probably is, a party girl, and not treating her that way when she ditched me the first time. Instead of getting angry about it, I'm not sure why I didn't have the stomach to play it cool and ignore her, and then just have fun with her if she contacted me going forward. In other words not view her as GF material, just as a sex buddy. So I'm angry with myself for essentially "screwing up" a fun relationship by getting mad at her, and not playing it cool, where now it appears as if one of my guy friends is playing the "game" the right way and hooking up with her. I don't know... I'm just confused at the moment. I wish I was better playing the social game. Am I one of the few who sucks at it? Or do the majority of people suck at it? lol Edited October 31, 2013 by oppo added important info Link to post Share on other sites
ffsear Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Cut it off now. She sounds like a bit of a twat to be honest! 100% not worth the hassle. Your 43, you don't need to be playing these games anymore! Let her be someone else s problem, not yours! You won't be happy if you stay with her. And give it to her straight as well! Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Are you sure she even knows you want to date her and not just be her acquaintance? Sounds to me like she doesn't... Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 who is watching the 3 year old while she gets her party on every weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Delilah1623 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Why is your buddy hanging out with your girl? You need a new girl and a new buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 This whole situation sucks. Leave, and don't look back. Also, your friend sucks. Get new ones. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Just freaking dump her. How far out of her divorce was she? I mean look at the facts, divorced at only 27 yrs old, 3 yr old child...okay so basically she was married with a kid by age 23/24--she probably never actually lived a normal early 20 something life. She is doing that now. And really you are in your 40s, you couldn't see that coming? Come on! Move it along, go No Contact!!(immediately) and start dating more mature women. and PS anyone with a healthy level of self respect woulda BOUNCED 100% FOR GOOD on someone who used them for a ride to meet ANOTHER GUY!! Sh*t during your "honeymoon phase" she was using you to get to another man. Good lord. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 At 43 years old, one would think you would have learned to respect yourself. Why are you with her? Link to post Share on other sites
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