bmh Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 First of all Hello all i am new here...first time posting..thanks for reading..My Boyfriend and I are both single parents...I have a daughter (7) he has a son (6) My boyfriend has told me that in the past anytime he has mentioned to his son about going somewhere with him and his gf he throws a fit...the kicking screaming kind begging not to go..so of course my bf says "ok you don't have to" and ultimately causes a wedge between his relationships due to the fact he has his son every day he is off work so leaves little to no time for his gf...he has done this with every gf just simply refuses to meet them although he will go places with his mom and her beau...he managed to talk h into meeting me once..u could tell he was uncomfortable but he was very respectful and would talk to me... And my bf said he barely got him to come..I'm looking into insight as to what may be going on and any advice on how to make this easier for the both of them..is there anything I can do??? He has been divorced for roughly 3-4 years thanks in advanced Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 He's letting this kid run his life. If the son was 24, I'd say that guy can make his own decision about who he wants to meet in dad's life. At 6, pick the brat up & bring him along. If dad doesn't set boundaries now, why would you want to be around when this kid becomes a teenager? What a nightmare. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 How long have you dated this guy knowing the situation? Odd the man is incapable of hiring childcare. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bmh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Lol oh trust me I see it...I would like very much to tell him what he SHOULD do...we have only been seeing each other about a month..which is why I haven't told him "just bring him he will like it or love it" lol but his parents will sometimes keep him for a few hours but he has made the comment "oh he threw a fit when he went to bed and I wasn't there" my child is very well behaved..does what she's told without lip..very well mannered..lol idk how I'm gonna deal with this Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 A month into it and you have involved your child? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bmh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 We've known each other for years...my child has known him prior to dating..and has been around him before dating...she doesn't know any different...as far as she doesn't know we "are" dating..she just thinks he is a friend that comes to the house sometimes...as that's what he has always been up until now..like with friendly gatherings..bbq's, crawfish boils, etc etc Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Where was his son during all of these gatherings that your daughter attended? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bmh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 He never wanted to come so his dad didnt make him...which is why I am here on this thread lol his last gf was a prior school teacher of his sons...not while he was still in her class but he knew and liked her before but as soon as he realized he would see her outside of school he threw a temper tantrum as usual...all I'm really liking for is advice which I have yet to hear from anyone lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author bmh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 My last bf had a two year old and this wasnt an issue I just don't know that I'm cut out for it but its early enough I could end it without any awkwardness around our mutual friends I believe... Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Seems easy enough to date a man who hires childcare. Easy enough to allow him to handle his son. It's possible the child isn't normal developmentally. It's possible the boys's mom has issues transferred onto him. Attempts to blend a family before the commitment exists is futile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 GF's are interchangeable, Sons are not. He is doing right by easing his son into meeting or not meeting a current interest. Its possible that the boy has insecurities at this stage of his life where he doesn't want to share his fathers time. It does sound like the father is limited with how much time he does get to share with his son. I'd recommend respecting his parenting style just as he respects yours. Neither of you have a say in how to raise the others. Its best to draw that line now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bmh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Thanks...I just want it to be as easiest and stress free as possible (virtually impossible I know) I'm just really at a loss as to help his son be comfortable if and when he is around.. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I don't think kids thrive when they have a revolving door of 'mother figures' coming in and out of their lives. If I were a single parent, I would not dream of allowing my child to meet my boyfriend unless marriage was seriously discussed and currently on the table. Sounds like the son is the only sensible one here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 This is strange to me. I wonder what he and his mother (assuming she is in the picture) say to the boy about his father dating. Because it's pretty easy to frame a situation in a way for a 6 year old to get on board with it. Don't even have to say anything about "dating" or "girlfriend"... just "this is my friend BMH". They have to be putting something in the boy's head in order to make him anxious about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bmh Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 I'm not sure...like I said he has no problem meeting his moms bf's or going places with them..talks about it openly with his dad....I have not pushed the issue meeting him...it's always been my bf that wants to bring him around..idk I offered last night to wait longer until we were sure the relationship would thrive as it is mighty early...thanks for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 I would run like my ass was on fire. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 Well, it's quite simple. He's acting up and refusing to see you because he can. If children are given this kind of attention, they learn that it's ok to dictate to their parents, because the parents are giving them the power to do so. If your boyfriend said "tough, you're going", the kid would soon not even bother to make a fuss and just have fun. Because it's not a real distress or objection. He meets his mothers partner, probably because she refused to put up with his objections. As someone said, you're just meeting as friends - going out, having fun with all the kids. There is nothing going on here that has grounds for any real objections. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 I don't think all the assumptions that the kid is nothing more than a "brat" are fair - we really don't know the situation. It may also just be that this man is only saying that the kid refuses, so as not to potentially hurt your feelings by telling you that he does not want to introduce his child to you this early on. I bet when you said that you should hold off until you're sure of each other, he agreed quite quickly? Either way, it is wise not to entangle children in fledgling relationships. Stability is super important, and even more so in the early years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 It's pretty obvious the kid has been over-indulged by his parents for years...OP, your love interest SUCKS as a parent and he's clearly raising a future juvenile delinquent. Nothing but snap judgements and (extreme) predictions of a child's future based on incredibly limited information. Future juvenile delinquent? Sucks as a parent? All stated so definitively too. Oh my. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 I don't get why everyone acts as though introducting a new friend to their kid is somehow going to "scar" them for life. Lordy, the drama. Who said that? I must have missed that post. As a child who was introduced to MULTIPLE 'Daddy of the weeks' growing up, I merely pointed out that it SUCKS, as a child, to get attached to someone...only for Mommy to break up with him 2 months later and you never see him again. I see no point in bringing a parental figure into a child's life unless you are SURE they are sticking around for the long haul. Otherwise, you are just playing with the emotions of your kid. A kid won't understand why 'Marie' never visits anymore. All he's know is that she's gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 History does repeat itself. Sad that we have some folks here thnking children are to be seen and not heard. God Bless the few who respect a childs perspective and understands that when the time comes...the child will be ready. Its not a "manipulative" decision by the child. He is cautious. HUGE difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bmh Posted November 10, 2013 Author Share Posted November 10, 2013 Pahahahaha the run like your ass is on fire really made me laugh out loud....that's why I came here..to see it a way I have apparently been ignoring...thanks for the input.. Link to post Share on other sites
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