Male 30 never been in a relationship..

[string of letters]

At the risk of stating the obvious: THE NUMBER 30 DOESN"T MEAN ANYTHING. We have ten digits on our hands, so we tend to regard numbers ending in 0 as milestones but... that's it. At least you're not in an alternate universe where we have twelve digits, because you would have already given up the ghost at age 24.... or maybe it would be a better place because you could wait until 36 for that. Who knows.

 

A lot of people have tried to at least offer differing perspectives, how would you feel if their replies looked as (can I say this on here?) pouty and insolent as yours are starting to get?

[elbe]

First of all you need to ditch that fear. The next girl that even looks at you funny you need to ask out to dinner.

 

Remember*** Don't mess it up!! Just joking - you are going to screw up a lot. If it works out she will only love you more laughing together about how silly you were.

[Shaine]

Yes. Just ask some girls out on a date. Think of it as practising your dating skills with women.

[rhi43]

Hey dude, firstly sorry to hear about your troubles with mental health and such. We have a lot of those kinds of things in my family and so my deepest sympathy goes out to you and everything you must have had to deal with in your life so far.

 

Secondly, if you think your time is up at 30, then I'm sorry to say that you're wrong. If you were right, people wouldn't remarry in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and so on. I know you're probably thinking that those people don't count because they've already been married or had relationships when they were "supposed to", but I have another counterpoint for you: those people messed up many relationships, far more than you have, which means you may actually be doing better than they are by not having been divorced by the time you're 30, so you've got that up your sleeve!

 

Another reason I can tell you that age doesn't matter is because I know 4 couples with a 17-year age gap or more. One of them the girl was 23 when she got married to the guy who was in his 40s. He may have been around the block a few times which is different to your situation, but it was her first relationship, which goes to show that not every 22-year-old girl (or whatever age) has experience. There will be some girls out there who want to meet you and get to know you and don't have the experience you seem to think they do.

 

There are also definitely others out there who are in similar positions to you. A good friend of mine is married to a guy who also lost his virginity to a hooker in his 20s. When they met a few years later, she understood his lack of relationship experience and was happy to teach him how to be in a relationship. He is wonderful to her and her to him. These are people I know, not just randoms, it can't be that uncommon.

 

Anyway I saw that you said you're not going to reply to any more posts. I don't care if you do or not, I just hope that something I said maybe helps somewhat.

 

Good luck.

[OnlyHonesty]

It sounds like you place women on a pedestal, they aren't goddesses, they are human beings just like anyone else. They aren't mythical creatures with halo's and glitter so I would get back to reality in that respect.

 

I bet A lot of how you feel is due to conditioning by society, media, peers and people in general. You seem to link your value as a man externally via validation from the opposite gender which is a mistake many men make, especially PUA's. As soon as you build women up to be more than human, not only are you setting yourself up to fail, you are setting yourself up for major disappointment as well.

[SmartDude]

I can understand were your coming from, probably more than most on this forum.

My first long term relationship was at the age of 32.

 

You my friend are an incel(involuntary celibate). There are support groups out there for people like us, forums and all kinds of resources if you search the internet.

 

I know what it's like. Feeling like you are missing out on the most fundamental of human experiences. All around you people seem to be dating and having relationships without even trying. And yes they take it all for granted. But not you.

 

I also remember turning 30 and literally giving up on the whole thing because it would just be less pain that way. I am not an unattractive person either. Women would meet me and assume that I had a girlfriend or that I was a player who had plenty of choices. That is what emotional baggage can do to people you see.

 

You need to realize that you are unique. It takes a strong person to go without anyone for so long and still find the strength to live. You can probably tolerate being alone in a way that would make the average person commit themselves to a mental institution. This skill will come in very handy later in life when you realize you don't need to depend on another person to be happy.

 

So what is the answer? Well that is different for every individual. You might start by not focusing too much on an attraction to one person, don't let it consume you. Don't let on that you like someone right away...even if it is torture. Realize that everyone struggles with romance, especially people who have had bad experiences with lovers in their past. You need to develop a "f*&%@ it, I am just going to get shot down and love it" attitude. Don't invest in someone who is just kind of meh about you. Make them work for your inner treasures because trust me, you are unique and you have something they do not.

 

When I started and ultimately ended that first relationship I broke all the "rules" and just decided to be creative and make up new ones. My girlfriend was a mess emotionally but we really loved each other. And we are still friends many years later! Why burn bridges and go no contact? I say honour and respect every person who enters your life. There are people in their death beds, as we speak, wishing they had done this.

 

And don't be worried about the age thing. I am 40 now and 25 year old women are still trying to get into my pants lol. The difference now is that I actually notice it instead of following a self-defeating thought pattern. Do I always act on it? nope. But that is only because I have had years of practice in taming my desire.

[Beast_117]

I'm 22 and headed down the same path. I have nothing to offer women..not even conversation.I can't possibly imagine a girl ever wanting to spend their life with someone like me. It's the typical dudebros/idiots who get all the women..and women are idiots for falling for the same bull**** over and over again and then when their 30 they want some nice guy to settle down with and help her take of her 4 kids that she had from different dudes. **** that.

 

Oh well, at least I'm not stuck with having to pay child support to 3 girls

[Tomswrd]

It's been a year since I wrote here, I am still battling with mental illness, I may have to accept that I will have depression forever now.

 

However sometimes I think it may be time to end my life.

 

I cannot live with having missed out on the best years of my life, I can never have my 20s back to enjoy with the opposite sex like everyone does on this planet.

 

I look at myself in the mirror I don't see a young guy anymore full of potential, I see a broken middle aged man.

 

I would prefer not to be alive, I failed myself and I failed all those women who were attracted and expressed interest in me, depression won and it has successfully stolen my youth.

 

There is no way to repair this situation, I missed out on what is the most important stage in one's life.

Edited July 11, 2014 by Tomswrd

[molimo140]

It's been a year since I wrote here, I am still battling with mental illness, I may have to accept that I will have depression forever now.

 

However sometimes I think it may be time to end my life.

 

I cannot live with having missed out on the best years of my life, I can never have my 20s back to enjoy with the opposite sex like everyone does on this planet.

 

I look at myself in the mirror I don't see a young guy anymore full of potential, I see a broken middle aged man.

 

I would prefer not to be alive, I failed myself and I failed all those women who were attracted and expressed interest in me, depression won and it has successfully stolen my youth.

 

There is no way to repair this situation, I missed out on what is the most important stage in one's life.

 

I sincerely hope that you have sought therapy for your issues. Nothing beats talking to another person when it comes to dealing with mental health issues.

 

Allow me to say that the presence of another person should not define your life. You are the only person who can define your life. If you believe that another person can make you whole, then you are going about battling your problems in an unhealthy manner.

 

Learning to truly understand who you are, what you want, and then learning to love yourself is, to me, the most important part of life. This is simply because once all the external has fallen away, and you are all that is left, if you are happy with who you are, then you will always be whole.

 

I do not think this process is simple, and I also believe that it is an ongoing process throughout your entire life. I believe that each and every person has it within them to reach a state at which they are wholly content with their own lives. I believe in you, and I hope that your issues are resolved.

 

Never lose hope.

[KaliLove]

OP are you seeking help outside of Loveshack? I think this is beyond the scope of what a bunch of people online are capable of helping you with.

 

That said, we can certainly be here for you along with therapy. 31 is not middle aged. You're still very young. Keep fighting and keep posting.

[Targetlock]

never give up! the journey to find that one special person is just taking you longer than usual, and when you find them it will make everything seem worthwhile, every failure just one step on the path that led you to them

 

Good luck!!

[spiderowl]

Firstly, you don't need me to tell you you are feeling depressed, which is one reason you are seeing everything in such a black light.

 

You haven't missed the boat on women at all. You've had a tough time and you need to realise you've coped with a lot and that that will have given you maturity. Women appreciate maturity.

 

Despite your friends all being well off, there are women out there who are seeking a nice guy to build something with and not expecting him to have it all from the start.

 

You've pretty much identified yourself that you are 'switching off' and assuming nothing will work with a woman so you are barely showing interest in them. You might find that if you do pay attention and show interest, you will at least make new friends who get to know you. From friendship anything can happen. Don't expect a hot romance from the start - that's what players go for but then they are not exactly looking for long term are they?

 

I don't think experience matters so much to a woman. Of course women like confidence - well, because we want the guy to show interest and if he's not confident he won't do that. As a woman, it's just as hard to be confident with a guy. At least if you know he's interested, you have got a starting point. I'm sorry you were messed around. It does happen to everyone so don't assume it was because of something personal to you.

 

Relationships start with acknowledging people and making contact (saying hello, smiling), then when there is some familiarity, building on that with stopping to chat, asking about the person, getting together for social events, and then when you know each other well, hopefully romance can build.

 

Not every woman comes from a wealthy family. Maybe you are mixing in the wrong circles. Might be best to find clubs, etc. where people share similar interests with you rather than social backgrounds, more scope to get to know different people.

 

I don't think you realise what personal power an attractive guy has got. You are immediately shutting others out when you could stop, say hello, and see what happens. I do know what you mean and why, but some of it is unconscious prejudice on your part, an assumption that because they have all these things you think you don't have, they won't want to know. Just suppose they would want to know if you gave them a way in? Why not try it and see? Just saying hello is a start.

[KaliLove]

To those of you who are saying you don't want to end up like the OP etc..you are being extremely unhelpful. This man obviously needs mental help and telling him that you dread ending up in his situation is liable to make things much worse for him.

 

Shame on you for being selfish and disrespectful.

[kolleamm]

I can tell you that I suffer from depression as well. Some days are hard and others are more bearable. It's been like this ever since I was young.

 

That being said, I have done everything in my power to overcome it.

When depression hits me, that mental Sargent comes into my head and says get out of bed maggot, and you know what I listen to him.

 

When I'm scared to approach a woman and talk to her, he comes into my head again and says what are you waiting for (insert bad word here).

 

I don't care who or what you are, but you need to get out there and start meeting women.

 

Find a club on meetup, sign up for classes, switch jobs, flirt with cashiers, go to night clubs or bars. I don't care what it is.

 

I don't care if you are happy or sad, go meet women.

 

That's the kind of mentality that gets you through the storm of depression and back on your feet, doing whatever it takes despite how you feel.

 

My imaginary Sargent motivator might seem like a crazy idea but it sure does give me a good confidence boost when I'm down and acting like a coward.

 

Women want a man, and you are one no doubt about that.

 

If you really want to be happy you don't need to solve your depression just push it out of the way.

 

I believe in you, now you need to believe in yourself.

[Noproblem]

You are still young!

Having fun have no age limits, you just need the right mentality.

[Tomswrd]

OP are you seeking help outside of Loveshack? I think this is beyond the scope of what a bunch of people online are capable of helping you with.

 

That said, we can certainly be here for you along with therapy. 31 is not middle aged. You're still very young. Keep fighting and keep posting.

 

I have had therapy and been on heavy doses of drugs since my early 20s. 5 months ago I came off everything because I was tired of being a zombie. It has been tough relapsed several times, but also woke up to the fact I'm 31 and time is really up for young girls and for many things in my life.

 

I appreciate the encouragement but the facts speak for themselves. I cannot date, go out or sleep with young 20s girls it feels wrong now and even if I could it is last call now, in other words I have little to no time left.

 

never give up! the journey to find that one special person is just taking you longer than usual, and when you find them it will make everything seem worthwhile, every failure just one step on the path that led you to them

 

All I wanted was to have a few relationships and not meet Mrs. Right too soon, it seems that is all I have time left for now.

 

From friendship anything can happen. Don't expect a hot romance from the start - that's what players go for but then they are not exactly looking for long term are they?

From experience I would disagree, friendship is not a way to start a relationship, you get put into the friend zone.

 

kolleamm I appreciate the words of encouragement, meeting girls is not the problem, many girls have hit on me in my life time, the trouble is the rat (depression) literally eats my innards when I see young girls or people in relationships or people out having fun or when an attractive girl is speaking to me.

 

I failed so many women who hit on me. I simply cannot face the fact I missed out on the best years of my life. It is for this reason I believe it is time to leave. There is no way to repair it. There is no way to be young again and do what all young people do.

 

Cuddling or sex in your 30's and beyond is probably not the same as it was in your teens and 20's

fullofregret217 how would you know? Put a lid on it. Edited July 13, 2014 by Tomswrd

[molimo140]

...I simply cannot face the fact I missed out on the best years of my life...There is no way to repair it. There is no way to be young again and do what all young people do.

 

What is to say that the best years of your life have already occurred? Aren't the best years of your life the ones in which you are the happiest, most fulfilled, and most complete?

 

It sounds to me that these years which you refer to as "the best" were filled with regret, depression, and heartache. Hardly seems fitting to call them "the best" now doesn't it?

 

Your life is what you make of it. Let me reiterate my point that another person should not define your life. It isn't the job of another person to make you whole. Only by understanding and accepting who you are, what you believe, and what you want, and thereby loving yourself, can you be whole.

 

How can you expect to have another person want to be a part of your life when it doesn't sound like you want to be a part of your own life?

 

I believe that you have the ability to be accepting and contented in your own life, but only by putting in the time will it happen. I urge you to not give up.

[Tomswrd]

What is to say that the best years of your life have already occurred? Aren't the best years of your life the ones in which you are the happiest, most fulfilled, and most complete?

 

It sounds to me that these years which you refer to as "the best" were filled with regret, depression, and heartache. Hardly seems fitting to call them "the best" now doesn't it?

 

Your life is what you make of it. Let me reiterate my point that another person should not define your life. It isn't the job of another person to make you whole. Only by understanding and accepting who you are, what you believe, and what you want, and thereby loving yourself, can you be whole.

 

How can you expect to have another person want to be a part of your life when it doesn't sound like you want to be a part of your own life?

 

I believe that you have the ability to be accepting and contented in your own life, but only by putting in the time will it happen. I urge you to not give up.

 

I am not looking for Mrs. Right, but your post seems to suggest this is the only option now, what ever happened to casual young relationships? The suggestion that I should be settling down with the right woman equals to me ending my life immediately, what happened to having a bit of fun in the field like everyone I know did? I know I missed my 20s.

 

I'm quite aware that another person does not define my life. I am talking about normal interaction with the opposite sex. Your 20s are very important formative years, you will never again have such opportunities to do what is natural.

 

That is why they are supposed to be the best years of anybody's, not just mine, but anybody's life.

 

There is unfortunately a biological clock, and you are no spring chicken at 30.

 

A 22 year old told me in a club I was too old, I couldn't disagree with her, I should have been 23-24 hitting on her. Not 30-31.

 

That is why yes I certainly missed the best years of my life, because of a mental illness. That boat has sailed and I wasn't on it.

 

I do not wish to live a life where I missed out on my 20s, especially with the opposite sex. That is why I don't think I can live anymore. I refuse to be the old perv hitting on young girls, simply because I didn't do what I should have been doing at the right age.

Edited July 14, 2014 by Tomswrd

[KaliLove]

I have had therapy and been on heavy doses of drugs since my early 20s. 5 months ago I came off everything because I was tired of being a zombie. It has been tough relapsed several times, but also woke up to the fact I'm 31 and time is really up for young girls and for many things in my life.

 

I appreciate the encouragement but the facts speak for themselves. I cannot date, go out or sleep with young 20s girls it feels wrong now and even if I could it is last call now, in other words I have little to no time left.

 

 

 

All I wanted was to have a few relationships and not meet Mrs. Right too soon, it seems that is all I have time left for now.

 

From experience I would disagree, friendship is not a way to start a relationship, you get put into the friend zone.

 

kolleamm I appreciate the words of encouragement, meeting girls is not the problem, many girls have hit on me in my life time, the trouble is the rat (depression) literally eats my innards when I see young girls or people in relationships or people out having fun or when an attractive girl is speaking to me.

 

I failed so many women who hit on me. I simply cannot face the fact I missed out on the best years of my life. It is for this reason I believe it is time to leave. There is no way to repair it. There is no way to be young again and do what all young people do.

 

fullofregret217 how would you know? Put a lid on it.

 

Why do you need very young girls? What's wrong with dating women your own age?

[EngnimaticResponse]

I am not looking for Mrs. Right, but your post seems to suggest this is the only option now, what ever happened to casual young relationships? The suggestion that I should be settling down with the right woman equals to me ending my life immediately, what happened to having a bit of fun in the field like everyone I know did?I know I missed my 20s.

There are plenty of relationships that DON'T end in marraige they just end. They're called "Short Term Relationships", and you should not discount them since, with your lack of experience, it may be exactly what you NEED.

 

I'm quite aware that another person does not define my life. I am talking about normal interaction with the opposite sex. Your 20s are very important formative years, you will never again have such opportunities to do what is natural. What did you miss? A few parties? Being impulive and stupid? There are people who do that their entire lives. Ever seen "Sex and the City?" You think they pulled that idea out of thier behinds? If that is what you want, what is stopping you?

 

That is why they are supposed to be the best years of anybody's, not just mine, but anybody's life. The people who say that got it all out of thier system early and now live very subdued lives, comparitively speaking. But there is no set time for your "best years". You have to MAKE THEM. On YOUR OWN time.

 

There is unfortunately a biological clock, and you are no spring chicken at 30. Says who?

 

A 22 year old told me in a club I was too old, I couldn't disagree with her, I should have been 23-24 hitting on her. Not 30-31. Was she the only one in the club? Did you ask any others? Preferrably ones who were trying to flirt with you as this one probably was not?

 

That is why yes I certainly missed the best years of my life, because of a mental illness. That boat has sailed and I wasn't on it. Again, why do you think they were the best? They certainly don't sound like they were. If the last 10 were "the best", what exactly are you expecting for the rest? As I stated above you have to make them buddy. They don't just 'happen'.

 

I do not wish to live a life where I missed out on my 20s, especially with the opposite sex. That is why I don't think I can live anymore. I refuse to be the old perv hitting on young girls, simply because I didn't do what I should have been doing at the right age. This is your depression talking, not you. Maybe you should not have dropped the crutch completely. But simply cut back on its use.

 

I am in much the same boat that you are, but I have 6 years on you.

[EngnimaticResponse]

I have had therapy and been on heavy doses of drugs since my early 20s. 5 months ago I came off everything because I was tired of being a zombie. As I said above, you dropped the crutch too soon. You need to change your way of thinking in order to 'cope' without the drugs.

 

It has been tough relapsed several times, but also woke up to the fact I'm 31 and time is really up for young girls and for many things in my life. Why? I get more flirtation from them NOW then I ever got when I was IN my 20's.

 

I appreciate the encouragement but the facts speak for themselves. I cannot date, go out or sleep with young 20s girls it feels wrong now and even if I could it is last call now, in other words I have little to no time left.

What you are feeling is called MATURITY. You have out-grown them; which is not a bad thing. Besides which, I can name many women, both famous and non-famous, who look Way better in thier 30's then they did in their 20's.

 

 

All I wanted was to have a few relationships and not meet Mrs. Right too soon, it seems that is all I have time left for now. You don't meet Mrs. Right. You meet Miss Right Now and she turns into Mrs. Right.

 

From experience I would disagree, friendship is not a way to start a relationship, you get put into the friend zone. When women speak of this they are referring to two people who have little to no intrest in one another romantically and have other opptions. That is friendship. When one DOES have a romantic interest, that is friend-zone.

 

kolleamm I appreciate the words of encouragement, meeting girls is not the problem, many girls have hit on me in my life time, the trouble is the rat (depression) literally eats my innards when I see young girls or people in relationships or people out having fun or when an attractive girl is speaking to me.

 

I failed so many women who hit on me. I simply cannot face the fact I missed out on the best years of my life. It is for this reason I believe it is time to leave. There is no way to repair it. There is no way to be young again and do what all young people do.

 

fullofregret217 how would you know? Put a lid on it.

 

missed out on the best years of my life

on the best years of my life

best years of my life

best years of

BEST YEARS

 

Why do you keep obsessing about this?

[Tomswrd]

Its in men's DNA unfortunately

 

Will you be quiet. Just stop writing your nonsense on this thread.

 

Why do you need very young girls? What's wrong with dating women your own age?

 

Well I'm told by people on this thread I have not missed out, yet clearly if I am not allowed to go for girls in their early 20s because I am too old, then I have.

 

I like women all ages, but I'd at least liked to have experienced what I should have when I was younger and the time was right..

 

missed out on the best years of my life

on the best years of my life

best years of my life

best years of

BEST YEARS

 

Why do you keep obsessing about this?

 

Because its a fact.. I can't go for younger girls anymore. I would have wanted to get it out of my system and then settle down, now I can't, its too late.

Edited July 14, 2014 by Tomswrd

[EngnimaticResponse]

Will you be quiet. Just stop writing your nonsense on this thread.

 

This is a public forum. Nay-sayers are allowed. Ignore them.

 

Well I'm told by people on this thread I have not missed out, yet clearly if I am not allowed to go for girls in their early 20s because I am too old, then I have. Who says you arn't Allowed? Where is that writen?

 

I like women all ages, but I'd at least liked to have experienced what I should have when I was younger and the time was right.. Well, you didn't. Get over it. But....

 

Because its a fact.. I can't go for younger girls anymore. I would have wanted to get it out of my system and then settle down, now I can't, its too late.

 

This is Not a fact. It's an oppinion. If you share the oppinion/can't see yourself dating someone that young, then you have out-grown them. Your view is also very one-sided. There are many women in their early 20's who will and do date men in their 30's-40's. In their mind you are not 'too old'. They have not 'missed out' on their 20's lifestyle, they are living it, and would be more then happy to allow you to be part of it. Expecially if you are as good looking as you claim. Young women are more visual in thier choices.

Edited July 14, 2014 by EngnimaticResponse

[Tomswrd]

I don't feel any older than 23, and when I hit 23 I felt like 35.

 

It's not a case of having out grown them, its a case of I am too old for them physically, looks wise, experience wise (or lack of) just everything...

 

Well, you didn't. Get over it. But....

 

I refuse to live without that part or having missed that part of my life, therefore I wish to end it...

[EngnimaticResponse]

I don't feel any older than 23, and when I hit 23 I felt like 35.

 

It's not a case of having out grown them, its a case of I am too old for them physically, looks wise, experience wise (or lack of) just everything...

 

 

 

I refuse to live without that part or having missed that part of my life, therefore I wish to end it...

 

Again, that is the depression talking. I know. I have it. I've learned to deal with it. Did you even read the Rest of my post?