Nation of single moms: correlated to rise in BPD?

[dreamingoftigers]

People, do a basic search on your own. It's been known for a long time (and not even denied by feminists) that children with absent or non-existent fathers are more likely to: 1) be jailed, 2) develop psycho and sociopathology, and 3) specifically develop BPD. For the first two, it is not just an absent parent, in general, but an absent father. For the third one, its not yet proven if it's specifically the father or just an absent parent overall. But given the evidence for first two, many psychologists guess it's due to absent fathers. I agree with them. Have great day!

 

55% of BPD factors are genetic though, for starters.

 

I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s and I fit the bill completely.

 

My parents have also been together for 40 or so years.

 

Granted one data point doesn't make a whole macro picture but the biggest correlation for BPD sufferers is either being completely smothered or neglected to the point where either way, one is traumatized and has trouble establishing an individual identity.

 

I would suspect that people who have trouble holding together a partnership while raising a child MAY have attachment-issue factors in general.

 

For instance I had a friend that I would bet large scads of money is undiagnosed BPD. Right down to all of the self-destructice tendencies, promiscuity, suicide impulsiveness, little-girl-lost, mood swings etc)

 

And her marriage did fall apart because of it. The two children she had are already exhibiting trauma and dysfunction signs but that was BEFORE the marriage crumbled. The two parents treated their children (and each other) like afterthoughts in their own drama production.

 

Either way,had they remained together or apart, I am confident that at least one of those kids would be BPD.

 

Because the quality of parenting was pathetic.

 

That being said, I make my point: one parent that is checked-in and a quality parent IMHO would do a far superior job with a child and lowering those risk factors than two conflictual dramatists.

 

Correlation need not be causation. And BPD existed before this "divorce fever" started.

 

If I had to make a teensy guess, I would also surmise that they way and level of trauma in which the parents split also plays a large role in personal stability.

 

Divorce affects kids, no doubt about it.

 

And the initiator of a divorce is not necessarily (AT ALL) the responsible party for it.

 

In the case of my grandmother, my grandfather played around on her for years (even told me, his grandchild about it.)

Now he's been living in Florida with his mistress for 35+ years. If my grandmother finally divorced him, she'd be a part of your stats. Laughable.

 

In my case, I have so many grounds for divorce that I could build an English Estate on them. My husband didn't file even when he was at the height of his threats etc. it wasn't about assets (we have a washer and dryer set that we got for free. Ha.) or about custody. He just figured he had no need to pull the final plug. And many men won't. They'll separate, move, disappear but not file.

 

Even in that lousy friend's case when the husband had every reason in the world to file, and in fact AN ADVANTAGE, he didn't and screwed himself over. And it easy because he wanted her back. He just didn't file or fight for the kids.

 

You are taking far too broad an approach to your analysis.

 

I, for one, believe in family unit stability and that, in general, eliminating all other influencing factors it does have an effect on children and mental health. But to say: women are single mothers more now, so they parent more and initiate the divorces means that they are causing a rise in BPD. (!) jeepers, I think Fox News wants to run your story!

 

How is this rise compared to intact families rates of BPD? Are there economic factors involved? Are the fathers of these single-parent kids paying child support? Accessing visitation? What about single fathers? Any comparable rise there? Is it that more people overall are being diagnosed?

 

Frankly I find the analysis personally offensive. I strongly believe that if my father WASN'T present, do many other things would have shifted that I would not have had BPD fully bloom in my adulthood.

[dreamingoftigers]

He strongly suspects his wife is BPD.

 

So far, this is the only thing you got right. You can theorize. You cannot conclude.

 

In the medical world, even psychiatrists need 2 things. 1) You need high quality data. 2) You need a logical interpretation of that data. This particular conclusion has neither.

 

I'm curious as to why you've chosen to theorize about these 2 particular issues together. That you are sore about not being around your kids is obvious, even understandable. But why BPD? As far as psychiatric diagnoses go, it's not even that common. Not super rare, but not common. Most people will probably meet a handful of borderlines in their lifetimes, and it will probably be quite memorable, due to the dramatic nature of the condition. (And since we like to be technical, the NIMH pegs the prevalence as about 1.4%. NIMH · National Survey Tracks Prevalence of Personality Disorders in U.S. Population. I don't see any comment about rates rising either, but that doesn't seem to have been within the scope of this particular survey. I haven't heard anything about the rates rising.) Just as a comparison, depression is far more common. You probably run into a depressed person a few times a week or even a few times a day, depending on how often you get out. Even PTSD is more common. ADHD is the trendy thing to make up wild theories about these days. So why BPD? Does it have some special significance to you? Does BPD run in your family or something?

[trippi1432]

He strongly suspects his wife is BPD.

 

He strongly suspects a lot of things.........

[lollipopspot]

I would suspect that people who have trouble holding together a partnership while raising a child MAY have attachment-issue factors in general.

 

I think that's often true, especially when people can't keep a relationship together through their child's toddlerhood. Just 3 years, to make a more stable human being, and many people can't manage it.

 

The first few years of life have a major influence on child's success later in life – from good health and success in school, to the level of self-esteem and social skills. Children's brains develop incredibly fast, and nerve connections that are forged during that period through interaction with those closest to them remain unchanged for the rest of their lives.

 

Overall emotional stability and feelings of trust are also established during the first few years of life, and later become the basis for all important relationships with peers, adults and partners, and even with one's own children.

 

It can be said that this critical period of a child's development offers great opportunities for each child, but it is also the period when those opportunities can be wasted. Poor upbringing in the first years of life is later reflected in feelings of dissatisfaction with life, impaired relationships, learning difficulties, eating disorders, high rates of crime and violence, addiction and other personal and social issues. It is evident that such disorders become increasingly more expensive and difficult to treat later in life, often bringing no results.

First 3 Are Most Important!

 

Maybe you should become an activist fighting for men to stay and raise their own children, no matter what they feel about the babymama. Seems like the fear of creating sociopaths isn't enough to keep the menfolk around the kids. Including you.

 

I think that the better thing would be that people choose much more carefully who they have risky sex with (or any sex at all). You are always potentially choosing the mother or father for your offspring when you have sex.

 

I mean, if this person is too crazy or unstable to want to be with, are they the best person to parent your child?

[lindsay1990]

I read the title of this thread and was seriously expecting it to be:

 

 

"Is BPD rising and that's why more men 'leave' women and there are more single mothers?"

 

I honestly almost didn't open this thread because I am sick and tired of hearing women's emotions getting pinned on BPD, or getting the crazy-finger pointed at you when you react out of line or worse, just step out of line and create disruption.

 

Ha, obviously that's not what you're saying and just shows me how bad my recent relationship effed me up and just put me on the defensive, man.

 

 

Anyway, my 2 cents on your question. From my laymen perspective, I understand BPD has at its core a deep fear of abandonment. I grew up with both my parents together but growing up my biggest fear was if something were to happen to my parents, who would take care of me? I would get nervous when they would drive or fly together some place where they could perish together, you know? I was an only child, growing up in foreign country and really just couldn't imagine something happening to my parents and being shipped back to my country to live with some relatives I saw once a year.

 

So, I guess if you have a single parent household, you abandonment anxieties can be exacerbated just by fact of this fear. Even if your single parent is attentive and loving, and you have a great support system, I think that as a kid you still know that (in most families) things will change a LOT for you - and not necesarilly to make your life easier - if you have to be taken in by other people. Perhaps in the kid's mind they have one less parent to fall back on so they are, even subconsciously, more on edge about this and can make them fear abandonment more/act out in BPD patterns.

 

Additionally, other BPD behaviors like self-harm or risky behavior, could also come from this because, say your single parent doesn't have a such a good support system so they can either go work early morning till late night and provide, but not have much attention for you otherwise. So the kid can maybe being to seek out negative attention, although this carries the shi.tty implication that BPDs "do it for attention" and that's definitely NOT what I'm trying to say.