he says...scared of commitment

[heart in sf]

Need advice: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. Its been great this whole time, we have both been very much in love. We were together for a year and a half before we went long distance. He moved away to go back to school, and we have been long distance ever since.

 

He graduates in May, and lately we have been talking about being together, whether he will move back with me, or if I will move to where he is. Suddenly he calls me and says that he needs a break, which I can not understand considering that we never get to see each other as it is. And considering how happy we have been for the past couple of years.

 

He says that he is "scared of commitment" and ready to find his own job and live his own life. This is really coming out of no where... three weeks ago we talked about having kids together and moving in together. It sounds to me like he is scared, and not sure of what the right decision to make is. I want to understand where he is coming from, but at the same time, if he isnt committed to me then I cant be with him.

 

Is the scared of commitment line a way to avoid growing up? Is it avoiding making a big decision, or is he telling me that I am really not the one?

 

We are talking tonight? Advice... suggestions?

[LucreziaBorgia]

if he isnt committed to me then I cant be with him

 

Be sure you tell him that tonight when you talk to him. Be firm about it. Otherwise you are in for a long drawn out state of more of the same.

 

If he is "confused" and "needs a break" - then some 'no contact' may be in order, so that he can have the time he needs to straighten out his feelings. If he sees what it is like to have no access to you, one of two things will happen - he will know for sure that he wants to be with you, and will come back to you whole-heartedly, or he will move on. You will need to prepare yourself for that, if he does decide to move on.

[heart in sf]

yeah, thats what i plan on doing. its so hard to not get clouded down with picking apart details and drudging up the past.. questioning him about when, why, whats going on, etc. etc.

 

but i know that i need to be firm & clear. and as sad as it is... expect the absolute worst. its insane that three years can end so abruptly. that this person that i have been dreaming up a life together will be completely out of my life after tonight.