How to handle height prejudice?

[bob the brave]

I understand that physical attraction is about 100% of the initial part of a relationship. I know the rest comes later. I know this is natural. But sometimes being short is really frustrating.

 

I liked a girl. She seemed to like me and enjoy my company. I had to watch her have affairs with two other guys and finally marry another, while making short jokes about me. At one time or another, they all made jokes about me liking her.

 

What bothers me more than the fact that she didn't like me was that making jokes about my height and treating me like I was sub-human was perfectly ok with her. She still fancies herself a good person that loves her tall husband.

 

I feel like a black guy in the fifties being called 'boy'. The anger and frustration is more than I can handle at times. So, for the short guys out there how do you handle not the rejection, but the prejudice?

[melell]

People are crazed. Don't let ideals mess with you. Don't look for someone who cares about that sort of thing.

 

I know a lot care, but some really don't.

 

If it helps any I have been in love with someone who was short and not the most attractive, and it mattered none to me. I have also been in love with someone tall and very attractive, but those aspects mattered none to me either.

 

I bet you don't find that girls superficial perspective attractive, so I guess that makes her not quite as good as she appeared to be.

[bob the brave]

He's not even short though. He's 5'9. And he keeps making posts about the same woman that was very mean to him and, imo, not the best person to use as a guide for your self esteem.

 

OP, you really need to get out and meet new girls. You've been going on about this for, what, a year now?

 

yes, and can you imagine what really short guys must have to deal with?

 

My issue with this girl, is not really the girl per say, but the fact that she is the straw that broke the camels back. She is the end of a long line of what it is a real predjudice. I am not whinning just to whine and I don't expect people to change. I am guilty myself, but it really is insane to judge people to this level soley because of how the cultural image of one's size effects our self-esteem.

 

I once taught college in China (no I was not looking for petit women). At an informal social gathering a guy sitting at a table with 12 girls called me over. He said they all want to talk. So, as soon as I did, each girl got up and left the table one by one. That would be a pretty big insult here as I was their teacher, but in China where face is everything, this is a huge insult. Later, I was called in to the dean's office. He told me the girls hate me but wouldn't tell him why. He said the guys like you. So, whatever it is you are doing or not doing, fix it. One day, one of the girls felt sorry for me so she told me in private it was beause they were disappointed and angry with me because they thought an American guy would be taller! I did everything for these kids. I know boring education can be so I tried to make class fun. I told jokes, did impressions, played jokes on the class and worked very hard to make learning interesting and fun. And I got in trouble because I wasn't culturally tall!

 

I once let a coworker stay with me after she lost her job and had to sublet. I once liked her, but she said she only wanted to be friends. (And no I did not let her stay hoping something would happen. I am sick of people thinking that. The whole time my friends would say, "So, you bannging her?" She wanted JUST a place to stay and I was happy to help. Period. Then one day we were watching TV and out of the blue she looked at me and said, "You will never get a girlfriend. You are too small." WTH! We were watching Seinfeld and talking about work. Where did this come from? Then she started staying out late, coming home in the early hours. I never asked where she was or make any kind of curious inquires or remarks. That was none of my business, but she would offer lies or excuses to cover the fact that she was seeing a guy and staying with me rent free. I guess she felt guilty. She needn't feel this way, but I understood and graciously accepted her unsolicited excuses without question. What hurt was the fact that she felt the need to lie to a very good friend. Then one day, I found her banging him on my couch. Again, none of my business, but the whole thing did hurt a bit.

 

This has bothered me so much, I got professional counceling. I chose a woman councelor as I thought a woman's perspective might help. She was very good, but gave a lot of lip service about how girls like this are immature and it doesn't matter, bla, bla. Then one day she was talking about getting older and she accidentally said, "Now, the only guys that find me attractive are the short, bald ones." You should have seen the look on her face. Pricesless! I did not blame her. She is human too. But that one slip of the tongue set loose the truth and invalidated a year of copays. It wasn't helping anyway, I knew the truth.

 

You see my issue. I am a good guy. I try to help because I believe it makes the world a better place. I volunteered unloading trucks of food after Sandy hit NY. This girl's boy friends? One high tailed it to Vermont to avoid the storm and wait it out, while another curled up in his high rise with a bottle of Jack.

 

Do you see my problem? And I am 5'9"! This is all so crazy and sad.

I am not complaining, I just want to know how to deal with this?

 

I am so obsessed with this girl beause she personifies the problem I have faced for years. I want to be a good person. I want to help make the world a better place. I would like to belong. But I am finding the world doesn't really want that or me. Being a good person that actually cares is worthless if your not tall or hot. A joke. I have lost my hope in humanity as a whole or at least my ability to find a place in it. Love seems a joke. All I have seen is very selfish, hedonistic lust or ego feeding behavior at the cost of others. An insult to love. Often they are so stupid as to think they are in love until they aren't. Then, like this girl, they come crying to me. I find it sad and even sadder that others tell me it doesn't matter.

 

I don't know where to go or what to do. I find this everywhere. I know some truly short guys claim to have no issues, so I was asking to see how they do it.

Edited November 5, 2013 by bob the brave

[normal person]

I'm only an inch (or less) taller than you and on top of that, I'm pretty thin for a guy. Where I've sometimes wondered if it might be a problem for me, people always assure me that it isn't -- and it hasn't ever really been an issue. There will always be people who make superficial judgments about others and conversely there will be people who don't really care about those things at all. Surround yourself with the latter kinds of people and your perceived reality of the situation will become more positive, as will then your attitude.

 

Your self worth isn't determined by your height. The best thing you can do is outwardly demonstrate how little it affects you. Strive for success in everything you do in spite of your height and take pride in your accomplishments, and most importantly, be confident. If you have enough successes and you live well, the same girls who wrote you off will be kicking themselves later on.

[man_in_the_box]

Yes, your problem is that you're a doormat with no confidence.

 

This - it's holding him back a thousand times more than 3 extra inches (you decide where to place them but ok).

[bob the brave]

Dude, I'm 5'6. I created a thread yesterday where I talked about turning down an uglier girl for a hotter one.

 

Coming from an actual short guy, it really isn't all that bad. Sh*t, I already have too much to handle as far as girls are concerned. I couldn't imagine adding my height to the list of attractive qualities.

 

I'm telling you how I do it. I could tell you all of the stories of girls that I hooked up or dated that were taller than me, but do I really need to? (although, these days, I prefer girls significantly shorter than me....like 5'2 and below...so I don't date the amazonians anymore lol)

 

It sounds like you have confidence issues.

QUOTE]

 

You are right, I am sure. I think my Duddley Do-Right attitude works against me. This girl praised me for being a good guy and then jumped in bed with a married player.

 

The example of the girl that would never have anyone under 6' foot and then lowered the bar 6". I know you say she was drunk, but it was more than that. What did you say or do to change her mind?

Edited November 5, 2013 by bob the brave

[ScreamingTrees]

5'9 master race reporting in. Nothing wrong with you, OP, you're just being a sissy.

[JourneyLady]

He's not even short though. He's 5'9. And he keeps making posts about the same woman that was very mean to him and, imo, not the best person to use as a guide for your self esteem.

 

OP, you really need to get out and meet new girls. You've been going on about this for, what, a year now?

 

Wait.... 5'9" Short????

Hardly - my ex-hubs was 5'9" and I was married to him for 30 years!

(My dad was 5'5" and I've dated another guy who was 5'6".)

 

Talking to my single women friends, they don't care about height as long as he's taller than they are. I'm the same way. Bob must be living in a different universe...

[kenneth1010]

Talking to my single women friends, they don't care about height as long as he's taller than they are.

 

So they do care then

[ScreamingTrees]

So they do care then

 

How tall are you, 5'2? Surely you can find a girl who's 5'2, I see plenty of them online and offline.

[kenneth1010]

How tall are you, 5'2? Surely you can find a girl who's 5'2, I see plenty of them online and offline.

 

Was just pointing out a glaring contradiction in what someone said.

 

Not quite 5'7 here.

[ScreamingTrees]

Was just pointing out a glaring contradiction in what someone said.

 

Not quite 5'7 here.

 

Nothing wrong with either statement, bud.

[OpheliaSong]

5'9 is average. I think maybe you are hard to like due to insecurities and the whole life is unfair persona you project. Lighten up and see how you do.

[thefooloftheyear]

Wait.... 5'9" Short????

Hardly - my ex-hubs was 5'9" and I was married to him for 30 years!

(My dad was 5'5" and I've dated another guy who was 5'6".)

 

Talking to my single women friends, they don't care about height as long as he's taller than they are. I'm the same way. Bob must be living in a different universe...

 

 

And quite a few dont even care about that....Some actually dig it(guy shorter)....

 

Oh the Humanity!!!

 

TFY

[lollipopspot]

5'9" is not "short," it's just about average. I've been attracted to guys much shorter than you and their height didn't matter at all.

 

If you were 5'4" or less maybe I could understand you complaining about some people's biases against short men. But at 5'9", I think there's something else going on with you to be so obsessed with this.

 

It would be like me complaining that society has a bias against females who don't look like some supermodel. There's a certain truth to it - society values very beautiful women and height in men - but most people are in the same boat and aren't "ideal" physical specimens according to society, so we just deal with being "average." That's o.k.