mischafan160 Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Every night for the past four nights I've had dreams about about my ex. Three out of the four were him realizing he still loves me and coming back to me. The fourth was we were at a party full of my relatives and college friends and he was talking to everybody except me and I just could not understand why. Is anyone else going through this?! It's absolute torture! It's hard enough to try to filter him out of my thoughts during the daytime, but I can't even help what my mind does at night! I can't control what I dream about...usually I don't even remember my dreams, but now that finals are over and I'm home on vacation, I'm getting tons of sleep and I guess that helps me remember my dreams when I wake up. The SADDEST part is, they are so lifelike that I wake up feeling so happy, and it takes me a minute or two before I realize that it wasn't real. I don't fantasize about getting back together anymore during the day, and I haven't for a while...so why is this happening? Do I subconsciously just want to be with SOMEBODY or have I not progressed as far as I thought, and I'm still totally in love with him? I think I need to see a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Jip Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Snap!! I did the exact same thing last week. One was as if it never happened, one was him coming back to me and the other was him with his new GF. Its the most bitter sweet thing in the world and those 30 secs or so before you realise its not real are bliss!! I think my dreams happened because I hit a bit of a relapse and was thinking about him a lot when I went to bed and during the day! They are lovely and horrible at the same time - just remind you what you're missing!! All I can say, and I say it to myself too, is that it'll pass and someday I'll be dreaming about someone else! The mind is a very funny thing.... does what it likes when we sleep. Although we've all come a great distance there isn't one of us on here that doesn't miss their ex and sadly dreams like that are part of the deal... Here's hoping you sleep better tonight! Link to post Share on other sites
xxsilverdragonxx Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by mischafan160 It's absolute torture! It's hard enough to try to filter him out of my thoughts during the daytime, but I can't even help what my mind does at night! Do I subconsciously just want to be with SOMEBODY or have I not progressed as far as I thought, and I'm still totally in love with him? I think I need to see a therapist. Uh, I've been having the same problem, and even though the dreams are rare, they affect me a whole lot when I wake up and remember them. I too am trying to figure out why this is happening. I attribute the dreams to feelings that might be lingering around in my head, and the traumatic events that is the break up has my subconscience frantically trying to make logical sense of the end of the relationship. Maybe on the outside I am getting through the breakup, but somewhere deep down I still have enormous feelings for her. I can't tell when I'm going to dream about her either. On good and bad days I've had terrible dreams, sometimes the emotions from the dreams carry on with me for the rest of the day.... it is torture, and i'm thinking about stabbing my brain with a q-tip. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mischafan160 Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 What did we do to deserve this ****?! Link to post Share on other sites
EnglishChick Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 I did the exact same thing last night. Somehow I managed to drive to his parents (across an ocean!) Just going to say hi, as you do. I was talking to his dad and suddenly he was there, I greeted him with an "Oh. It's you." and he carried on as if we'd been nothing more than friends. It was horrible, I woke up feeling crap and it's carried on all day. Strange that you posted on the same subject that's been bugging me today! I know exactly why I had that dream and I'll probably have another one tonight, this time last year I'd gone to visit him. I keep thinking back and obsessing about what we were doing and what he was saying. Roll on the end of this holiday stuff so I can forget it! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 I have had the same problem. Its annoying. Its like you want to go to sleep to get away from the drama you go through during the day, only to have it waiting for you even while you sleep! I'm sure it passes with time... couldn't go away soon enough though! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 i've had these dreams too. i think it makes sense to dream about things you think of often. in my dreams, my ex-boyfriend was always cheating on me...made me wonder if i'd missed something when we were together... in any case, they are disturbing. they would leave me feeling weird all day long, even though i really don't give a shyt about him anymore. seriously, those dreams would just like, stay with me and make me feel like the world was just not right. it's a horrible feeling, really. i took nyquil once or twice to make myself sleep when these dreams were recurring, and most of the time, i didn't remember what i dreamed about when i woke up--only do this if you can sleep and wake naturally, other than that you'll be groggy and nasty! or, i am, at least, if i have to wake up before my nyquil-induced stupor has worn off! sweet (weird-ex-boyfriendless) dreams! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mischafan160 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Share Posted December 16, 2004 Feels better to know it's not just me. Well, last night instead of dreaming about him, I dreamt that me and my girl friend decided to get married in Canada for fun...very odd. Maybe because I read an article about gay marriage last night? Maybe because she and I are constantly moaning about being single? Hahahahaha. At any rate, I'd rather dream about being a lesbian than about my ex! Link to post Share on other sites
Isabella82 Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Oh yes, I have these types of dreams all the time, and I hate it. Even before we broke up I would have these dreams where my ex would tell me he didn't love me anymore, I would seriously wake up crying and he would wake up and comfort me, tell me it was all a bad dream. Then he would carass my hair until I feel back to sleep. What is wierd about those dreams is that eventually that is exactly what happened, out of the blue he said I don't love you as much as I used to. Broke up with me, I used to have dreams where he came back and told me he was sorry, didn't mean it, and that he really missed me. I would wake up and like people said before took me a while to realize it was not real. Just today during my much needed nap after I crammed for a final, I had a dream that I went somewhere with my family, and my ex just shows up there and sits besides me and talked to me about how much he misses me. It is complete torture. I know I still miss him, I miss the feelings I had day after day knowing he was in my life, but I know I can never trust him again, and therefore I can never be with him ever again. But those dreams mess with you. I think I am just also trying to make sense out of the chaos that happened. Either way I know I am not even on my exes mind, and it is crazy how I am still not over it. Glad I am not the only one. It has been 7 months and the dreams continue, although I did have a dream about a coworker of mine. Very sexual Now that might be an improvement, I wouldn't mind more of those. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mischafan160 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Share Posted December 16, 2004 Isabella...he said he wasn't as in love with you as he used to be? Did he elaborate at all? How old are you guys? I'm just curious because this sounds suspiciously like what my ex said to me and I feel similarly baffled by it...I would really like to know what happened, how I could have prevented it, because I refuse to believe that people can just "fall out of love" and moreover, totally stop caring about the person at ALL afterward. It's too bizarre to me. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 mischafan, My now exboyfriend said that to me. Said that he just didn't love me anymore. Like a month before he said this we were happy as ever. It was pretty sudden. I can't really answer the question of how this happens but I know that it can.... but its probably more of a gradual thing. They are probably slowly and gradually losing feelings. I don't know if its something we can prevent or not. With my ex ex boyfriend (the one before my most current ex) I just stopped having feelings for him. I went from loving him so much ...to just nothing. I can't explain it very well. But I do know that it was a process that did evolve over time. The last few months anyway. I just got so annoyed with him, and before I knew it I didn't even want to talk to him or see him anymore. Oh, I guess the fact that I had met someone else may have also had something to do with it too. There were a lot of things that I could not see us working out for. He was lazy, had no job, no education, not smart at ALL, did drugs. So I guess there was already lots of reasons why I shouldn't be with him. Eventually I got the courage to just end it. But even though I knew I didn't love him anymore, I NEVER said that to him. I think it is a cruel thing to say to someone. You can break up with someone without stomping all over their heart like that. Its just not necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Isabella82 Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Yes he told me he didn't love me as much as he used to. And he said that I changed, and he couldn't take it anymore. It honestly surprised me it came out of nowhere. One day we were talking about getting married and our future children and the next day he fell out of love with me. I am sure he gradually got himself emotionally detached, but while he was doing that he told me he loved me everyday. Even the night he broke up with me he slept with me, and told me he loved me at least 6 times over and over again, and he kept telling me to tell him that I loved him. It was very strange, we would say it everytime, but not like that. We are both 22, so I know we are young, but old enough to get married. Thats why this is so hard for me, because I really thought he was the one. Never really explained to me how he fell out of love with me, but it was strange, I wish I could figure that one out. I mean yes we had our problems, but who doesn't? Our first fight was after we were together for a whole year, when I caught him lying to me. I should have left him then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mischafan160 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Share Posted December 16, 2004 My ex I think didn't really understand what happened either. He did say it was a gradual change, and like you both said, while he was going through these changes, he made it seem like he was still as in love with me as ever. Well, maybe not completely, there were signs along the way...he would be more distant or we would have nothing to talk about for long periods of time, when in the beginning we could talk nonstop for hours. It was also bad that we saw each other almost EVERY DAY this summer and my whole life revolved around him...I'm actually hoping that this clinginess (which is really uncharacteristic of me but just happened due to a bad situation) is the reason he fell out of love, because that would mean that there is nothing wrong with me personally, and that maybe if I am careful in my next relationship it won't happen again. It's a hard way to learn this lesson though! I wish I could have another chance with him because before this summer, we were really, really good...but that's not how life works, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
rabidfan Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 hi..new member to the forums, and I agree with you, dreams can really mess you up. unfortunately I'm at a point in my relationship where it's stick to it or hang it up..caused by my lack of trust for my girlfriend after infidelity. and there's been more than one night after thinking things through and being able to actually sleep, after reaching a happy conclusion, that some wierd messed up dream comes along and twists my guts into a knot for the next few days. some would say the dreams come because you are still thinking about that person, (in my case that's probably true), some would say there is some truthful meaning to them and represent how you really feel about them. I say, who knows? If only someone could invent the technology to allow people to come up with their own dreams and see the ones they want, when they want. I know I'd be happier much more often. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mischafan160 Posted December 18, 2004 Author Share Posted December 18, 2004 Well girls, I was reading Cosmo today and it said the number one reason why guys say their relationships failed is, "they just grew apart." So maybe all these wishy washy reasons of "faded feelings" and "falling out of love" are fairly common and there's millions of enraged and confused women out there... Link to post Share on other sites
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