Single and Bitter...can anyone help?

[sunnie23]

I haven't been around the shack in a very long time, I must apologize as it's not due to the advice I was receiving, which always helped on so many levels, but rather because I've been single for more than a year now.

 

My last relationship lasted a year and ended horribly, I was panicking a lot and very uncomfortable. I ended up ending it in Oct. '03 because I wasn't happy with the way things were, after a year my bf liked me about as much as a mosquito bite.

 

Anyway after that it seemed I couldn't catch a break. I was in an accident which left me with a broken arm, I started gaining weight due to some medication I was taking, I flunked my last semester of university because I had missed so many classes from the accident, and not working led to the bills piling up.

 

I'm usually very athletic and now I'm about 30 lbs overweight. My self esteem is shot and although I am dieting and excersizing regularly, it just doesn't seem to want to shed.

 

Needless to say, I don't feel as attractive as I used to, by any means. I don't think anyone could possibly be attracted to me. I have been on three dates all year, all of which sucked and left me knowing I had lowered my standards to go out with these guys.

 

So now I'm lonely, single and I can feel the bitterness creeping in. I'm only 24 but already feel like a Bridget Jones...desperate and searching.

 

I need help! I want so badly to go back in time to before the accident when I was myself. I'm so miserable Ijust on't know what to do, or how to change it.

[zara]

Hi - if you ask me, Bridget Jones has it cushy! Two eligible men fighting over her doesn't seem too bad a prospect to me!

 

I think the main issue here is your self esteem. You say that you diet and exercise but it seems to have no effect. Maybe you should get some help with these things. Most people diet on their own and this is by far the most difficult way to do it, join a slimming club or see if you can rope a friend in to join you - that way you will develop a healthy eating plan and be far more likely to stick to it. It's also worth joining a gym and booking a few sessions with a personal trainer - i know that when i exercise on my own it's never as good as when i have a trainer - the results really show becasue you have the discipline and motivation of someone urging you on.

 

As for the disasterous dates, well, i can't help you there but rest assured you're by no means alone! I have a few years on you in age and i've been on more disasterous dates than you could shake a stick at! I can't decide whether it's tragic or comic! Honestly, the last one was with my friends brother-in-law who'd met me once and decided he was in love with me. I couldn't even remember what this guy looks like! I went for a drink with him and the next thing i know he's sending me texts saying "i love you forever, you know that" Eek! But that is a typical example of my non existent love life. Truly, i fear i shall become lonely old cat woman. Without the cats.

 

-But enough of my disasters. I go through moments of disgusting self pity, but heck, if i can't indulge myself what point is life?! The truth is that i know i'm great, it's just the rest of the world's failure to notice that frustrates me! If you get out a bit more - diet club, the gym, get yourself a wider social circle you'll soon forget all about the lack of romance in your life and that is when it will just take you by surprise. Welll, ookay, it might not, but you'll be too busy to care!

 

Chin up!

[tattoomytoe]

Bitterness will more than likely Keep your Single!

 

Get over the pity-party and get off your @ss and get in shape for your health, to feel better...it does wonders!

 

when you feel good it exudes from your pores and others pick up on all that positive energy!

[gridiron]

First of all, don't scrape the bottom of the barrel just so you can go on some dates. That has furthered the lowering of your self-esteem. Second of all, you need to set some realistic goals as far as getting back in shape and getting back on firm ground financially and with school. Don't pressure yourself to do it all at once, it won't happen overnight, just make sure you make steady progress toward your goals. Don't even worry about how to get dates right now.

 

As far as losing weight, it's all about the metabolism. I don't know what your diet and workouts consist of right now. I would start out making sure you get some aerobic exercise 3-4 times a week, which will speed up your metabolism. As far as diet goes, I have had success with frequent small healthy meals, five to six a day, or eating a meal once every three hours or so. This gets your body into the habit of burning calories all the time. If you are still not making progress, I would suggest getting on a light weight training schedule at a gym, 3-4 times a week. Lean muscle mass helps burn fat and calories. You can do cardio and weight training in the same trips to the gym, so you are still ony going every other day. Eventually, your metabolism will be a fat burning furnace. The detailed plan I use is in Larry North's book "Living Lean" and can be found on Amazon for about ten bucks. It really works if you are committed to it.

 

As far as the cardio goes, I really push the benefits of walking to everyone I talk to. It is easy, you don't necessarily need to speed walk to see benefits, just make sure it is brisk enough where you feel like you are catching your breath if you stop or slow down. And it gives you time to clear your head and plan the next day or next week. And if you go to a park that is used by a lot of people, you may get some motivation by seeing guys that you wouldn't mind becoming a workout buddy with.

 

Once you start seeing some results, it will help your self-esteem. Don't think about where you are right now, or where you were before, as you will just be sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Think about what you can do today and where you will soon be, back in the dating game, picking and choosing who you want to go out with and who you want to reject. Keep your head up, it will get better soon.