Why is my brother friends with guy that beat him up?

[Katie.9393]

Well their fight happened way back summer of last year and it I'm afraid it was deserved. My brother (who graduated this year) used to bully other this guy (Joel) and mock others.

 

He was mainly harassing Joel with his two friends for about 3-4 years and escorting him out of the gym. Anyway last year, Joel beat him up but felt bad later on and was actually asking if my brother was ok. I guess they made up quickly but I have to say it's like my brother changed since then.

 

My brother didn't lose his friends and is still popular (despite how much of a jerk he was) but in a good way. Last thing I heard, he is into helping other that get bullied. Interesting how he changed suddenly. But what I'm wondering: how can he be friends with Joel?? He doesn't even seem one bit angry at him (I recalled that day and he wasn't mad, he even though it was deserved).

 

I mean serious. If anyone saw them, they wouldn't think they had that big fight.

 

I doubt I would be friends if someone beat me up and gave me a black eye and bloody nose. Even if it was deserved, I wouldn't want to talk to that person.

[lindsay1990]

Well, you're you and your brother is your brother.

 

 

If you were being a jerk to one of your girl friends and she snapped and called you a b*tch, said you were a raging lunatic who always takes out your frustrations on other and to back the ffff off of her, and made you cry... would you forgive once you realize she was just reacting to your own behaviour, and that she is human too, so as to react passionately as well?

 

People forgive and forget.

[Katie.9393]

Well, you're you and your brother is your brother.

 

 

If you were being a jerk to one of your girl friends and she snapped and called you a b*tch, said you were a raging lunatic who always takes out your frustrations on other and to back the ffff off of her, and made you cry... would you forgive once you realize she was just reacting to your own behaviour, and that she is human too, so as to react passionately as well?

 

People forgive and forget.

True but they weren't friends before the fight. If anything, my brother picked on Joel the most, treated him like absolute garbage. You're right though, Joel had a breaking up after my brother really got him so mad that day. What is kind of surprising is Joel is really the quiet kid (well not anymore, he turned outgoing afterward) and about 3-4 inches shorter than my brother.

 

He really didn't seem like the type of guy that could literally put my brother in place. My brother would mock him for that too and I once caught him telling Joel something like ''What you gonna do, punch you, I can own you easily punk, etc''.

[carhill]

I doubt I would be friends if someone beat me up and gave me a black eye and bloody nose. Even if it was deserved, I wouldn't want to talk to that person.

 

Two things:

 

1. He's a young man and you're a young woman. Apples and oranges.

 

2. Young people grow up and have the opportunity to grow and change. This affects relationships of all types.

[Katie.9393]

Two things:

 

1. He's a young man and you're a young woman. Apples and oranges.

You're right, silly me. LOL

Though, I do hear that in huge girl fights, they don't forget and forgive so easily either.

 

2. Young people grow up and have the opportunity to grow and change. This affects relationships of all types.

Yes and I think it must have taken guts for my brother to swallow his pride, admit his defeat, be his friend and become humble. I would be beyond embarrassed if another girl shorter and lighter than me beat me up easily.

[CherryT]

Well your brother probably felt that he deserved it and now respects the kid he once bullied. It's not like Joel came up to him and just pounced on him for no reason. If that was the case, I'd also wonder why your brother would want to be friends with someone who beat him up.

 

However, your brother taunted him relentlessly for years. Joel was being bullied and he was pushed to a point where he retaliated. When your brother experienced being the "under dog" from someone he once bullied... it woke him up. It taught him he shouldn't treat people like that and he's probably thankful that Joel can look past how he once was being treated by your brother. Your brother is now changing and is seeing that being a bully isn't 'cool'. He has Joel to thank for that because he's the guy who finally showed him. In this situation, they can let bygones be bygones because your brother deserved what he got and he knows it and accepts it.

[carhill]

You're right, silly me. LOL

Though, I do hear that in huge girl fights, they don't forget and forgive so easily either.

 

The thrust of my assertion is that men and women process violence differently. In my generation, physical violence was a normal right of passing for a young man; part of growing up. It taught young men to disconnect their emotions from actions and to endure physical pain without complaint, something many men are subject to in our lives and/or jobs for life. It's not uncommon to see two men go at each other and then hoist a beer together later and laugh about it. We process such matters differently than women do.

 

Evidently your brother's target has processed things, as has your brother, and moved on. Coming from a position outlier to that path, I can see the health in that. Let it go and move on.

[crederer]

Happens all the time.