Stop me before I do something stupid!

[KaiaMahina]

Never mind, you're too late. Well...almost...

 

Don't worry, it's not something idiotic, like calling my ex after imbibing just a wee bit too much Southern Comfort and alternately sobbing and screaming at him. (Not that I've ever done such a thing, but don't think it hasn't crossed my frazzled little mind.) It's only something stupid, and probably won't do any harm, unless the guy murders me with a rusty hatchet. Or stands me up. Of the two, I prefer being murdered with a rusty hatchet.

 

Yeah, I have a date. I guess. Sorta. Ugh!

 

This whole thing was NOT my fault! I was sitting at home on Saturday evening, minding my own business, when the phone rang. Naturally, I'm thinking (although with less fevered intensity than even 2 weeks ago) that it may be HIM, the ex. Maybe he just saw one of those commercials where the guy presents the starry-eyed girl with an engagement ring in the middle of a snowy street and his heart melted and -- boo hoo! -- he started thinking of me and decided to break down and call.

 

Imagine my excitement when I see that the call is BLOCKED according to my trusty caller ID! Oh! The suspense is killing me! It can only be two people: my brother-in-law (who always calls on his cell, which invariably comes up as BLOCKED) and the ex, who may be blocking his number so that I won't refuse to answer. Can't lose either way, so I pick it up...and...

 

It's this guy I barely know. From about 2, maybe 2 and a half years ago, when I was (once again) sitting around in a bathrobe on weekends because I had dumped a guy who told me he would never marry me or anyone else. A guy who had answered my personal ad and with whom I had had 3 or 4 very long, very entertaining conversations which, inexplicably, never resulted in him asking to meet me. And vice versa. It happens...at least it happens to me. A lot.

 

Anyway, once I remembered who it was, we talked for a couple of hours and he asked if he could call me at the beginning of the week and set up a meeting. I said sure, but he jumped the gun and called me Sunday evening and talked for another couple of hours and we set up a time to meet on Tuesday after work at a bookstore for coffee.

 

Well...today is Tuesday. And it's less than two hours to the end of the work day, and my nerves are completely SHOT. I feel like this: . I can't stand up because I'm afraid that, like a terrified dog at the vet's, I'll piddle on the floor. Ugh. I HATE THIS!

 

Naturally, this has set up a firestorm of anxiety about my ex. I've been missing him, and this event, far from making me feel as though I'm finally "moving on," is making me feel sad and miserable...he's the only one I want and I would give anything to be back with him in our safe, comfortable, cozy connection instead of being once again out in the cold lonely singles world, meeting (almost) total strangers in bookstores when I know that the most perfect person in the world for me is already gone and there's no point in doing this!

 

Yeah, I had entertaining conversations with this person...but god! Do I miss hearing my ex call me up and say, "Hi, baby. Just calling to see how you are." Of course, this guy's personality is quite the opposite of my ex, and I'm sure that once I meet him I'll be even less interested in him than I am now, and I don't even know why I agreed to do this!

 

I absolutely HATE this! I'm so disappointed and miserable that my ex doesn't miss me the same way. Isn't he meeting new people who only make him miss me? Isn't he missing the comfortable closeness we shared? Isn't he thinking, "God! What a stupid mistake I've made! I have to call her before she meets someone else!" Isn't he thinking how different this Christmas is from last year?!

 

Man. I have stupidly put myself light years back by accepting this meeting. I had one other date in the last 6 months, about 6 weeks after my ex dumped me, and although the guy asked me out for a second time, I couldn't do it. I told him that I wasn't ready to do much of anything. I thought at this point I had better try again, if for nothing more than to be able to remind myself that I can't be a complete loser because I've had at least one date in the last 180 loooonnnggg days!

 

I keep checking my voice mail at home on the off chance that the guy called to cancel. I mean, it wouldn't surprise me if he did. I have this weird, Twilight Zonish thing about me that perpetuates me being stood up or cancelled on inexplicably and at the very last minute. If he did cancel, I'd be half-frustrated, half-relieved!

 

The worst part is the final seconds just before you meet the person. When you're thinking: if he's heart-stoppingly, horrifically unattractive -- a drooling, shambling monster -- what do I do?! Do I walk away and pretend that I'm not me? Do I "play nice" and suffer through the longest few hours in the history of my life? And what if he's fine and dandy, but looks at you and wonders what hole you crawled out of?! Ugh.

 

I can only hope that I don't abruptly vomit on his shoes the minute I meet him. I just want to get through this evening without being shuttled to the nearest mental hospital by ambulance, where I'll spend the rest of my days writing my ex's name on the walls in crayon.

 

Agggghhhhhhh!!!!

[Merin]

Yay Sister!

 

STOP having all these doubts girl.. YOU are an amazing person who's been through a lot, your EX is an idiot and you deserve to live again;)

 

Don't go with ANY expectations. Leave them at the door...

 

I for one am proud of you for taking that step! I myself just went out last night with a great guy.. and you know he is the opposite of my EX.. so yeah.. LOL I view that as a verrrrryyyy good thing! There is a reason the EX is an EX right?

 

Go GO GO Kai it's your birthday!

 

Keep us posted how it goes!

[FolderWife]

hee hee!

 

Naw, first dates suck Could you MAYBE not think of it as a date, and think of it more as an opportunity to meet someone new, who may be fun to hang out with?

 

I mean, the more you're out doing something, the less you're thinking about your ex...right? Unless you are sitting and aimlessly comparing new guy to old guy.

 

When my husband and I are fighting, I avoid him. I'll go to church, or work overtime, or go practice my bowling....I work every day until 5:30, have plans on what I'm going to watch on TV, bowl on Saturday, church on Sunday, and when that doesn't get my mind off of our fighting, I go visit my parents.

 

I know it doesn't compare to what you're dealing with, because at the end of the day, my husband is still there, in our home, waiting for me whether he's hating me or not

 

I always think that if we break up, that I'll be able to stay busy enough to not think about him, but of course, when you've lost half your heart, it's hard to think about something else.

 

Have you called your ex? What aside from mutilating rejection is the worse that could happen? Suffering a set back? Losing hope of him returning?

 

After two months of pining for my ex, and calling, and driving past his house, and dropping by unannounced, I finally realized that he's not worth my misery, and pathetic persuing.

 

And THEN I moved on. I see absolutely nothing wrong with calling up a person who has made you miserable, and asking them if there's a shread of chance. Yes it's pathetic, but if it helps you to heal, what's the harm? As long as you don't go after them with a gun, there's no harm.

 

If you hope to get him back, then don't call. For some reason, knowing that you still want them makes it easier for the ex to move on Which sucks.

 

If hubby and I fight, and I don't speak to him for days, if he doesn't speak back, it's really easy to miss him, and want to make up. However, if he's apologizing, it give me a chance to think, "HEY! YOU WERE WRONG!" and I get to remain crabby.

 

Of course on the other hand, when he apologizes he's pretty much irresistable....hmmm

 

Well, once again I'm glad that I'm in a 50% happy 50% miserable marriage, so I'm not lonely and trying to date

[djones]

Hey KM,

 

Dont worry about it, just have fun, meet this guy and see whats he all about, you deserve happiness. One good thing that I read is that you guys talked for hours on the phone atleast you know he has a brain!, you need a smart guy to keep up with you! I read your post and it just reminded me of all the feelings I am going through in the last month and change, when I met this new girl.....I had all the same doubts as you, I was hoping that she would cancel the first meeting and that I would be off the hook, while I am still thinking about the ex.....I took the plunge I am still takeing it very slow with this new girl and she is real great and understanding, I dont know where this will go but I am going to give it a shot. I think you should too, we cant be waiting at home thinking the ex will call or just hiding in our homes, I have done that for a long time and if the our ex's are going to call us, well we have answering machines and call display to see if they do call, in the mean time try this new guy...who knows right?...just enjoy yourself and dont have any expectations.....KM life is too short, give it a shot....

....its funny too that this new I met is different from my ex as well......

keep us posted

[moimeme]

I'm afraid that, like a terrified dog at the vet's, I'll piddle on the floor.

 

One word:

 

 

DEPENDS

[mischafan160]

Good luck sweetie! I hope your date is a nice guy.

 

Once again you managed to articulate exactly what I was feeling to the point where I almost broke down in tears:

 

::Naturally, this has set up a firestorm of anxiety about my ex. I've been missing him, and this event, far from making me feel as though I'm finally "moving on," is making me feel sad and miserable...he's the only one I want and I would give anything to be back with him in our safe, comfortable, cozy connection instead of being once again out in the cold lonely singles world, meeting (almost) total strangers in bookstores when I know that the most perfect person in the world for me is already gone and there's no point in doing this!

 

Yeah, I had entertaining conversations with this person...but god! Do I miss hearing my ex call me up and say, "Hi, baby. Just calling to see how you are." ::

 

Ahhh I miss his little text messages that used to say the exact same thing, and the rambling embarrassed adorable messages he left on my cell phone, and just these constant little reminders that somebody cared for me. You are so right, being with someone has this sense of warmth to it and being single really does feel cold and alone, especially in December.

 

It's like when you've been wearing a sweater all day and you take it off before bed at night and feel soooo cold...that's how my heart feels right now. I guess after a while you get used to it.

[XNemesisX]

The coldness and loneliness.....SUX

 

I think that is what makes the demise of a relationship so unbearable. Missing that closeness. Being comfortable. I miss just hanging out with my ex on the couch, cuddling up watching movies, being able to say whatever we wanted around eachother and not feeling stupid, just being absolutely and totally comfortable and being the best of friends. Always having someone to do something with and enjoying every minute of it. Having someone to cuddle up with at night and wake up to. The affection. Ugh. You have just brought some major nostalgia to mind

 

I know exactly how you feel about not wanting someone to call (other than the ex of course). I tried to date this guy since the breakup, and I was actually hoping he would NOT call. On some of the dates we had set up I would call him and cancel and fake that I was sick. I think he eventually started to see through it and he did confront me about it. On the times I did go out with him, it just made me miss my ex all the more. Don't you hate that process when you are first meeting someone? Getting to know them, developing a bond, getting comfortable....UGH I hate it and I guess I wasn't ready to try again. That or the breakup has got me so depressed I lack motivation and energy to even put forth any effort. And yeah, I did just stop calling him altogether. I thought something was bad wrong when I was actually hoping he would please cancel on me!!!

 

Don't be like me though. Like someone said earlier, think of it as just hanging out. If you still hope he doesn't call after meeting him then maybe you just don't feel that connection and don't really like him. I'm a firm believer that if you REALLY like someone you will actually WANT to get to know them more. you will want to go through the "process"

 

I am completely understanding what you are saying. So far, people I have met since my breakup just bore me to tears. Maybe its not that we are so stuck on the ex that we can't like anyone else yet. Maybe it is just that we haven't met the right person. That is what I'm hoping.

 

Go on the date- if he's boring then cross him off and move to the next. Real chemistry is rare I've noticed. But it is worth a shot to find out, right? Can't hurt. But if he's a stranger, remember to bring your pepper spray! I will play mom here lol

[KaiaMahina]

...Or at least its edge has been dulled, because now the ex has to jostle and hustle for my mind time, because he's got competition.

 

Yeah, the bookstore guy! Shambling drooling monster, he most definitely was not. I went in the place feeling like this: and came out feeling like this: . Well...a little bit, anyway.

 

The trip between work and the gigantic mega-superstore Barnes & Nobles where we had agreed to meet was made even more agonizing by bumper-to-bumper traffic, not to mention all the lovely little escape routes provided by all the off-ramps I passed. Yeah, I thought briefly about just turning around, going home, and calling it a day, but I thought about Merin (yes, you!) advising that I leave my expectations at the door and just see what's what and interact with another human being, so I pressed on valiantly.

 

I was so befuddled I couldn't remember whether we'd agreed to meet at 5:45 or 6:00, so I split the difference and arrived at the magazine racks (our preordained meeting site) at 6:52. I pretended to browse through the wares, but my heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to keel over any second. I kept looking out of the corner of my eye for this guy, and no one who seemed a likely candidate appeared.

 

I started thinking, "dude has ditched me" and couldn't figure out whether I was relieved or totally pissed off. I went to a table and started checking out books when suddenly I felt someone come up and stand next to me, and I knew it was him.

 

Geez. He'd said stuff about being short (5'9" -- which I don't consider short even though I'm 5'8"), and a receding hairline (and I'm thinking cripes! the Ron Howard look!) and I was absolutely dreading looking up. I steeled myself, thinking, just have a cup of coffee and hit the road, girlfriend! He said my name and I said, without looking up, "You know, I'm really sick of being picked up by perverts every time I go to a bookstore," and he started to laugh.

 

Man! I looked up and was happily, ecstatically surprised because he was absolutely adorable! I was almost like this: ! Gorgeous hazely-brown eyes, dark hair (the receding hairline is apparently all in his mind) and the most heart-fluttering smile. Dimples, he's got dimples!!! Aggghhhhh! We'd spent so much time talking and joking and teasing on the phone that I felt completely comfortable telling him that first things first, I had to hit the ladies. If you can tell a guy you have to pee within seconds of meeting him, that's pretty damn good.

 

He bought me coffee (hey, it was a mocha cappuccino, not just coffee) and we sat there for almost 2.5 hours. There was no awkwardness and it was just like the conversations we'd had on the phone: entertaining, interesting, funny and complex. In short, I had a blast. He asked when I needed to be home. Agghhh! I had (wisely) told a girlfriend where I was going and with whom so that if I turned up missing or found neatly deposited in some out of the way place, someone would know what the @#!$ happened to me. She had given me until 10:00 pm to call her and let her know that I was home. Curfew!

 

I told him vaguely that I had to be home "pretty soon" and he asked if I would like to take a drive through an outdoor sculpture park, and I agreed. He asked if I meant I would go in his car or did I want to follow him (duh!) and I said I'd go in his car. So I left my car there and we drove maybe 10 minutes away and toured the sculpture park and he shone his headlights on various interesting pieces, and then we parked and steamed up the car windows a little bit! I know, I know! I really did do something stupid by driving around a deserted wooded area with a guy I had just met. At least I had the foresight to tell my friend who-where-when and the smarts to tell him that I told her!

 

But I was a good girl, like the nuns taught me and told him I had to go home because I had to be at work early the next morning. I told him to drop me off at the door of the bookstore, and as I was getting out, he said, "Talk to you soon?" and I said yes and then raced inside to get to a phone to call my girlfriend because it was now 10:05 and I wasn't home! The way she snatched the phone up before it had time to even completely ring once told me she had been poised to punch 911 and report me missing in another 30 seconds!

 

Who knows? I may never hear from him again. To be honest, on most of my other first dates, the guy calls almost before I get home! I've literally walked into my apartment after a first date to find a message from the guy on my voice mail or to have the phone ringing with him on the other end. I don't have the common problem of waiting around for a guy to call except when I've been dumped. So this is a little anxiety producing for me.

 

I'm trying to be philosophical and remain without expectations of anything further. If he calls again, great. If he doesn't, there was no harm done and we both had a good time. I already know he's not the "marrying kind" and has never even lived with a woman, so he's definitely not what I'm looking for in a relationship, and his refreshing honesty is one of the qualities I like best about him. He's not into leading a woman down the garden path with obscure and artful little references designed to make her believe that there's a committed future with him and a cozy little hearth and home.

 

This guy is 48 and never married...he says that he knows that makes him suspect anyway, but he's never wanted to marry anyone he's dated and he's never lived with anyone, either. So whatever I get into with him (if anything at all), then its with eyes wide open and if I get hurt, it's no one's fault but my own. Totally different from what happened with the ex... I mean, I'm looking at engagement rings at his instigation one week, and dropped on my ass the next. I went into that one with eyes wide open, too, but you can't see what someone else has deliberately and deeply hidden!

 

So, OK, maybe the bookstore is all there's going to be. I've been pondering whether "Talk to you soon?" with a definite question mark in his tone means, "Can I call you again in a few days?" or does it mean, "Will you call me so that I know you're interested?" I know from our conversations that he needs definite signs of interest from a woman so that he knows there's reciprocity and that his interest is returned, or he won't pursue the matter. So I'm thinking he's leaving it up to me to decide. I once had a guy ask me THREE TIMES at the end of a date if he could call me again, and I answered yes THREE TIMES and never heard from him again. Go figure.

 

Whatever happens, I'm thankful for the reprieve from that prison of ex-obsession I've been sentenced to for the last 6 months. He's not the first thing I think about in the morning, or the last thing I think about at night. Sometimes I think about this new guy, and sometimes I think about all the possible new guys I may meet in the future, and sometimes I think about just how nice it was to go to a damn bookstore and look at magazines! Or whether the coffee at Barnes & Noble is better or worse than Starbuck's. It's like the door has been opened just a smidge, and now I'm breathing a little fresh air.

 

And hey, monday, I know exactly where you're coming from! I was married once, to a nice guy, but I didn't happen to be in love with him. So it was 50/50, as you describe your marriage. It's just that mine slid over into 80/20 with emphasis on the miserable and I bailed. He deserved better, anyway. He should have someone who truly loves him the way a woman should love her husband. I feel badly that I wasted his time and ended up hurting him, even though he has told me he was happy and doesn't regret it.

 

And Nemesis...the last time I was involved in a breakup, all the men I met for a solid year after bored me to tears, just as you describe. I don't think it wasn't because I wasn't "open" to them -- I believe that I had a run of simply not meeting anyone I sparked with. This time, 6 months after and the second time out of the gate, I didn't just get a spark, I got a pretty respectable fireworks display! Maybe that's all I'll get...but it lets me know that there are others out there who will interest me just as much, or more, than my ex.

 

There IS life after an ex! I already knew that from prior experience, but oh! how quickly we forget!

[FolderWife]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEE HE HEEEEEEEEE!!! It went well

 

If he has not called in three days, "talk to you soon?" Means, PLEASE CALL ME!

[Merin]

Go, Go, Go Kaia it's your Birthday!!

 

:Merin does the running man dance:

 

Omg girl, I couldn't wait to see how it had gone for you! I'm so happy that it went well! Yay!

 

I know what you're saying about the "If he calls again, all good.. If not I'm still okay" and you know it is the only mind set to have.

 

It's a good feeling though isn't it? ?? LOL Even if it's just a little.. it's good.

 

Honestly sister, I cannot think of a better "Gift" to give the EX.. then a big ass box of INDIFFERENCE! It's the Gift that just keeps on giving

 

I hope he calls you again (I get the feeling he will) I get the feeling he knows the amazing person you are.. and he wouldn't mind spending more time getting to know more.

 

Yay!

 

I'm sooooo happy I got to "inspire" you too.. you have totally inspired me sister.. made me laugh when I wanted to cry;)

 

You better keep me up to date on the developments! You know I've got your back right? LOL I'll be down at the hallmark store in the "You turned out to be an assclown" section if you need it. I get the feeling though.. you're not going to need it!

[mischafan160]

YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I'm so surprised at how genuinely happy I feel for an almost total stranger!

But seriously, I can think of nobody who deserves this more than you! Congratulations on a great first date! No matter how it goes with him calling or whatever, at least you have the assurance that you can like and have fun with other guys besides your ex, and that's definitely something to cheer about!

I AM SOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!

[KaiaMahina]

Thank you, mischafan! It's always lovely to hear someone say that you deserve something good...we all need to be reminded of that, especially when going through all this ex-angst and turmoil.

 

Merin, I think you should open your OWN Hallmark shop because you have some fan-f***ing-tastic ideas for cards, not to mention "big ass boxes of indifference"! I owe you, girl, 'cause it was your little old self on my shoulder telling me to go on and see what's what last Tuesday night.

 

And Monday, thanks for the translation...I was waiting until I got some feedback here to decide whether I'd call him if I didn't hear from him "soon." Got nothing to lose. It's certainly not like calling the ex, where you can get your heart ruthlessly stuffed into an electric meat grinder for your trouble.

 

I definitely get the feeling that, despite being a Libra, he's a little uncertain...and possibly sensitive enough that he's not going to barrel in unless he gets some definite green lights.

 

I'm going "home" to visit my sister in Chicago next week...so I'll make a casual call to the Barnes & Noble hottie before I go just to see if there's any chance our paths may cross again. Yahoooo!!!

[Merin]

Originally posted by KaiaMahina

Thank you, mischafan! It's always lovely to hear someone say that you deserve something good...we all need to be reminded of that, especially when going through all this ex-angst and turmoil.

 

Merin, I think you should open your OWN Hallmark shop because you have some fan-f***ing-tastic ideas for cards, not to mention "big ass boxes of indifference"! I owe you, girl, 'cause it was your little old self on my shoulder telling me to go on and see what's what last Tuesday night.

 

And Monday, thanks for the translation...I was waiting until I got some feedback here to decide whether I'd call him if I didn't hear from him "soon." Got nothing to lose. It's certainly not like calling the ex, where you can get your heart ruthlessly stuffed into an electric meat grinder for your trouble.

 

I definitely get the feeling that, despite being a Libra, he's a little uncertain...and possibly sensitive enough that he's not going to barrel in unless he gets some definite green lights.

 

I'm going "home" to visit my sister in Chicago next week...so I'll make a casual call to the Barnes & Noble hottie before I go just to see if there's any chance our paths may cross again. Yahoooo!!!

 

Kaia.. Sister, you owe me nada.. EXCEPT to find happiness where you can;) I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this guy turns out to be amazing.. and I KNOW he had better treat you right!

:Merins Hallmark: LOL ALWAYS open!

[KaiaMahina]

I wasn't pathetically waiting by the phone on Saturday night...I mean, I was home on Saturday night. And I happened to be sitting next to the table where my phone is, but I wasn't waiting. You get the picture.

 

But damn, if he didn't call! No, not the ex. Six months on, I've totally given up all hope of that. Although I'm four for four in being contacted by regretful exes, a winning streak like that ain't gonna last forever. Like my mother said, "It's a long road that has no turning."

 

Besides, with the juxtaposition of my birthday, Christmas and New Year's all jammed within a narrow 10-day period, if the ex doesn't call by December 31, he's never going to call. He's one of those wretchedly sentimental types, drags his entire past around with him in an Army duffel bag (literally and metaphorically) and is a sucker for nostalgia. This triple-whammy of "special occasions" will either bring him to his knees in a fit of inconsolable weeping and have him crawling to the phone to jab in my number even though blinded by tears, or...he's either too ball-less to take the risk, and will spend that period curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb...or he's completely confounded me and has moved on much more bravely and resolutely than I could ever give him credit for.

 

Whichever it turns out to be, it's totally out of my control and I can't be bothered to speculate any more.

 

So, that's not the he who called. It was the bookstore date! Aggghh! I can hardly believe it! I was fully intending to call him on Sunday if I hadn't heard from him, just to wish him Merry Christmas because I was going out of town and may not hear from him before then. But, despite my confusion as to whether his comment "Talk to you soon?" meant he would call me or I would call him, it turns out that patience is a virtue after all.

 

Nice conversation. Close to 2 hours. He semi-shyly-hesistantly invited himself over on Sunday to watch a movie together, but we both dropped the ball on that one. But later he asked if he could call me again, to which I responded warmly with, "Yes, I'd like that," and he asked when I would be home from my trip, and we wished each other a Merry Christmas.

 

Well...at least I got another phone call out of it. All in all, that ain't bad for a gal who was kicked off the hay wagon when it was going through a mud puddle 6 months ago.

 

And I got an email from a sorta ex (a guy I stopped seeing because I found out he was living with someone and wasn't exactly hurrying to extricate himself from that relationship although he claimed he wanted to be with me) asking me to "come back" to him and reconsider. Hah! I told him that as long as he wasn't single, there was no chance.

 

So, I'm not exactly having the time of my life, and I still don't have anyone I'm seeing regularly or entering into a relationship with...but maybe things are on the upswing here a little bit. Maybe in 2005 I'll be like this:

[Merin]

Tiempo sister...

 

I'm so glad he called (obviously he has good taste!) LOL so yeah.. thats a good thing!

 

The best part of this all... you are at least feeling a little better, and taking some chances again.. that rocks!

I've got an actual funny hallmark store story I must tell you girl.. but lol not right now, i'm at work and slacking!

 

Yay for you!

[theone44]

Originally posted by KaiaMahina

I wasn't pathetically waiting by the phone on Saturday night...I mean, I was home on Saturday night. And I happened to be sitting next to the table where my phone is, but I wasn't waiting. You get the picture.

 

But damn, if he didn't call! No, not the ex. Six months on, I've totally given up all hope of that. Although I'm four for four in being contacted by regretful exes, a winning streak like that ain't gonna last forever. Like my mother said, "It's a long road that has no turning."

 

Besides, with the juxtaposition of my birthday, Christmas and New Year's all jammed within a narrow 10-day period, if the ex doesn't call by December 31, he's never going to call. He's one of those wretchedly sentimental types, drags his entire past around with him in an Army duffel bag (literally and metaphorically) and is a sucker for nostalgia. This triple-whammy of "special occasions" will either bring him to his knees in a fit of inconsolable weeping and have him crawling to the phone to jab in my number even though blinded by tears, or...he's either too ball-less to take the risk, and will spend that period curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb...or he's completely confounded me and has moved on much more bravely and resolutely than I could ever give him credit for.

 

Whichever it turns out to be, it's totally out of my control and I can't be bothered to speculate any more.

 

So, that's not the he who called. It was the bookstore date! Aggghh! I can hardly believe it! I was fully intending to call him on Sunday if I hadn't heard from him, just to wish him Merry Christmas because I was going out of town and may not hear from him before then. But, despite my confusion as to whether his comment "Talk to you soon?" meant he would call me or I would call him, it turns out that patience is a virtue after all.

 

Nice conversation. Close to 2 hours. He semi-shyly-hesistantly invited himself over on Sunday to watch a movie together, but we both dropped the ball on that one. But later he asked if he could call me again, to which I responded warmly with, "Yes, I'd like that," and he asked when I would be home from my trip, and we wished each other a Merry Christmas.

 

Well...at least I got another phone call out of it. All in all, that ain't bad for a gal who was kicked off the hay wagon when it was going through a mud puddle 6 months ago.

 

And I got an email from a sorta ex (a guy I stopped seeing because I found out he was living with someone and wasn't exactly hurrying to extricate himself from that relationship although he claimed he wanted to be with me) asking me to "come back" to him and reconsider. Hah! I told him that as long as he wasn't single, there was no chance.

 

So, I'm not exactly having the time of my life, and I still don't have anyone I'm seeing regularly or entering into a relationship with...but maybe things are on the upswing here a little bit. Maybe in 2005 I'll be like this:

 

 

 

 

who was the dumper. you or him.

[mischafan160]

I am so glad things are looking up for you. And you seem to be doing a really good job of "hoping for the best, expecting the worst" which I have always admired in people because I never seem to be able to achieve that balance of optimism and pessimism. He's creating a nice distraction from thinking about the ex too, which is always good!!

[UnicornGirl]

My God, you have good luck. Please send some of it to me!

[KaiaMahina]

Hey, UnicornGirl! You think I have good luck?! Well, what little I have, I will gladly share with you.

 

And mischafan, I'm trying to be realistic about this. I mean, the chances are that nothing is going to come from this and that it's just an opportunity to get my feet wet again, so to speak.

 

theone44, the guy who recently called me and wanted to get together was the dumpee, I suppose. We only saw each other a few times, it was mostly a relationship "on paper" in that the majority of it was over the phone and email because he was living with someone. When it was clear he wasn't going to change anything, I told him that he had indicated this relationship was all over except for physically splitting up, but since the splitting up wasn't happening, neither were we! My ex fiance, on the other hand, was the dumper.