I do not understand this mentality. At all.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

I wrote in a song years ago:

 

"The truth is I want them there. Even as they hurt my step."

 

I was referring to shards of glass, as fragments of memories that I really can't bring myself to clean up off the floor. I step on them and it hurts but I can't let go.

[AnyaNova]

I am not so sure that I want to hang on to the feelings of rejection. How do I deal with them? Because that little kid inside of me literally feels like things can't be ok again until I secure at least some approval from him or some sense of "not holding anything against me" etc.

 

I know, intellectually, I really really know that his choice and action does not = there being something wrong with me causing him to do this. I just can't seem to get that realization down to the emotional part of me.

 

How do I do that?

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

That's about as far as I get.

 

I haven't been able to satisfy that desire for them to "not hold anything against me".

 

I have tried to mend fences with old friends or love interests, but I don't think anything ever came of it. Some contact makes people uncomfortable and they aren't sure they can trust that you don't have hidden motives.

 

It's really disappointing. I have sunk into depressions after realizing that people have moved on and would rather not look back. People I thought would value my attempt to make things right because we once shared some kind of connection.

 

I think the type of therapy you're looking into gives you some tools to handle these kinds of things better. I'm hoping it does because I'm going to do it, too.

[AnyaNova]

That's about as far as I get.

 

I haven't been able to satisfy that desire for them to "not hold anything against me".

 

I have tried to mend fences with old friends or love interests, but I don't think anything ever came of it. Some contact makes people uncomfortable and they aren't sure they can trust that you don't have hidden motives.

 

It's really disappointing. I have sunk into depressions after realizing that people have moved on and would rather not look back. People I thought would value my attempt to make things right because we once shared some kind of connection.

 

I think the type of therapy you're looking into gives you some tools to handle these kinds of things better. I'm hoping it does because I'm going to do it, too.

 

This really sucks. I am glad that you are getting some therapy for it too, though. I'm doing my best not to sink into a depression, basically doing the whole, "TLC" paleolithic life thing (with the sunlight, fish oil, exercise, etc...). Oddly enough, in a lot of cases it is rejection by strangers or people I don't know well that hurts, but rejection by a fellow AvPD'er who knows. That really, really digs.

 

Does it count as derailment if it is your own thread? :-)

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

LOL.

 

I think you are right on track.

[AnyaNova]

LOL.

 

I think you are right on track.

 

You know, it really doesn't feel like it at the moment.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

You know, it really doesn't feel like it at the moment.

 

I know.

 

When I first started researching personality disorders, I wasn't very good at understanding why people really do the things they do. I cursed every situation for stacking the odds against me.

 

After some extensive reading, I slowly started picking up on things I'd missed before. It got to where I was going from memory to memory and looking at them with new eyes. With a little help from a friend, I gained a new ability to be objective, even when it came to my own issues.

 

Things make way more sense now. It helps me accept things I that I couldn't before. Some of the things I learned to accept were hard truths. I find myself saying a lot now, "With acceptance comes a type of sadness". But I feel better off not being confused by life.

 

I can tell you are an intelligent person.

 

As you go through this, you will get even wiser. Things will make more sense.

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

I am not so sure that I want to hang on to the feelings of rejection. How do I deal with them? Because that little kid inside of me literally feels like things can't be ok again until I secure at least some approval from him or some sense of "not holding anything against me" etc.

 

I know, intellectually, I really really know that his choice and action does not = there being something wrong with me causing him to do this. I just can't seem to get that realization down to the emotional part of me.

 

How do I do that?

 

Everything you and AShogunNamedMarcus discussed from this point on I was living the EXACT same thing right now...

 

People keep telling me: she's no good for you, forget her, you will meet someone else,and all the clichés..

 

thing is I CAN't bring myself to hate her, I dont Care about other girls right now, I can't stand her not liking me after we shared special moments, I can't let go, or if I do, she comes back to mind the second I see something that reminds me of her, I just CAN'T LET GO, and it's driving me insane..

 

Why do we give so much importance to the people that reject us? why do we put them on pedestals when they most probably dont deserve al the credit, why is their opinion suddently so important, why could a simple text or email from that poerson who is ignoring you change the way you feel completely??

 

I dont understand how the heart can cast away every bit of logic in a situation and just bring back the memories of you and that person in first pespective...

 

I can't understand either how someone can be comfortable leaving another person idle and casting them aside when they are partly responsible for making you feel like that

 

Non of this makes sense, and I hate my life right now, I want to move on, forget her, get closure on SOME level, just a simple hello from her would make my day... GRrrrrr

[AnyaNova]

I know.

 

When I first started researching personality disorders, I wasn't very good at understanding why people really do the things they do. I cursed every situation for stacking the odds against me.

 

After some extensive reading, I slowly started picking up on things I'd missed before. It got to where I was going from memory to memory and looking at them with new eyes. With a little help from a friend, I gained a new ability to be objective, even when it came to my own issues.

 

Things make way more sense now. It helps me accept things I that I couldn't before. Some of the things I learned to accept were hard truths. I find myself saying a lot now, "With acceptance comes a type of sadness". But I feel better off not being confused by life.

 

I can tell you are an intelligent person.

 

As you go through this, you will get even wiser. Things will make more sense.

 

How do you accept? How do you stop fighting against something when it is so stupid and antithetical and causing pain, probably to both of us!

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

And yeah, sorry you two, I really wish I could be more helpful, but I'm in the same boat... maybe in a few weeks I'll come back to this thread full of good advice, but right now, I lack motivation even to go out and do the groceries... :/

[AnyaNova]

And yeah, sorry you two, I really wish I could be more helpful, but I'm in the same boat... maybe in a few weeks I'll come back to this thread full of good advice, but right now, I lack motivation even to go out and do the groceries... :/

 

You too huh? Except I lack motivation to clean the kitchen so I have a clean kitchen to bring groceries into( in my defense though) the string of glutenings is not helping. :-)

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

How do you accept? How do you stop fighting against something when it is so stupid and antithetical and causing pain, probably to both of us!

 

Sorry, I meant I was able to accept other things not related to the topic.

 

What you are asking is why we're here. It's one of the hardest things in life for some people. It can feel like someone died and you never got the chance to make amends.

 

On some level do you resist accepting? Is your heart trying to hold on tight against your better judgement? I think I do this.

[AnyaNova]

Sorry, I meant I was able to accept other things not related to the topic.

 

What you are asking is why we're here. It's one of the hardest things in life for some people. It can feel like someone died and you never got the chance to make amends.

 

On some level do you resist accepting? Is your heart trying to hold on tight against your better judgement? I think I do this.

 

Completely 100 percent. The only thing that has helped with this at all is his lack of response to the AVPD thing I am beginning to know I don't want even as a friend somebody that could be so cold.

 

Autocorrect is evil. Just saying.

 

But yes. I cling to the fraking wreckage and flotsam like a Titanic victim.

Edited November 10, 2013 by AnyaNova

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Completely 100 percent. The only thing that has helped with this at all is his lack of response to the AVPD thing I am beginning to know I don't want even as a friend somebody that could be so cold.

 

Autocorrect is evil. Just saying.

 

But yes. I cling to the fraking wreckage and flotsam like a Titanic victim.

 

It's not easy getting another person to recognize something like a personality disorder.

 

I was dismissive of mine for years. Only after my life drastically changed was I ready to dive in.

 

All you can do is present the info and let them come to it on their own.

[AnyaNova]

It's not easy getting another person to recognize something like a personality disorder.

 

I was dismissive of mine for years. Only after my life drastically changed was I ready to dive in.

 

All you can do is present the info and let them come to it on their own.

 

The thing is, I left him a huge out, so that he didn't have to acknowledge it if he didn't want to, so he could just be "being there for me" with mine, if he wasn't ready to deal with it.

 

And that is where I really fall down on being able to even think about being friends or anything else with him if he did start to regret it and change his mind, unless he had a really good reason. for not being there for me, and not even explaining why he couldn't.