Is it ok for your girlfriend to talk about sex with others?

[hurt_girl]

First of all I am in a lesbian relationship.

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 7 months and I've known her for a while before that. She's always been very open when talking about sex. However when we got together, I started to have a problem with her talking about our sex life to her friends whether I'm around or not.

 

Additionally I am very uncomfortable when she discusses things she likes sexually with her friends (especially when they are lesbian and if they are men). She says she thinks like a guy sometimes and it's just natural for her to be open with her sexuality ... for me it seems provocative and that she's leading them on, especially when they are drinking. She says that there is absolutely no intention and she takes it as 'girl talk' - nevermind the sexual orientation or the gender of the person she is with. I don't like the idea of sitting in a room of her friends who knows what my girlfriend likes in bed - or of them knowing about our sex lives. Worse, I have known of when she was drinking and then feeling horny then telling whoever she is with that she is feeling horny. I feel that that is completely inappropriate.

 

She says she doesn't know why it just comes naturally to her and she's just very open about it and she can maybe see why it would be inappropriate but it's like a reflex for her and she said she's tried but it keeps happening (well and I am getting impatient and upset because each time it happens I feel like she is not respecting how I feel about it. She is always sorry when she realises that she's upset me again and says she will try not to let things slip. But sometimes she gets exasperated because she says that what's wrong with talking about stuff?

 

What do you guys think? Am I over-reacting?

[BlametheIrish]

I think talking about sex with your friends happens alot so no issue there, but talking about private moments you and her share in the bedroom is too much, especially since you told her enough times that uts not cool with you.

 

If I were you I would feel like she thinks her fun sex talk with friends is more important than your feelings. Or maybe she's just an attention whore ( its too late in the evening for my brain to come up with a pc way to say that)

 

if this is a dealbreaker issue then set your boundaries with (as in no detailed sex talk and whatever else she needs to do to stay in a happy healthy relationship with you) And what you'll do if she wont adhere to them. If and when she breaks those boundaries you NEED enforce whatever you said youd do. Like as in if she keeps blabbing about your sex life you're going to take a break and reasses the relationship. Or whatever you come up with.

 

 

if shes not respecting your wishes then she's not respecting you.

Edited November 8, 2013 by BlametheIrish

[PegNosePete]

she said she's tried but it keeps happening

She is not in control of her own actions?

 

Lame excuse.

 

You have told her that you are not comfortable, and that you don't consider this kind of discussion is respectful to you or your relationship. But she carries on disrespecting your feelings. What does that say about her?

 

Whether other people feel her actions are appropriate or not, is irrelevant. You have told her that you do not find it acceptable, yet she continues to crap all over your feelings. Humm.

[Grumpybutfun]

hurt girl:

Whether or not it is okay to others, it is hurting you now. Therefore, if she values your relationship and want to make you happy, she will stop with the bulletin on your sex life. I certainly understand this, as I have a very vivacious wife who loved to talk to her friends about what an amazing sex life she has with her husband (that would be me.) Unfortunately, over the years one of her friends developed a crush on me and did some pretty whack stuff culminating in her phoning my private work phone behind my wife's back, and then when confronted about sniffing my boxer shorts, bragging that she was going to have an affair with me. I thought the woman was insane and had never had any type of conversation or spent any time with her so I was flummoxed by this interest in me. They are no longer friends and I was very unhappy about learning of my wife talking about something that to me was private.

Unfortunately, when SO's do not place boundaries around their personal sex life, people no longer treat it with boundaries as they should. My wife learned her lesson and will not be talking about our private time together anymore. I do understand, and I think it is prudent to place boundaries around that part of your relationship that is special to just you two.

Grumps

[sabre80]

Don't know how relevant to the post this is but I will share a little observation A couple of friends made at work. After my divorce and I started dating these two friends (both married) wanted to know every little detail. I was happy to tell them. When I started dating my current girlfriend they said after a few months that she must be a keeper. I asked why do you think? They noted that I never go into detail or even talk about sex with her.

 

Now mind you the sex with her is amazing. Best I ever had. I should want to tell the world and rub it in their collective faces that I am having amazing sex. But I realized that it is private and I really respect her and all this amazing is just ours.

[d0nnivain]

Her words & actions are more like flirting than a simple discussion of sex. that is one of the things that is bothering you. Also you asked her to stop & she hasn't. That's a huge respect / red flag issue.

 

I wouldn't like it if my SO discussed intimate details of our sex life with others either. Some generalized discussions about people's preferences are part of life but she should be more discrete about the details.