Sometimes it all works out :)

[LilGirlandOW]

After our year long A, I'm so happy and excited to say everything has worked out amazingly. He and I are both happy, he has a gorgeous new place, I helped with the move and he and I are both hopeful about our future . It's like our feelings for each other have exploded and he's what I've always hoped for in a man. It's amazing how much more time we get together, and how much happier and optimistic we both are together.

 

Sometimes it works out

[Midnight_Princess]

Congrats lil. Nice to read a happy thread from you

[LilGirlandOW]

Thanks

 

We spend time with our children independently still, but the kids on both sides are doing great. The xW on his end as well as my xH are both taking steps independent of us in their own lives . The first night I spent at his new place he told me this is where he was meant to be, and he feels more happy and at peace than he ever has, I feel the same. The transition was hard I was insecure about "if" he would want to be independent for awhile, I guess that was just my insecurities at best.

 

Things are amazing, more than I could have imagined or hoped for

[Owl]

What are his plans for the future at this point? In the process of divorcing?

 

As long as he's ending things with his wife, then this is a good step in the right direction.

 

I would caution you to move slowly tho...we've seen many stories where the MM waffles and goes home after this kind of change. I will add, we've seen those that don't too. I'm just cautioning you to move slow.

[LilGirlandOW]

Yes. He and her are done and D'ing.

[Owl]

Yes. He and her are done and D'ing.

 

Excellent. Then I wish nothing but happiness and joy for all four of you.

 

Rock on!

[ComingInHot]

Good for you lilgirl! It must feel so good no longer being an A Secret*

Cheers to happiness for you & MM (stbxMM)

[sweet_pea]

Congrats, Lil. I must ask, are you divorcing as well?

[Daisy2013]

Good for you! I can only dream of such thing happening to me.

[Speakingofwhich]

So glad you're both so happy, LilGOW! Fun to read happy posts!

[Goodbye]

May I ask the obvious question? Has anyone (as in either of you) actually filed for divorce? I hear a lot of "divorcing" talk on this board...then it turns out that is in the most abstract way. Have divorce papers actually been filed?

[LilGirlandOW]

His D is filed for yeah.

 

Not that it really matters, and this is only a hunch I hAvnt discussed with him, but I think she (the BS) had an exit affair, just how she's been acting

[LilGirlandOW]

What are his plans for the future at this point? In the process of divorcing?

 

As long as he's ending things with his wife, then this is a good step in the right direction.

 

I would caution you to move slowly tho...we've seen many stories where the MM waffles and goes home after this kind of change. I will add, we've seen those that don't too. I'm just cautioning you to move slow.

 

I am moving cautiously, keeping my radar up .

[Goodbye]

His D is filed for yeah.

 

Not that it really matters, and this is only a hunch I hAvnt discussed with him, but I think she (the BS) had an exit affair, just how she's been acting

 

 

How about your divorce? Why doesn't MM fess up and call it even then?

[LaceyFace]

After our year long A, I'm so happy and excited to say everything has worked out amazingly. He and I are both happy, he has a gorgeous new place, I helped with the move and he and I are both hopeful about our future . It's like our feelings for each other have exploded and he's what I've always hoped for in a man. It's amazing how much more time we get together, and how much happier and optimistic we both are together.

 

Sometimes it works out

 

So nice to hear when it works out, and that an A wasn't just someone being used.

[krazikat]

So nice to hear when it works out, and that an A wasn't just someone being used.

 

Just to clarify, from what Lil has posted before, MM was kicked out by his BS. BS initiated the divorce, and by the speed at which everything is moving along BS is absolutely not messing around with handling her **** and ending the M and had likely been planning it out, but then pulled the trigger in the early morning hours and sent MM packing. So ya, lilgirl got her man!

 

Did I miss anything Lil? I don't always catch all the threads so I apologize if I missed something or got something wrong.

 

Lil seems very happy to be getting her man, even if it is by default. I hope everything works out, especially for the children's sake. I am sure Lil will appreciate an authentic relationship.

[seren]

Fast work, I am glad it hasnt dragged on for years. Have your children moved in with you both? Hope you dont mind my asking, how have they coped with the change?

That aside I hope it works out for you.

[goodyblue]

Lil, don't listen to the bitter ones. I am living a very happy, fulfilling life with the man I engaged in an affair with. Everyone says it doesn't happen, but it does. Hang in there and be good to yourself. And getting someone by default? Screw that noise. He could have run home to his wife, who is clearly not giving him what he needs. He chose you. There ARE those of us who are happy and living very good lives. And our kids are just fine too. Doing so well. Keep us updated. Ignore the nancies who can't handle hearing that anyone dare leave the scorned wife.

[JustJoe]

It definitely does work out , sometimes. My FMW and I are married and have a child and another on the way.

[sweet_pea]

He's getting his divorce underway, rather quickly, so are you? Still haven't answered that, I'm very interested to know what steps YOU are taking in regards to your own marriage. Anyways, I would be careful and cautious until you are divorced yourself since your (almost ex) husband became abusive when he found out about you and (x?)MM.

Edited November 6, 2013 by sweet_pea

[cocorico]

This is so good to hear. Thank you for coming forwarding and sharing.

 

I don't know the implications on kids but i've always wondered if the kids are better off not seeing two people married and bitter and unhappy vs seeing their parents with someone else and being happier.

 

I wish i knew the implications as I am going have to make a similar decision soon too!

 

Every situation is different, and how it is handled plays a big role in the outcome.

I can speak only of my own direct experience, both as a kid at the time with unhappy parents who stayed together despite my begging them to split, and as a step parent watching kids who had been deeply troubled start to blossom once the toxic m was a thing of the past and their father was happy and fulfilling himself in his new M.

 

It can work, and sometimes it does, if enough of the parties behave maturely.

[dichotomy]

Have you moved in together? you mention his new place.

 

Are the kids all aware you two are a couple?

 

Lots of practical things to deal with now.

[Goodbye]

He's getting his divorce underway, rather quickly, so are you? Still haven't answered that, I'm very interested to know what steps YOU are taking in regards to your own marriage. Anyways, I would be careful and cautious until you are divorced yourself since your (almost ex) husband became abusive when he found out about you and (x?)MM.

 

 

I've asked this twice...she's not answering.

[threelaurels]

I'm happy to hear things are still going well

 

Have you and MM discussed a timeline for telling his BS and the kids yet? To keep things as amicable as possible, I would suggest telling the BS before the kids. Feeling as though you're the last one to find out about something sucks, and I think she will be more open to the idea of having you around her kids more frequently if you take her feelings/opinions/thoughts on the matter into consideration.

 

I would also suggest not lying about the A if she directly asks about it. She's a smart lady, and probably can when people are lying easily. I think she will feel even more disrespected if you and MM lie to her and she finds out the truth on her own. Showing her openness and honesty will go a long way towards (re)establishing the trust needed to effectively coparent the children. You don't need to be friends with her, but she needs to know that you respect her as a person and a mother. You need to acknowledge that the A was disrespectful to her, but make it clear that it was not done with the intention of hurting, humiliating, or disrespecting her. Ask her how you can work to earn trust and respect back for the sake of the kids.

 

I should also emphasize that, although your story is a success so far, your situation is atypical as far as As go. Other women should not get false hope from your story or be encouraged to remain in relationships where they are unhappy with the hope of one day getting a happy ending as a reward for their pain and suffering. Most MM do not have exit affairs. They really are just cake eating and have no intention of actually leaving the BW.

[liloldlady]

 

If my W kicked me out yeah, I would want my mow with me too and I guess I would be proclaiming victory even though it was by default.

 

Well, then again he did not leave on his own terms so that's not the same as taking a step forward and leaving w.

 

 

Yep. If my friend got kicked out, he'd be depressed. As a man, I respect, expect, and allow him to make his own decisions. It's very important to both of us.