Avoidant Personality Disorder

[AnyaNova]

Have any of you dealt with this?

 

Know what the treatment is or how you conquer this?

 

In reading another thread and following the link given to another poster, I discovered that I have this (I am sure of this) and it has been hindering me for years.

 

Even worse, when I look for traits that seem "safe" to me in partners, I look for people, essentially, with this same thing.

 

What is "the way out?"

 

How do I get rid of this?

[carhill]

Have any of you dealt with this?

 

There was a time in life when I suspected a condition similar to this (wasn't in the DSM back then) but professional counseling disproved that suspicion.

 

Know what the treatment is or how you conquer this?

 

IMO, first is getting a professional clinical diagnosis, which is far different from 'knowing I have it' and then, if afflicted, engaging in appropriate medical and/or psychological treatments.

 

In reading another thread and following the link given to another poster, I discovered that I have this (I am sure of this) and it has been hindering me for years.

 

It's possible that you have aspects of the disorder but not to a level which define it, but to you they are serious and debilitating. This is similar to feeling symptoms of a medical condition; in both cases, people with skills and experience in diagnosing are the next step in the process, then work the results.

 

Even worse, when I look for traits that seem "safe" to me in partners, I look for people, essentially, with this same thing.

 

Sounds normal, in that we often seek those whose personalities we mesh well with. As you go through the process of diagnosis and treatment, you may note changes in the type of personalities you seek out. That's good information on the process.

 

How do I get rid of this?

 

IMO, it's not so much 'getting rid of it', but rather finding a different way of processing it. That could mean brain meds, or therapy, or immersion, or a combination of processes. Each situation is individual.

[AnyaNova]

Just do the sh*t that you're avoiding.

 

Damn, people over-complicate things.

 

I am not sure if that post could have been crafted to be less helpful. We are talking about something deep and systemic. Bootstraps are not an issue here because f I could have pulled myself up with them out of this I would have already!!!

 

Obviously therapy is needed here, but please. Just because this isn't your issue, or maye you "got yourself over it " does not mean the rest of us are as singularly gifted as you are.

 

Perhaps you could actually discuss how you did so, if indeed you did so, instead of saying something like you did.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Just do the sh*t that you're avoiding.

 

Damn, people over-complicate things.

 

 

People like you who don't understand, why are you giving advice? Do you even know what a disorder is?

 

Anya, I think the treatment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

 

For Borderline the treatment is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which includes CBT.

[AnyaNova]

Yes. This is obvious. Have an appointment on Tuesday.

 

 

It's possible that you have aspects of the disorder but not to a level which define it, but to you they are serious and debilitating. This is similar to feeling symptoms of a medical condition; in both cases, people with skills and experience in diagnosing are the next step in the process, then work the results

 

I am very sure I have the cup blown condition, but I will leave the ultimate decision to one qualified to diagnose.

 

Sounds normal, in that we often seek those whose personalities we mesh well with. As you go through the process of diagnosis and treatment, you may note changes in the type of personalities you seek out. That's good information on the process.

 

That is good to hear.

 

 

 

IMO, it's not so much 'getting rid of it', but rather finding a different way of processing it. That could mean brain meds, or therapy, or immersion, or a combination of processes. Each situation is individual.

 

Surely there is a way to work trough it and restore the fundamental trust in people necessary for normal interaction?

[AnyaNova]

People like you who don't understand, why are you giving advice? Do you even know what a disorder is?

 

Anya, I think the treatment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

 

For Borderline the treatment is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which includes CBT.

 

Thank you for this! What kind of things can I start doing now while I wait for my appointment?

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Thank you for this! What kind of things can I start doing now while I wait for my appointment?

 

 

I don't know, really.

 

What helped me was trying to find the true motivation behind every feeling I had. Was I blaming the right things.. was there anything really to blame... what patterns do I fall into... is my behavior disrespectful...

[Mario79]

I used to think I had AvPD. The CBT is the way to go. But working on it on your own means doing the things that scare you the most. Really moving out of your comfort zone. You more than likely know what those things are.

 

I was on meds because of high anxiety that social interactions caused me, I was on venfalaxine, I think thats how you write it. And even CBT requires you practice things daily, and sometimes it feels like you made no progress when confronted with a specific situation. But you sometimes dont realize the amount of progress youve made as well.

 

If you can work on improving your self esteem, cause I think that is at the core of AvPD.

[M30USA]

Is Avoidant Personality Disorder the same as being a hermit or close to a hermit?

[Mario79]

Is Avoidant Personality Disorder the same as being a hermit or close to a hermit?

 

No, Hermits choose exile, people with AvPD long to social interactions but they cause them stress so new relationships are hard to come by, but the connections they have they keep and cherish like diamonds.

[KathyM]

I have a client who has APD. The treatment generally involves a combination of medication (usually an SSRI antidepressant) combined with CBT. CBT will involve identifying your fears and insecurities, identifying the cognitive distortions involved, and reframing your thoughts to more healthy, less distorted ones. The behavioral side of therapy will involve gradually exposing you to greater and greater levels of social interaction until the fear you are experiencing is reduced. By facing your fear in gradual amounts, you learn to tolerate it, and your anxiety will be reduced as you expose yourself to what you fear. Your body cannot remain in a fearful state long term. When it is exposed to fear-producing situations, your anxiety will elevate, but then be reduced as you adjust to the situation. By avoiding the fear-producing situation, you are actually reinforcing the fear and anxiety, because your body is rewarded by lowered stress from avoiding the feared situation. You need to break that cycle of avoidance and face your fears in order to have your fears reduced. This is to be done gradually. So in other words, there would likely be a three-pronged approach to treatment: medication, cognitive therapy to challenge distorted thinking patterns which are contributing to your anxiety and avoidance, and behavioral therapy to gradually expose you to the anxiety-producing situations where you learn to tolerate the anxiety which will cause it to be reduced.

[AnyaNova]

No, Hermits choose exile, people with AvPD long to social interactions but they cause them stress so new relationships are hard to come by, but the connections they have they keep and cherish like diamonds.

 

This might be the absolute best short description/summary of AvPD that I have read so far

[AnyaNova]

I have a client who has APD. The treatment generally involves a combination of medication (usually an SSRI antidepressant) combined with CBT. CBT will involve identifying your fears and insecurities, identifying the cognitive distortions involved, and reframing your thoughts to more healthy, less distorted ones. The behavioral side of therapy will involve gradually exposing you to greater and greater levels of social interaction until the fear you are experiencing is reduced. By facing your fear in gradual amounts, you learn to tolerate it, and your anxiety will be reduced as you expose yourself to what you fear. Your body cannot remain in a fearful state long term. When it is exposed to fear-producing situations, your anxiety will elevate, but then be reduced as you adjust to the situation. By avoiding the fear-producing situation, you are actually reinforcing the fear and anxiety, because your body is rewarded by lowered stress from avoiding the feared situation. You need to break that cycle of avoidance and face your fears in order to have your fears reduced. This is to be done gradually. So in other words, there would likely be a three-pronged approach to treatment: medication, cognitive therapy to challenge distorted thinking patterns which are contributing to your anxiety and avoidance, and behavioral therapy to gradually expose you to the anxiety-producing situations where you learn to tolerate the anxiety which will cause it to be reduced.

 

Thank you for this in-depth post.

 

Also, what can I do, ever since I read the description realized I had it (I mean, yes, I will take this to my therapist for an official diagnosis, but I KNOW that I have this), I have been really messed up about it, I mean, I am basically just making it from class to class and appointment to appointment, and then come home and cry. How can I speed up this stupid emergency phase of dealing with the very fact of having it and the impact its had? I feel like I am about 12 years old inside.

[KathyM]

Thank you for this in-depth post.

 

Also, what can I do, ever since I read the description realized I had it (I mean, yes, I will take this to my therapist for an official diagnosis, but I KNOW that I have this), I have been really messed up about it, I mean, I am basically just making it from class to class and appointment to appointment, and then come home and cry. How can I speed up this stupid emergency phase of dealing with the very fact of having it and the impact its had? I feel like I am about 12 years old inside.

It may help you to realize that many people have social anxiety, and that it is sometimes accompanied by APD. It may help to realize that there is help through therapy and medication. It may help to tell yourself on a frequent daily basis all the good things about you that make you a special person. All your strengths and good qualities. And keep repeating that positive self talk on a daily basis. It may help, when you are in a social situation and feeling some anxiety, to give yourself some self soothing talk, such as "Relax", followed by an affirming statement, such as "I am doing well in the class." Your therapist will likely also teach you relaxation techniques to help you to relax during the anxiety-provoking social situations.

[FitChick]

It may help to tell yourself on a frequent daily basis all the good things about you that make you a special person. All your strengths and good qualities. And keep repeating that positive self talk on a daily basis. It may help, when you are in a social situation and feeling some anxiety, to give yourself some self soothing talk, such as "Relax", followed by an affirming statement, such as "I am doing well in the class." Your therapist will likely also teach you relaxation techniques to help you to relax during the anxiety-provoking social situations.

 

The cognitive approaches (CBT) assist clients to think more rationally, in order to act more rationally, in the face of such strong emotions as anger, depression, and hostility, etc. [alternative therapy I PM'd OP], on the other hand, is used by the facilitator to assist clients to eliminate the beliefs that produce such emotions. When these emotions stop after the beliefs that cause them are eliminated, there no longer is a need for a tool (self talk, relaxation technique) to deal with them more effectively.

 

You don't have to work as hard to feel better faster!

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Just do the sh*t that you're avoiding.

 

Damn, people over-complicate things.

 

 

This was so good I had to quote it twice

 

So all my years in public school socializing...

 

All the jobs I've worked when I could hold a job...

 

All the relationships I've had...

 

All the parties I've been to...

 

The time I gave college a try...

 

The times I went out and made friends with people who shared my interests...

 

 

Even though I've done so much of that stuff, you're telling me I should do MORE of that... That will fix me right up, eh?

 

Those are the situations that have caused the most turmoil, but you're saying if I just keep doing those things, or increase the frequency of those situations that I'll stop having AvPD?

 

F*cking genius! Who needs therapy when you have advice like this?

Edited November 8, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus

[SerCay]

No, Hermits choose exile, people with AvPD long to social interactions but they cause them stress so new relationships are hard to come by, but the connections they have they keep and cherish like diamonds.

 

And when romantic relationships are formed, the AVP always finds new things to complain about, or finds new errors in their partners which they do to prove themselves that theyre right to create a distance. Then this distance is created by a fight or complain and after a while when they start missing their romantic partner, they act as if the complain or fault was never there. This cycle repeats itself into eternity and therefore a relationship with an AVP is slow to not progressing. Yes I have a partner like this..

 

But of course I'm sure it manifests itself differently in everyone. This is just my experience.

[AnyaNova]

And when romantic relationships are formed, the AVP always finds new things to complain about, or finds new errors in their partners which they do to prove themselves that theyre right to create a distance. Then this distance is created by a fight or complain and after a while when they start missing their romantic partner, they act as if the complain or fault was never there. This cycle repeats itself into eternity and therefore a relationship with an AVP is slow to not progressing. Yes I have a partner like this..

 

But of course I'm sure it manifests itself differently in everyone. This is just my experience.

 

That sounds like there could be some BPD or other thing, in there. When AVPders find someone we can trust, we tend to be very willing to be intimate once we are assured that rejection will not happen, and we tend to as Mario said, hold on go those connections like diamonds.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

That sounds like there could be some BPD or other thing, in there. When AVPders find someone we can trust, we tend to be very willing to be intimate once we are assured that rejection will not happen, and we tend to as Mario said, hold on go those connections like diamonds.

 

 

I see what you're saying but there is a bit more in the mix.

 

AvPDers are all hyper-sensitive. We are also hyper-aware.

 

I have a tendency to nit-pick and point out flaws that later on I feel embarrassed to have even been bothered by something.

 

It's like we look for problems and always find them. Even if they are the most unimportant thing in the world.

 

Now, add inattentive ADHD in the mix. I call it lazy ADD or just ADD to differentiate from the hyper ADHD. (A third type is a combination of the two). You have opposing mental facilities. You are hyper-aware and at the same time inattentive. Fun.

 

EDIT: Then again I am also BPD so that could validate what you said and negate my opinion. Seems to make sense to me, though.

Edited November 8, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus

[SerCay]

true you guys, he has BP tendensies, not diagnosed for it though, but I think the distance creating in the trouble seeking stems from the avpd

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

true you guys, he has BP tendensies, not diagnosed for it though

 

Borderline Personality (BPD) tendencies?

 

Or Bi-polar?

[SerCay]

Borderline Personality (BPD) tendencies?

 

Or Bi-polar?

 

oh gosh blame me for my stupidity, i thought those were the same?

Its the one where they change from positive to negative very quickly.

 

One day I'm the bomb, an hour later I'm the biggest b*tch, that one?

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

oh gosh blame me for my stupidity, i thought those were the same?

Its the one where they change from positive to negative very quickly.

 

One day I'm the bomb, an hour later I'm the biggest b*tch, that one?

 

 

Heh, that could be either I think. Borderlines can be nice one minute then mean the next depending on what they let upset them.

 

Bi-Polars have bouts of depression and bouts of mania. I don't know if it's an hour by hour thing. My bi-polar best friend in high school would have long periods of depression and long periods of mania.

[SerCay]

Heh, that could be either I think. Borderlines can be nice one minute then mean the next depending on what they let upset them.

 

Bi-Polars have bouts of depression and bouts of mania. I don't know if it's an hour by hour thing. My bi-polar best friend in high school would have long periods of depression and long periods of mania.

 

borderline then...but yes only tendencies, the T said he has symptoms of many things, so he can't put a diagnosis for it all. it's part of a co-morbidity he said.

 

(sorry OP for straying)

[AnyaNova]

This was so good I had to quote it twice

 

So all my years in public school socializing...

 

All the jobs I've worked when I could hold a job...

 

All the relationships I've had...

 

All the parties I've been to...

 

The time I gave college a try...

 

The times I went out and made friends with people who shared my interests...

 

 

Even though I've done so much of that stuff, you're telling me I should do MORE of that... That will fix me right up, eh?

 

Those are the situations that have caused the most turmoil, but you're saying if I just keep doing those things, or increase the frequency of those situations that I'll stop having AvPD?

 

F*cking genius! Who needs therapy when you have advice like this?

 

I think I love you for this! :-)