Liberty Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am in a relationship with a guy who I adore but theres one thing wrong. I am three months pregnant and been with this guy for two months. He is overjoyed and thinks the baby is his when really the baby is the result of a one night stand. However, Michael is overjoyed at the thought of becoming a Dad and its breaking my heart. I know he will support us forever and help the baby as well as me. But should I tell the natural father, David? Should I tell Michael its not his and give him the chance to walk out or keep hold of him and give my baby the best Dad in the world, without rocking the boat. Please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Adam Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 Look honey. He is bound to find and if I was with someone and they didn't tell me I would be very p*ssed off. He has the right to know it is not his genetic child. But if he's as good as you say he is he will stand by you and raise the child as his own. You made a mistake, it happens, but now there is another life to consider and you need to give the baby the best you can. Tell Michael, and if he walks out, you willv manage just fine on your own. You're carrying a heavy weight, darling. Unload it on to him, and let him decide what he wants to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 You will feel guilty for the rest of your life if you don't tell him. Every time you lie to your child about who his or her daddy is, you will feel guilty too. Can you live with this guilt for a lifetime? Truth is best, because then you find out who really loves you and is willing to stand by you, even if you made a mistake. Look honey. He is bound to find and if I was with someone and they didn't tell me I would be very p*ssed off. He has the right to know it is not his genetic child. But if he's as good as you say he is he will stand by you and raise the child as his own. You made a mistake, it happens, but now there is another life to consider and you need to give the baby the best you can. Tell Michael, and if he walks out, you willv manage just fine on your own. You're carrying a heavy weight, darling. Unload it on to him, and let him decide what he wants to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Liberty Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 Please try to understand. I love Michael and don't wantr to lose him because of my mistake. What can I do, all this is confusing me even more than it was before. You will feel guilty for the rest of your life if you don't tell him. Every time you lie to your child about who his or her daddy is, you will feel guilty too. Can you live with this guilt for a lifetime? Truth is best, because then you find out who really loves you and is willing to stand by you, even if you made a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Yumi Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 He might be mad if he knows about your one-night stand (which was BEFORE you were dating him, right? So its not as bad as if you had cheated) and he might not want to be with you if you're not having his baby... BUT, he will be much, MUCH less upset than if you lie about it and he finds out later. Think about when you were little... was your mom more upset whe your broke something, or when you broke something and then swept it under the rug until she dedided to vaccuum? Secrets always come out, and to most people, being lied to is much much worse than the original action which you're lying about. By telling him that the baby's not his, you're saying "I made a mistake ,but I'm willing to live with it and I hope you'll live with ME as I am" By lying, you're saying that you don't trust him to make a mature decision when presented with the facts. By laeding him to believe that the baby is him, you are in fact using him. By the way, when you tell him ,tihnk very carefully about what you say... I would tell him about the one night stand first, THEN tell him who the father of the baby is... if you just say "the baby's not yours," he might just get mad, assume you cheated, and not listen anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
kimmi Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am in a relationship with a guy who I adore but theres one thing wrong. I am three months pregnant and been with this guy for two months. He is overjoyed and thinks the baby is his when really the baby is the result of a one night stand. However, Michael is overjoyed at the thought of becoming a Dad and its breaking my heart. I know he will support us forever and help the baby as well as me. But should I tell the natural father, David? Should I tell Michael its not his and give him the chance to walk out or keep hold of him and give my baby the best Dad in the world, without rocking the boat. Please help me. you should tell him, if anything was to happen (medical) he would find out that way, then there would be the whole trust issue also. you would no longer feel as though you are leading him on in a lie that you know the truth about and you would feel better. he has the right to know that he is not the real father so that he can make up his own mind on what to do, and the real father should also be told. there might come a day when you will need him, as well as the baby, all childern should have the knowledge of there back ground, what if there is some medical things in the real fathers family that you have to know about? really the only safe thing to do in this situation is to tell everyone who is involved. best of luck kimmi Link to post Share on other sites
ashesmum Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 Point Blank, don't be selfish b#tch! I'm tired of hearing women who scheme their boyfriends just so it works their way. I know someone in the opposite position. He doesn't think it's his after hearing a month before might be the date and she acts like she's in it for the money for her and the baby when it gets here. Tell him about the one night stand and then let him know the age of the child. Then you can work it out from there. I can tell you now that NO man likes to be around a woman that lies and schemes him. He might be mad if he knows about your one-night stand (which was BEFORE you were dating him, right? So its not as bad as if you had cheated) and he might not want to be with you if you're not having his baby... BUT, he will be much, MUCH less upset than if you lie about it and he finds out later. Think about when you were little... was your mom more upset whe your broke something, or when you broke something and then swept it under the rug until she dedided to vaccuum? Secrets always come out, and to most people, being lied to is much much worse than the original action which you're lying about. By telling him that the baby's not his, you're saying "I made a mistake ,but I'm willing to live with it and I hope you'll live with ME as I am" By lying, you're saying that you don't trust him to make a mature decision when presented with the facts. By laeding him to believe that the baby is him, you are in fact using him. By the way, when you tell him ,tihnk very carefully about what you say... I would tell him about the one night stand first, THEN tell him who the father of the baby is... if you just say "the baby's not yours," he might just get mad, assume you cheated, and not listen anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 Her boyfriend deserves to know that he's not the biological father....and the man who IS the father, HE deserves to know that he's the biological father. This isn't kid stuff here, this isn't lying about small stuff..this is REAL LIFE IMPORTANT STUFF. A man deserves to know if he's the father or not. There shouldn't be any question about it...not if you have a conscience and an ounce of decency and integrity (this goes to the original poster)...does she want her child to grow up living a LIE?...not knowing who his real father is? Then what....one day you all end up on Jerry Springer? Or Maury Povich, for a freakin' DNA test to verify paternity? She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. If she has any respect for her unborn child, and the man she's with now, and the man she had the one night stand with...she'll be honest and confess. If she doesn't, then she's completely selfish and horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Juds Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 I would most definitely tell him. You obviously care about him a great deal and want him to stick around. Just consider the alternatives. If you don't tell him and he finds out in say, 10 years, can you imagine the devastation he would feel of thinking that the child that he has loved and raised in not his? In the long run it will be so much better for all involved if you tell him now. He might get upset or angry, but it's a lot better than all of you living a lie for ever. As for the biological father, then I would deal with that later on. You and Michael might be able to make decisions on that one together. Tell him. Honesty pays, particularly in situations like this one. Good luck, what a difficult situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy Posted January 17, 2001 Share Posted January 17, 2001 Make sure it is not possibly his , sometimes the test are off , be sure very sure , before you tell him , but do it soon, Its not right to play with people emotions especailly about something like this. The natural father needs to know honesty is always best no matter what happens as the result. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
David Posted January 18, 2001 Share Posted January 18, 2001 I don't have time to read what everyone says, my computers slow. Please, I mean no offense, but women like you make me mad. Have more respect for yourself, please, a child is so important, not just something that comes up. You have no right to expect that your boyfriend should be eager to raise the child as his own. I would be out the door in a second. Sorry if that sounds bad, I realize your in a difficult time now, but I would never stay with a woman I can't respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 18, 2001 Share Posted January 18, 2001 Deception by concealment is just as bad as the worst lie you could tell. Make full disclosure of all the details RIGHT NOW, before you get deeper into this. Unless this guy is really stupid, he will eventually find out some way. The truth always comes out, sooner or later. At some point in time, you may want to explode with the truth...maybe during a heated argument...maybe when you've been drinking...maybe even when you are relaxed with medication at childbirth. None is a good time to let this out...right now is best. And for the sake of your child, it is best that the right father's identity be known. The child will always want to know and there could be medical emergencies where the father's blood or even a kidney may be needed to save this child's life at some point. There are tons of reasons for being honest and forthright here. And there are tons more reasons why this is Breaking News that should be given immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Liberty Posted January 18, 2001 Share Posted January 18, 2001 After reading what everyone had to say I went straight away and told Michael the truth. I went about it the right way, explained the situation and that the baby wasn't his. He has promised to stand by me and help me through it all. He knows it was a mistake but he said, 'Let's turn it into something wonderful'. Thanx everyone for giving me the courage to do whats best for everyone. I haven't told David about the pregnancy yet because right now me and Michael are planning our family together. He said although the child isn't his he will raise it as his own. Thanx for all your help again and I'll keep you posted on what happens! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 18, 2001 Share Posted January 18, 2001 I am so happy that this is off your shoulders. And David sounds like an absolute saint. Give him a big kiss for me!!! Great happiness to you both!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted January 18, 2001 Share Posted January 18, 2001 That is really great! I am very glad that you have discovered that Michael still loves you and wants someting good to come out of this. If you hadn't told him, you would never have known this about him. Instead would have had that nagging feeling that you had ripped this nice guy off, which would never allow you to experience complete happiness with him. I am so happy that this is off your shoulders. And David sounds like an absolute saint. Give him a big kiss for me!!! Great happiness to you both!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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