PORN ON COMP, but he gets some ALOT!!!

[joeyNoelle]

hey guys ..... although my bf and i haven't discussed whether he looks at porn or not i assume that he has looked at some during his lifetime or will.

 

This is how i see it though and i hope this helps you.

 

Basically if guys look at porn it is usually not a daily thing its a once every now and then thing and it is merely just a a sexual tool to get themselves off quick ...porn provides stimulus so they don't have to work at getting aroused its just there for them to use. Guys generally do it to relieve tension or sometimes because of boredom. Its the same reason they masturbate but it just makes it easier for them etc.

 

Saying that i understand why they do it is one thing and being totally ok with it is another i can deal with the knowledge that it may go on... but i don't want to see it or have it involved in my relationship nor do i want him to look at it alot.

 

I understand that the girls in the videos are just a pair of tits etc to the guys ... there is no other meaning.... i think about times when i have seen porn and i never notice how attractive etc the guy is in it... you just look at what they are doing and i look for sex tips anyway. But i also don't spend all day looking at pornsites... i have seen about 3 or 4 in my life.

 

I think guys that look at porn too much have a problem/ an addiction / are either very lonely / very bored/ very socially inept or just have way too much time on their hands.

 

 

I know if i walked in and caught my bf jerking off to porn i would not saying anything..... i would just give him one of my looks and walk out .... it would be humiliating for him i would think and he would realise i was not very happy about it... i would always have that image in my head though but he would know it too.... its a power thing... it really is....you know u have seen him being dirty and he knows it too.... he will probably feel ashamed.. thats enough for me.

[Beth]

Hello Ladies & Gents:

 

You may have noticed that several posts have been deleted. Somewhere along the way people changed the focus of the thread away from the thread starter and began talking about another poster's unique circumstance. In all fairness to the original poster and to the integrity of the thread I had to delete those posts. A separate thread (or two) should have been (could still be) started so that each person may be addressed according to individual circumstances.

 

There were also a few entirely off-topic posts which were removed.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines/

[MMCGuy08]

I've seen too many relationships ruined by internet porn. The guys get so addicted to that, they just let everything else go downhill. The deal may not by quantity, but quality. What is the quality of your lovemaking like? He obviously is not being completely satisfied for some reason. That may not be you; he may just have a problem and have an addiction to net porn. I know where he is; before I got ordained, I was addicted to it too. I changed my life, got things back in order, and found a reason for my life. It can be very addictive; I never realized it was that bad because I was "just having fun" and not hurting anyone. But I was hurting someone. Myself. The girl in the porn. My family. My relationships with girlfriends. It all went downhill because I chose to look at sex on the internet. It can get a grip on you; my suggestion is to talk to him and tell him how you truly feel, without getting riled up about it. He needs to get the idea int he back of his head that it isn't right and it's hurting your relationship. If he doesn't hear it, he won't consider it. This is just my opinion. Hope to hear more on the situation.

 

Rev. Alan L. Parrish

Senior Pastor,

St. Thomas Aquinas Evangelical Christian Church

http://www.freewebs.com/stthomasofaquinasecc

[Hund1976]

People keep blaming the porn and not the addiction. Its like alcohol, there are a lot of people who go out and have some drinks a few nights a week and keep everything else in their lives in order, but there are also people who become alcoholics and it destroys their lives. If a guy looks at porn when he's home alone and feels like taking care of himself a few times a week I don't think its a big deal. But if a guy is on the computer for hours at a time while his woman is waiting in bed for him then there is a problem.

 

When I read the posts on here blaming porn for ruining their relationships I find that just about all of them seem to have far bigger problems going on in their relationships.

[Grinning Maniac]

So an alter boy with sore knees, a tentacle-rape victim, a bukkake queen, and a girl being burned alive for witchcraft all walk into a bar...

[lost_in_chgo]

Really, what's worse? A guy looking at porn for a few minutes and fantasizing about sleeping with another girl (for 10 minutes) or a girl reading a romance novel (for days) and fantasizing about permanently running away to a completely different life than she has now (and with another guy)?

 

Personally I don't get the porn thing when it is obsessive. Will I look at porn? sure. Do I go buy it? no. Do I read thru all the porn spam and visit the websites? no. A nice looking body pops up on my screen, I look. I click delete. move on.

 

But that said, guys, it is disrespectful to be collecting, filing and obessing over porn when it bothers your girl.

[MMCGuy08]

Yes, it is disrespectful for a guy to be filing that stuff away and keeping it for future use. If anything, just watch it one time and let that be that. It's detrimental to a relationship; the romance novels kinda work the same way. However, ladies have been known to want to try some of the stuff in the novels with their partners. So, the novels are good in some ways. All in all, sex should be something sacred between two people who love each other, not something done for fun. That is how we should all lead our love lives, with one partner who knows us so well they don't have to tell what they are doing.

[finishinglast85]

The fact is, if you want a guy who doesnt look at porn, you want a pussy. all guys masturbate to pictures and porn from a reletively young age. and most continue into married life, and old age. the ones who dont like porn probably have a problem with sex. so ask yourself. do want to have good sex, and put up with porn? Or do you want little and low quality sex, but no porn?

 

its your decision

[Starnette83]

A guy who does not watch porn is not a pussy, its a man who watches too much porn who is the pussy who cant control himself....BTW my boyfriend doesnt watch porn anymore and our relationship and sex life is so much better!

[forestlake]

It is interesting to hear some of the latest biological and behavioral benefits of activities like masturbation and pornography. It has been hard to link pornography to acts of bad behavior causally. They may exist together but with the exception of certain depictions of forced situations research does not seem to show a significant detrimental effect on behavior in our society. In fact in some repressed societies, Japan, where the cartoons and other "pornographic" material is more readily available in day to day life, it is viewed as a deterent or outlet to inappropriate sexual behavior. Significantly lower rates of sexual violence are seen, although no one would yet say that the pornography was the sole cause of the lower rates. Think of it this way, if your BF is using pornographic materials to discharge his sexual drive in this relatively harmless way as opposed to with other women, it is probably of benefit to you both. There are a few other thoughts with regard to frequecies of ejaculation (to keep the sperm fresh) as well as other behavioral traits that may be older and bigger than all of us. After all these inherited behaviors which are also seen in other social primates may have served them well in comparison to other social strategies. The scientific literature is coming around to behavioral and sexual issues because they are so vital to explaining why we do what we do. Many of these ideas and taboos are being discussed by the mainstream literature which can only be helpful to those who are interested in possible explanations. I hope this helps.

[shadowofman]

Most of us men live in a world where women love to lick pussy and have large groups of men penetrate all of their holes and ejaculate on their bodies. And in fact most women live in an equally unrealistic world of romance and monogamy. You are not at fault for hating the way it is. You just have to understand were he's coming from. I know that it's completely alien to you. Your world is down right frightening to me. I here how I'm not romantic enough every day. I just tell my wife that she's not slutty enough. I really don't think that you should accept the idea that your bf is not watching porn anymore. A more simple option is for him to hide it better, or get his kicks somewhere else. Sad but true. Chances are he is who he is and if you can't love him for that, there are lots of men that don't watch porn. Well, maybe not lots.

[shadowofman]

No one wants to respond to that. While I feel exactly that way, I thought it was harsh. Expected some death threats on that one.

[SamandBran]

I feel like if you don't understand the values of a relationship then what the hell are you doing on this site? Except, to be the predictable boy that most women think you are.

 

I think that any guy that sleeps with his woman 4 times a day and can still have time to look at porn needs to have his head and d*ck tested. I mean how much sex does one person really need? This is probably why guys need Viagara by the age of 55 while most women are still able to enjoy sex naturally.

 

Tell your man and any other man that thinks this behavior is normal that they need the quickest next appointment with a sex therapist and confront their addiction.

 

This behavior is NOT normal. My husband and I do not even sleep together that many times in a day and I actually watch porn more time than he does but he is aware of this. I have a higher sex drive than him and he understands this and doesn't mind it. Sometimes, we watch it together. When he feels like having sex, I am ready for him. In my situation, I feel that watching porn is better than to go out and cheat b/c my sex drive is higher than his.

 

Each relationship is different. Talk to your man, but trust me this is not normal.

[SamandBran]

Congratulations Star and you and your man's renowned relationship. And leave the idoits to be just that....Idiots.

[Grinning Maniac]

Sam, first off, clearly you didnt read the thread. She didnt say they have sex 4 times every day. She said on the weekends...which according to her, is the only time they see each other. So as I asked previously...what about the other five days?

 

Secondly, congratulations Starnette. Let me guess; just as in the beginning of this thread...you successfully whined, moaned, and cold-fished your bf into submission. Aint love grand? I really do love these threads where the OP goes on and on about something...and despite whatever advice they get, they just do the same thing they were doing before they came here. It's always good times.

 

Question: The values of a relationship include that your partner never have an orgasm without your permission and participation? That's an interesting one. Can't say I agree with that. It's really not going to bust up my world if I find out that some chick I'm dating gets herself off sometimes when I'm not around. Who cares? As long as another flesh and blood human wasn't assisting in the process, more power to her.

 

There is one simple little fact that a lot of women just close their eyes and try to deny, no matter how many men clarify it...and that fact is that masturbation is a quick method of "tension" relief, meaning, that when we're horny but can't have sex (girl isn't around/you're too busy) you masturbate. Oh no. The horror. You ladies need to chill with the insecurities. If I treated any of you ladies as meaningless and disposable as I treat porn, you'd probably be pissed. I mean...is anyone having any slowww, sensual, multi-hour jerk sessions with candles and music? What's there to be jealous over? Porn ceases to exist post-wank. It's forgotten and irrelevant. Am I alone on this?

 

PS: Not everyone who disagrees with you is an idiot. I'm not even going to get into the contradiction of you looking at porn yourself. *rubs temples*

[makaze]

There is one simple little fact that a lot of women just close their eyes and try to deny, no matter how many men clarify it...and that fact is that masturbation is a quick method of "tension" relief, meaning, that when we're horny but can't have sex (girl isn't around/you're too busy) you masturbate. Oh no. The horror. You ladies need to chill with the insecurities. If I treated any of you ladies as meaningless and disposable as I treat porn, you'd probably be pissed. I mean...is anyone having any slowww, sensual, multi-hour jerk sessions with candles and music? What's there to be jealous over? Porn ceases to exist post-wank. It's forgotten and irrelevant. Am I alone on this?

 

You're not alone. I do realize all that, though yes, some other factors are in play there.

 

And the guys who keep saying 'shut up this has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you' - that actually, is the problem for most girls. The fact that they have no part in him getting off. But somebody else does, while he forgets about you for a while. I'm sure it is the main problem with many, yet people say that as some comfort/explanation whatever thing.

[Bogun]

Question: The values of a relationship include that your partner never have an orgasm without your permission and participation? That's an interesting one. Can't say I agree with that. It's really not going to bust up my world if I find out that some chick I'm dating gets herself off sometimes when I'm not around. Who cares? As long as another flesh and blood human wasn't assisting in the process, more power to her.

 

Maniac, she didnt say that her bf wasn't wanking anymore. Just that he wasn't looking at porn. I'm sure the guy still jerks off every day, or maybe several times a day in his case.

 

As far as I know, not all men look at porn while IN a relationship. So to the boys that do this (maniac etc), stop talking as though you represent all men.

 

Out of interest what did men do 50 years ago, or even 20 years ago, before there was such easy access to porn via the internet?

[Grinning Maniac]

Uh-oh... You hear that? It's the argument train jumping off the track.

 

Maniac, she didnt say that her bf wasn't wanking anymore. Just that he wasn't looking at porn. I'm sure the guy still jerks off every day, or maybe several times a day in his case.

 

Do you think there's a difference? I mean you're welcome to your opinion, it's just that in this case...you'd be wrong. When men masturbate without porn, what do you think is running through their heads during the process? WOMEN. In my case, not porn women, but aside from who I may be dating at the time, generally women I know, or have been with in the past. Previous sexual experiences.

 

Tell me how there's any difference whatsoever, between beating to a picture of women and beating to erotic thoughts about women. It's the same thing. Do you realize that? It's the same. Only ironically, the latter is more intimate, if you really think about it logically.

 

Women as a whole need to start making more sense. How does it work out that it's terribly disrespectful to beat off to porn when you can't be with your girl....but somehow masturbating to the bouncing funbags in my mind's eye is PERFECTLY COOL? What the heck? Explain. The imaginary funbags are more real than the interweb ones. Why? Because I likely saw them bouncing across the Diag that day. I've briefly met aforemention funbags in the physical reality which we occupy. "RandomPornBroad"s funbags, however...are 2D pictures. Is it that when you have no "history file" to snoop and look at, you can delude yourselves into thinking that even IF your guy is touching his own genitals(*gasp*), that he is ABSOLUTELY thinking about you and ONLY you?

 

 

PS: If there was a history file for most guy's minds...I think a large portion of women would commit suicide.

[Bogun]

Uh-oh... You hear that? It's the argument train jumping off the track.

 

Maniac, i was not getting into an argument i was merely pointing out that she only said her bf was not looking at porn not that he had stopped masturbating, because you had come to the conclusion that she was restricting his ability to wank when he felt like it.

 

I mean you're welcome to your opinion, it's just that in this case...you'd be wrong.

You're right it is my opinion and as such it is correct from my perspective. Just as you have your opinion which you believe is correct. It does not follow that either of us is wrong, or that our opinions are 100% truth in practice.

 

I do wonder if your somewhat agressive responses on this thread, are caused by a subconscious guilt you have about wanking over porn while you have a gf. I've noticed that it tends to be the men in their early twenties (let me guess your in that age group?) that get so upset about not having the right to look at porn while in a relationship.

 

The whole issue is only a problem when one or both parties in a relationship are not mature enough to do something about the porn, whether thats to walk away from the relationship, accept it or to simply turn off the porn and focus on the partner.

 

Being a slave to your hormones is so primitive.

[makaze]

Tell me how there's any difference whatsoever, between beating to a picture of women and beating to erotic thoughts about women. It's the same thing. Do you realize that? It's the same. Only ironically, the latter is more intimate, if you really think about it logically.

 

The difference is that in one case, he is exploring another female visually, and in the other, he is using his own imagination to create one or remember one. That's a big difference to some.

[Grinning Maniac]

Really? If he's using his imagination, he's not still exploring another female? How does that compute? That doesn't sound right to me...

 

In one case he's creating a picture of a woman in his head. The woman is not there. In the other, he's looking at a picture of a woman. The woman is not there. In neither case are either of these women sentient beings. Porn chicks are about as "real" as Lara Croft. I doubt these girls are walking around in clear heels on their free time. He's pleasuring himself to an image in both scenarios. How is there a difference?

 

And again, if he's remembering someone, isn't that more intimate than looking at an image of someone who *he-doesn't-know*?

 

PS: Bogen, I simply assert that doing so while in a relationship is not "cheating" as so many women like to claim, and that men generally floss their teeth with more feeling involved.

 

ar·gu·ment n

2. a reason put forward in support of a point of view

4. debate or discussion about whether something is correct

[Outcast]

Being a slave to your hormones is so primitive.

 

Oh really? So you never suffer PMS? And what about wanting to eat and sleep? Those are also 'animal instincts', you know. It's craziness to denigrate the urge for sex and think hunger, thirst, and tiredness are all perfectly fine.

 

The difference is that in one case, he is exploring another female visually, and in the other, he is using his own imagination to create one or remember one. That's a big difference to some.

 

Hell YEAH!!!! I'd much much much MUCHMUCH rather he whack off to a photo of someone he doesn't know and never will than to fond memories of the touch he's experienced in the past!!!!! If you think the former is horrible but the latter is finek well I'm with GM in being totally baffled. Makes absolutely zero sense.

[justagirliegirl]

choose your battles.

 

men look at porn.

 

Im female and I look at porn sometimes. I look at it with him and alone. He looks at it with his sister sometimes and they laugh because a lot of it is so funny.

 

me looking at porn has nothing to do with him and him looking at it has nothing to do with me.

 

I'd say get over it and stop worrying about it and enjoy every day you have together.

[Bogun]

Oh really? So you never suffer PMS? And what about wanting to eat and sleep? Those are also 'animal instincts', you know. It's craziness to denigrate the urge for sex and think hunger, thirst, and tiredness are all perfectly fine.

Outcast you dissappoint me, I thought you were smarter than this. You are talking about neccessities of life, I was talking about men being unable to turn off the porn. Who would argue that this is a neccessity of life?

 

PS: Bogen, I simply assert that doing so while in a relationship is not "cheating" as so many women like to claim, and that men generally floss their teeth with more feeling involved.

 

ar·gu·ment n

2. a reason put forward in support of a point of view

4. debate or discussion about whether something is correct

OMG you are dumb maniac. I never said anything about cheating, I merely pointed out that she NEVER said that her bf was not allowed to masturbate, only that he had stopped looking at porn. You made the illogical conclusion that because he was no longer looking at porn he must therefore not be allowed to masturbate when he feels like it. This was not an argument, it was pointing out a fact that the OP had stated. Posting definitions off an internet dictionary makes you look stupid by the way.

[Lorelei]

I actually just registered to respond to this thread - it has been interesting reading - thanks for all the great posts!!

 

I think the bigger issue here is he isn't prepared to adjust or be prepared to understand HER feelings in all of this.

 

Going on and doing something when he knows how it makes his girlfriend feel when she has told him how it makes her feel it just mean. Forget about what guys do and don't need - if he isn't prepared to come up with another solution or go without something as stupid as internet porn for her when what else can she really depend on him for?

 

She isn't asking the earth - if he can't put her feelings before some porn then kick him to the curb.