scaredandconfused Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 OKay.. I'm gona post here too. I need advice.. I've been married for 2 years, and very unhappily.Neither I nor my husband wanted to get married when we did but we were young and immature and I was pregnant. I was 20 and he was 20. We got pushed into by our parents basically. Our marriage has been nothing short of hell. He has cheated on me, that I know of 3 times.... he doesnt EVER pay any attention to me, never tells me I'm pretty or that I look good, he is always telling me what I did wrong and never pointing out anything I did right.. not to mention he is NEVER here.. literally... He is in the National Gaurd, and his civilian job he travels every single week. He has been home a total of 3 months the last two years, he promised me he would get out of the military but we are now heading into an 18 month deployment. He treats me like his door mat... whipes his feet on me then lives his life like he wants to.. he lies to me all the time about little things like smoking but yet expects me to believe that he's not cheating, even though I've found his profiles all over the net that say "single". I REALLY believe he's cheating agian... now this is where it gets hairy, I ran into an old flame, I was seeing this flame right before my now husband came into my life. I was in college when I met this old flame.. we will call him D... so D and I were GREAT friends, we laughed together, had an AWESOME time together, but there was a problem he was working ALOT to pay his way through college he was in his senior year of college and constantly in class or at work, we really couldn' thave a dating life... I ended up leaving that college and going back home ( an hour away from school) and thats when my now husband, I will call him W, came into my life. So D and I talked on and off and but it was hard for him he worked so much and he was still into the party scene. Me and W were just on agian off agian b/c he cheated on me alot... He was a jerk. But I kept him around b/c I was stupid... so anyways..> I ended up pregnant by him and we were forced into marriage by our parents... Even when I walked down the aisle I was crying thinking "I don't want to do this!" ANyways... so right before I got married D had called and wanted to talk to me but W answered the phone and told D that I and him were engaged and to never call back... I found out last night that D was calling that night to invite me to a weekend out with him alone... just him and me and a beautiful hotel spending the entire weekend together. So what really sucks about that is I never knew that.. thanks to W! So D and I talked on the phone las tnight forever, I told him of how horrible my marriage was and he was floored at that.. he said he thought it was kind of sudden and stuff. D said he still cared about me alot... and he wanted us to have a chance together. I really miss D he meant ALOT to me... the timing was so off.. I want so badly to go to see D, he really wants me to come see him. He and I both believe my marriage is over.. that my husband proves that constantly with all his cheating.. what do I do? Do I start seeing D now? I wish get a Divorce now if it was possible, but because W is overseas I cant file for divorce until he is back in the states, or thats what I've been lead to believe. Not to mention I am not finacially set to leave.. I dont know HOW in the heck I could support me and my child on my own. But I want out, I want out SO BAD!!! Link to post Share on other sites
hART Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 You need to leave your husband. It doesn't matter what your parents think, because he isn't being a good role model to your kids. He is going to continue to use you and you obviously aren't happy staying with him. Be patient and wait to file for divorce with him. In the meantime get a job (people can support kids on welfare, you can do it), get an education and look for a new place to live. Don't rely on D to save you from W. You need to do this on your own. If you and D are meant to be together, you will get together after the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 You CAN file for divorce while he's overseas...since you're a military spouse, I'd tell you to go to his chaplain if you've got no other recourse. He may not be able to respond to your petition for dissolution of marriage right away...but there is no reason why you can't file now. Don't do anything with your old flame until your marriage is completely ended. If nothing else, you'll respect yourself a lot more when the smoke clears. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetz Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by Owl Don't do anything with your old flame until your marriage is completely ended. If nothing else, you'll respect yourself a lot more when the smoke clears. Amen to that! I can testify to that for sure. (the respect factor I mean) Link to post Share on other sites
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