Lovehurts78 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Hi all!! I am new to this site, and I am in desperate need of some advice since I really don't have anyone that I can confide in about my situation. Last year I separated from my husband and met a guy who I instantly connected with. He was in the middle of a divorce with three kids. We hung out a few times and then had sex. The best sex I've ever had in my life and he thought the same. We saw each other once or twice a week for 18 months and counting. We really didn't talk about our feelings too much because we had so much fun together. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life when I'm around him. My divorce was finalized about 1 month ago and his 8 months ago. He told me he wanted to start seeing other people when his divorce was final and date and I completely understood, but none of his dates lasted over a week. He told me that nobody compared to me so we continued our weekly visits. I decided a few months ago that we needed to talk because I was developing strong feelings. I have a pretty good gut feeling about everything and I assumed he felt the same way I did. I asked him if it was just about sex and he said it was a lot more than that and that he had feelings and really cared about me, which made me feel so much better. Lately though, I feel like he's been slacking off. It seems like I have to initiate conversations now. We basically see each other every other week now instead of once a week. Right before him slacking off, we spent three amazing nights together where we were a lot more affectionate than usual. I confronted him about it and he said that he was getting too close to me. So I was so frustrated that we have been arguing a lot. I told him I couldn't do this anymore because I didn't know where I stood. He took it very hard and then he started acting better. But he has completely stopped complimenting me, making me feel special, etc. he is the toughest code to crack. The other night I told him I missed him. I just got an "aw". Something is not right. I know through mutual friends that he's not seeing anybody. I'm falling so hard for this man. Am I just being completely blinded by love or do you think it's more? Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Getting into any kind of emotional relationship so soon after the end of your marriages is a bad idea. Why? Because you need time to figure yourself out...what led to the divorce other than surface stuff. You need to re-evaluate who you are as a person, what are your goals, your dreams, what things do you want to change or start over with? Rebound people are never good partners because you are just transferring all your despair and loneliness after the divorce onto the other person. Stop FWB and work on yourself. Otherwise you will just be repeating the mistakes that led to your divorce and attracting the same kind of man as your ex-H. You may think a year is enough, but if you were already seeing each other casually for 18 months, then you haven't healed at all without the expectation of this new man sweeping you off your feet in some way. Best, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 You've both got out of marriages and need to find yourselves and what you are really looking for in life. Getting into a relationship at this point is probably something you both need but at the same time is problematic. You are attached to him and would probably like him to commit to you, but he is still back in the 'I haven't sowed my wild oats after marriage' stage. It doesn't mean he won't end up with you one day, but it does mean that if you try to hang on to him and get a commitment now, he'll back off and perhaps opt out. You can either wait around and hang onto the brief visits you do get, or let it all rest and involve yourself with other people and places. Releasing him from any emotional pressure and giving him lots of space will give him chance to miss you. I think in your position, I would be backing off myself - I wouldn't like his reluctance at all and would feel demeaned by that. I'd back off, meet other people, and if he wanted me back he'd have to work damned hard for it. Link to post Share on other sites
BornToDie Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Thanks for sharing Since you both just got out of marriages, sounds to me like he just isn't ready to commit right now. As hard as that is to hear, there isn't much you can do to change it until he's ready. With that said, it's still not a good idea to wait around if that day may not ever come. As much as it's going to hurt, you need to distance yourself from him and keep yourself busy.. Focus on yourself right now, and the rest should fall into place. It seems that he does care about you, and if he's not seeing anyone else, then giving him a little space should make him miss you and wonder what you're doing. I know how rough it is to back off from someone you're crazy over, but in the end, it's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 If you are going to have this FWB, then you can't develop feelings. The premise of FWB is sex. You shouldn't even be discussing feelings because there is no commitment, no boundaries and you are free to date other people. You would never do this to someone you truly cared about. You need to start over and find a healthy relationship. FWB never ends well. You either want a relationship or you don't. FWB is the murky toxic area where people get mixed up and hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
pamela-bonn Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Une boutique de costume sur mesure à Lausanne Sur-mesure Homme femme,Enfant - Sur mesure Homme Femme Link to post Share on other sites
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