Dear God my biggest fear?

[solostand]

Please please don't be mean to me. . .I am really traumatized right now.

 

My MM called me this afternoon. He could barely talk. There was actual fear in his voice. Something was wrong, health wise, at one point I had to shout "MM ARE YOU THERE? ARE YOU THERE?" He was sweating and could barely stand. He wanted my advice on what he should do, what I thought might be wrong. My inner voice screamed "heart attack" but I didn't tell him that. I told him to get to the hospital ASAP. I offered to go get him - he said he had a drive.

 

He said he would call me from the hospital to update me on his situation. Then he said "Pray for me." and then "I love you." Someone was with me so all I could say was "me too". Me too! I wasn't even able to say I love you too!

 

That was three hours ago and I haven't heard a word. He could be dead, and I would be just another mourner at the casket. I am so scared. Even though he is 64, he is a very young and healthy 64, you'd think he was in his 50's if you saw him. But I am now terrified to lose him. . .and to have to find out by reading the obituaries.

 

I hope I am overdramatizing but my God its hard to be an OW. I want to be at his side.

[threelaurels]

Please please don't be mean to me. . .I am really traumatized right now.

 

My MM called me this afternoon. He could barely talk. There was actual fear in his voice. Something was wrong, health wise, at one point I had to shout "MM ARE YOU THERE? ARE YOU THERE?" He was sweating and could barely stand. He wanted my advice on what he should do, what I thought might be wrong. My inner voice screamed "heart attack" but I didn't tell him that. I told him to get to the hospital ASAP. I offered to go get him - he said he had a drive.

 

He said he would call me from the hospital to update me on his situation. Then he said "Pray for me." and then "I love you." Someone was with me so all I could say was "me too". Me too! I wasn't even able to say I love you too!

 

That was three hours ago and I haven't heard a word. He could be dead, and I would be just another mourner at the casket. I am so scared. Even though he is 64, he is a very young and healthy 64, you'd think he was in his 50's if you saw him. But I am now terrified to lose him. . .and to have to find out by reading the obituaries.

 

I hope I am overdramatizing but my God its hard to be an OW. I want to be at his side.

 

Sorry to hear that. Do you know what hospital he would likely be at? I would guess he is in the ER if he is there. Can you call the hospital to see if he has been admitted as a patient?

[whereamigoing]

Try to stay positive...wish there was more I could do. My thoughts and support are with you.

[KathyM]

It could have been a panic attack. Sometimes panic symptoms mimic a heart attack. Sweating, feeling faint, shortness of breath, heart palpitations or heart racing, unable to stand, trembling or shaking, feelings of choking, chest pain or discomfort, nausea or abdominal distress, dizziness or lightheadedness, fear of dying, chills or hot flushes. It has a sudden onset, and is often accompanied by a sense of imminent danger or impending doom. Panic attacks are rarely life threatening, and they subside on their own. I'm not saying it was not a medical issue, it certainly might have been, I'm just saying those are also symptoms of a panic attack, and so that might have been what was happening. A couple of my clients who have anxiety issues also get an occasional panic attack and end up in the ER.

[Owl]

Hope everything turns out well. Worrying about someone you care for sucks, regardless of the circumstances.

[blue963]

This may sound silly, be does he have tracking on his phone and you could find his location?

[waterwoman]

Fingers crossed for him x

[veryhappy]

I'm sorry you are worried.

 

I'd tell you to relax. It's not fair for him to work you into an emotional anxiety ball without being able to know what's going on. What are the chances the drive to the hospital was his wife?

 

You are the OW. I know it's hard, but if there ar enot future plans, stop being so caring. Look at it this way...you are spending your weekend worried about him.

 

I know it will sound cold, but he's heading that way anyway. At some point death becomes statistically closer. You are not part of his official life though, and won't be a part of his death either. I'd be more worried about you dealing with that and preparing for it.

[bentleychic]

I'm sorry you are worried.

 

I'd tell you to relax. It's not fair for him to work you into an emotional anxiety ball without being able to know what's going on. What are the chances the drive to the hospital was his wife?

 

You are the OW. I know it's hard, but if there ar enot future plans, stop being so caring. Look at it this way...you are spending your weekend worried about him.

 

I know it will sound cold, but he's heading that way anyway. At some point death becomes statistically closer. You are not part of his official life though, and won't be a part of his death either. I'd be more worried about you dealing with that and preparing for it.

What a truly s*h*i*t*ty thing to say to someone who is obviously worried about someone that they love who is having a true medical emergency. How disgusting!

 

I hope he'll be ok and update soon solo.

[WakingUp]

Solo, this is an awful situation.

 

Sending strength and care to you. Take deep breaths and try to stay calm.

 

Unfortunately all you can do is wait and see.

 

Best wishes and a big hug.

[whichwayisup]

That was three hours ago and I haven't heard a word. He could be dead, and I would be just another mourner at the casket. I am so scared. Even though he is 64, he is a very young and healthy 64, you'd think he was in his 50's if you saw him. But I am now terrified to lose him. . .and to have to find out by reading the obituaries.

Try not to let your mind go to the worst case senarios. He probably has a bad flu, felt faint and light headed. I'm sure he will somehow get a friend to contact you at some point. Remember too, many cell phones are supposed to be turned off in a hospital and even sometimes they don't work properly, depending where you are inside. I know when my H was in the ER, my cell didn't work at all, had to go outside to get it to work.

 

Take this one day at a time.

[Speakingofwhich]

Solo, I've prayed for you and MM. Can you take some time to pray and read scripture? Scripture is so calming. The Psalms are wonderful when you feel the need of rescue!

[HopingAgain]

I hope that he is ok.

 

I cant help but feel very sad for you in reading this. Its an awful way to live being in a situation where you wouldn't even be notified if the worst were to happen. Scenarios like this are the reality of affairs and exactly why its NEVER worth it to be an OW.

[spiderowl]

I'm confused now. A day or so ago, you posted to say he was in hospital having abdominal problems. You had visited him several times. Is he out of hospital now and then ill again? Was he still in hospital? Either way, I hope he is alright and you too.

[HtotheN]

((((((((HUGS))))))))) Nothing to add really, as everything's been covered. I would check with the ER's at all of the hospitals, starting with the hospital that he was recently in.

[LilGirlandOW]

Wow Solo, I hope everythings ok xoxox

[solostand]

Yeah, he was in hospital last week for a bowel blockage. He was only out of hospital for two days.

 

There is only one hospital in this city and I plan to call it this morning. They will tell me if he is a patient or not.

 

I know he will call me at the first opportunity if he can.

 

Thank you all your support. It does mean a lot. I have been praying for him all night.

 

And although I am his OW, he is also a very dear and cherished friend.

[LilGirlandOW]

Solo,

"And although I am his OW, he is also a very dear and cherished friend."

 

You dont need to justify your concerns, I really hope all is well with him xoxo sister!

[solostand]

Found him in the hospital, Thank God.

 

I asked if he is in a unit where one can visit (you can't visit in coronary care or intensive care) and they said yes you can visit. Meaning no heart attack or life-threatening issue.

 

So very very relieved!

[whichwayisup]

Found him in the hospital, Thank God.

 

I asked if he is in a unit where one can visit (you can't visit in coronary care or intensive care) and they said yes you can visit. Meaning no heart attack or life-threatening issue.

 

So very very relieved!

 

You'll sleep better tonight now knowing he's okay.

 

May I ask? What if you go and his wife is there?

[solostand]

Well I don't plan to visit today or tomorrow. I do however know her visiting schedule, so if I go early in the morning I'm fine.

On Monday, his wife will be working so I can visit. Also, I am very careful to just sort of sneak a hidden peek into his room first to ascertain whether anyone is there.

[whichwayisup]

Well I don't plan to visit today or tomorrow. I do however know her visiting schedule, so if I go early in the morning I'm fine.

On Monday, his wife will be working so I can visit. Also, I am very careful to just sort of sneak a hidden peek into his room first to ascertain whether anyone is there.

 

What about the nurses though? They may casually slip to his wife that he had other visitors while she wasn't there. It is possible.

 

Does he have a phone in his room? Maybe call first. Last thing he needs to deal with right now is having a Dday while he's in the hospital.

[solostand]

He just called from the hospital. He has his cellphone.

 

He just got out of intensive care within the last hour. Blood infection. Almost died.

 

He called because he said he would call me at the first opportunity - this was the first opportunity.

 

Yes, he has his cell and we're going to keep in touch that way. I'll know when its safe.

[bentleychic]

Wow. Scary stuff. Glad he was able to get in touch with you.

[HopingAgain]

You know, I just have to say this. Forgive me if it comes across as harsh. it's great he is recovering from his illness and on the mend...BUT, it seems to me that a man with so many health issues and such serious ones at that, should REALLY be trying to get his house in order, so to speak. I am willing to bet cold hard cash that many of these health crises are coming from affair related stress. I know the argument probably is that the affair makes him happy etc, which it probably does. But there is also another side to it.

 

Affairs cause a whole bunch of negative emotions and I'm here to tell you that repressed guilt and regret can and does make people sick every day. Why is he doing this to himself and to you? It's driving you crazy to see him come close to the brink of death so often and its obviously costing him his health to continue to resume this affair.