he has a girlfriend and i see nothing wrong with that

[coloradostgirl]

there is a guy and we are very close... practically best friends. he has a girlfriend, and i've met her plenty of times. no issues there. she seems to be okay with me and her boyfriend's friendship. lately, things have been changing with me and this guy... he has started getting very flirty and while i haven't flirted a lot back, i haven't done anything to shut him down. obviously, this is not a guy i would ever date. (he has a girlfriend, and flirts w/ me... not very committed or loyal. i am aware that when it come to his partners, he is not exactly honorable. that has never affected the friendship between us...) i've really been thinking lately about if he tried something, though, what would i do? at this point, i think i would hook up with him. i just would. i don't see anything wrong with this morally, which really scares me. i never thought i would be in a situation like this. if he is the one coming onto me, and i also want to have sex with him, i just don't see what i "owe" his girlfriend. i don't feel like it's my job to say no... he is the one in a relationship. not me. i'm very confused... any opinions on this situation?

[Toddbt12y1]

So......

 

You're basically saying because you are horny for this guy, and want to screw him: it is okay...cause you owe another human nothing? Not even the dignity that a person should deserve?

 

Wow honorable.

 

I wouldn't if I were you. Of course, this means nothing, and you probably will go through with it. You aren't loyal to another person yourself. Regardless if you owe her or not.

 

People wonder why cheating is getting out of hand. No one says "no" a magical word these days.

 

Seriously, avoid him. Best to avoid this drama and find out why it is you have an obvious lack of respect for another person, as to want to stick a dagger in her poor back.

 

Would you like this happening to you? Nope.

[pteromom]

i also want to have sex with him, i just don't see what i "owe" his girlfriend. i don't feel like it's my job to say no... he is the one in a relationship. not me. i'm very confused... any opinions on this situation?

 

You don't "owe" his girlfriend anything.

 

This isn't about her. It's about YOU.

 

By sleeping with him, you are selling out your own integrity and sense of right/wrong.

 

You are saying to yourself "What I want in this moment is more important than who I am as a person."

 

So you don't owe her anything - but you owe it to yourself.

[coloradostgirl]

So......

 

You're basically saying because you are horny for this guy, and want to screw him: it is okay...cause you owe another human nothing? Not even the dignity that a person should deserve?

 

Wow honorable.

 

I wouldn't if I were you. Of course, this means nothing, and you probably will go through with it. You aren't loyal to another person yourself. Regardless if you owe her or not.

 

People wonder why cheating is getting out of hand. No one says "no" a magical word these days.

 

Seriously, avoid him. Best to avoid this drama and find out why it is you have an obvious lack of respect for another person, as to want to stick a dagger in her poor back.

 

Would you like this happening to you? Nope.

 

it's more than being horny for a random guy... obviously i am already emotionally attached to him. like i said, we are best friends. and i guess there is a mutual physical attraction...

[pteromom]

it's more than being horny for a random guy... obviously i am already emotionally attached to him. like i said, we are best friends. and i guess there is a mutual physical attraction...

 

That makes it even worse.

 

What do you hope to gain from this?

 

If you do sleep with him, and he doesn't leave his gf for you, it will hurt worse when he goes back to her.

 

If you sleep with him and he does leave his gf for you, then you are stuck with a cheater guy who will continue to flirt with other girls and who you'll never trust.

 

It's a lose-lose situation - for you!

 

A win for him since he gets free sex.

[Toddbt12y1]

it's more than being horny for a random guy... obviously i am already emotionally attached to him. like i said, we are best friends. and i guess there is a mutual physical attraction...

 

I am sure it is love.

 

Love born out of hurting another is unwise. You will hurt yourself too. What does this say about you? That you lack respect, that every person deserves to have? You owe no person nothing? True. But you owe a person some basic respect. Some dignity.

 

This makes you dishonorable. This girl trusts you with her boyfriend. You betray that trust. You should stay away from this dishonorable boy.

 

Those who destroy lives willingly(as you would help him to hurt her, for a selfish wanton desire), are worse than the filth in sewers that rats won't even eat.

 

I'm not making fun of you there. You haven't done anything yet. You are smart, and ask for advice. Be smart and not hurt another girl. One day it might be you.

 

She will cry, and she will be hurt. This is such an issue with the world of today: everyone things they can do whatever they want to another person, cause they do not 'owe' them a thing.

 

Wrong.

 

Basic human rights like respect should be a given.

[coloradostgirl]

it sucks being a girl... we are the ones who get emotionally attached. i would be forever labeled as the garbage that slept with some girls boyfriend.. he gets away scotch free.

 

and, yes, i feel uncomfortable about the whole situation. therefore, i made the wise choice of asking for strangers opinions on the internet... sad, but it's what i did.

[pteromom]

it sucks being a girl... we are the ones who get emotionally attached. i would be forever labeled as the garbage that slept with some girls boyfriend.. he gets away scotch free.

 

Just because you become emotionally attached doesn't mean you have to act on your emotions though. You have a brain too. And a conscience.

 

and, yes, i feel uncomfortable about the whole situation. therefore, i made the wise choice of asking for strangers opinions on the internet... sad, but it's what i did.

 

It's not sad. It's smart. Sometimes people who aren't in the situation can see things more clearly. You see - WE aren't emotionally attached to him.

[dreamingoftigers]

By far not as sad as the ones who come crawling in here the morning after regretting everything they did.

 

Or as sad as the guys who go "oh crap I cheated with this other girl and my gf found out but I love her and it was the dumbest thing and now she's crying abd doesn't want to see me anymore and I feel so crappy."

 

Or as sad as the girl who found out that her bf broke her heart into a million pieces while he's trying to say "it didn't mean anything, it was just sex."

[Toddbt12y1]

it sucks being a girl... we are the ones who get emotionally attached. i would be forever labeled as the garbage that slept with some girls boyfriend.. he gets away scotch free.

 

and, yes, i feel uncomfortable about the whole situation. therefore, i made the wise choice of asking for strangers opinions on the internet... sad, but it's what i did.

 

 

Oh trust me. He is scum too. I only call worthless men boys. They don't deserve to be called a man. He is scum.

 

you made a right choice to ask.

 

for your own benefit. Do not sleep with him. Be a good person, and do not help destroy a person. This is something that will haunt you, and as another poster said, you gain nothing from this.

 

a little bit of pleasure, for so little gain.

 

But do not think for one second I fault only you. I am not faulting you. He deserves the fault, he's flirting and instigating it all. He's a man whore.

 

I just wanted to paint a picture to you of how awful this is. It makes you less respectable. You seem like a good girl.

 

you could easily get your own man...who want be this way. Don't you deserve more, than being some disloyal scumbags sperm deposit? You do. He'll treat you as such.

[coloradostgirl]

thanks... i appreciate not being made feel like a terrible person.

 

and i never had any original intension of hooking up with him when we became friends, which in addition to what everyone has said, is another sign i shouldn't!

 

i'm disappointed, because i have felt like that we are really close friends.. and he wasn't just around for sex. makes sense, we've been alone together plenty of times, and nothing has ever happened.

 

and thanks again.. i don't think this is a positive friendship. i can definitely work on finding a MAN to be with, and more honest trustworthy people as friends.

[Toddbt12y1]

thanks... i appreciate not being made feel like a terrible person.

 

and i never had any original intension of hooking up with him when we became friends, which in addition to what everyone has said, is another sign i shouldn't!

 

i'm disappointed, because i have felt like that we are really close friends.. and he wasn't just around for sex. makes sense, we've been alone together plenty of times, and nothing has ever happened.

 

and thanks again.. i don't think this is a positive friendship. i can definitely work on finding a MAN to be with, and more honest trustworthy people as friends.

 

See you are a wonderful girl. You deserve to be respected. You are very wise, and I am sure a pretty woman, capable of finding better people.

 

You are amazing

[pteromom]

thanks... i appreciate not being made feel like a terrible person.

 

Of course you aren't terrible. Everyone is forced to make that terrible choice between what the heart wants and "the right thing" at some point.

 

But this is a situation where the head is the clear winner. To move forward with sleeping with him would lead to no good outcome.

[Shepp]

I am sure it is love.

 

Love born out of hurting another is unwise. You will hurt yourself too. What does this say about you? That you lack respect, that every person deserves to have? You owe no person nothing? True. But you owe a person some basic respect. Some dignity.

 

This makes you dishonorable. This girl trusts you with her boyfriend. You betray that trust. You should stay away from this dishonorable boy.

 

Those who destroy lives willingly(as you would help him to hurt her, for a selfish wanton desire), are worse than the filth in sewers that rats won't even eat.

 

I'm not making fun of you there. You haven't done anything yet. You are smart, and ask for advice. Be smart and not hurt another girl. One day it might be you.

 

She will cry, and she will be hurt. This is such an issue with the world of today: everyone things they can do whatever they want to another person, cause they do not 'owe' them a thing.

 

Wrong.

 

Basic human rights like respect should be a given.

 

Perfect post!!

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person ever banging on about loyalty, but this is perfect!

Edited November 1, 2013 by Shepp

[Toddbt12y1]

Perfect post!!

 

Thanks. Not often I am complimented on here. I would feel bad if I didn't say thanks

[Toddbt12y1]

Perfect post!!

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person ever banging on about loyalty, but this is perfect!

 

Loyalty is rare these days. It should be given. Of someone trusts you around their lover, owe them a basic loyalty, and some basic respect.

[Shepp]

Loyalty is rare these days. It should be given. Of someone trusts you around their lover, owe them a basic loyalty, and some basic respect.

I agree, totally!

 

Loyalty and integrity are just dying traits these days!

Not even just for other peoples benifit but I feel like you should owe these traits to yourself! To throw them away for a bit of sex...well I couldn't look the man in the mirror in the eye!