I cheated on gf with my HS sweetheart

[Sunther]

Well it's really a long story but I'll shorten this. Way back when I was a 15 year-old sophomore in HS, I met Joanna who became my gf as months passed by, our families knew we were dating and liked us both. I was the first guy she ever dated (and vice-versa) so it was a total chemistry from day one.

 

Fast-forwards towards our 2005 HS graduation: we were still dating and by this time, I had moved out of the house and wanted us to live together. I proposed to her the following year but she broke off the engagement a couple months before our wedding day because the relationship becoming stale, she not knowing what she wants anymore, etc. I went NC on her but didn't think we would once again meet each other years later.

 

By 2009 and the following years, I had met different women, was dating more often and has several short-termed relationships as well as FWB. I've been with my gf for 8 months now and the relationship has been rocky lately; we argued a lot, she has cancelled a a couple dates, my parents don't like her and our intimacy has declined. So last month, I went to a club with my friends, just to chill out, drink and talk. Sometimes later, I heard my name called out and I turned around and it was her again, Joanna. I left with her and we started talking. She just got divorced from a loser and there was an illness in her family. I told her about my current relationship and other problems I've been having lately.

 

The night progressed, we had been drinking and well you know what happened next; while drunk we were saying ''I've always loved you to each other''. We added each other on facebook and exchanged both numbers and emails. But then I felt bad because I just cheated. I do love my gf but our issues has gotten worst.

 

I don't plan on cheating again and she knows nothing about that night. Joanna feels bad about what happened too but doesn't want to mention this and tells me to just think about it as something that happened in the heat of the moment. Can I just keep her as a friend if I'm not going to cheat again and not tell my gf about it? It's so hard to let her go after seeing her after all these years again.

[tlegend]

Well it's really a long story but I'll shorten this. Way back when I was a 15 year-old sophomore in HS, I met Joanna who became my gf as months passed by, our families knew we were dating and liked us both. I was the first guy she ever dated (and vice-versa) so it was a total chemistry from day one.

 

Fast-forwards towards our 2005 HS graduation: we were still dating and by this time, I had moved out of the house and wanted us to live together. I proposed to her the following year but she broke off the engagement a couple months before our wedding day because the relationship becoming stale, she not knowing what she wants anymore, etc. I went NC on her but didn't think we would once again meet each other years later.

 

By 2009 and the following years, I had met different women, was dating more often and has several short-termed relationships as well as FWB. I've been with my gf for 8 months now and the relationship has been rocky lately; we argued a lot, she has cancelled a a couple dates, my parents don't like her and our intimacy has declined. So last month, I went to a club with my friends, just to chill out, drink and talk. Sometimes later, I heard my name called out and I turned around and it was her again, Joanna. I left with her and we started talking. She just got divorced from a loser and there was an illness in her family. I told her about my current relationship and other problems I've been having lately.

 

The night progressed, we had been drinking and well you know what happened next; while drunk we were saying ''I've always loved you to each other''. We added each other on facebook and exchanged both numbers and emails. But then I felt bad because I just cheated. I do love my gf but our issues has gotten worst.

 

I don't plan on cheating again and she knows nothing about that night. Joanna feels bad about what happened too but doesn't want to mention this and tells me to just think about it as something that happened in the heat of the moment. Can I just keep her as a friend if I'm not going to cheat again and not tell my gf about it? It's so hard to let her go after seeing her after all these years again.

 

I was going to say yes...but your last sentence just sealed my advice for you.

 

It's so hard to let her go after seeing her after all these years again.

 

Give your woman the respect she deserves you prick.

[Sunther]

I was going to say yes...but your last sentence just sealed my advice for you.

 

 

 

Give your woman the respect she deserves you prick.

You don't get it. She showed up in my life again while I was going through a hard time. In that short moment, it was like I was 15 years old again.

 

I don't want to cheat again. I feel horrible and this is the first time I've ever cheated on a woman. I want this guilt to go away. Thanks a lot for the name calling, you goody-two shoes person.

[tlegend]

You don't get it. She showed up in my life again while I was going through a hard time. In that short moment, it was like I was 15 years old again.

 

I don't want to cheat again. I feel horrible and this is the first time I've ever cheated on a woman. I want this guilt to go away. Thanks a lot for the name calling, you goody-two shoes person.

 

The name was called because that's exactly as you are acting. You are acting like a prick.

 

First off, you are in a committed relationship. The other factors are not relevant. You broke that commitment and you are feeling guilty! That's great!

 

However, your question was:

 

Can I just keep her as a friend if I'm not going to cheat again and not tell my gf about it?

 

The answer is no. You didn't know you were going to cheat the first time (going by what you say) . You are still in the relationship, and are considering continuing the relationship....deceptively I might add.

 

This is where your guilt is coming from. Are these the actions of someone who is in a committed relationship? Please be honest when answering this question.

[nescafe1982]

OP, I would break up with your girlfriend. Your relationship is rocky (as you said) and it sounds like you were having doubts to begin with.

 

I wouldn't mention the cheating. Why? Because why hurt your GF more than you have to? But end the relationship--- you guys aren't happy and you're holding her back by cheating on her. If you stay with her and keep this cheating secret, the secret will fester and make your relationship even sicker.

 

As for staying friends with joanna, I guess that's your call if you leave your GF. But if you stay with GF, you need to make the decision to never see Joanna again. Your GF deserves respect.

 

But that's neither here nor there. The facts say 1) you're not happy with GF, 2) you've been unfaithful to her, and 3) you need to break up with her.

 

Spare her the pain of knowing you slept around on her if you can help it though. That revelation will do no good whatsoever... and your main objective at this point is to break her heart without hurting her even more by telling her about the betrayal. Do the kind thing.

[Quiet Storm]

You don't get it. She showed up in my life again while I was going through a hard time. In that short moment, it was like I was 15 years old again.

 

I don't want to cheat again. I feel horrible and this is the first time I've ever cheated on a woman. I want this guilt to go away. Thanks a lot for the name calling, you goody-two shoes person.

 

You made an impulsive decision based on feelings & attraction, which is precisely why you need to avoid the old gf.

 

When you are in a committed relationship, it is your responsibility to have boundaries & to protect that relationship.

 

By having a friendship with her, you are not protecting the relationship with your girlfriend.

 

Also, there are people that are in miserable, awful marriages for years & years and NEVER cheat. And others in great marriages that cheat at every opportunity. Cheating is not circumstantial, it's a reflection of your character. The right thing to do would be to tell your girlfriend, which gives her the opportunity to make an informed decision. By keeping it a secret, your girlfriend does not have all the relevant facts about her life. She may not want to be with a cheater- doesn't she deserve the chance to make that decision for herself? She may forgive you & choose to give you another chance. Don't rob her of her choices.

 

Wouldn't you want to know if she cheated on you? Even if she knew she would never cheat again, wouldn't you want to know what she is capable of?

[Sunther]

Well I couldn't stay with the guilt and end up telling her everything yesterday. It didn't went to well. She couldn't take it that it was with my first love, said she felt degraded and broke it off.

 

I kind of regret ever confessing. So much for trying to do the. Sigh...

[Omei]

I think its good you told her! Sounds like when a relationships on the rocks your really easy moved. Good for her! And you telling her makes you a little less of a poop but now you can learn from your mistakes

 

Btw you saying " she couldnt take that it was my first love" I seriously hope you didnt say that to her trying to validate your cheating as if she would she should understand and find forgivness instantly.

Edited November 4, 2013 by Omei

[nescafe1982]

Well I couldn't stay with the guilt and end up telling her everything yesterday. It didn't went to well. She couldn't take it that it was with my first love, said she felt degraded and broke it off.

 

I kind of regret ever confessing. So much for trying to do the. Sigh...

 

 

Confessing isn't always the "right thing" to do, IME. The only one who stood to feel better by it was you. You did it to assuage your guilt, not to make any positive impact on your now-ex GF.

 

The break-up was the right thing for you both, though, I'd venture (as an outsider looking in). Good luck to you both... hopefully in time you will get some more perspective on this thing.

[tlegend]

Well I couldn't stay with the guilt and end up telling her everything yesterday. It didn't went to well. She couldn't take it that it was with my first love, said she felt degraded and broke it off.

 

I kind of regret ever confessing. So much for trying to do the. Sigh...

 

I applaud you. Really. Good on you man!

 

Now, you have to pick up the pieces that you caused. If you want to work things out with this girl, then you need to pursue that. If not, then you need to work on yourself. Yes, you will always love that woman (your first love), but if you allow her to ruin your future relationships because you can't seem to find your own closure on those latent feelings, then you will never develop and find a real relationship.

 

Stay single, work on yourself for a bit, and distance yourself from your ex (the one that you cheated with). That is the best advice I can give, and that's what I would do.