butterfly319 Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 I met a guy in October (at the gym). We hung out the next day and I had sex with him 1 week later ( I know! But I really liked him and I wanted him to like me! And he was so cute and so buff! lol) I don’t normally do this…I have to be VERY attached to do this. He told me since the beginning that he knew he would stay with me for a long time (because “I’m smart, sexy, and beautiful” blah blah blah lol) So the weeks passed by…we hung out some more and had more sex of course (and I even tried different things with him…things that I didn’t really want to do but I just did because I wanted to please him) What happened is that I started to become very attached to him and I closed doors to everyone else. I didn’t see him moving in any direction though…so I asked him…what are we doing? And he would just say “hanging out” no! I wanted more. So I asked him “Why don’t you let me be involved in your life” He’s always so simple when he answers…arrgh. He would just say “I do, I really like you” Do you see what I’m trying to say here? He wouldn’t talk. After about a month, I wanted serious. I don’t know…I started calling him a lot and I would get mad at him for not calling when he said he would and stupid things like that. I questioned him about other girls, I called him at work and stuff. He’s such a grouch so I used to annoy him easily and he would click on me a lot. Lol. Deep inside I knew I needed to stop acting like he was my boyfriend or something because he wasn’t and I had no right to bug him about certain things. What I love about him is that he is honest about his true feelings. He told me the way I acted made him not want to call me or hang out with me and just to be cool…let things move naturally. I would say, “well, why don’t you let me in your life? You think I just meet guy and have sex with them just for the heck of it? no.” He would just say, “no, I know you’re different but you BUG me!” lol and I know I did and it got to the point that he didn’t want me calling anymore. He told me to leave him alone because he was pissed off that I didn’t listen to him. He said he didn’t want to have to answer to anyone the way he does with me and that No, he wasn’t seeing anyone, he didn’t have time for anything and he didn’t want to hurt me (he works 12 hour shifts). So I bugged the heck out of him again…the next day. This did it. He went off…saying how I didn’t respect him and to leave him alone…he didn’t want to hear anything from me again..click. I called back…click…called back (see how stupid I am??) I just kept asking why and being stupid. Me: “why do you hate me???” Him: “because you bug the sh*t out of me OK?? look, if you ever want to see me again…call me in a week when I’m not pissed off anymore” So he hung up on me again and I sighed, and I never called him back. Heck no, IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN??? What about me? See, sometimes I have SOME pride. Lol. I didn’t call him because I don’t want him to think that I’m waiting around for him (which is really what I’m doing lol) It’s been 2 weeks of N/C. It will be 3 weeks on Saturday. I feel stupid…I feel so high school-ish. I appeared to be a desperate freak that’s needy of him and that is NOT me. I’ve been through so many heartbreaks and break-ups….and I’m usually the one to give my friends advice on relationships. I don’t know what happened to me this time. I feel so DUMB! I’m frustrated with myself…I miss him sooo much and it sucks because I’m the one who messed up. Why wasn’t I just cool about everything, why didn’t I just enjoy his company instead of trying hard to make him all mine? Well by now I thought he would miss me and call me but nope, nothing. What am I doing? Waiting for him to call me? Yeah I guess…but I’m trying to get over him at the same time lol. I’ve gone out a lot more, I’ve met new guys everywhere. I got a second job and I joined some organization just to keep busy….but I keep going back to him…I want him. I wish he would call…. I want to apologize for the way I acted and I want him to see the real me but I have a feeling he’s not going to call….he probably already forgot about me. What hurts is that he told me in these exact words “Look at you. You can get any guy you lay your eyes on. Go for it” That means he really doesn’t care…doesn’t it? And that hurts so much….because I sacrificed my values for him (sex and those other weird things we did lol). I proved to him how much he meant to me and now this? I feel so used, hopeless, hurt, low, confused. So now what do I do? Should I call him but be cool….not all needy and desperate? If so, when? What do I say? Oh! Once he gave me this Frederick’s coupon but he told me I needed to speak to his friend (that works there) in order to get my discount. Should I use it as an excuse to ask him for her name? Or not ever call him again? (I know what everyone’s thinking: dude, this girl needs to grow up! I feel like I’m not really 22. Lol) wuaaa. help :*(
alphamale Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 yes he used you for sex and now is blowing you off cause you became a wacko nutcase. leave him along otherwise you may have the cops at your doorstep holding a restraining order.
Merin Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Please Please PLEASE, DO NOT CALL THIS GUY AGAIN! I'm sorry that things didn't go how you had hoped they would with this guy.. but honestly when you started seeing him and being sexually active with this guy.. it should have been clear to BOTH of you what this "relationship" was about.. know what I'm saying? You had sex with him so he would "like you" he had sex with you because.. he wanted to. I understand that YOU feel you were *showing him* by having sex with him that it meant (to you) that you care about him.. but in his mind it was just about sex. When he told you to "Go for it" in persuing someone else.. that really spoke volumes.. IF he was into you he wouldn't be encouraging you to "Go for it" nor would he have been telling you to stop *bothering* him. When you started calling non-stop and he kept hanging up on you.. but you continued anyway.. (I hate to say this) but you kind of made yourself look like *stalker material* nobody wants to be *sweated* the way you did with this guy. He also sounds very arrogant.. so yeah.. that adds to his "charm" It doesn't sound like the 2 of you really did a whole lot together with the exception of having sex.. So at this point take it as a lesson learned... leave this guy alone, don't try to get in contact with him pllleeeassseee sister don't do it! He knows how to reach you if he wanted to.. don't inflate his ego anymore. Walk away from this with your dignity and self esteem intact. LEAVE THIS ASSCLOWN ALONE! One more thing.. NEVER do things you don't want to do regardless of how much you like someone. If they like you in the same way, then they will respect that you're not down for it and still be all okay with that.
GirlDown Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 it may seem like he used you because he didn't want a relationship with you, but it's possible it didn't start out that way. in other words, you annoy him, and you know you do it. you annoyed him to the point that he wants nothing to do with you. that's not his fault, it's yours. he told you to stop and you didn't. next time, don't let yourself be treated like a needy idiot--the best way to avoid this is by not being one.
NatoPMT Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 butterfly, i dont think he used you for sex, i think you just ended up bugging him. after all, he did tell you that. Deep inside I knew I needed to stop acting like he was my boyfriend or something dont treat your next bf like this or he wont be your bf for long. You need to get a grip when you start falling for someone. If you feel insecure, its YOUR problem not his, so no amount of bugging, calling, demanding etc will take away the fact its YOU thats insecure. You must stop putting your issues on your fella because he wont stand for it (unless hes got issues himself in which case ruuuuun) he said ... “no, I know you’re different'' I dont think he used you for sex, i think he tried and you were too bonkers for him. You say its not your normal behaviour so chalk this up to learning that you can go la la and dont let it happen again. If you do it again, seek help.
NiCoLe20 Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 wow!! ok the main problem that started alllll of this was you sleeping w/ him way too soon.... by doing that he already got what he wanted and there's not much of a chase if you get what im saying....if u wouldve waited a little bit longer....he would persue you more and wonder what ur like in bed...he wouldve stayed around more...but he already got that...and now u have feelings for him. guys hate to be bothered ... lol trust me. especially if u keep calling consistintly their gonna think damn she's all over me and their gonna feel smothered.. you shouldve let him breath but its too late b/c now he's ignoring you... when he told u to stop bugging him you shouldve stopped there.. but what happened - happened and you cant go back..so what should u do now? well u said you met at the gym right? are u still going? go there and seeif u bump into him one day...i wouldnt call him or even text message him... if he's thinking about you, he will get in touch w/ you....let the holidays come and see if he gives y0u a call. dont stress it if he doesnt...he probably thought u were psyco so that scared him off... and if he does come back dont ask him all these ?'s like who u wit now? where u goin? what u doin? cuz that seem slike the person you might be...i can be wrong but guys dont like that stuff eiher.....some girls like that b/c girls want more attention than guys do...know what im saying...but anyways just leave him be and if he wants to talk to u again he'll come around...thats all i can say i guess...just leave him be lol
Author butterfly319 Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 OUCH! Everything you guys are saying hurts! lol but I know you're right. If I run into him in the gym, i'll die of embarrassment. I don't know what face to put on lol! I don't know....a while ago i missed him and wanted him, now i think of him and I cringe. I'm so ashamed of the way I acted. In fact, so embarrassed that I never ever want to cross his mind again. I have no idea what got into me this time...I guess I couldn't stand the thought of being hurt by a guy again and I tried everything in my control so he would stay; so I wouldn't have to feel rejection again. I should have known "he wasn't that into me" by the things he used to tell me...never did he compliment me on my personality, mostly things like: you're so hot. arrrrrrrgh I'm so mad! (lol just venting). I am not going out with anyone for a while...I need to get myself together and analyze what really happened and why. I'm so ashamed of myself...so ashamed.
SoleMate Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Oh, don't be too ashamed. You used poor judgment...you started getting hurt...you went a little crazy FOR A SHORT WHILE...and now you're back. Hold your head up high and let this be a learning experience. I won't even lecture you about how to handle it next time. I know you know how to do it right...like waiting a little while longer...making sure you are both looking for the same thing...yada yada yada. Just take a break, work out, be with friends, clean out your fridge, and if you see him at the gym, just nod and walk on. HEAD UP HIGH. You can handle this pain. Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Merin Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Originally posted by butterfly319 OUCH! Everything you guys are saying hurts! lol but I know you're right. If I run into him in the gym, i'll die of embarrassment. I don't know what face to put on lol! I don't know....a while ago i missed him and wanted him, now i think of him and I cringe. I'm so ashamed of the way I acted. In fact, so embarrassed that I never ever want to cross his mind again. I have no idea what got into me this time...I guess I couldn't stand the thought of being hurt by a guy again and I tried everything in my control so he would stay; so I wouldn't have to feel rejection again. I should have known "he wasn't that into me" by the things he used to tell me...never did he compliment me on my personality, mostly things like: you're so hot. arrrrrrrgh I'm so mad! (lol just venting). I am not going out with anyone for a while...I need to get myself together and analyze what really happened and why. I'm so ashamed of myself...so ashamed. Don't be so hard on yourself sister... Lesson learned.. blow it off.
alicia24 Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Sorry honey but sounds like you went a little psycho. Please dont call him and please dont give your friends relationship advice.
Barby Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 "lesson learned" Exactly! Leave it alone, don't do anything to "accidently" run into him...move on and yes take some time to figure out why you needed to "give it up" right away to "make him like you" why didn't you think you were enough emotionally without having to give yourself physically? Sounds to me like you have low self esteem and that's what you should work on, no one likes rejection but since you put yourself out there you know (no matter how "beautiful" you are) it's bound to happen at one point or another! Again you can't change what happened but make sure you figure out WHY it happened and insure it won't happen again...if a guy likes you he'll be around you, do things with you, call you, ect because HE wants to not because you have to bug him into doing so.
Author butterfly319 Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 Sorry honey but sounds like you went a little psycho. Please dont call him and please dont give your friends relationship advice. LOL! ok. Screw him. I'll get over it. Thanks everyone.
bebop Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Be okay. You went too fast, happens to the best of us. Don't beat yourself up, get/stay away from him, gain some space, and don't give your body away so quickly next time. It's your body, respect it. For women, their bodies are their souls. (Good, real men know and understand this.) And giving that away represents giving part of themselves. Just take it slow and easy next time.
NatoPMT Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Oh butterfly, don’t be too ashamed, I know fine well I may as well have put my pants on my head and run across the village green shouting ‘honk honk, I’m a fire engine’ a few times.
Author butterfly319 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Posted December 15, 2004 Oh butterfly, don’t be too ashamed, I know fine well I may as well have put my pants on my head and run across the village green shouting ‘honk honk, I’m a fire engine’ a few times. LOL! That is too funny! You're right, I went nuts for a while there. It's your body, respect it. For women, their bodies are their souls. (Good, real men know and understand this.) And giving that away represents giving part of themselves. Just take it slow and easy next time. Thanks Bebop, I usually never do this...he's the 3rd guy I've been with (1st one was a rape), so 2nd guy....I'm telling you....I really did go nuts....I don't know what got into me. So much crap has happened to me this year and I've been feeling low....maybe that's why. I love this forum, everything you guys have told me is so wise and true. It's probably just common sense but since I have my head stuck in the clouds, I can't see. lol. Thank you so much for clearing everything up for me.
Merin Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by BigBelm Oh butterfly, don’t be too ashamed, I know fine well I may as well have put my pants on my head and run across the village green shouting ‘honk honk, I’m a fire engine’ a few times. Damn! Now I sooooo want to do that at the Christmas party! You're killing me Belm!
NatoPMT Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 i dare you merin.....i DOUBLE dare you. Butterfly - big hug
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