elvinchild Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Three years ago I met a man through mutual friends. He was the best friend of the only serious boyfriend I ever considered marrying (who wound up breaking up with me several years before) and already knew a lot about me when we met - some good things and some not so good. Despite all that when we met we became instant friends. Over the past three years we've become very close and I've never felt such a deep connection with anyone. We've both suffered through difficult pasts, made mistakes because of it, and managed to turn our lives around. We see life through the same lens and share the same passions. He is the first man I fell in love with since my first serious partner and I feel we have a much stronger connection. Since we met I have tried to ignore my feelings and date other people but I never connect to them in the same way and wind up breaking their hearts. He is married but it has been a rough road for him. He met a girl, got her pregnant right off the bat, and asked her to marry him (he is Catholic and abortion or child out of wedlock would destroy his public image). She is a wonderful girl but he tells me he doesn't connect with her like he does with me. He has told me often that we are soul mates and I am his best friend. His wife has had a perfect life and he finds stability in that but doesn't feel like they understand one another. She doesn't have the same needs for emotional or physical connection and though he has begged her for it and asked to go for couples therapy, she refuses to compromise. They have been married a year. A couple weeks ago I was in a vulnerable position and finally confessed all my feelings for him. He kissed me and an affair began. He says there is no one else he would rather be with than me and that he is considering leaving but doesn't know what the future holds. He has suggested to a few of our mutual friends that we are involved and said in front of them that we are soul mates. He has told his wife that he thinks about leaving and that if she doesn't make a change he will be gone. I know he is concerned about the consequences of disappointing the church and family too. I know the likelihood of things working out in my favor are slim. But it seems to me that his marriage wasn't what he wanted from the start. Am I holding on to false hope that we will be together one day? Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 yes you are holding on to false hope Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Am I holding on to false hope that we will be together one day? Yes. Nothing else to be said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Well, if he's Catholic then he doesn't believe in divorce either. So that's out of the question isn't it? Unless he was lying to you about marrying her only from religious duty of course. I'm not sure which is the best scenario for you. One, that he was lying about his dutiful marriage. Or two, he wasn't and will therefore remain in it. Either way, you should probably find a boyfriend who isn't going to cheat on his new bride and mother of his newborn baby. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) He is the first man I fell in love with since my first serious partner and I feel we have a much stronger connection. YEP He is married YEP he tells me he doesn't connect with her like he does with me. He has told me often that we are soul mates and I am his best friend. YEP A couple weeks YEARS ago I was in a vulnerable position and HE finally confessed all my feelings for ME YEP He says there is no one else he would rather be with than me and that he is considering leaving but doesn't know what the future holds. YEP I know he is concerned about the consequences of disappointing the church and family too. YEP I know the likelihood of things working out in my favor are slim. But it seems to me that his marriage wasn't what he wanted from the start. Am I holding on to false hope that we will be together one day?. YEP Been there, heard all all of those. More than 2 years later and in friend zone now, still hearing it all. Best I can tell you is run like the wind before your heart is destroyed and you lose yourself. Edited November 5, 2013 by Daisy2013 typo Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Tell MM he needs to delve back in to The Word and heed ALL the directions of His faith, not just the ones that work for him in the now, otherwise he will become that which is loathed most by society, a Hypicrite, and most by God, a Cheater/Adulterer. You already Know You are better than some tawdry A that will (and trust me, MM Will do this) make you into the very "harlet" from the Bible. Do not succumb to MM's abuse of you, your mind and body in this way!! PLEASE!! Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Probably false hope...to be honest. But MJ_Sky gave the best answer..you're only chance is to get out of the picture...and let him decide. Bottom line...is being out the picture is best for you either way...he'll either decide he can't live without you...or you'll figure out eventually you're better living without him if he doesn't "choose" to be with you. Harsh reality...but I'm dealing with it now for a second time since I was dumb enough to get roped back in... People say it..and it's true...NC is the best way...is it impossible to do it another way...no...but the odds are severely stacked against you.... Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 ... We've both suffered through difficult pasts, made mistakes because of it, and managed to turn our lives around. We see life through the same lens... ...Am I holding on to false hope that we will be together one day? So this is the lens that says it's Ok for a newly married man to cheat on his wife while she's caring for his new baby? I suspect you have false hope; but assuming you hope for something similar for yourself (ie being cheated on when you've just got married and had a baby) then it sounds like you are a good match for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 please do me a favor. You want the truth of this terrible tawdry situation? STOP having sex with him until he makes up his mind. YOU WILL have the truth within a few months. I promise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 He's just feeling neglected now because he is no longer his wife's focus- the baby is. He needs attention. You are providing that. He said what he had to say, in order for you to rationalize "this is OK. I connect with him better than his wife, so it's meant to be." You are rationalizing away all the red flags because you like him. You want what he says to be true. Be careful that you aren't lying to yourself. Don't be a slave to your emotions. If he is Catholic & worried about his image, he will not divorce. My opinion is that he wants his wife & family, with you as an extra. It doesn't matter if marriage isn't what he wanted- he's married. Maybe it's not as perfect & magical as he thought. Maybe his wife can't stroke his ego all day & night while she cares for a baby. Welcome to the real world, MM. He is the victim, you are the savior. He is used to being the star of show...now the baby is. Do you really want to be this guy's ego stroke? You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
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