Boyfriend masturbated to porn while I was home, I feel disrespected.

[Revolver]

Yes, because women never fantasize over someone else?

 

The hypocrisy is hilarious

[skydiveaddict]

Catholic huh?

 

yea............

[missmac]

I've always known he's watched porn, but.....

 

But nothing, you knew what he did when you met him, why would you expect that to change? Its not disrespectful at ALL to masturbate when you are with someone, dating, commited, married! I think its healthy for people in relationships to sometimes "take care of themselves"

 

Im going to guess that you dont masturbate?

Probably think it's gross or something?

Get offended when you are not involved and dont see why he needs to do it when youre right there?

 

Maybe start doing it yourself, and you will see the importance of knowing your own body

[Grumpybutfun]

Grumpy, we are all saying the same thing-that someone can watch porn and still love their partner.

 

however, I disagree when it comes to tolerating this behavior. I dont think he should do hurt her feelings or be disrespectful to her because he loves her.

 

I'm not sure if I would call leaving a human being in bed alone or otherwise available to go jerk off is called being satisfied with that person.

 

I know this is hard OP, but most men cannot be sexually satisfied with one woman. It's just a fact of life, they get bored, they need something different. Any excuse he gives you is just that-an excuse.

 

Are your past experiences so awful that you would blame an entire gender for them? You are better than that, hotpotato. You usually have some very poignant and helpful things to share. However, I feel it is my duty to say this once more, All men are not pigs. Not all men cheat. Not all men hate women or think you are just here for our sexual pleasure. I love and value women and I try to be very fair when posting.

 

Look, I said they should renegotiate boundaries on this issue. I don't want her feelings to be hurt either, and obviously neither does the partner. I don't think the kid dislikes or is dissatisfied sexually with his partner because he went and watched porn while she was napping (Where does it say he jacked off anyway?) Sometimes we do not jack off...

 

If he had went and watched a football game, would he be getting this kind of nagging and guilt trip? No.

 

Women seem to think porn is this big bad that somehow is in competition with them, and for some addicts that might be true, but for a majority of men and women, it is just entertainment like watching football, Deadliest Catch or Walking Dead. Sometimes there is a little interaction kind of like playing a PC game like Diablo III or WOW. That is how I think of it anyway.

 

They resolved the issue and all is well for now.

 

Best,

Grumps

[Grumpybutfun]

KKristine:

A nice resolution for now, but I would like to say one more thing. I hope you are sure that this is a decision he made out of love and deference rather than fear. I hope he didn't just say what you wanted to hear because he was tired of the cold shoulder, the fear of you leaving and the inability to be straight back because you get too emotional.

 

I just want you to be aware of some things I have seen in situations like this. I mentored/ led a lot of young men whose wives/ fiancés/ gf's shamed and guilt tripped them into doing exactly what they wanted when they wanted or withheld sex and affection, guilt tripped, nagged and shamed. What happened was these men became completely angry that they were like pawns for another person's happiness, and often checked out of those relationships because everything became a battle, guilt trip or shame.

 

Here is where we get to be grownup and realize that the other person in your relationship is not owned by you. Yes, you can nag and shame them into many things and then by year five he is starting to drop down into his man cave a lot earlier in the evening, and he is spending more time down at the racetrack with his friends because he is walking on eggshells at home, and everything you say sounds like a drone and he is depressed and sad. Men have feelings too. We get upset when we are treated like errant little children. We get upset when you use our love for you to change us into you with your views, your values and your needs.

 

I am not saying this is what you are doing OP, this is just a public service announcement to just make sure you renegotiated and placed boundaries rather than he just did what you want because you nagged him into it. Deleting his porn collection that he had before he met you is a red flag for me, but I could be wrong. Crying shows that you made it very clear that he was very, very bad and his behavior was wrong. Instead of talking to him about it and saying, "Hey, this bothered me, could you not do this anymore when I am home," you got insecure, angry and made it a huge deal. Did you think that maybe he was confused about porn use because you knew he did it before you moved in together, and so he watched the footage without thinking it was a bad thing? He said He Forgot which is man code for I want you to stop fussing at me so I am going to deny, deny, deny or forget, forget, forget.

 

Projections of your own issues with your mom's bf is definitely clouding this situation. If that is somehow tied to you, get some IC in Sexual Abuse because until you do everything sexual or with a man, especially your bf, will trigger you. If your bf thinks you believe you are going to feel like a slave for oral sex then you are communicating to him that you find that shameful somehow. As a child/teen you should have never even been exposed to something like that and you were failed.

 

I wish you both the best and hope you find true happiness. A successful partnership is about love and kindness, being who we are without trying to change the other person and learning that boundaries are much better than ultimatums or fear.

Best,

Grumps

[SincereOnlineGuy]

The men in this thread are immediately dismissive and degrading towards her. Yeah, she would be much better off posting it somewhere else.

 

Anytime there is a porn thread on this site its all the men posting responses going me me me me me me me not just this specific thread

 

I have seen many of your posts, most of the time you are sexist and misogynistic, but occasionally I do see some thoughtful ones.

 

 

 

... and she would be still better off if watching porn with her guy... but she doesn't want to do that. It never even crossed her mind, most likely.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You should feel that way. Pornography and masturbation are signs of a weak man with no self control.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, right, mere pornography... sitting on a newsstand in Moscow... consumed by random Russians whom we've never met, are "signs of weak men" all over the world???

 

That's brilliant!!! Why don't you publish it for pay?

 

 

That's about as far off base as is seeing Jesus in a potato chip.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I know a lot of women who admit to viewing porn ...is weakness gender specific?

 

 

He said nothing about "viewing porn".