Girlfriend always talking about herself..

[ClapYou123]

I've known my girlfriend for four months, two of which we've been dating and one of which we've been 'exclusive'. We've spent a LOT of time together, and this weekend she has gone back home to Manchester to see friends etc.

 

When we're messaging, I find that she tells me a lot about her day and sends me pictures etc... if I do the same, she usually just replies with a sentence, something like "have fun!". I don't know if I'm just being picky, but this kind of annoys me. It's not that I'm not interested in what she's up to, but I would like her to take an interest in stuff that I'm doing, too...

 

I don't want to confront her or anything, just wondering if this is a common thing for women or.... I don't even know what this post is for, I think I just needed to vent! She's a Taurus as well, I think a lot of Taureans like to talk about themselves

[wonderingwoman]

There could be a few reasons behind her behavior. Here are some: 1) Doesn't like texting/wants you to call 2) Is self-centered 3) Doesn't want to seem too needy 4) Is too busy to respond when you text her. I'd try to piece it out and think about her prior actions. Good luck, I can see were this would be frustrating.

[KathyM]

I think it's a form of narcissism. Some people are like that. They want to only talk about themselves, and show little interest in others. I have a friend who is very much like this. I'll be listening and responding to her tales of her life, her kids, her husband, etc., etc., for half an hour, but if I spend a few minutes to mention what's been happening in my own life, even the very significant things, she'll make a brief comment, and then redirect the conversation back to her. It makes a person feel kind of used when this happens. Needless to say, I don't enjoy talking to her, and have limited my calls to her because of it.

[ClapYou123]

There could be a few reasons behind her behavior. Here are some: 1) Doesn't like texting/wants you to call 2) Is self-centered 3) Doesn't want to seem too needy 4) Is too busy to respond when you text her. I'd try to piece it out and think about her prior actions. Good luck, I can see were this would be frustrating.

 

Thanks for your reply - I don't think it's that she doesn't want to seem needy, as she is openly very needy in other areas... I think it might be just that she's busy, but I have noticed this with her while we're together... I start talking about something and she'll not acknowledge me, continuing with what she was saying.

 

She's very very loving and such a sweet person, and I do really like her - it's a shame that this is bugging me..perhaps I just need to chill out, lol.

[ClapYou123]

I think it's a form of narcissism. Some people are like that. They want to only talk about themselves, and show little interest in others. I have a friend who is very much like this. I'll be listening and responding to her tales of her life, her kids, her husband, etc., etc., for half an hour, but if I spend a few minutes to mention what's been happening in my own life, even the very significant things, she'll make a brief comment, and then redirect the conversation back to her. It makes a person feel kind of used when this happens. Needless to say, I don't enjoy talking to her, and have limited my calls to her because of it.

 

Yes, this is quite sad in a way really, because any kind of friendship or relationship should be a give and take thing. I understand the not wanting to talk to them because of it, I have been avoiding WhatsApp and my phone today as it really doesn't make you feel like talking to said person!

[nescafe1982]

How old is she? And you?

 

This just sounds like immaturity to me. If you want to try something new, try calling her instead of texting. It's hard for some people to strike the proper balance of mutual interest via text or chat, IME.

 

If that doesn't work, it may just be part of her personality... in which case you will have to decide whether it's a dealbreaker or not.

[ClapYou123]

How old is she? And you?

 

This just sounds like immaturity to me. If you want to try something new, try calling her instead of texting. It's hard for some people to strike the proper balance of mutual interest via text or chat, IME.

 

If that doesn't work, it may just be part of her personality... in which case you will have to decide whether it's a dealbreaker or not.

 

She's 25, I'm 29. When we're together it's different, we do really get on. I agree with you about the chat/text thing. I do call her, it's just something I've noticed. I spoke to her earlier over the phone, and she pretty much did the same thing. I do think it's part of her personality - I know all about her friends, her friends' kids, their love lives, their jobs, etc.

 

I really don't know what to do, to be honest. I wonder if I should just try and ignore it and carry on, or what. But it really is annoying me, and making me feel bored/not really wanting to talk to her. I'm not being nasty to her, either - I respect that it's just her, that's just how she is. I won't berate her for it.

[Grumpybutfun]

ClapYou:

Is she a higher energy person than you? Does she speak faster, move quicker, remind you of a hummingbird? Are you super laid back? Do you just talk in monosyllabic spurts?

Questioningly,

Grumps

[Tayla]

Try engaging in the conversation then moving it to general safe territory.

We each have agreed that some friends are more into wanting to be heard then listening. Mix it up and turn it around.

 

Its absolutely okay to mention to your loved one your perspective, sometimes the person may truly be UNAWARE of how they are conveying themselves....a small gentle reminder can sort things out

[ClapYou123]

Try engaging in the conversation then moving it to general safe territory.

We each have agreed that some friends are more into wanting to be heard then listening. Mix it up and turn it around.

 

Its absolutely okay to mention to your loved one your perspective, sometimes the person may truly be UNAWARE of how they are conveying themselves....a small gentle reminder can sort things out

 

Of course - I think to a degree, we all love being heard. I can get like that sometimes... I may mention it to her, I don't think she would be offended. She isn't a selfish person at all, it's just this one thing that is a slight problem. She is very giving and very generous, and encourages me in a lot of ways, etc. Thank you, Tayla - a very nice reply

[ClapYou123]

ClapYou:

Is she a higher energy person than you? Does she speak faster, move quicker, remind you of a hummingbird? Are you super laid back? Do you just talk in monosyllabic spurts?

Questioningly,

Grumps

 

Hmm. I am pretty laidback, yeah. But there are times when I wanna talk talk talk talk and she doesn't seem to want to engage. I think she just has a lot to say

[Grumpybutfun]

Hmm. I am pretty laidback, yeah. But there are times when I wanna talk talk talk talk and she doesn't seem to want to engage. I think she just has a lot to say

 

Yes, she does, and she is used to keeping up the conversation when you have nothing to say so she feels she has to be "on" all the time. I am the same way as you. My wife and I have had some pretty heated words over her need to talk around me, over me, through me, and she hates how I only talk occasionally and in monosyllabic spurts...her phrase, not mine. (I write lots of notes to her because I communicate much better through writing.)

 

With that said, we both came to the realization that this is just how we are...she is a hummingbird and I am a rock. Maybe when you are talking, she is just listening intently? Maybe you feel uncomfortable with her silence because you read it as disinterest, however, if she was disinterested in you, why would she be with you? Just ask her the next time she does it. Communication about how we communicate is the best, most important conversation you can have in a relationship.

 

Communicatively,

Grumps

[ClapYou123]

Yes, she does, and she is used to keeping up the conversation when you have nothing to say so she feels she has to be "on" all the time. I am the same way as you. My wife and I have had some pretty heated words over her need to talk around me, over me, through me, and she hates how I only talk occasionally and in monosyllabic spurts...her phrase, not mine. (I write lots of notes to her because I communicate much better through writing.)

 

With that said, we both came to the realization that this is just how we are...she is a hummingbird and I am a rock. Maybe when you are talking, she is just listening intently? Maybe you feel uncomfortable with her silence because you read it as disinterest, however, if she was disinterested in you, why would she be with you? Just ask her the next time she does it. Communication about how we communicate is the best, most important conversation you can have in a relationship.

 

Communicatively,

Grumps

 

Grumps, this reply is spot on. I am silent a lot of the time, I'm more of a thinker (I'm an only child and I think this is probably why I'm so introverted). Very interesting that you tend to write a lot of notes to your wife, do you also avoid phone calls? And you're right, if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't be with me...

[ClapYou123]

Well, I'm currently in a conversation with her and she sent me loads of pictures of her getting a tattoo today... and then some of her best friend's new tattoo. I went straight ahead and asked loads of questions about the friend's tattoos (to see what would happen if it wasn't about her) and yeah... she's gone offline and didn't really say much.

 

Hmmm.

[Grumpybutfun]

Grumps, this reply is spot on. I am silent a lot of the time, I'm more of a thinker (I'm an only child and I think this is probably why I'm so introverted). Very interesting that you tend to write a lot of notes to your wife, do you also avoid phone calls? And you're right, if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't be with me...

 

Texts are a man's best friend... I do not talk on the phone except with my grandmother and my parents who I will not, out of deference and respect, assume want to text with me as it isn't their thing.

As for asking about her friend's tattoos...hope it was a guy friend because some women can be territorial and do not like it if you show interest in their girlfriends...at all. Maybe it isn't that she lost interest, but she got curious as to why you care about her friend's tattoo? Trust me, you do not know what, how, why they are thinking like they think.

 

Most men I know have a logical side and an emotional side (left and right brain function) and they keep the two completely separate..I think we compartmentalize very well. Some women, on the other hand, have an emotional, logical, humanities, zoological, nurturing, nature based, melodic...well you get the point. My wife's mind is like a mural with 900 things painted on it and under that painting is another painting with 784 things on it.

 

I once had an older lover in France and she told me, "You will never be able to process what and how I am thinking, so do not even try. I am like all of the seasons and you are only one." I felt it was condescending at the time, but she was right on...

 

I have come to appreciate my wife's brain. She sees and feels things I don't even think I am aware of, and I keep her grounded and steady. It isn't a bad thing to be different...just make sure that you feel valued and respected in your relationship and you two can work out this communication glitch.

 

Best,

Grumps

[Tayla]

Well, I'm currently in a conversation with her and she sent me loads of pictures of her getting a tattoo today... and then some of her best friend's new tattoo. I went straight ahead and asked loads of questions about the friend's tattoos (to see what would happen if it wasn't about her) and yeah... she's gone offline and didn't really say much.

 

Hmmm.

 

Small flag, yet one that may have a limited explanation. Approach her in person on this as I sense that she may have a tadbit of "ME" ism that needs cured. Its again absolutely okay for someone to share their day and its antics, its when they abruptly shut down if you try to hit neutral turf. That is a tall tell sign....

[burningashes]

I used to have a best friend who talked about herself all the time. I met her in high school, and she was the type where she loved to be the center of attention. I figured it was just a phase but I was wrong.. it continued even after high school, and I never felt good after talking to her because I could never get a word in literally.

 

She would also solicit advice from me, but she'd continue to talk about her problems and not really try my (or anyone else's for that matter) advice. It drove me nuts and needlessly to say, I ditched the friendship. No regrets- it made more room for people who were also interested in what I had to say. I prefer relationships that go both ways.

[lovenotwar]

I've had a similar problem with a self-centered girl. I didn't find a solution.

 

All I can suggest is talk to to her, frankly, but gently. If everything else is good with your relationship, you might be able to meet in the middle on this: maybe she can make an effort once she understands your problem, and you can be a bit more flexible on her communication to you.

 

If you start getting signs in other parts of the relationship that she's not putting enough attention into you, then you definitely need to make it very clear to her that this is a problem for you. If she won't fix it, you need to be prepared to understand that this may not be a great relationship for you.

[nescafe1982]

OP I would second Tayla's advice to have a friendly discussion (in person) with her about your need to be heard. This sounds like a personality tick that she may not be aware of... and if it's damaging her relationship with you she would probably want to work on it.

 

So try talking about it with her, face to face. These are the hardest discussions to have in a relationship ("I love you and I need you to do X"), but they are often the most important ones.

 

Good luck!

[KathyM]

You may want to think about if there are other areas where this woman's narcissism plays out. It's likely not the only way that this trait shows up. For my friend that I mentioned, she also insists on having her own way when we make plans as to where to go or what to do. She can't stand it when other people have the attention of the group, and she likes to one up people and thinks others are envious of her. Narcissistic traits. You may notice this narcissistic attitude playing out in other ways as well.

[ClapYou123]

OP I would second Tayla's advice to have a friendly discussion (in person) with her about your need to be heard. This sounds like a personality tick that she may not be aware of... and if it's damaging her relationship with you she would probably want to work on it.

 

So try talking about it with her, face to face. These are the hardest discussions to have in a relationship ("I love you and I need you to do X"), but they are often the most important ones.

 

Good luck!

 

I definitely don't think she's aware of it, as it's like she mentions something and then might just go off on a tangent about it... I've been talking about myself slightly more and flipping the conversation back toward me/neutral ground more often in the past couple of days and things seem to have calmed down a bit

[runningfar]

I've known my girlfriend for four months, two of which we've been dating and one of which we've been 'exclusive'. We've spent a LOT of time together, and this weekend she has gone back home to Manchester to see friends etc.

 

When we're messaging, I find that she tells me a lot about her day and sends me pictures etc... if I do the same, she usually just replies with a sentence, something like "have fun!". I don't know if I'm just being picky, but this kind of annoys me. It's not that I'm not interested in what she's up to, but I would like her to take an interest in stuff that I'm doing, too...

 

I don't want to confront her or anything, just wondering if this is a common thing for women or.... I don't even know what this post is for, I think I just needed to vent! She's a Taurus as well, I think a lot of Taureans like to talk about themselves

 

Zodiac signs mean nothing.

 

 

Not having a paragraph of what to say doesn't mean she doesn't want to hear you going on in the same detail you do. I train a lot of different personality types and I find the ones who talk that much about themselves (as long as they aren't the type to cut you off or ignore) actually do want to hear more detail from you-- they just expect you'll do it as naturally as they do. I'd bet she doesn't want to hear more back from you then recognizing it.... The big key is, does she remember what you tell her? If so, I don't think she's self centered in the only-cares about herself sense. Try referencing things you've barely mentioned and see. That's the key of interest.