Should I deactivate my Facebook account to refocus on my life?

[what_a_blonde]

This is somewhat embarrassing to admit, but I've fallen victim to the trap of Facebook. In particular, to a man who is my "friend" however he's played me for a fool. Yet I keep going back to him.

 

Everytime I think I'm at the breaking point and want to tell him how I feel and tell him I'm done then delete him from Facebook so maybe my life will be better (and I don't have to see him or his name or be tempted to "stalk" his profile, and so he will get the hint that I've truly had enough), he ends up texting me. And its usually something that makes me completely forget why I was angry. Then we end up meeting up, being intimate, and then I beat myself up for letting it go so far again. Because as usual... I realize afterward that I'm just the booty call in his eyes. No matter how hard I try.

 

Ever since the first time he made a move on me and I fell for it, its like he's stopped trying because he realized I really like him... and he constantly lets me come to him. I have no problem going to him and letting him know he's what I want, and initiating a lot of the contact, however at this point its making me feel sooo stupid because its like he knows I'll eventually text him if he waits long enough.

 

Some people might ask why I don't just delete him... however he and I are colleagues and have quite a few mutual FB friends from work. Some of the nosy ones have already asked "Weren't you and ----- really good friends?" because they noticed we don't hang out as much as before. So I'm really worried that if delete just him, it might make it seem like :

 

1) I'm causing drama and being petty in his eyes by "deleting" him

2) It might cause workplace gossip

 

So all of this unnecessary drama over the past few months with him has caused me to feel like I need to deactivate my FB account completely to get my life back on track... stop even thinking about him.. then when I'm ready to come back I will finally have the guts to delete him.

 

I'm just not sure what to do... I have a ton of close friends and family on there too that if I deactivate I don't want them to worry. Has anyone deactivated temporarily and how did it go? Or do you have advice for what I should do? I'm wondering if getting rid of FB or him on FB might help me completely get rid of him from my life a lot easier?

 

Thank you!

[MidwestUSA]

You want to deactivate your account so that you can come back and "finally have the guts to delete him"? Did I read that right? It's like saying you're going no contact so that you can make contact again later to have the last word.

 

Do you see what you're doing here? Facebook may or may not be your problem. Viewing yourself as a booty call certainly is. Delete him from FB, don't text him, and don't answer his texts. He's got you right where he wants you, this stuff has been going on well prior to the existence of Facebook. And he knows it, if you're worrying about what he'll think of you deleting him. Deleting him will cause workplace gossip, but being a booty call won't? Find your dignity!

[what_a_blonde]

You want to deactivate your account so that you can come back and "finally have the guts to delete him"? Did I read that right? It's like saying you're going no contact so that you can make contact again later to have the last word.

 

Do you see what you're doing here? Facebook may or may not be your problem. Viewing yourself as a booty call certainly is. Delete him from FB, don't text him, and don't answer his texts. He's got you right where he wants you, this stuff has been going on well prior to the existence of Facebook. And he knows it, if you're worrying about what he'll think of you deleting him. Deleting him will cause workplace gossip, but being a booty call won't? Find your dignity!

 

Thanks, I probably needed to hear that.

 

I keep holding on to this false hope that he is going to realize what he's doing and begin treating me how I deserve to be treated. However whats most important is that I obviously need to start treating myself with the respect I deserve, and just stop wanting to be around him period.

[ForeverHopeful1]

It was the best thing I have ever done! Lol. I vote for you to deactivate your account.

[MidwestUSA]

Thanks, I probably needed to hear that.

 

I keep holding on to this false hope that he is going to realize what he's doing and begin treating me how I deserve to be treated. However whats most important is that I obviously need to start treating myself with the respect I deserve, and just stop wanting to be around him period.

 

NOW you're talkin'! Go forth and conquer!

[what_a_blonde]

[/indent]

NOW you're talkin'! Go forth and conquer!

 

 

Ah, yes... moving forward! That's a whole other can 'o worms. I think I'll start a new thread for that.

 

Hopefully I'm not overdoing it for my first day on the forums.. haha. But this is actually a very helpful site I'm finding.

[MidwestUSA]

Glad you found help! One hint, you'll find more traffic here during the week.

 

Reading and replying to others will also help you with your own troubles, and this is a great place just for venting. Welcome to LS!

[AnyaNova]

My modest advice, would be to give this guy NC completely, heal, and find someone who will give you the full respect of relationship that you deserve.

[what_a_blonde]

My modest advice, would be to give this guy NC completely, heal, and find someone who will give you the full respect of relationship that you deserve.

 

Thank you, its so very hard to do... especially when somehow I've found myself in this pattern of self-destruction (from an emotional perspective).

 

Which is so crazy too, because prior to him I was very confident in myself, set on my values and beliefs, etc., but just something about him made me sway too far off the narrow path I used to follow.. and now I just can't seem to get back on it.

[whichwayisup]

This is somewhat embarrassing to admit, but I've fallen victim to the trap of Facebook. In particular, to a man who is my "friend" however he's played me for a fool. Yet I keep going back to him.

How long have you two been going out/dating? He isn't your 'friend' if he is using you and playing you for a fool. He doesn't respect you because you give in and he gets his way. This is a total cat and mouse game. Just stop playing! No matter how he makes you feel, how good he is in bed, no matter how attracted you are to him, he is POISON and toxic to you, he's making you feel bad. No real 'friend' or someone who genuinally cares about you would do as he is doing to you.

 

Everytime I think I'm at the breaking point and want to tell him how I feel and tell him I'm done then delete him from Facebook so maybe my life will be better (and I don't have to see him or his name or be tempted to "stalk" his profile, and so he will get the hint that I've truly had enough), he ends up texting me. And its usually something that makes me completely forget why I was angry. Then we end up meeting up, being intimate, and then I beat myself up for letting it go so far again. Because as usual... I realize afterward that I'm just the booty call in his eyes. No matter how hard I try.

 

Just say no. And DO delete him. Block him as well so you won't stalk his page.

 

Ever since the first time he made a move on me and I fell for it, its like he's stopped trying because he realized I really like him... and he constantly lets me come to him. I have no problem going to him and letting him know he's what I want, and initiating a lot of the contact, however at this point its making me feel sooo stupid because its like he knows I'll eventually text him if he waits long enough.

 

May I ask how old you and he are? Just wondering if he is older.

 

Some people might ask why I don't just delete him... however he and I are colleagues and have quite a few mutual FB friends from work. Some of the nosy ones have already asked "Weren't you and ----- really good friends?" because they noticed we don't hang out as much as before. So I'm really worried that if delete just him, it might make it seem like :

 

1) I'm causing drama and being petty in his eyes by "deleting" him

2) It might cause workplace gossip

People are going to gossip, you can't control that. Besides, who cares what they say. When they ask, just laugh it off and say boy you all have too much time on your hands to pay close attention to who I hang out with. Or just tell it's none of their business. Or ignore it completely. They are gonna think whatever and don't care to really know the truth because they are only after gossip.

 

I say delete him and forget what others are saying. Hide your friends list so only you can see it, this way they won't be able to see who is on your list.

So all of this unnecessary drama over the past few months with him has caused me to feel like I need to deactivate my FB account completely to get my life back on track... stop even thinking about him.. then when I'm ready to come back I will finally have the guts to delete him.

 

Open a new account with a new name and only add those who are your closest friends and family, not co workers who are interested in gossip and being nosy.

 

Oh and make sure to block him if you choose to open another account.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks, I probably needed to hear that.

 

I keep holding on to this false hope that he is going to realize what he's doing and begin treating me how I deserve to be treated. However whats most important is that I obviously need to start treating myself with the respect I deserve, and just stop wanting to be around him period.

 

Sweetie, this man is a bit of a narcissist and if you disappear out of his life he isn't going to chase you. He will come looking for you but just to see if he can manipulate you again and get you in bed. He's got issues, he's probably had a crappy childhood and bad relationships or something, because how he is treating you is NOT COOL. he knows this and doesn't care. Men like that are not worth your tears, though I'm sure this is upsetting. You are wonderful, kind, and beautiful. HIS LOSS. Don't let this ruin your self esteem.

 

Yes respect yourself by ending it and staying away from him. He is not good for you.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you, its so very hard to do... especially when somehow I've found myself in this pattern of self-destruction (from an emotional perspective).

 

Which is so crazy too, because prior to him I was very confident in myself, set on my values and beliefs, etc., but just something about him made me sway too far off the narrow path I used to follow.. and now I just can't seem to get back on it.

 

It's the power you allowed him to have over you. You gave him your heart and he stomped on it. What a shi.t he is!!

 

Check out some sites like baggage reclaim, there are many articles on there that you'll find helpful. Also google "how a broken heart mends herself" (site is mindful construct) and that will help you let go and grieve this loss. I recommend this to anybody who is suffering a loss, whether it be a break up, a death, end of a friendship or any type of real loss that makes one heart hurt.

 

As time goes on, with NC you'll feel better and better.

[what_a_blonde]

@whichwayisup-

 

Thanks for your very insightful posts. To answer your questions... 1. We have been intimate for about 4 months now, I've been aware of his interest as more than a friend (when he made a move on me) for about a year, and we've known each other about 2.5 years now. Prior to all this he seemed like a great friend to me. Then - BAM! He makes a move on me... All downhill from there (for me).

 

2. I'm in my late-mid 20s. Hopefully my situation doesn't sound like that of a teen.

[whichwayisup]

Kind of makes you question the whole friendship, doesn't it? Like he was waiting to make a move on you..

 

So he is in his 20's as well?

 

Glad to help. And no, it doesn't make you sound like a teen. I just hate reading about these type of guys who seem so sincere, respectful and nice, seem like a good guy only to change into a jerk once they get down a woman's pants (sorry to put it bluntly) and act disrespectful and cruel.

[what_a_blonde]

Kind of makes you question the whole friendship, doesn't it? Like he was waiting to make a move on you..

 

So he is in his 20's as well?

 

Glad to help. And no, it doesn't make you sound like a teen. I just hate reading about these type of guys who seem so sincere, respectful and nice, seem like a good guy only to change into a jerk once they get down a woman's pants (sorry to put it bluntly) and act disrespectful and cruel.

 

It really, truly does! There are some things he told me in the past that I'm starting to realize were to reel me in! And I just thought he was this nice, likable guy from work who would never do something like that. I trusted everything he said because we had an established working relationship/friendship for over a year but turns out he obviously had an agenda for me from the start.

[whichwayisup]

It really, truly does! There are some things he told me in the past that I'm starting to realize were to reel me in! And I just thought he was this nice, likable guy from work who would never do something like that. I trusted everything he said because we had an established working relationship/friendship for over a year but turns out he obviously had an agenda for me from the start.

 

Focus on the negatives in him, that will help get over him. He isn't who you though he was, or he projected/pretended to be.

[mea_M]

It really, truly does! There are some things he told me in the past that I'm starting to realize were to reel me in! And I just thought he was this nice, likable guy from work who would never do something like that. I trusted everything he said because we had an established working relationship/friendship for over a year but turns out he obviously had an agenda for me from the start.

 

It's great that you recognize his hidden agenda. It's entirely up to you as to if deleting your account will be of any help. I'd say if you enjoy the site in general and he's your main obstacle on it, just delete and block him. Problem solved as long as other forms of communication are halted too. Good luck. I see FB as the devil for many reasons. Lol.

 

Mea :-)

[what_a_blonde]

It's great that you recognize his hidden agenda. It's entirely up to you as to if deleting your account will be of any help. I'd say if you enjoy the site in general and he's your main obstacle on it, just delete and block him. Problem solved as long as other forms of communication are halted too. Good luck. I see FB as the devil for many reasons. Lol.

 

Mea :-)

 

Deleting him is much harder than I thought it would be for many reasons, so I've set a date. End of this week. I'm going to do it and not look back.

 

I realized that me wanting to completely delete my FB was because of HIM.. so why not remove HIM altogether?! I have friends and family on there who I keep in touch with and enjoy staying connected with (since we live all over the country)... I can't believe HE has caused me to consider such a drastic measure when truth is... deleting HIM out of my life is probably the right answer.

[MidwestUSA]

Um, NOW you're talkin', LOL!

 

So, why wait til the end of the week?

[mea_M]

Deleting him is much harder than I thought it would be for many reasons, so I've set a date. End of this week. I'm going to do it and not look back.

 

I realized that me wanting to completely delete my FB was because of HIM.. so why not remove HIM altogether?! I have friends and family on there who I keep in touch with and enjoy staying connected with (since we live all over the country)... I can't believe HE has caused me to consider such a drastic measure when truth is... deleting HIM out of my life is probably the right answer.

 

I'm so glad you've come to this conclusion. Often enough, out of sight out of mind. You go girl. My best to you.

 

Mea :-)

[me85]

Hi. Yes you should delete. NOW. I hesitated deleting my ex then he deleted AND blocked me. So do it now so you have the power! lol JK But seriously you should. I'm thankful my ex spared me from seeing how he is moving on in his life because he immediately started liking another girl's profile pictures afterwards. OUCH. Once he knew that I found that out he then blocked me. I was just a toy after 2 years and a ring. He is such a selfish jerk who just wants to be a player. I loved him more that anyone ever has loved him (besides his family of course. lol) If I would have remained strong and spared myself I would not feel like such an idiot like I do now. But I felt the same way as you, I did not want to be petty and childish. I also didn't want him to think I was hiding anything from him. My ex has no regrets.

Don't let this keep weighing on your heart and mind.

Stay strong.

Delete & block him.

[what_a_blonde]

Thanks me85, and actually I went ahead and did it last night.

 

I'm 2nd guessing the decision because he was being really nice/neutral when I was texting him last night... And I finally decided to just tell him we don't belong in each others lives. I didn't tell him "I'm deleting you!", I just told him that this was hard on me, he keeps saying he only wanted to be friends to start and that he was clear, but he really didn't tell me til after my heart was involved and he had fed me some lines. He even apologized last night if he hurt my feelings in any way. It was a surprisingly genuine sounding apology too.

 

So now I feel like the crazy delusional one, who is running rampant doing petty things like deleting him from FB.

 

Oh well, I was, and AM, hurt. I didn't delete him to "stick it to him" or anything. I didn't it to help myself heal and move on from something that will never be. But again, when I told him we don't belong in each others lives now or as far as I can see forward, he said "I don't like that, but it sounds like you made up your mind." So he made it sound like he doesn't want me out of his life as a friend, which being the overcaring person I am makes me a little sad that I jumped the gun. However another poster in my other thread made a good point, he prob is just trying to keep me around for his selfish needs by feeding me these lines.

 

Anyway... Thanks for listening to me vent! It's so helpful to hear from people right now.

Edited November 12, 2013 by what_a_blonde

[what_a_blonde]

Um, NOW you're talkin', LOL!

 

So, why wait til the end of the week?

 

Haha, well looks like you influenced me with this comment a little more than I thought

[whichwayisup]

No no no, see what he's doing? A skilled manipulator now has softened and is being nicer to you. DO NOT BE FOOLED by one night of 'nice' texting. He is the devil in disguise! This is how you must view him. Think long term, this is what is best for you.

[MidwestUSA]

Haha, well looks like you influenced me with this comment a little more than I thought

 

LOL, good! Maybe it will also help to know that I'm stalking you here, mwuhahahahaha!