Some Men Are Just Bad Men

[ilovetea]

My ex boyfriend called me after two years of not calling.

 

I went out with him for only a few months, but somehow fell in love with him. He dumped me. Then I saw him again. Then he yelled at me and was mean. Then he would call every three months or every six months. Apparently, he later revealed he calls on special occassions, like the day we went out, the day we broke up. I don't remember things like this actually. I just remember liking him a lot.

 

To make a long story short, I saw him again and even though I am quite shy in matters re: my feelings, I made it more than apparent that I loved him and wanted to be with him. We spent nearly two weeks together. I blew off a family engagement and skipped a final. It resulted in nothing. He told me he would contact me when he left. Instead, he disappeared into another state altogether.

 

This is probably confusing. But basically I loved this guy and still have strong feelings for him.

 

I am now married to a guy who loves me, since I know the value of that. My husband knows my love for the former guy and gives me persmission to leave him if I make that decision. I tell him I don't want to make that decision. I may love him, but I would, in reality, be miserable with him. Also, there is no possibility.

 

But every time this guy contacts me I go crazy. All my memories come up. All of my feelings. And now two years later, he has been trying to reach me.

 

Anyway, I was so upset, I wrote my obituary and sent it to him. Then I regretted it, because of the bad karma and I said I didn't die. Then I said I really loved him long ago, what did he want? Then wrote another letter saying leave me alone. I said I decided I no longer wanted to see him.

 

You'll have to excuse my blabbering because I'm on a muscle relaxant at the moment. But basically, it is quite sad to me. He left me out of the blue and continues to reemerge. And if I respond, he disappears again.

 

It is so sad that people do not get the ones they love. It is sad to me.

 

And why re-hash it. What on God's earth did I do to deserve this stringing along and, well, torture? Nothing. I'm really very kind. And I was kind to him.

 

What a bad man. There are so many bad men out there.

 

My question is, What on earth is this guy thinking calling me up after two years? What is wrong with him? Why must he disturb me? Is this sexually fun for some men?

 

I'm tired of this crap.

 

Thanks for reading my sad ramblings.

[Devildog]

Change your phone numbers and leave them unlisted. Change any email accounts, throw any letters he sends in the trash. If he shows up at your house tell him to leave or you will get a restraining order.

[Weird]

You need to lay it straight to this guy to leave you alone. I do think it is wrong for him to play around with you like this but at the same time, you are letting him.

 

I have no idea why if you're married you don't just tell this guy to take a hike and never contact you again. It isn't fair to your husband for you to be feeling the way you do.

[moon]

Some Men Are Just Bad Men

 

Amen to that!!!

 

I'd stay away from that other guy who likes to just pop up for no reason. He just sounds like trouble. Does he know you are married and still continues with this business of calling out of the blue? Plus your husband is so nice that you tell him all of this and he says you can leave him if you want to be with this other guy. He's a keeper.

 

Save the melodrama for afternoon soap operas---seriously. I'd just stay away from the other guy. EVERYONE has somebody in their past who they think about from time to time, even if they are with somebody else, but acting on it would just ruin your world right now. I'd steer clear. Tell the guy not to call you anymore if you want to save your marriage. Plus that other guy is probably just out for some sort of thrill ride.......calling a married woman like that??? He shows no mercy. I'd forget him.

[ilovetea]

Well, I haven't told him I am married. Or where I am living, since I moved. But not because I want to hide my marriage. It's because I want to protect my privacy. I don't want him belittling me with nuance, since he did that a few times in the past and it made me feel awful.

 

But I believe he knows that I am married and roughly where I live, because I think he has been spying on me. He spied on me once before and said so. He used one of the US Search things, which I thought was bizarre, since he could have just asked. Plus, recently he said he was looking for my address all over in books. He found my e-mail address on a website, and even changed his e-mail address to e-mail me, because I had blocked his old one. I just think that's weird behavior, esp. since the relationship is so over.

 

But anyway the reason I think he knows where I live is a strange one. There is this guy on my messenger. He popped up a few weeks after I met my ex. He said he saw my name listed on a music channel. I've never met him. He is actually pretty lame, mainly because we don't share similar interests, but he's nice enough. He's also married so I figured he was harmless. So every now and then we have a chat.

 

Well, it occurred to oh-so brilliant me just recently it might be my ex because when I told the guy I had moved to a different part of the country and married, he stalled. Then he said something even lamer than usual. And then he disappeared! This guy has never done something like that. It's not like this guy would care if I was married, because he was supposed to be married himself. Then, later, after I had written my obituary letter, he reappeared on my messenger and said, "what..." almost like he was reacting to realizing I might be alive. It's just weird.

 

Anyway, this is the weirdest guy I have ever been with.

 

He totally stole my heart and now he's just playing with me.

 

To the guy who said my husband is a keeper. He definitely is. He even said something like he feels sorriest for me. Because in the end, I would be sad. My ex would be fine and dandy. And my husband always manages to survive catastrophes. But I might fall apart and for nothing. I might even end up losing my marriage.

 

I hope that isn't so.

 

Well, yesterday I made it clear he should leave me alone. I wrote an e-mail which was hard to do. I said I don't want to hear from him ever again. I've never told him that.

 

Maybe I am letting him mess around with me, but it's really difficult. Love is a powerful emotion. It's beyond anyone's control. People act out of control and not themselves. I have done seriously my best to stay away from him. I do not contact him at all. It's all him. But hopefully this last letter will drive the point home.

 

Well, I feel sad is all. Just really, really sad.

 

There are a lot of broken hearts on this site. It's comforting to know I am not the only one, but I have to say it's alarming. People are getting their hearts broken every minute of the day. This sucks, dudes.

 

I can't wait until I'm elderly and these roller coaster rides are through with.

 

Thanks for listening to my ramblings and giving me your insightful responses. This site is awesome.

[ilovetea]

I have a question, Does anyone know why a guy would do this?

 

Is it thrilling to him? It's so weird. I don't know how to classify it. It feels almost abusive the way he keeps bothering me. It's not like he's hitting me or peeping through my window or anything. But he is making me feel so sad. Every time he contacts me it's as if the wound has re-opened.

 

Most of all I wonder why he hates me so much to do this. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks, but it makes me feel like I must deserve it somehow. I can't figure out what I did to make him break up with me so cruelly and string me along. He also said some terrible things about me and my life, which make me feel bad to this day. He would say them in a very nuanced way. One time he even said I wasn't worth it or anything. These things continue to haunt me. Because in the short realtionship we had, I was so happy. He gave me no indication he didn't like me. He had said he loved me, wanted to marry me, and have children. One day I responded back that I loved him, too. Then out-of-the-blue the next day he broke up with me on the phone.

 

I don't know why he did that. I don't know how I could have created such a hatred in another person. After he broke up, he was horrible. But then he would call and call. And when I saw him, he would be okay. But then he would change his face.

 

My husband said one true thing, Love can not grow in an environment where love does not exist. Love needs love to grow.

 

I find it true. The more of this behavior I get from my ex, the more I want to puke on the spot. I am actually getting tired of it. And angry.

 

My husband tells me I need to forget him. That we have our future. i have a goo dlife with my husband, too. he's very kind, playful, adventurous, and fun. Plus, he's not a sophist like my ex. My husband is a true scientist and without any pretensions. None of who he is is for show. And I love that God gave me such a wonderful man.

 

I hope I can forget this a-hole. Nowadays it's not so much wanting to go back to him, but I have so much anger. I feel rejected and sad. And like wtf did he do that for?

 

For a man who wishes to just sleep with women, aren't there whores for that? Did he have to take a good woman like me and hurt me? It doesn't make much sense. But then I always get so sad about these things, when people are mean, etc. I don't know if I will ever accept the cruelty of other people. It just gets me so down.

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

[UnicornGirl]

Cruelty like this can be analyzed and explained, but when you get to the root of it, it's just plain inexplicable.

 

But the fact that this troubles you, that you want to understand how such cruelty is possible, and that you try to see the good in this ill-behaving man shows a keen emotional intelligence on your part.