gay bf???

[JustAGirl]

Hi

 

Please help me figure this out...

 

I'm almost 19, i've been together w/ my bf for almost a year, it's all nice n sweet...

 

except:

 

a few days ago we were discussing sexual stuff, and he told me that he had a few sexual experiements with other boys about 5 years ago (he was 14)... at that time, he went to an all-boys school in iran... one other boy played w/ my bf's ass, which is nothing major... but another time, he and some guy played with each other's "stuff" ... and my bf admitted he wanted to go on that night, but they stopped cuz my bf refused to give the other guy a blowjob...

 

SO is my bf gay? bi? was it just a youth experiment?

 

Please lemme know... also, maybe there're questions i can ask him to find out?...

[Tony T]

Since your boyfriend has such a big (and stupid) mouth, it's pretty hard to say. However, my guess is that this was some foolish adolescent experimentation.

 

I do think your bf is pretty insane for telling you about this. Worse than insane, he ought to be committed. I would tell a girlfriend I was an alien from Mars before I would admit to having allowed some guy play with my butt and that I had a mutual penis petting session with a guy, no matter how long ago it was.

 

I would say that if he hasn't done anything like this since, it was probably more a curiosity thing. Your very major concern should be his nerve in telling you this unessential tidbit of trivia that you will remember until the end of the world and could really screw up his relationship with you.

 

If you marry this guy, everytime he's late getting home, you'll wonder if some guy is petting his penis or his butt. My opinion is only an opinion. I think a psychologist will have to interview him and perhaps test him to see if he has latent homosexual tendencies that may rise sometime in the future. This may be a real gamble for you. If he's not insane, there was a good reason...other than honesty...that he told you this because it was something in his distant past that was not necessary to disclose.

 

I think he's out of his everlovin' mind for telling you.

 

As an added note, I consider myself a pretty average guy and I have never even given a thought to playing with a guy's penis or having a guy rub my butt. If one tried that on me, he'd be minus a few important parts real quick.

 

You're in a real queer situation here.

[blah...]

I agree that he might've just been experimenting in his youth and that he's really stupid for telling her about it but I feel your last comment was really lame I mean, obviously, when those guys were together they both agreed to do it and you went on to saying how any guy that would try it with you would feel sorry. That was really immature and stupid because, obviously, no guy would try it on another guy unless they both agree to it. I'm not expert by any means but I'm secure enough about my sexuality (straight) that I don't need to make threats to "any guy" out there Take care.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I'm not expert by any means but I'm secure enough about my sexuality (straight) that I don't need to make threats to "any guy" out there :)"

 

First of all, I made no threats. Nobody on this post has tried to rub my butt or otherwise molest me. I don't think that would be possible. And I am quite secure in my sexuality.

 

But, I am an expert. I was a police reporter for a newspaper, The Tampa Tribune, in Tampa, Florida for two years. During my period on that beat, I read police reports of priests seducing young boys, of men in parks and at the men's room of the Trailways Bus Station and the Municipal Beach grabbing boys in the mens' rooms, and in some cases actually abducting them. I interviewed the detectives investigating those cases and got the lurid details which often involved brute force and even weapons.

 

Young people are often shocked and frightened by homosexual advances, so much so that they are temporarily immobilized for the experience. But, I urge you to call your local police and learn for yourself just how rampant it is...if you live in a city of over 25,000 people. I don't know what it's like in smaller towns.

 

I once wrote about a GROUP of little league ball players who engaged in sexual experimentation among themselves with the "help" of a coach in the back of a van on the way to a baseball tournament in Orlando. One of the kids told his father, part of a group of adults following in other cars behind, and upon arrival in Orlando a bloody fight erupted.

 

Male kids do force themselves on other male kids. Male adults do force themselves on other male adults...and kids. Can you spell R-A-P-E. Again, such attacks are so shocking and out of character...the aggressor is often a trusted friend or authority figure.

 

And, once again, let me clearly tell you, I would deck anybody that made that kind of approach to me. That is NOT a THREAT, it is just a FACT. I have absolutely no judgement of other people's sexual preferences or lifestyles but if they try to involve me they will regret it...and go to jail once out of the hospital.

 

I am sorry you were offended by my post. Maybe the remark didn't belong in my post...probably didn't. It just brought back many vivid memories of incidents I had to write about for the newspaper. There are many I didn't post here.

 

Your assessment that I am immature and stupid may very well be correct but not because "no guy would try it on another guy unless they both agree to it" because they do every single day, your statement is very incorrect. I have read the reports...and reported on it.

 

P.S. If you have a chance, call the Vatican and ask them how many lawsuits they have pending or have settled from grown men all over the world who were sexually invaded by Priests as altar boys when they were younger. Those are usually settled out of court...but your local paper will have clippings in its libary. I'm sure it happens in other faiths as well. Can you imagine the immobilizing terror of a young teen being approached that way by a man of the cloth for whom he is in awe? Again, me...I'd deck a priest too!!!

 

I am very sorry these things happen and very sorry the topic came up here, which is an emotional one for me. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Yumi]

If he's still with you, I don't think he's gay, at least not that HE even knows of! But I also think he was crazy to tell you... honestly, once you have doubts like that, it's hard for me to forsee much of a future for the relationship. I was once dating a guy who I liked fairly well (we'd only been dating a few months so I wasn't really "in love" or anytihng but we had a good time), the thing was, he confessed to me that he'd had some homosexual fantasies about his best friend, who happened to be my co-worker. I felt awkward everytime I was with the two of them together, I started noticing little glances and smiles, I got suspicious every time the two of them sat together.... and honestly, there was notihng he could do at that point to keep the relationship going. I HOPE that you can somehow regain your trust in him, as it sounds like he's not still lusting after these boys or anything... it's possible he even told you because he has a guilty conscience... but unless you can let go of that suspicion, and get rid of the mental image that could come to mind during your own sexual acts, it's pretty much over...