maidai Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 (edited) Ok here is where I am at... 3 months no contact he attempted once I put pay to it straight away. I rarely think about him now and if I do its mainly indifference occasionally mild irritation. I very quickly realised there was nothing wrong with me and everything wrong with him. He was nothing I deserved and he lost out big time. I dont particulary feel or at least I did not think I felt emotionally damaged as I have a very strong strength of character and did not feel I needed to own anything with the relationship break down. I have literally just picked up with life and carried on. The problem though is... Recently I have been spending time with a male who has become a really good friend. We get on fabulously well, he is single, independant, amazingly good fun and I think even though we are both enjoying our *friendship* its becoming obvious its starting to be a slow burner and I am terrified by this thought. No discussions have been had by either of us but its starting to get obvious ie daily conversations, texts etc lots of banter and ribbing. Having lost a good friend (I thought) of over 20 years with ex I am not sure whether its another friendship I am terrified of losing OR whether its that whole trusting people and allowing anyone back in. I was already a bit of an ice queen and now I am not sure whether I am hitting that fully. Is this natural? Am I going to struggle to trust again considering I did not give it lightly to begin with? Its like that excitement you usually feel and I should be feeling is being strangled with that gut wrenching what if and I am normally one more than happy to take a risk, knowing you have to with anything in life. How have other people felt moving on and starting a relationship with someone after the hurt of someone who you were with fully for 18mnths (read my back story) heading back to a wife he had been seperated from for 3 years without so much as an explanation? I thought I trusted him and he proved me wrong and that I did not know him at all. Now I am wondering if its a normal reaction or whether I am a little bit broken even though it never entered my head to think that before now. If I am damaged goods then I think its unfair to head into anything else no matter how much I would like to, I dont want to turn into my ex and put anyone else through what he did to me. Edited November 8, 2013 by maidai Link to post Share on other sites
Author maidai Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 Thanks Red Wolverine. I think for me that is where the problem really comes in is my judgement. You might not know my back story but my exMM was actually living independantly and 18mnths seperated from his wife when we met and going through a divorce. We were together for 18mnths as a normal couple with families, kids etc involved. The day the decree nisi was due he picked up and went back to her with not so much as a word. I never saw it coming, we really were good together and happy but guess the whole end of thing freaked him. I think had I been with a MM by choice and knowingly for want of better words I would feel better now if that makes sense? I think there is also a bit of this guy has kids with an ex he is long split ie a large number of years but you still thing uff! Link to post Share on other sites
imfine Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 (edited) "Now I am wondering if its a normal reaction or whether I am a little bit broken even though it never entered my head to think that before now. If I am damaged goods then I think its unfair to head into anything else no matter how much I would like to, I dont want to turn into my ex and put anyone else through what he did to me." I think it's a little bit of both, normal reaction and brokenness. It takes time to heal from trauma. You are not damaged goods. You are not your ex. Take things slowly and enjoy the friendship. If it becomes more, fantastic. If it doesn't, fantastic. I struggle with trust too. I've found that trust comes naturally with time, lots of time. I take time to really think through things whenever I feel I've been betrayed so that I don't over or under react. It's helped me grow as a person. I feel more emotionally intelligent and more compassionate than I ever have in my life. This following a time that I was so broken that I didn't want to continue living. Life and happiness doesn't hinge on a romantic relationship, yet we can learn so much from them that help us live fuller lives. The magic word is always time. Best of luck to you. Edited November 8, 2013 by imfine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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