finally a few answers

[nomoreofthat]

so recently I had a long talk with a mutual friend of ours. he had recently had a long talk with my ex about a lot of things, much of it about our breakup. this friend was very upset when he heard about what happened, as he said we were just a "great GREAT couple". he was mostly just giving me advice from his experiences, he feels my pain. he gave me sort of an insight into what was going on with my ex without breaking his trust, ya know. it was pretty much like, "ive seen this many many times before. at your guy's age (im 20, hes 21) people are still growing and changing a lot and sometimes they feel like they're growing apart. it happens naturally". well i dont really think we grew apart. our dynamic and connection had not changed. its been consistent, we've always been best buds. BUT, i definitely know that he wants to grow and change without a relationship. our perspectives are different. for me, growing and changing is great, but you can grow and change together. its not like we're becoming different people altogether. i just dont get it.

 

the things that ive always loved about him most are the very things that made me lose him. he is a super independent person. it was always evident that I needed him, and while he loved me, he didnt NEED me. he has a billion passions. he spends much of his time recording music, and doing art. he enjoys time to himself. he just likes doing his own thing. I guess I never really wanted to change that. I think in most every relationship, at least from what ive noticed, theres a person who is a little more dependent on the other. i dont think its necessarily that one person is more into it than the other, they are just way more dependent on it, and the future of the relationship may rest on the shoulders of the other person.

 

when i said to my friend "it seems like when youve been in a relationship for so long, and you still love the person, when you start to feel like this you let the other know and at least try to work on it and give them a fair shot. it seems like he just gave up.", he said "he did give up". i asked "but why?". and he said "honestly, he cares more about his things (accomplishments he wants to make in music and art) than he does about a relationship." i responded with something like "your passions and dreams are very important and i would never try to impede on his. but human relationships make us who we are." and he said that he (my ex) didnt see things that way right now. he also said that he seemed to be doing alright and that he was using "tunnel-vision" in an effort to move on and distracting himself with other things. its his way of dealing with things.

 

realistically, I did realize that we were both very young and I wondered if we would be able to survive til the end. but i prayed that we did, honestly. we really did have a wonderful relationship, full of so much love and fun. we were eachother's best friend, lover, significant other, partner in crime, all rolled into one. I've worried that I was dillusional, that it was complete one-sided. but i know that that wasnt the case. he enjoyed every moment too. i know this sounds totally arrogant, but I honestly dont believe he'll be able to find someone he fits with him as well as me and who adores him as much as me. and I definitely know i wont find anyone who fits with me as well as him. I know that I'm more idealistic and more of a romantic, but for me, I cant imagine letting go of someone I love for any reason at all. he feels like i deserve better because he wont be able to give 100%. but it wouldnt matter to me. i just wanted him. maybe this is where my dependent side comes in, but I can't imagine chosing being alone over being with someone i love and care about. ugh. its very frustrating.

 

so what now? currently im obsessing because someone at work was talking about switching shifts with him because he was going to visit one of his friends. they didnt say who. but theres been this female friend of his who ive always been slightly jealous over. I dont really have any good reason to be. they play music together. he always said that she was a good friend but not someone he would be interested in. he even visited her a few times while we were together. she lives about 5 hours away. we've both always had lots of friends of the opposite sex. I always completely trusted him, but still part of me felt jealous. its either her or another friend of his. even if it was her, it doesnt mean anything is going on between them, but we arent together now so something could. uggggh, i cant stand that. oddly enough, a small part of me wouldnt mind if something happened between them, so he can experience a relationship between them and know that we had something special that cant be replaced. at least she doesnt live here so i wouldnt have to worry about running into them together. plus im sorry, but i just dont thinking long distance relationships work. unless maybe its like two people who are from the same city but go away for school but will eventually live in the same city again, ya know? why am I already obsessing over this? I know nothing. I dont even know if hes visiting her. and if he is, i still wouldnt know anything. he would never tell me if they were together though, because he knows it will kill me.

 

I am losing my mind. I dont know what to do with myself. I want him! I dont want anyone else but him!

[MUSIC IS MY MISTRESS]

Originally posted by nomoreofthat

 

 

the things that ive always loved about him most are the very things that made me lose him. he is a super independent person. it was always evident that I needed him, and while he loved me, he didnt NEED me. he has a billion passions. he spends much of his time recording music, and doing art. he enjoys time to himself.

 

 

 

i have a similar situation only i am pretty much the same type of guy as your boyfriend and my x left me last may because she couldnt handle my dedication to making music. she thought i was selfish and maybe i was but i dont think she understood how passionate i am about my music and she thought that i gave it priority over her and her needs.

 

Sounds like you are a great person with a positive attitude wanting to make it work. wish my x had have been.

 

 

good luck!