Starnette83 Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Hi i know that guys watch porn and ive tried being ok with it but for some reason it still gives me this chill allover my body, and my throat feels stufffed and i get angry when i find it in my bf comp... why??? the thing is that i feel fairly attractive and sexy, i dress nice, am naughty and im always sexual with my bf so he has NO COMPLAINTS, he even sais i turn him on alot and we do it even 4 times a day when we see eachother, anyways today i was in his comp and i found porn...EEEeek , one pic mainly sticks in my head, it was a pic of an ass bending ove r and u can see all her vagina, it was very pornographic (dirty)..anyways this made me sick.... I told my bf cuz i cant seem to get my mouth shut...anyways he said "oh its no big deal..bla bla stop trying to find reasons to get mad" and is aid im not but i dont understand why u do this when we are always having sex and stuff, its just gross! and i told him how i undersatnd if he wasnt getting any and if i didnt show off my body to him..anyways it got nowhere so i just shut up and said "Ok watch it all u want but imma stop putting out as much cuz obviously me having lotsa sex with u doesnt make a difference"... anyways i also found out he sent this pic to one of his buddies online whihc i think is reatarded, i just dont get it!!!!! why, are all guys really like this? and should i just give up the quest for the guy who would not watch porn while with me and just enjoy me. i need in-put...NOW!! and are myf eelings appropriate? cuz i really get this EEEEEk feeling inside when i see this....it grosses me out and it really makes me nto wanna be as sexual as i am ....hmm Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 I think you should stop looking through your boyfriend's computer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Share Posted December 16, 2004 i wasnt looking, i was looking at my pics and when i pressed next int he slide show it took me to that ass pic with the vagina hanging out..eee....really annoying!! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 You should discuss that with him. Insist that he seperates his porn from your pictures, so that you're not confronted with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 I agree with Dyer. Star, your post gives me a very "EEEk" feeling all over too. Porn has nothing to do with you. Read that a few times. Please understand this and then go tell all of your friends so they'll shut up too. It's got nothing to do with you. Whether or not we look at porn, is not a statement on how attractive we think you are, how much we like you, how satisfied we are in the relationship or how satisfied we are in bed. We just look at porn sometimes. There's no deep psychological reason for it. Stop taking it personally. Sweet jiminy jesus...all of you women, please shut up. I can't tell you why porn gives you the feeling that it does, but you definately need to find a way to cope with it positively. Denying your boyfriend sex as "punishment" for looking at porn is NOT positive. In fact, it's really stupid and immature. Let's get this straight. You define yourself as "naughty" and have sex with your boyfriend four times a day when you're together...but you find pornographic PICTURES disgusting? Does that make sense at all? What are the people in the pictures doing? Having sex. What are you two doing on a regular basis? .... Dancing? Wrestling? Knitting tea cozies?! Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Denying your boyfriend sex as "punishment" for looking at porn is NOT positive. In fact, it's really stupid and immature. I don't think she's necessarily using it as a punishment. I think it's perfectly okay *not* giving sex to your bf when you don't feel like it. I think it's perfectly understandable not giving sex to your boyfriend when something he did/is doing *turns you off*. I think a woman has the right to deny sex to her bf *when he's done something that hurt her and she hasn't still recovered*. (the *majority* of women don't enjoy sex at all when they are hurt at their partners). Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 What exactly has he "done"? I think she needs to try to discover why porn/masturbation makes her feel the way it does and deal with that, instead of just looking at the boyfriend like he's a dog who has wet the rug and saying: "No! Bad! No treat for you!" "Ok watch it all u want but imma stop putting out as much cuz obviously me having lotsa sex with u doesnt make a difference"... She is attempting to change his behavior through threats. Where is there a grey area of interpretation here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Share Posted December 16, 2004 i agree with Adunaphel ... The reason i dont want to have sex with my bf anymore (as much) is because 1st off i feel turned off, knowing he watches porn so much doesnt make me want to have sex with him instead makes me want to buy him a porno mag and handing it to him and being like, here watch it and jack off it.. cuz honestly by him watching porn even tho we have such a great sex life shows 1. he takes sex w/ me for granted, meaning sex isnt enough, he wants to see other pussys and asses and jack off them, cuz 4 times of cumming cuz of me isnt enough 2. Hes never satisfied "the grass is always greener on the other side"..he needs some stimulation from elsewhere. ... I dont get it!!!! All i know that i have tried understanding porn, and being okay with it, ive even tried watching it alone to see why guys do this? whats so special about it...and what ive learned is ... 1. its addictive....and its vulgar.. 2. when u watch too much porn, when u finally have sex with ure significant other these images u have watched come in to mind, making u turned on not cuz ure having sex with ure b/f or g/f but cuz of these images that have stuck, taking out the emotional and beautiful partof having sex, and making it just SEX- dirty sex to get that horney feeling off.. 3. everytime u see a female or male u somehow see them without their cloth, the porn then makes women with big boobs look like sluts and u can even see them w/ out a shirt in a mental way, when u see someone bending over in an innocent way, somehow u think of it perverted... Basically to me porn just makes u think and behave more perverted, it makes men think of women as objects. No wonder nowadays relationships dont work out, porn is becoming rich and ruining love relationships. It makes men wonder what else is out there, cuz they see images with big chest , big butts, all these varieties and therfeor cant settle with one because they have that curiousity of experiencing with others. I just think porn has more cons then pros, and molestation has occured because of porn! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Share Posted December 16, 2004 I cannot see a future with my bf if he keeps this up so whoever thinks porn is normal , think again, ure most likely jsut trapped because ure addicted and want to make yourself believe its normal and right Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Starnette, clearly you will believe what you wish, no matter what the truth actually is. So dump the guy and move on. Take the next guy to a private detective and have him run a lie detector test on him to find out whether the guy ever looks at porn or not. Do this with every guy until you find one who feels the same way you do. I hope you have a lot of money to pay for the tests. To remind you, however: not everybody who takes a drink once in a while is an alcoholic and not everybody who looks at porn is an addict. Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 I enjoy porn and have no intention of giving it up when married. My girlfriend has no problem with it and she seems to have a life and better things to do than to monitor what I am looking at 24x7. I believe the op needs to get a life and some self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
TotallyUsed Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 I have been reading LS for a while now, but this is the first time I actually felt the urge to post. It's got nothing to do with you. Whether or not we look at porn, is not a statement on how attractive we think you are, how much we like you, how satisfied we are in the relationship or how satisfied we are in bed. We just look at porn sometimes. There's no deep psychological reason for it. Stop taking it personally. THANK YOU.......I'm gonna print that out and stick it up somewhere! I'm ok with porn, like to look at the pictures, using my imagination to put me in that scenario. I haven't ever found my husband looking at porn, but I'm pretty sure he must do...and I know I'd feel a bit sick if I found any just because I have trouble with self-esteem and would go through all those little niggles that you get when your man appears to be lusting after someone else. I think that is probably the issue here, a self-esteem problem. The porn is NOT affecting your sex life, its not like he's into the porn and not into you. Maybe the fact he's looking at porn is why your sex life is so great! If it ain't broke don't fix it! That quote above is just fantastic, it totally says it all. these images u have watched come in to mind, making u turned on not cuz ure having sex with ure b/f or g/f but cuz of these images that have stuck I'm sorry ~ but my mind wanders when I'm having sex, so are we now saying fantasies are bad too?! I'm not saying I'm lying there wishing I was with someone else, but...well...sometimes ~ variety is the spice of life! molestation has occured because of porn! I TOTALLY disagree with this statement. Bad things happen because some people are naturally bad, not because of what they watch on TV or see on the Internet! Starnette83 ~ I do sympathise with you because I think you're lacking in self-esteem. We women have a heck of a lot to compete with in the media etc, and porn is an extension of that. I would say that the two of you are obviously highly sexual, go with it while it lasts. I do think its strange that you are quite a sexual being but have trouble with porn, which is basically visual sexual expression! I might be wrong, but I think your bf will only become more enthralled with the porn if you keep bending his ear and moaning at him all the time....he'll need to escape to the land-of-porn more often to take his mind off you. Oh - and keep re-reading that quote by Grinning Maniac - it makes a lot of sense! Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Yeah, I'm with you havNfun. I'm glad my girlfriend is fine with it as well. I'm not married, but I'm in a sexually actively relationship, so that's probably close enough for them. I'll tell you something, I'm not "fantasizing" about any porn stars when I'm with my girl, sexually or otherwise. I'm not even thinking about porn when I'm going about my daily business. The only time I ever think about porn stars is when I start jerking off. It doesn't even exist to me at any other time. Furthermore, I can't speak for other guys but I never "fantasize" about porn stars. I look at their tits and asses for visual aid in masturbation. That's all. I don't sit around picturing romantic situations I could be in with the star of Cum Sucking Sluts 13. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Also, porn does not give me any unrealistic perceptions of sex. I love having sex with my girlfriend, and I don't even put it in the same sphere of reality as what I see in porn. Simply put, porn sex is fake. VERY fake. People don't actually act or **** like that and it's pretty damned obvious. Unless you're an idiot, you don't contrast and compare. Porn is visual aid and entertainment. Period. Also, let me address something you said yourself Star . by him watching porn even tho we have such a great sex life shows 1. he takes sex w/ me for granted, meaning sex isnt enough, he wants to see other pussys and asses and jack off them, cuz 4 times of cumming cuz of me isnt enough 2. Hes never satisfied "the grass is always greener on the other side"..he needs some stimulation from elsewhere. It SHOWS those things to you? Are you sure you don't mean that you're CHOOSING to have that perception of your boyfriend? I think that might be closer to the truth... By the way, you're ignoring the fact that he only sees you two days out of the week. Again, I ask you...what do you expect him to do for the other five days? Simply not get horny? Put a little choke chain around his cock and punish himself for getting erections when you aren't around? Joking aside, I'm seriously asking you this question. He sees you two days out of the week according to you. Why is it so unacceptable that he look at porn? If you two were acting like rabbits every single day, you might have a case...but come on. You only see him on the weekends and you're shocked and offended that he looks at porn every now and then? Seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
chica Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 Grinning Maniac - I don't really like your famous and fantastic quote. I do however, respect that this is how you view it. "It's got nothing to do with you. Whether or not we look at porn, is not a statement on how attractive we think you are, how much we like you, how satisfied we are in the relationship or how satisfied we are in bed. We just look at porn sometimes. There's no deep psychological reason for it. Stop taking it personally." It doesn't have to be a statement about how much the guy likes the girl, how attractive she is, good she is in bed etc etc etc.... but whether or not you like it, 90% of the time the woman will feel as though this is the case. And if you are in a relationship with someone then their feelings should matter, no? And in the same way that women can't change the fact that you dig porn, you can't change the fact that it impacts on them and makes them feel EEEeeeeek (very funny, I must say). It IS personal, owing to the fact that it changes the balance within the relationship. And whether or not you like it, there is some sort of psychological reason for guys getting stuck into it. It's got to do with Mummy. That is all. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 Originally posted by chica It IS personal, owing to the fact that it changes the balance within the relationship. And whether or not you like it, there is some sort of psychological reason for guys getting stuck into it. It's got to do with Mummy. It only changes the balance if you allow it to. Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 When I was younger, I too would have been repulsed had I known boyfriends were into porn ....though now that I'm older, I wouldn't really care so much.....as long as it doesn't impact our relationship, they're not turning into an addict, they're not getting into kinky/illegal/weird crap. I don't need to know every single thing my bf does in his free time and I'll be damned if I'm going to have to snoop around on his computer and look under the mattress for porn mags. Life is too short. But having said that, I can understand how it would be a problem for some women...so based on that, if you can't handle a guy who's into porn, who's behavior you find repulsive and degrading and disrespectful to you - LEAVE HIM. He is what he is and all the crying and nagging and snooping isn't going to change it. Life is short, find someone who has a similar mindset. Nobody is putting a gun to your head, forcing you to stay with someone who does things that hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 I agree with some of the others. If it bothers you as much as you say, then maybe you should move on and find someone that shares your view on the whole thing. Either that, or maybe you could start looking at pictures of naked men. Maybe even send a couple of naked pics of guys to your friends and see what your b/f has to say about that. My guess is he probably wouldn't mind, then he again if he did mind, that would be kinda calling the kettle black. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 Originally posted by chica It IS personal, owing to the fact that it changes the balance within the relationship. And whether or not you like it, there is some sort of psychological reason for guys getting stuck into it. It's got to do with Mummy. That is all. Sigmund has spoken! It has to do with Mummy! It changes the balance of (power??) within the relationship eh? As in, you don't have complete control over his sexual release perhaps?? Heaven forbid that ever happen. Porn can be a problem just like anything done to excess but to dismiss it outright as wrong is well.. silly in my opinion. Anyway, Starnette if it bugs you that much and makes you feel that awful, disgusted, disrespected whatever, dump the guy and move on. Find someone who shares your beliefs about porn. Link to post Share on other sites
chica Posted December 19, 2004 Share Posted December 19, 2004 It changes the balance of (power??) within the relationship eh? As in, you don't have complete control over his sexual release perhaps?? Heaven forbid that ever happen. I never made any reference to power. I guess in my case the only time porn was an issue within a relationship, the main reason was trust. Becasue he had always said he wasn't into it but was keeping it secret. Honesty is important to me - I didn't crucify anyone for looking at porn, I just felt a sense of betrayal and mistrust. I don't need "complete control over his sexual release" , it is his choice how and when he wants to get off. Porn can be a problem just like anything done to excess but to dismiss it outright as wrong is well.. silly in my opinion. I agree with you Fritz. Each to their own. It's not my thing. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 HavNfun, There's a difference between a normal person who looks at porn sometimes and guys who have an addiction to it. This guy sounds like a complete loser Link to post Share on other sites
arcadia Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 this topic has been done again and again... and the responses are always the same. i am not against porn. i am not 100% for it either, but this much is true; Advocators of porn always use the defense that it "isn't personal" and the woman really needs to "get over it". This of course is completely ridiculous. You can't make someone feel a certain way about something, and if you are in a relationship with someone you care about, then you need to take their feelings into consideration. Posters that have this mentality that a woman should just shut off her feelings and morals and suck it up and deal with the porn because "that's just what men do" are pretty insensitive. outbursts like "all you women just shut up!" is just immature. that would be like me saying "DAMN, there is nothing wrong with Satanism. It's perfectly harmless! All you Christians just need to SHUT UP!" Have your opinion on moral issues. Be glad that your partner agrees with them. but don't judge people for their opinions and expect others to feel the way you do. Link to post Share on other sites
kellygirl Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 star and chica- i definitely think you have some good points. it is true, viewing pornographic images on a regular basis desensitizes the viewer to it, impacting their view of women, sexual relationships, gender roles among the sexes. they will deny it, of course, because thats the right thing to do...but how can someone say it doesn't influence their ideas? you have no control over wher it does or not! like television commercials, they affect you on a very internal level, you aren't aware of it of course. and if you think you are, you're deceiving yourself. i live with my boyfriend, and about 3 months ago, i came across some porn that he had been surfing on MY computer (since mine was the only one online). so i made an issue of it (i don't like coming across it on my own computer) and i asked him not to do it my computer anymore. i didn't mention the fact that it makes me uneasy and i also get the 'eeek' feeling-its not just you star, and its not silly. but i know that the rational thing to say is that i don't to see it... that way i don't get 'laughed at'...men say that to minimize it and to explain that this behavior is okay when its not. its a mind****, and we fall for it. so now he gets online on his own computer and i forgot about it. a few days ago i go home from work and used his computer to print something out and saw that he had been surfing porn again. when i investigated further, i found that it is for long periods of time >1hour. i didn't mention it and the next day, i checked again...and he had been on the computer surfing porn until right at the moment i got home. (i got home early that day) which might explain why he looked so surprised to see me. i know i shouldn't snoop, but i do want to know the extent of it, and i'm sure he wouldn't tell me otherwise. he minimizes it and refuses to say he'll stop or anything, telling me that its a worthless conversation.. he doesn't take the time to understand why it bothers me. it bothers me because it is degrading to women and harmful to our culture's perception of women and the progression of feminism in a still clearly male dominated world. i don't think its at all silly to feel uncomfortable with it, even if it isn't about me...but the thing is-it IS about me, because i'm a part of the relationship too. and chica is right, it affects the balance. and now i wish i didn't even know b/c i can't stop thinking about it and i don't want to have sex with him anymore when i used to all the time (even more than he did). it sucks. and its not only christian based ideas that feel this way. it is clinicall proven to be an addictive behavior. i don't want to be passive aggressive but i can't be okay with it, and i don't want to tell him i know about it b/c 1-i don't want to appear insecure or snooping, 2. he'll minimize it anyway and 3. he'll just hide his history and that solves nothing. so now what? Link to post Share on other sites
ttjames Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 I didn't read all the posts but, try looking at the porn with him. Find something that you like, something that turns you on and share it with him. Link to post Share on other sites
CIE Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 ok i havent read it all cause im lazy... But here's how it goes. Im a guy, I have a gf and I use to look at porn. Wanna know why I said use? Because my gf once asked me if i did and I said yes, she asked why and I said "its imagery, something that turns me on". Its not because he doesnt like you, its not cause your not sexy. If you and your bf have sex that often and your that "naughty" with him, maybe you should consider this. Take dirty pics of you and give those to him saying "next time you wanna go at it use those and not something on the net" Believe me it will draw you closer and add some spice. And at least you know each time he masturbates he will be thinking of you =P You wouldnt get jealous of your own ass would you? =P Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 I don't see why this is such a big issue, girls who hate porn shouldn't go out with guys that like porn. I don't like cigarettes so I wouldn't get involved with a girl that smokes. I figure that's a lot better then to go out with them and then harass them to quit. Some people like to smoke and that's their choice but its also my choice not to date those people. The same thing goes for porn, if the thought of your boyfriend looking at porn repulses you so much then break up with him and find a guy who isn't into porn. Link to post Share on other sites
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