She likes me but has a boyfriend

[krn]

Hello everyone.

 

I apologize in advance for my english, but you should know that i'm not a native speaker. I'm french.

 

I'm writting here because I needed to talk about the situation I'm finding myself into.

 

A little bit more than a month ago, an Italian girl came to my university in Paris, to carry on her studies. She'll stay at least for the year.

 

I'm really attracted to her, from the very first day we met. We get along pretty well. We hang out really often. At the beginning I didn't know if she liked me or not, because she would not send me any sign.

 

Once, she let me sleep at her place after a party and we talked the whole night. It was really great, but I noticed she had a boyfriend in Italy. This revelation didn't make me back off though.

 

I wasn't really hitting on her, because I knew it wouldn't work. I just waited a few days, just the time to get closer to her, and then I talked about my feelings for her. I told her I like her, that I really like the moments we have and that I have a really strong crush on her. I was really surprised to see that she was happy to hear what I had to say. She told me she likes me too, but that she has a boyfriend and doesn't want to be disloyal to him. She said things could've been different if she was single.

 

I was feeling really good after this night. Relieved. Because I didn't want to keep this for myself anymore, and I thought it was going to be worse. I didn't think the attraction was going both ways.

 

Last week we had two soirees only she and I:

 

The first one was really nice. We spoke again about what had been said. I told her that I didn't really understand her reaction, because on one hand she tells me she likes me, but on the other hand she says she already has someone. I told her I didn't really know what to expect nor what to think of this situation and she replied that she didn't know either because she was "confused". I was so happy after this night because it gave me hope, and it made me feel more confident.

 

The second soiree was fine too. We really spent a great time, but we talked about her boyfriend and I could see that she was feeling good with him, that she was actually attached to him, and it made me feel really bad.

Their relationship is not perfect though. She said that sometimes it was hard, because they are different from each other and she doesn't always understand his reactions.

 

She could've gone back to Italy during the holiday, but she didn't. I thought it was weird, because she could have seen her boyfriend a few days before going back to college, but she told me she wanted to stay in Paris. I noticed she needed space, and to live her own experience. She doesn't feel bad because of the distance between them.

 

I'm starting to feel really bad with this. Because I'm falling in love with her. Actually, it's too late. I love her so much, I want to be with her all the time and I'm sad when she's not there. It's been three days since I didn't receive any news from her, and it just makes me freak out. I spend my days waiting for my phone to ring.

 

I'm even more frustrated because I know something would've already happened if her boyfriend wasn't in the way. I know she likes me, but she wants to stay loyal and I don't know what to expect. The thing is, she never told me nothing was going to happen. She never said NO even if she never said YES either.

 

I think I should move on, because otherwise I might suffer even more out of this, but on the other hand I want to fight for her because I can't imagine nothing will happen. I want to show her that I'm here. I want her so bad, but I don't show it.

 

So, what do you guys think of my story? What would you do if you were under my skin ?

 

Thanks for reading me. It makes me feel better to put words on my situation.

Edited November 6, 2013 by krn

[Keenly]

Pretend she leaves her boyfriend for you

Pretend you date for six months.

 

 

Pretend the next you comes along in her life.

 

do you see where I'm going with this ?

[krn]

Pretend she leaves her boyfriend for you

Pretend you date for six months.

 

 

Pretend the next you comes along in her life.

 

do you see where I'm going with this ?

 

I'm sorry I don't really get your point

[whichwayisup]

The thing is, she never told me nothing was going to happen. She never said NO even if she never said YES either.

 

The thing is, she is taken and it seems she has no plans on ending it with her boyfriend. You let yourself fall in love with someone who is committed to someone else and you're the one who's getting and going to continue to get hurt if you don't walk away.

 

Be honest with her, tell her how you feel and end it. If she truly is loving you as well and wants a relationship with you, she'll come find you when she's free and single. Right now it's pointless, she's got her boyfriend and she's got you. Sharing someone probably isn't something you'd enjoy for long, feeling left out, like second fiddle and already you're freaking out and having anxiety from not hearing from her for a few days. It's not a healthy place to be.

 

New relationships are supposed to be fun and exciting, that whole get to know you phase and spending hours together.. You're on the side lines and you deserve more but you won't get it from her, at least not now.

 

If you can, tell her goodbye and ask her to contact you when she is able to date you in a proper way.

[GorillaTheater]

I'm sorry I don't really get your point

 

Zut alors.

[simplicity1]

The thing is, she is taken and it seems she has no plans on ending it with her boyfriend. You let yourself fall in love with someone who is committed to someone else and you're the one who's getting and going to continue to get hurt if you don't walk away.

 

Be honest with her, tell her how you feel and end it. If she truly is loving you as well and wants a relationship with you, she'll come find you when she's free and single. Right now it's pointless, she's got her boyfriend and she's got you. Sharing someone probably isn't something you'd enjoy for long, feeling left out, like second fiddle and already you're freaking out and having anxiety from not hearing from her for a few days. It's not a healthy place to be.

 

New relationships are supposed to be fun and exciting, that whole get to know you phase and spending hours together.. You're on the side lines and you deserve more but you won't get it from her, at least not now.

 

If you can, tell her goodbye and ask her to contact you when she is able to date you in a proper way.

 

This is good advice. Ask yourself genuinely if you can tolerate a friendship with her and if the answer is no then you must let go as soon as possible. I'm in a similar situation to you and I briefly tried the road to friendship and quickly realized my feelings were too strong to tolerate it.

[trailrunner1975]

Step 1: Remove from pedestal

Step 2: Shake "one-itis" by looking at and interacting with other females

Step 3: Realize that she is not yours to fight for

Step 4: Realize if you do fight for her and win, did you really win?

Step 5: Find an available female that has no baggage/strings- you are not on a deserted island

[crederer]

I'm sorry I don't really get your point

 

Haha jesus....

 

His point is if she leaves her bf for you she'll likely leave you for someone else. She's not a trustworthy type of person if she does this sort of thing.

[Owl]

This is simple, if not easy.

 

Tell her to go home, end it with her BF in Italy, and come back to you in Paris.

 

If she comes back, continue the relationship from there.

 

If she does not, then there's no relationship to continue with.

 

She needs to make a choice, and she needs to stick with her choice.

 

Simple. Perhaps not easy, but simple.

[krn]

Thank you guys for the good pieces of advice. I'm feeling a bit better since I wrote the message. I think I'm taking things a little bit too seriously.

 

I'm going to put some distance between she and I. I don't want to give up on this, because I really like her and I know something's happening between the two of us. I can feel it. And I have not come this far to let go so quickly. But chasing after her can't be the solution. First it'll make me suffer more and more, and then she might not be that interested in me anymore.

 

I'll start to turn her down once in a while, show her that I'm a busy guy and that she's not the center of my life. This way, I will go on with my life and stop ruining myself, and perhaps she'll start to think more seriously about me. Anyway, i've made the first moves. Now it's her turn, if she wants something to happen of course.

Edited November 8, 2013 by krn