jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Last year my daughter's girlfriend and two kids moved in with my H and I and our two daughters. The girl was having financial problems, was separated from her H and needed a place to stay. She stayed with us for about a year. During the last 6 months or so of her stay, I noticed she started flirting with my H and he with her. She took to wearing revealing clothing and acting somewhat provacative around him. Even my daughters noticed and I at first thought I was imagining it but they verified my suspicions. The girl eventually reconciled with her H and she moved out. I don't think anything physical happened between them she and my H. During this past year, on the few occassions she has been around me and my H, I notice she stares intensely at him and sometimes makes unsettling comments. Such as... he used to put his hand on her belly while pregnant with her second child, why is he with me, etc... but it's mainly just the staring at him that bugs me. He and I have had HUGE fights over this and H makes a conscious effort to avoid her. But...about three months ago I was out of town and called him to talk. He said he was going by she and her hubby's house briefly. My instincts told me something not right. I gave him thirty minutes to get home. I called back and had my daughter call the girl's house on 3- way. He was still there and her H was at night school. She seemed all giggly on the phone and was unaware I was on the line. H got on the phone and I made a brief comment and hung up. He left almost immediately and went home. She had told my daughter he was staying for dinner. She and her H are again separated. I know she doesn't see my H very often and I don't think she calls him at work yet my gut tells me something not right. I think he has feelings for her but absolutely denies it. He knew how I felt about her and yet was going to stay for dinner. Am I in denial or blowing this out of proportion? Any input will be gratefully appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Sorry but I'm sure you know as well as anything that he probably KNEW that she was home alone...it's an affair in the making if it isn't already a full blown affair. What a f*cking whore...you invited her and her kids into your home and look how she repays you! SOOOOO typical. I say tell your husband if he continues to contact her your marriage is over...your "gut" is telling you what your head doesn't wanna comprehend...you have to know something (even if just a kiss) has probably happened! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Your probably right and thanks for your response. I don't think it's full blown but I do think if ever given the opportunity something could or would happen. It makes me on edge everytime we happen to see her or he's late from work ...etc... I hate feeling this way. She's like half his age . tramp. But he swears he has no feelings. He did admit way back when I confronted him he felt a sexual attraction to her. It seems to me he makes himself avoid her looks. Why have to make yourself not do something? Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 I think if she's flaunting her nasty stuff in front of someone old enough to be her father and MARRIED to her "friend's" mother....that say HUGE things about her charcter... I'm sorry but after reading so many "OW" posts on this site I really seriously wouldn't be suprised if you guys won't end up in the similar situation. You should NOT have to "wonder" every time he's late or if he's taking off from work or if she's coming to his job, ect...but sadly now that she planted that seed it's something that you're not going to be able to escape thinking about. Just be more loving, affectionate, compliment him often, make him feel young again, and do all you can do to keep her hooks out of him (do it with love not bitterness) even though I'm sure you're fuming! Romance and love the hell out of him and hope it works! Good luck sweety! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by jaida2004 Am I in denial or blowing this out of proportion? Any input will be gratefully appreciated. Ummm....from what you wrote I'd say there is enuf evidence to warrant a full investigation. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale Ummm....from what you wrote I'd say there is enuf evidence to warrant a full investigation. Exactly!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Thanks for th' guy 'perspective. How would I go about investigating? He has no cellphone, I can pretty much account for his whereabouts most of the time and she rarely calls here. The only thing I can thinks is she calls him at work( and I'd never know) or when they happen to see each other the attraction is there but not yet acted on. Any suggestions from your male point of view? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Thanks for the advice. You seem like a very sensible, straight-shooting gal. Will take your romance advice but I am fuming. Seething. And the tramp obviously has NO character. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by jaida2004 Thanks for th' guy 'perspective. How would I go about investigating? He has no cellphone, I can pretty much account for his whereabouts most of the time and she rarely calls here. The only thing I can thinks is she calls him at work( and I'd never know) or when they happen to see each other the attraction is there but not yet acted on. Any suggestions from your male point of view? just tell your hubby that you suspect something is going on, lay down the evidence, and then tell him to prove otherwise I'd also talk with her too Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Yeap tell the b*tch to hit the damn road or you'll kick her a$$!!! Hahaha I know I know maturity here, that you can't and shouldn't do...but really you need to tell her to leave your family alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 But I especially like Barby's last "suggestion". Seriously though. I have made it clear, I thought, that any fooling around with this girl would deal our marriage a deadly blow. He just isn't being truthful with me I believe. It makes me feel crazy sometimes but my instincts are insisting something is amiss. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Another mans perspective.. I had the neighbors wife making googlie eyes at me whenever there was a neighboorhood function.Both my wife and I noticed this.Once while at a party the woman approached me and commented how nice I looked.I thanked her and told her I would pass the pleasant comment to my wife, after that I never got even a word from her.Now three years latter the poor guy who WAS married to her is sufferring big time. Within a 3 week period his life is forever changed. This is a guy who worked shift work to pay for all the toys, while away guess who played??The house is sold and his children now live in another mans house, the affair apparantly was going on for over a year. Her new lover left his wife? What a lovely couple! This women is big trouble, I have a huge problem on why your husband has not stomped her down! Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Thanks for the feedback. I asked him months ago why he'd let this even begin and he didn't have a clear answer. I was thinking about this situation last night and I believe it's an affair waiting for the opportunity to happen. She hasn't let up in her behavior in almost a year and the sad part is...she has a young husband who loves her and thier children and she's constantly leaving him. Right now she's at a relatives house . She's left her H again. My H should have nipped this from day one. You handled your situation very maturely and responsibly. Which leads me to believe the attraction is mutual between my H and this girl. Just waiting for the chance to begin. It's very obvious that he is making himself keep his distance when she's around, in front of me, but I leave town and there he goes, to her house. And he did admit she's called him at work, once, for some lame reason.But only once he swears. Wonder how thier keeping this flame lit then? She has to sense something to keep this up for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Women like this are relentless. The women across the road kept going till she found a willing cheat and destroyed two families. It takes two willing parties to form an affair. How does one allow calls at work from someone that is clearly inappropriate??? It would seem, at the least, that your husband enjoys the extra affection. I hope he understands how hurtfull this is to you, and being married what the correct action is. I too went through something similiar with my wife(pursued by a married man). I solved my problem by explaining in no uncertain terms my feelings and what I expected from my spouse. If my spouse wanted something else I would not have stopped her but instead would have stepped away and got a divorce.I don't have time anymore for someone who doesn't understand what marriage means.\ I wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Faye04 Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 He is cheating! The attraction has been going on over a year? He is cheating. This is why the young lady is still around. Your Husband is giving her the reason to be. He is lying to you. He is having an affair. Until you have concrete evidence, he will continue lying and covering up until he is busted! Evidentually the truth will come out, he will mess up! And that's when you ACT! But now, he is innocent until proven guilty. Start wearing condomns, protect yourself. Continuing to accuse him without proof, will make him want this lady more and resent you. Men are funny that way! Link to post Share on other sites
heartburn Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 He is cheating! The attraction has been going on over a year? He is cheating. This is why the young lady is still around. Your Husband is giving her the reason to be. He is lying to you. He is having an affair. Until you have concrete evidence, he will continue lying and covering up until he is busted! Evidentually the truth will come out, he will mess up! And that's when you ACT! But now, he is innocent until proven guilty. Start wearing condomns, protect yourself. Continuing to accuse him without proof, will make him want this lady more and resent you. Men are funny that way! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 All your posts so far have been very helpful and opening my eyes a little. It's becoming clear H should say or do something to bring this to a halt, if he values the marriage. I don't feel I should talk to her, it'd probably just fire her up and make her feel smug. She's such a despicable person altogether anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaida2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Thanks for responding. Yeah...there's more here than meets the eye. I just can't prove it yet. I'll be investigating more somehow. There has to be some fire somewhere for all this smoke to keep burning. When I do catch them, hope I remember I'm a lady. Link to post Share on other sites
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