Thinkalot Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 I have nearly always celebrated xmas a certain way. Most of my life, until recent years, it was with my small family, at home, with a set pattern of things we usually did (ie, open pressies after lunch, with a designated present-hander-out person). I love christmas, and all the traditions which go with it, and putting up lights, and having a seafood feast, and going to the beach. When I met my fiance, we needed to work out a way to see/suit both our families (who live about an hour apart). Suddenly christmas as I had known it for about 30 years was different. (in the past, with boyfriends, for one reason or another, they had joined our family table). I did not cope well at first. I mean, I was keen to suit people, but it didn't feel the same at xmas, and I felt a bit sad, even though I tried to get past that feeling. During the 3 1/2 years we've been together, I have learned to adjust and move with the times...lol! But, I still sometimes find it hard on the occassions we have xmas lunch with his family (we have started taking turns each year). I am trying to embrace the day, and change with a happy heart of course, as we are fortunate we have our families near us, and we are quite blessed to have good lives Plus, we will spend xmas eve with my family. I just wondered if anyone else went through these feelings, or am I just a hopeless sentimental victim of tradition? I also find it tough, because I am an only child in a tiny family, and they have a big gathering at their xmas, which can be a bit overwhelming. That's all- not a biggie, I just wondered if others could relate in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Well the last 2 christmas I had dinner with my ex's family and then we'd go to see my family in the evening. The reason is that she was an only child and they dont have any other relatives that join them, so if we weren't there then it would just be her mum and dad for dinner. So then about 6pm we'd go do stuff with my family until the early hours, then back to my house for early morning birthday sex. Sucks having a birthday on the 26th December. Since we're no longer together i'll be having dinner with my family this year, thats something I'll definately miss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Thanks for sharing. My position is similar to your ex...when I'm not there, it is just mum, dad and grandma (parents are friends, but divorced) Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Sounds identical to my situtation, it was her mum, dad and grandma but her grandma is a bit senile and not much of a conversationist. I always told her that my goal was to make her happy, and if dinner at her parents house made her happy then thats what we'd do. I was willing to sacrafice that event with my family, though it was a good way to get in her parents good side. I'm not big on holidays so I didn't mind, though my other friends alternate it with their partners. Does your fiance have any siblings that go for dinner? If you mentioned it to him that your family is a little short on participants then he might be willing to go there for lunch, or maybe organise both familes to meet at your place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Very similar situations! My grandma is also quite senile, so doesnt talk much. Well, we spent last year with my family, and we will stay overnight at mum's xmas eve, so we'll be there in the morning. The reason we are going to see his family, is because his grandparents are getting old too, and they can't travel, so he is keen to see them for xmas, which i can understand... last year we didnt see them around xmas at all. he has a brother, who lives on the other side of the country, and a sister, who will be at their family lunch. My family understand, and it was mum who asked upfront if i'd be lunching with his family this year, as she thought it would be the right thing (turn about). I just do find it a bit hard. I am so traditional,and family orientated...and I suppose I do find change difficult. You sound like a supportive, understanding person. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 I think my ex took advantage of my kind nature, I'm generally quite laid back about most things. Though we did go out on a date on Friday so maybe I will end up with her family at Christmas, it would certainly be nice, her mum is a great cook. What about you going to your own families for christmas lunch and then one of your travelling to the other's for the evening? Its a bit late to suggest that this year but maybe next year? I think its something you'll just have to live with, maybe you need to start your own family to have christmas with Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 My in-laws finally solved the problem of whose family goes where by making Thanksgiving their big event. At Christmas, people went to their spouses' families or wherever and then at Thanksgiving, the entire family, plus spouses, gathered at their place. It was great - another reason to party during the year I've had so many different Christmases that I have no traditions left. I was thinking today that these traditions are nice one way, but nothing but trouble another. Unless you can create them just exactly so, people get upset. If you are left out or have nobody left to share your tradtions with, you feel terrible. I could be turning into a tradition Grinch Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 lol Merry! And lunch one place, and dinner another is a good suggestion...although sometimes can be tiring, one reason we've tended to avoid it. another option, is Boxing Day...but as a journalist I work public holidays, and will be working boxing day. ah well...i think we'll just have a big xmas eve feast with my family, open pressies and have some breakfast with them , and then head off to his family's place. Sukotto- perhaps a reunion for you and your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by Sukotto maybe you need to start your own family to have christmas with our families would LOVE that...but we aren't in a hurry Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 we'll just have a big xmas eve feast with my family, open pressies and have some breakfast with them , and then head off to his family's place. Ah! My rule of thumb: whenever you are able to choose 'all of the above', do so! Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 possibly a reunion, she decided that she made a huge mistake 3 months ago when we split. She was confused and thought she wanted someone new, she tried that and it only lasted a few weeks. The date on Friday went well and we've been chatting but I dont want to rush anything and screw up any chance that we have to reconcile. So tomorrow I'm off to London for work and maybe we'll get to do something on Friday when I get back. Lunch and Dinner on Christmas day? Would that then be followed by a half dozen indigestion tablets and a trip to the gym? Well the only holiday we really celebrate in Scotland with family are Christmas day and dinner on New Years day, though we have massive parties on hogmanay so everyone is usually too hung over in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
bebop Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by Thinkalot I have nearly always celebrated xmas a certain way. Most of my life, until recent years, it was with my small family, at home, with a set pattern of things we usually did (ie, open pressies after lunch, with a designated present-hander-out person). I love christmas, and all the traditions which go with it, and putting up lights, and having a seafood feast, and going to the beach. When I met my fiance, we needed to work out a way to see/suit both our families (who live about an hour apart). Suddenly christmas as I had known it for about 30 years was different. (in the past, with boyfriends, for one reason or another, they had joined our family table). I did not cope well at first. I mean, I was keen to suit people, but it didn't feel the same at xmas, and I felt a bit sad, even though I tried to get past that feeling. During the 3 1/2 years we've been together, I have learned to adjust and move with the times...lol! But, I still sometimes find it hard on the occassions we have xmas lunch with his family (we have started taking turns each year). I am trying to embrace the day, and change with a happy heart of course, as we are fortunate we have our families near us, and we are quite blessed to have good lives Plus, we will spend xmas eve with my family. I just wondered if anyone else went through these feelings, or am I just a hopeless sentimental victim of tradition? I also find it tough, because I am an only child in a tiny family, and they have a big gathering at their xmas, which can be a bit overwhelming. That's all- not a biggie, I just wondered if others could relate in any way? I have to say, enjoy it. I haven't had a ton of great Christmases, people I love tend to die on me around this time. And this year, my fiance has diasappeared just in time for the holidays. (see Almost Married thread, if you like) Just enjoy it, it all sounds wonderful to someone like me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 bebop, i read some of your other thread....sorry it must be a hard time for you ...i wish you happy christmas wishes Link to post Share on other sites
bebop Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Thank you, gee, just enjoy your holidays, it sounds as if you have a lot to appreciate, really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 I most certainly do. I certainly didn't mean to imply otherwise...I just wondered if anyone else clung to traditions as tightly as I do, and had trouble letting them go! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 I was in my mid 20s before I agreed not to spend every Xmas with my family, Thinkalot. Now they all come to me (apart from this year when everyone's abroad). Sukotto is right, procreation is the only solution Link to post Share on other sites
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