OpethSyndrome Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Hey there, I'm sure it's all over these boards, and I wanted to just private message someone at first suffering from this just to get an opinion but I guess since that was not possible for new members I should just post it here. I'm a male in my early 20s. So I am in a serious relationship of about a year, with my first girlfriend whom I love beyond imagination and so does she. I've had attachment issues and stayed away from dating and have had less than a handful of drunk and drugged out one-nighters, the last of which I literally walked away from midway after sobering up a bit (possible self disgust). My gf has had only one person with whom she's had less than 10 intimate occasions, with whom she was only friends with benefits, who was quite older than she was. Now, anytime I have to be away from her for a few days the symptoms of retroactive jealousy come up. I get into a serious depression and am unable to do anything but look online for potential help, and finally here I am. I've spoken to her about it several times, and I know this is completely my own issue (not hers) and I know it's ridiculous to expect a virgin in this day and age... yet it keeps happening to me. I think what bothers me is that I've never had more than a single encounter with someone, and never with a virgin along with having to note that a perverted way older guy with no feelings or care for her was involved (to the point of complete apathy for her when she was in a difficult situation after a night). I would love for people who are more experienced and have been dealing with this for longer than I am to give their opinions and what they have done to try to cope, and recount if possible the course of what they have gone through... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Saurren Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I think its just insecurities and that perfectly fine just dont overreact and lash out at her. Sorry i couldn't help anymore than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OpethSyndrome Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 I think its just insecurities and that perfectly fine just dont overreact and lash out at her. Sorry i couldn't help anymore than that. I would not do that to her, it's my own thing to deal with. Rather what can I do to stop these thoughts and images bothering me? But thanks. retroactive jealousy ended my last relationship... I am a virgin and she was not, and I couldn't accept her past. Sounds like you are both very un-virginal, so I don't see what your problem is virgins do exist at this age (23), but im a guy so that doesn't help you The emotions I am experiencing for her are very intense, so the friend with benefit thing being multiple times (a bond I have never experienced before her) with a person who pretty much saw her as a piece of meat (which I believe disgusts me due to my own experiences) while being so much older and the thoughts of this person doing the things we do in that mindset just rips me apart... Link to post Share on other sites
Saurren Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Don't judge your partner on their past it's only gonna tear everything apart. My girlfriend was pushed into in-consensual sex (rape), with her past bf and she didn't want to say no to him out of pity and she lost her virginity. My heart broke when she told me about it out of the blue when we were dating and I had so many mixed feelings. I was angry, disgusted, and so ready to kill someone. I accepted it and never brought it up ever again and I dont judge her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OpethSyndrome Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 I don't think I'm judging her, we are perfect almost all the time we're together. And it's more of an intense hatred of the said guy. How did you come to accept it? Did it only bother you while you were away from her or at all times? How did you stop the images from popping up in your head? Link to post Share on other sites
Saurren Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I don't think I'm judging her, we are perfect almost all the time we're together. And it's more of an intense hatred of the said guy. How did you come to accept it? Did it only bother you while you were away from her or at all times? How did you stop the images from popping up in your head? Well I hated the guy who did this to my girlfriend, but you know what really matters is being the bigger person and just accepting it and move pass it. You don't need to know why she did or how many times they had sex. Just accept it and feel lucky that you're with a beautiful women and know that in you're heart you'll always be better than anyone she'll ever meet. Strive to be the best for her and you'll soon accept all of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OpethSyndrome Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 I mean I do strive for that already, that's not the issue at all here. She is completely happy, and I love her. It's hard to understand my own feelings I guess, I can't even reason it well it just feels horrible... maybe I am not/wasn't ready for a long term relationship, but I know I don't want to lose her. It's at a point now, we have spoken so much about this that I am ashamed to tell her this is still the reason I'm feeling like crap again. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 My wife once slept with an older distant cousin that she hadn't seen in years one night after seeing him at the bar and having a few too many drinks. She was 21 and it was before we met. She never saw him after that until a wedding a couple of years ago (her family is not close) and I was there. No big deal, I didn't even bring it up to anyone. We both knew, that's all that mattered. It was in the past and I wasn't even with her. No need to get jealous of things from before you were even around. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. Link to post Share on other sites
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