lovemonster123 Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Hey guys, I'm having problems with my girlfriend of 10 months where she would flirt with other guys in front of me. Just a little background, we met through a mutual friend and hit it off right away. We are very loving, emotionally attached to each other, spend a LOT of time together, and have a great time when we're together. However, she needs me to tell her how much i love her and miss her almost obsessively and i try my best to tell her as much as i can. We've had huge fights before because from the beginning of our relationship, there has been instances where we would be having dinner with one of my guy friend, and she would be openly flirting with him right in front of me. I confronted her told her to cut it out, and she promised that she would. Couple months later, i catch her flirting again with another guy online so we get into another huge fight and i tell her to cut it out, so she promises she will. Couple months later again, we're at a bar with few of my guy friends and she is very flirty with them, and what i mean flirty is that they're joking around and laughing (which is fine), but her hand is always touching or grabbing their hand/arm in a playful manner. I told her to cut it out, and she swore that she would. Then few days ago, we get into huge fight, and go on a 'break up', or break. The next day, i see her and couple of her friends getting dinner with the first guy that she was flirting with as well as getting drinks afterwards. I'm very uncomfortable with this situation and i feel like she should've been more aware of how i would feel about it, but she just said sorry and that she wouldn't do it again. I personally think i've just about had enough of the situation and want to end it completely, because she just seems so insecure and this whole flirting with other guy thing really bugs me. Any thoughts/advice? Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 She obviously needs attention from guys and also doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Odds are she is going to continue flirting with guys. So if her behavior doesn't work for you, then yes, you should move on and find someone who feels the same way about flirting that you do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I'm a flirty girl. . . . it comes out of me like breathing. I can't help it but I don't mean anything by it & I don't act differently behind my husband's back than I do in front of his face. I also think there's a huge difference between harmless flirting & "invitations". Anybody I flirt with knows where the lines are drawn & they are in very G/PG rated places. So my 1st Q to you is what kind of flirt is your GF? If you can recognize her behavior as harmless does that make you feel any better because she will be going home with you? If not, and you have asked her politely to stop or at least make an effort to turn it down, but she ignores your request you two may compatible. At that point you have a decision to make: Deal with it or don't & break up with her. But you will have to recognize that she isn't going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I'm a flirty girl. . . . it comes out of me like breathing. I can't help it but I don't mean anything by it & I don't act differently behind my husband's back than I do in front of his face. I also think there's a huge difference between harmless flirting & "invitations". Anybody I flirt with knows where the lines are drawn & they are in very G/PG rated places. So my 1st Q to you is what kind of flirt is your GF? If you can recognize her behavior as harmless does that make you feel any better because she will be going home with you? If not, and you have asked her politely to stop or at least make an effort to turn it down, but she ignores your request you two may compatible. At that point you have a decision to make: Deal with it or don't & break up with her. But you will have to recognize that she isn't going to change. She flirted with these guys, and he requested that she didn't. She obviously kept an open line of communication with one or more of these guys as she was seen the VERY NEXT DAY with the guy she swore she wouldn't flirt with. I would say that she's being extremely selfish and immature. Kick her to the curb and find someone who is ready to give you the attention you are comfortable with who doesn't make you uneasy in public settings with friends/strangers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovemonster123 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 Thanks for the response.. in retrospect, yes i understand that there are lots of girls who are flirty, but dont mean anything behind it. And yes, i can definitely see that my girlfirend is one of those girls who are just very friendly and flirty by nature because that's how she interact with people (guys and girls). And yes, i also know that it's not because she's interested in them or want to sleep with them (i hope not)...because i'm secure enough to know that she will be going with me at the end of the day. Being her boyfriend, however, it bugs me to see that going on in front of me and i've really asked her to cut it out... is this something that just isn't going to change and i would just have to deal with if i want to continue being with her? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 is this something that just isn't going to change and i would just have to deal with if i want to continue being with her? At this point, based on the behaviors that TheLegend pointed out that I missed, yes, this is most likely to continue & you will either have to deal or bail. FWIW, despite my flirty nature, if the man I was with asked me to tone it down, I'd try. If he said I'd rather you didn't flirt with X I wouldn't. My EX was a HUGE flirt. It she was breathing, he'd flirt with her. Many of my BFFs thought I was crazy for staying with him but here's the thing: he was flirtier when I was around then behind my back. The minute a woman acted like she was going to take him up on it, he came & hid behind my skirts. Plus no matter what he made it clear to everyone that I was Queen Bee. As long as I was securely #1 & I knew he was going home with me it was all good. If she's not respecting you enough to even try to be more sensitive your feelings, she may not be the girl for you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Thanks for the response.. in retrospect, yes i understand that there are lots of girls who are flirty, but dont mean anything behind it. And yes, i can definitely see that my girlfirend is one of those girls who are just very friendly and flirty by nature because that's how she interact with people (guys and girls). And yes, i also know that it's not because she's interested in them or want to sleep with them (i hope not)...because i'm secure enough to know that she will be going with me at the end of the day. Being her boyfriend, however, it bugs me to see that going on in front of me and i've really asked her to cut it out... is this something that just isn't going to change and i would just have to deal with if i want to continue being with her? Well, what does her previous behaviour pattern tell you? You already have the answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 What kind of flirting are we talkin' here? That could be a wide range and some things are more acceptable than others. I'm a bit of a natural flirt myself. I am in sales and it's kind of a natural response for me to pump someones tires. But it's completely innocent and I do it towards both genders. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Your girlfriend has to be the center of attention even at your expense so that in it's self should tell you that if you want to be with her, she will always let you know through her actions that she's number one and you come in wherever she wants to place you on her dance card. That is no relationship. She's on a one way street with herself and your the street sweeper. Find someone new for your own sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Hey guys, I'm having problems with my girlfriend of 10 months where she would flirt with other guys in front of me. Just a little background, we met through a mutual friend and hit it off right away. We are very loving, emotionally attached to each other, spend a LOT of time together, and have a great time when we're together. However, she needs me to tell her how much i love her and miss her almost obsessively and i try my best to tell her as much as i can. We've had huge fights before because from the beginning of our relationship, there has been instances where we would be having dinner with one of my guy friend, and she would be openly flirting with him right in front of me. I confronted her told her to cut it out, and she promised that she would. Couple months later, i catch her flirting again with another guy online so we get into another huge fight and i tell her to cut it out, so she promises she will. Couple months later again, we're at a bar with few of my guy friends and she is very flirty with them, and what i mean flirty is that they're joking around and laughing (which is fine), but her hand is always touching or grabbing their hand/arm in a playful manner. I told her to cut it out, and she swore that she would. Then few days ago, we get into huge fight, and go on a 'break up', or break. The next day, i see her and couple of her friends getting dinner with the first guy that she was flirting with as well as getting drinks afterwards. I'm very uncomfortable with this situation and i feel like she should've been more aware of how i would feel about it, but she just said sorry and that she wouldn't do it again. I personally think i've just about had enough of the situation and want to end it completely, because she just seems so insecure and this whole flirting with other guy thing really bugs me. Any thoughts/advice? Thanks in advance Needy, insecure, always wanting validation. Even when she wants validation from you she needs it from other guys. You say she obsessively wants you to tell her you love her or miss her. A secure person doesn't need to be told this constantly. It's only 10 months, you say you hit it off right away, was she in another relationship before? And how long had she been out of that relationship before she met you? The thing is, when you get tired of telling her how much you miss her.. or the next time she flirts and you have a fight, the minute she senses the relationship is failing/stalling or she finds another person to feed her ego and fill the emotional hole she has, she'll be off. You gave her boundaries but this has never been about you. It's about her and her neediness. And that is always trouble. I'd bail dude. You're already fed up. It will only get worse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 lol right? maybe the 8th time is the charm. leave her bro, she obviously doesn't respect you How is flirting with others disrespect? My bf knows I'm pretty flirty and doesn't have a problem with a few cute texts or me saying some guy is "hot". He doesn't take any of it personally. I don't let guys know sex is a possibility now that I'm in a LTR, if they think so, it's on them. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 How is flirting with others disrespect? My bf knows I'm pretty flirty and doesn't have a problem with a few cute texts or me saying some guy is "hot". He doesn't take any of it personally. I don't let guys know sex is a possibility now that I'm in a LTR, if they think so, it's on them. Your bf sounds like a total pushover. When you are in a relationship some things are reserved just for that person. I'd include flirting in that category, I guess different strokes. "Cute texts"? Like what? Why even bother, like what do you get out of it? And if your bf asked you to stop you...wouldn't? Cause OP asked her to stop and she hasn't. Why not? Why is flirting with others so much more important than her bf's feelings? OP I'd dump her, seriously. She requires massive amounts of validation and ego-stroking and you will NEVER be enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 How is flirting with others disrespect? My bf knows I'm pretty flirty and doesn't have a problem with a few cute texts or me saying some guy is "hot". He doesn't take any of it personally. I don't let guys know sex is a possibility now that I'm in a LTR, if they think so, it's on them. The flirting is not disrespectful. What's disrespectful is that the OP asked his GF to stop or at least tone it down but she didn't. When somebody you care about asks you for a behavior change because what you are doing hurts them, but you continuing doing it, knowing that you are hurting the one you claim to love, that is disrespectful. I'm a flirty girl too but some there are lines. When you are in a relationship like yours, where your BF is secure, it's fine & you are well matched. If you BF told that your behavior hurt him, would you continue? Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Ah, the massive black hole that you must keep trying to fill or she will seek validation from other men and claim it is harmless flirting...yes, one of those is only fun until you finally get that enough validation is never enough validation. People do not change for people, ever. They change behaviors only for themselves and they can barely do that. Move on, Grumps 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Your bf sounds like a total pushover. When you are in a relationship some things are reserved just for that person. I'd include flirting in that category, I guess different strokes. "Cute texts"? Like what? Why even bother, like what do you get out of it? And if your bf asked you to stop you...wouldn't? Cause OP asked her to stop and she hasn't. Why not? Why is flirting with others so much more important than her bf's feelings? OP I'd dump her, seriously. She requires massive amounts of validation and ego-stroking and you will NEVER be enough. If she still does this despite her bf asking her to stop, he has two choices. He can suck it up or break up with her and move on. Flirting isn't all that important, but why not? I don't intend to take it further, just because I said to some guy that I think he is hot doesn't mean I have to sleep with him. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Flirting with your own friends right in front of you.... Please head to the doctors and get an STD test pronto. Link to post Share on other sites
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