Owl Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I can't be the peice in his life though I can't be this person anymore. I have to walk away now and I kind of know we can't be friends anymore but I have no idea of how we can't socialise anymore. You know exactly how to do that. There is only one way to go...the same path yu still refuse to take. Nothing will change until you find the strength and honesty to make t happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 So...saw that you posted something today, figured you were still around reading...I'm curious to know if you've ever actually changed anything in your situation, or taken the advice you've been offered repeatedly? Have you told your H? Figured out how to completely remove OM from your lives forever? Worked to repair the damage you've done to your marriage with your affair? Or are you still in the same place you've been all these months? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 So...saw that you posted something today, figured you were still around reading...I'm curious to know if you've ever actually changed anything in your situation, or taken the advice you've been offered repeatedly? Have you told your H? Figured out how to completely remove OM from your lives forever? Worked to repair the damage you've done to your marriage with your affair? Or are you still in the same place you've been all these months? No I haven't told my husband. No I haven't worked a way to remove him, he thinks it's cool to be friends with me as if nothing happened. That's weird tho right? I'm not in the same place though as I dont have that need to be in contact with him anymore like I used to be. I don't want to get into a proper affair and I've hardly seen him since it happened on August. I am trying to work on me as in why ? And why am I so needy? What's wrong with me to have got into this situation?? I've got no answers though x Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Betsy Have you had any more contact with the MOM in the past couple of weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 He messaged me with a picture message when he came back from holidays I didn't answer. He then messaged in the week asking how I was. We did have a long conversation then which I told you about but I have not seen him and nothing has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 He messaged me with a picture message when he came back from holidays I didn't answer. He then messaged in the week asking how I was. We did have a long conversation then which I told you about but I have not seen him and nothing has happened. So you have had a long conversation in the past couple of weeks yet you wonder why he still plays with you. You are feeding this. You are just as responsible for this continuing mess as he is. If you really want this to end then end it. It really is as simple as that if what you say about how you feel is true. His motives are irrelevant. Your motives? The reason why you don't know these is that in the SIX months that you have been posting here, you have never done any work to figure these out. You just continue to focus on the MOM. Says it all really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 Yes I told you about that in my PM Anne. I'm not focusing on what he wants anymore. I've got my own life to get on with and he's not part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 So what are you actually doing to change things and how are you working on yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 I'm just not going there anymore. I could have ruined two families. What for? I'm not sure how to work on myself really, I guess I'm just a needy person. What do you suggest I should be doing to work on myself? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I have already made plenty of suggestions in all your past threads. But you have chosen to ignore that advice yet every time you come back here nothing has changed, except for you getting more deeply involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 I'm not deeply involved. This one occasion happened in august I have not seen or spoken to him on my own since then. How have I gotten more deeply involved? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I'm not deeply involved. This one occasion happened in august I have not seen or spoken to him on my own since then. How have I gotten more deeply involved? When you first came here, nothing physical had happened. Then you kissed. Then the next time you had sex whilst yours and his family were sleeping in the same house . Since then you invited him to your daughter's birthday party, he has sent you pictures of his erect penis and you have had more than one text conversation. Take your head out of the sand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 In those conversations Anne text ones , I have told him how disgusting we have behaved this year and that it is now over. They were not flirty conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Doesn't matter. It was still contact. What are you going to do to make a real change? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 I refuse to have any more text conversations. This time I mean that like you say it's going round in circles. I'm going to figure out what's missing in my M and work on that. I'm going to work out a way to comepletely distance us. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I refuse to have any more text conversations. This time I mean that like you say it's going round in circles. I'm going to figure out what's missing in my M and work on that. I'm going to work out a way to comepletely distance us. Are you going to stop socialising with him and his wife? Are you going to stop making posts trying to figure out why the MOM did whatever? Are yo going to start posting about how to save your marriage? Are you going to start posting in the Infidelity forum? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I refuse to have any more text conversations. This time I mean that like you say it's going round in circles. I'm going to figure out what's missing in my M and work on that. I'm going to work out a way to comepletely distance us. Are you also going to address the lie by omission you're continuing with by not telling your H? Are you going to work on repairing the damage you've created by what you've done? Or are you going to pretend it never happened, and change nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 Are you going to stop socialising with him and his wife? Are you going to stop making posts trying to figure out why the MOM did whatever? Are yo going to start posting about how to save your marriage? Are you going to start posting in the Infidelity forum? Yeah I'm done trying to analyse him. Most probably not I was replying to owl I can't see me doing too many more posts here although I read. This may sound weird but my marraige doesn't need saving we are exactly the same as ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 Are you also going to address the lie by omission you're continuing with by not telling your H? Are you going to work on repairing the damage you've created by what you've done? Or are you going to pretend it never happened, and change nothing? Yes owl I'm going to pretend it never happened as the only other option would be splitting up two families. I'm going to have to just grow up and get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Yes owl I'm going to pretend it never happened as the only other option would be splitting up two families. I'm going to have to just grow up and get over it. You don't get it at all. Owl was not recommending you pretend nothing has happened. He was asking whether you were going to carry on with pretending and doing nothing to actually make any real change. Look where that has got you so far. Oh and you didn't answer my questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Yes owl I'm going to pretend it never happened as the only other option would be splitting up two families. I'm going to have to just grow up and get over it. Not at all what I would recommend. I don't give you good odds at all of success. After all these months of posting here...you still don't 'get it'. I know that you don't want to. Given that...nothing left to be offered to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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