how to address this type of disrespect when there's ALWAYS an excuse

[starmap3]

Last night, to make a long story short, my girlfriend and i were both annoyed becasue the DVD player didn;t work. She kept trying to get it to work and I just wanted to watch TV. She was looking befuddled because the screen was blank, but it was because the TV was on a channel we don;t get. I asked her what was wrong now, in a tone that I admit was sarcastic, and she snapped back at me and said don't talk to me. I said why because you can;t see the TV is fine and she said it again. I told her to f off and got on the computer. 2.5 hours later I went to grab a beer and they were gone. I made a special trip to grab a 6 pack for us and I asked her if she drank them all and she said yes. So I gave her a peck, and went to bed. An hour later, I was sleeping and she came upstairs, in and out of the room, in and out of the bed twice, no regard for being quiet and seeing I was sleeping, while I make sure I am quiet as can be when she is sleeping. So I sit up and she is smoking a cigarette and she turns the channel and turs the TV up. I said what are you doing and she told what does it matter, you were sleeping, it's not a big deal. except for that it WAS a big deal to me, her inability to see that when things matter to me, THEY MATTER. PERIOD.

 

So I say something mean to her,l she says something back, I say just shut up, she talked again, and I went down stairs on the couch. I can;t sleep and get up, remembering I bought 5 win for life tickets to scratch while watching the movie earlier. I pick them up and turn on the light. SHE SCRATCHED THEM.

 

I go back upstairs and say, you scratched my f-in lotto tickets?! and she said:

"yeah they were all losers anyway". Then isaid why the f would you do that they were mine? and she said because i was pissed at you. basically, another few minutes of her telling me to stick it up my as- and that they were all losers and i deserved for her to scratch my tickets.

 

isn't this blatant and utter disregard for my property and what is mine? what should i do about this? this morning, all i said to her was that it was wrong of her to scratch the tickets and she said i apologize. that was the extent of the coversation, and i went to work.

 

she has a 9 year old son, i have let them move in, rearranged a bachelor's pad to accomodate a family, supported her before she started working, take her to her appointments (she can;t drive), watch her so when i can and when she needs me to, etc. i woul dlike some feedback in terms of what i have done to make them comfortable in contrast to the blatent disregard for my things (like the lotto tickets, not even asking if i wanted 1 beer out of 6, etc).

 

also, there was another time when she promised not to do something, did it, and then tried to justify it by saying "it was only one".

 

thanks

[250r]

shaking head laughing....you dug your own grave my friend - I know cause I admit to digging many of my own. You pretty much picked up the shovel when you said sarcastically, "What is wrong now" and took your first shovel full when you, "told her to F-off"......

[alphamale]

dude:

you need to start controlling and dominating this woman. if she is living in your pad with her kid next time she acts up tell her she has 2 wks to pack up and move out and then hold her to it. Don't make empty threats that you don't plan on carrying out otherwise you'll look like an idiot.

 

Do to her what she does to you. If one nite she wakes you up in bed then you do the same to her next night.

 

If she drinks all your beer one day then next day you eat her leftovers from the restaurant.

 

Next time she scratches your lotto tix then the next day you open up her mail and leave it on the table.

 

Sounds to me like she is already disrespecting you so you need to turn the tables. Don't let her get away with anything anymore.

[Naive]

I think you dop have to tell her to relax. It has to go both ways though. If you see that you are acting calm and she is still bitching then tell her enough is enough.

[Adunaphel]

It sounds like a chain reaction...... your start being sarcastic, she spits back a nasty "don't talk to me", you tell her to **** off, she wakes you up, and so on.

 

If *either* of you had reacted with kindness, or even with a shrug, instead than with another piece of nastiness at *any* moment, you would have avoided such an unpleasant night.

 

Why don't you just ask her to stop at the nearest store to purchase beer and buy you some new lotto tickets on her way home tomorrow?

 

While you are at it, you could apologize for telling her to **** off, since she apologized for the tickets.

[Weird]

You two need some counseling. Sounds a little dysfunctional to me.

 

Oh and did she drink all 6 beers that one night? I'd have issues dating a girl who drank a 6 pack in one night. So unattractive.

[Adunaphel]

Originally posted by Weird

You two need some counseling. Sounds a little dysfunctional to me.

 

Oh and did she drink all 6 beers that one night? I'd have issues dating a girl who drank a 6 pack in one night. So unattractive.

 

That's a great point, I guess that in the back of my mind I assumed that she hid them or poured them down the drain just to piss her bf off....

 

Does she usually drink that much?

[starmap3]

i really am specifically asking about her scratching the tickets and then giving the excuse that they were all loser's anyway and that she also did it to piss me off. to the guy who said eye for an eye, that's great and everything, but it isn;t going to solve anything. what i want, and yeah she said i apologize already, but last night she gave assinine responses. no one can possibly think that what she did is ok. if she wanted to piss me off or get back at me for telling her to f off (which to me, when she acted like an idiot, is nothing wrong with) she could ignore me, not cook dinner, not say good night, etc. there are more subtle things than essentially taking a $10 bill and ripping it up on me.

 

are the tickets that important, no. it's the principle of the action. obviously i know what the answers are, listen to me talk. thanks for the feedback.

 

p.s. no she doesn't, we wanted to have a few beers and i guess she went overboard. no clue. it's sort of like eating 11 ice cream sandwiches out of 12 and not being considerate enough to leave the last one for someone else.

[Weird]

are the tickets that important, no. it's the principle of the action.

 

I hear ya man but what do you expect people here to say? Here are your choices:

 

-let it go

-ask her nicely to never do that again because it bugs you

-smack her around until she is afraid of you

-hide the tickets next time

-break up with her

 

Pick one and move on with this issue.

[Adunaphel]

It's a tricky situation.

 

If it was any other item of your property that she destroyed, the minimum she should do is replacing it.

With loser tickets it's a weird situation.

 

Do you think that if one of the tickets was a good one she would have kept it for herself?

I mean, she *stole* the tickets and scratched them, or she scratched them only to deprive you of the thrill to scratch them yourself?

Had one of the ticket been a winner, she'd have kept it for herself/destroyed it, or would she have handed the winning ticket back to you?

 

In the first case, she should absolutely go buy five new ones with *her* money.

 

If you are sure she only wanted to spoil the fun for you, but would have given back to you a winning ticket, she should buy 5 tickets for herself (even if she'd never buy any on her own) , give them to you to scratch, and she keeps the money if there's a winner.

Or she buys new ones and split the money if there's a winner.

Or you pay the next tickets, but she is the one who walks/drives to the store.

 

 

Or, again, you forget about this.

 

 

If I were you, I'd forget about the tickets. On the other and, if I were her, I'd go buy a dozen new ones. (But hey, I'd do anything to avoid a fight! )

[SoleMate]

Sounds like you're both pretty rude to each other. Isn't it funny how these things can escalate when two people are really immature/touchy/thoughtless?

 

You're right - she shouldn't drink all your beer or scratch your Lotto tickets. If she does, then she should say "sorry" and replace it, if those are your household expectations. It's great that you have accommodated her living with you - that is definitely a nice thing. And if you both treated each other with courtesy and kindness, you could probably have an enjoyable time/life together. But if you're going to get riled about your "property" and "disrespect", things aren't going to feel good. Just be clear - your providing accommodation for her does not entitle you to curse at her. And if you follow alphamale's suggestions, tit for tat and an eye for an eye, then hey, I'm just sorry I don't live next door so I can enjoy the flying pots and pans, screams, and other trailer trash entertainment you both will doubtless provide.

 

Apologize for what you did wrong - which was plenty. Who knows, maybe she'll soften up when she sees you're not being a total jerk. And if you behave correctly for a period of time, and she behaves badly, then tell her it's a problem and ask her to correct it. If she doesn't, then let her know it's over and give ehr written notice to leave.

 

That was an easy one.

[Weird]

Sounds like you're both pretty rude to each other. Isn't it funny how these things can escalate when two people are really immature/touchy/thoughtless?

 

My thoughts exactly...

[heartburn]

If you love her, maybe you all should go to counseling. If not, maybe she needs to move out until you all work things out. I think she was PMS-ing.

[Cabras]

Here's what I have learned -

 

When someone disrespects you like that it's probably because they think you deserve it. I'm not saying you deserved it, just that you must have done something that pissed her off.

 

My ex had the toughest time talking to me about things that upset her. Instead she chose to piss me off to get my attention. The worst part is that when someone makes me mad my first reaction is to ignore them and let them figure out for themselves why I'm ignoring them.

 

So now you know why I have an ex and not a current girlfriend.

 

It sounds like this routine has taken the place of real communication. Getting some professional help sounds like the best thing to do unless you don't see enough value in the relationship to spend the time and effort to really fix things.

 

It sounds like the situation could get out of hand pretty quickly. Once you eat her leftovers the next step could be something worse from her and she would probably feel justified in doing it.

[Lonestar]

What's the big deal with scratch offs? Go buy some more. There just scratch offs. Both of you need to relax or you're going to tear each other up with your words and actions. That's not a very loving relationship.

 

Weird, I loved your reply

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Cabras

When someone disrespects you like that it's probably because they think you deserve it. I'm not saying you deserved it, just that you must have done something that pissed her off.

 

 

Cabras:

This is not a healthy way to look at it... Maybe she disrespects him cause she feels he does not deserve respect. Or maybe she is just a selfish person. Or maybe she wants to get the upper hand over him or maybe she is testing him to see if he has a spine.

 

It could be any of a hundred reasons why she did this. He needs to show her she cannot do this anymore.

 

So according to your theory should he then walk on eggshells and play lap dog to her from now on so that she won't disrespect him anymore??? If he does this then she will disrespect him even more!!

[starmap3]

honestly, i'm sorry, but i would never take somebody's stuff and spend it, use it, etc. i guess that's just you guys. i'm not immature, i'm big on respecting others property. think of what principle is and it's my principle, and it was wrong to do that and then act like it was ok because she was mad. should i have retaliated by spending all her money? see. it's aretarded. i'm sure you can understand. anyway, she brought tickets home today and apologized. and alpha, i guess only you and i understand that this thing was BS and i could gives 2 s***s about any opinion from another woman that endorses what she did and validating it because i told her to fu*k off. sorry. punishment didn;t fit the crime.

 

thanks for the fb.

[SoleMate]

...i'm not immature, i'm big on respect...i could gives 2 s***s about any opinion from another woman...i told her to fu*k off...

FOMCLMAO

[Weird]

It's always the immature people who say they aren't immature.

 

Dude, I understand the principality of the thing, I really do...but you were acting like the world was going to end because of this and what I dont get is you ask for advice from people, they give it and then you basically tell them to go screw themselves because it wasnt what you were looking to hear.

 

Kinda funny.

 

Oh and you are immature. Mature people dont tell their partners to ***** off, shut up, etc etc like you and her seem to do with one another.

[starmap3]

well, nice edit job there. what's worse being immature or a ****!ng know it all.

[theone44]

Originally posted by starmap3

Last night, to make a long story short, my girlfriend and i were both annoyed becasue the DVD player didn;t work. She kept trying to get it to work and I just wanted to watch TV. She was looking befuddled because the screen was blank, but it was because the TV was on a channel we don;t get. I asked her what was wrong now, in a tone that I admit was sarcastic, and she snapped back at me and said don't talk to me. I said why because you can;t see the TV is fine and she said it again. I told her to f off and got on the computer. 2.5 hours later I went to grab a beer and they were gone. I made a special trip to grab a 6 pack for us and I asked her if she drank them all and she said yes. So I gave her a peck, and went to bed. An hour later, I was sleeping and she came upstairs, in and out of the room, in and out of the bed twice, no regard for being quiet and seeing I was sleeping, while I make sure I am quiet as can be when she is sleeping. So I sit up and she is smoking a cigarette and she turns the channel and turs the TV up. I said what are you doing and she told what does it matter, you were sleeping, it's not a big deal. except for that it WAS a big deal to me, her inability to see that when things matter to me, THEY MATTER. PERIOD.

 

So I say something mean to her,l she says something back, I say just shut up, she talked again, and I went down stairs on the couch. I can;t sleep and get up, remembering I bought 5 win for life tickets to scratch while watching the movie earlier. I pick them up and turn on the light. SHE SCRATCHED THEM.

 

I go back upstairs and say, you scratched my f-in lotto tickets?! and she said:

"yeah they were all losers anyway". Then isaid why the f would you do that they were mine? and she said because i was pissed at you. basically, another few minutes of her telling me to stick it up my as- and that they were all losers and i deserved for her to scratch my tickets.

 

isn't this blatant and utter disregard for my property and what is mine? what should i do about this? this morning, all i said to her was that it was wrong of her to scratch the tickets and she said i apologize. that was the extent of the coversation, and i went to work.

 

she has a 9 year old son, i have let them move in, rearranged a bachelor's pad to accomodate a family, supported her before she started working, take her to her appointments (she can;t drive), watch her so when i can and when she needs me to, etc. i woul dlike some feedback in terms of what i have done to make them comfortable in contrast to the blatent disregard for my things (like the lotto tickets, not even asking if i wanted 1 beer out of 6, etc).

 

also, there was another time when she promised not to do something, did it, and then tried to justify it by saying "it was only one".

 

thanks

 

 

 

 

Never take crap from any women,if you do then come the disrespect. Put your foot down and let this woman know,your are the dominant man in this relationship.

[Weird]

Originally posted by starmap3

well, nice edit job there. what's worse being immature or a ****!ng know it all.

 

Being immature and getting all pissy over everything.