It's snowballing

[blind_otter]

Spock,

 

It's entirely possible to want something that is bad for you, self-destructive, or simply something that it's not possible to have. Wanting something isn't really a good justification for pursuing a course of action that has already led to two situations that, in and of themselves, are "deal-breakers" for most people.

 

I understand addiction. I was a drug addict for 2 years, and am still struggling to stay sober. I read your statement about having your pick of men, but knowing that he is a d*ck and still wanting that d*ck. I've heard fellow users use that same phrasing when describing why they do their drug of choice (be it cocaine, heroin, or hell, even sex) rather than just doing every drug under the sun. It's not about getting off, so much as why you get off governing how you get off.

 

Even battered women find themselves inexplicably returning to their abusers. In this case I worry about self-destructive behaviors that you describe. I have been in your shoes, although not necessarily with a married man, but in bad relationships or situations that I could not or would not realize were dangerous and ultimately things that would drag me down. Only by the grace of whatever's out there, and the generosity and selfless support of people who could see more clearly than I, was I able to get out of those situations, and in one case, be able to live.

 

Ultimately, it is your choise. I don't need to tell you that. You seem so practical and straight-forward about so many things. But a wise person once told me, lie to everyone else in the world, everyone else in your life, but for god's sake, don't lie to yourself.

[Barby]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

 

 

 

Well, I may SAY that but I doubt if I'd actually do it.

 

 

 

I understand, at first I wasn't sure how you meant it, I didn't read through all the replies but I agree if there are people saying rude things on this post they really need to stop. Spock hasn't said/done anything to warrant "bashing"

 

 

Yes, all this moralizing and condemnation needs to stop. It's foolishness and certainly not helping Spock. If you don't care for her, don't reply to the post. For the Christians in the crowd, do you think Christ would have condemned Spock the way you are doing?

 

Very well put!

[reasontosigh]

An aptly named thread, it seems - I wonder if Spock ever expected the thread itself to be snowballing as well!

[Naive]

Originally posted by indigo_moon

 

 

She sounds like a psychopath......like a stalker.....if she can't have him she'll make his life hell. Scary man, scary.

 

Well if this is the case then he is going to get what he deserves. When you cheat you can end up with the totally wrong woman who might end up chopping off your d*ck. That's a risk you are taking. That's why he should have not cheated.

 

And why the hell is he more guilty than her? He should not have had an affair? Well I'll give you that but it took 2 people to have an affair and being that she's an adult woman who willingly participated, she's equally as guilty.

 

Yeah, she is guilty, but he is more guilty because he owes his wife respect. He made the vow not Mr. Spock. He has spent years with this woman not Mr. Spock. She is not the one that is married, it's him. He had to look out for his wife and make sure that he did not hurt her. Why should Mr. Spock be worried for someone that is obviously not worried about her because they are complete strangers???? Ofv course she is guilty. She is guilty of hurting herself and putting herself down, but MM is not only hurting himself but his "better half" and his kids (if they have any).

 

This "make him pay" mindset is really very sick and disturbing.

 

Can be but I honestly think that she would not act upon it.

[PatientOne]

I've been a fan of Spock's ever since I found this site- the lady has a style of her own.

 

But I have to say that this whole drama she's living is like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

 

Spock, I wish you luck in your life, but I just hope that every now and again you step back and reassess how things are going- are you happy, are things going the way you'd hoped, and have your goals changed. I know you'll survive whatever happens, I just hope you can minimize the pain for yourself and those around you if things don't work out.

[immoralist]

But I have to say that this whole drama she's living is like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

 

That it is, PatientOne. And we, Spock's friends on LoveShack, are the paramedics.

 

Let's hope there's no need for emergency care this go round.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by Matilda

Yes, all this moralizing and condemnation needs to stop. It's foolishness and certainly not helping Spock. If you don't care for her, don't reply to the post. For the Christians in the crowd, do you think Christ would have condemned Spock the way you are doing?

 

Spock, I've been thinking a lot about your situation over the weekend for some reason. Maybe this guy is the one for you, but I just have a gut feeling that he's not. (You can take that for what it's worth, since I really don't know either of you. )

 

I also think all your bravado is masking a huge underlying vulnerability, and your current situation is proof of that. I just wish that you would investigate that a bit more before you do some things you may later regret.

 

And just one last thing that's been bothering me, you said you could have your pick of lovers, and by this I'm assuming you mean sexual partners. Well, most women have their pick of sexual partners, that's not the hard part. The hard part is finding a life partner. Someone you can relate to when you're not in bed. And at the risk of harping on you, I wish you would sit down and think about what you want from this one life you're given. It goes by so fast, you will wake up one day and be 40 and wonder how you got there.

 

I am prepared for things to go sour although I'm hoping that it won't go sour for ME. I want him as a partner in all things Matilda-it's hard to explain.

 

But either way-I am taking care of myself. I have to. If there is no possiblity of a valid relationship between us (and I think there is, and he hasn't stated anything contrary) then fine-. But that involves being FREE of this-he has to TELL me that it's over. Regardless of my "threats"-he does the same thing to me. Idle "threats" It may not mean he ever tells his CLW. But I hope at the very least he'll be honest with ME. My friends are somewhat thinking what Naive is-that this should happen ( i mean the whole situation) to every person that chooses to have an affair. Forces them to be honest.

 

You see, he's very much in to keeping me around. And that's hard to stop.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by indigo_moon

That's a fairly stupid remark. Although you should have learned this from personal experience, VD refers to contracting a disease/infection through sexual relations....whereas, the poor little innocent babies BORN WITH AIDS contracted it passively from their infected mothers.

 

I have no idea why you bash your MM......and why some people here are doling out sympathy for you. It takes 2 to tango, it takes 2 to make a baby, it takes 2 to spread an STD - you were obviously a willing participant who knew the risks. Seems like you have quite a history of boinking peoples' husbands. How many more lives are you going to selfishly help to disrupt and devastate? How many more babies are you going to abort? How many families are you going to breakup?

 

I sincerely feel sorry for you, not because you caught the clap, but because your moral compass is so badly broken that it's not even funny. If nothing else, get your tubes tied so that you don't make anymore innocent fetuses pay for your reckless behavior - not to mention I'd shudder to imagine what kind of Mom you'd be.......what kind of role model you'd be. A mother, a good one, needs to be selfless and stable.........not threatening to make someone pay if they can't have them.

 

Snore..........

 

I must be really tired.....I don't even feel like typing out anything coherent yet insulting.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by Grinning Maniac

I might be crazy...but didn't you say the same thing in a post about the LAST married guy you were with? I could swear I've heard you say that exact same thing before in the past. Deja vu... Also, what exactly about this guy's personality is so strong? I was just wondering, since, you know...he's married... but doing you on the side... and seems to need a lot of persuasion [and possibly blackmail] to leave his wife and "run off into the sunset" with you, instead of having the balls to just pack up and go since things are probably ****ed anyway. I'm not too knowledgable about common-law marriage, but if she's not *really* his wife, shouldn't it be that much easier for him to leave? I'm not the cheating type...but if my mistress had to whine and whine and threaten the ruin of my existance before I moved my ass, I'd feel like a bit of a pussy.

 

[Mostly just curious about the above. The rest of this is late-night gibbering]

 

By the way, the comment about "making his life hell" is pretty disturbing as well. That sounds sort of pathetic coming from you, since you try to paint yourself as so emotionally rock-solid and tough... You'd consider doing all that over a guy? It sounds like the synopsis of some TV-movie they'd put on Lifetime.

 

"So you're not going to leave your wife, eh? ...Maybe my copies of these ILLEGAL DOCUMENTS will change your mind!"

 

I mean, aren't you the one who said you could have your choice of guys if you wished (although you may be limited to the "To Clymidia and Beyond!" section from now on)?

 

It's clear this guy is a bit of a douche and I wouldn't be shedding any tears for him if you did decide to pull a "Fatal Attraction" on him, but to even consider ruining someone else's life just because you can't sleep with them anymore is a few notches below laughably lame. I think you really need to get some help for yourself. I'm not saying that from a "moral vigilante" perspective either. I'm just being frank with you. I've been hurt by women in my life before, but I've never sat around cackling to myself, hatching plots against them if they reject me. That's creepy. But hey...you're The Prettiest Princess and you do what you please. I just think it's a little...insane.

 

By the way, Indigo...how come that AIDS baby remark didn't make any sense when you read it? Are you slow or something? It was crystal clear to me. The statement makes perfect sense if you think about, you just have to read between the lines. Just like a baby catching AIDS by being born to a mother it didn't choose, Spock catching VD was completely random and coincidental. I mean, she was probably just sitting around one day eating pudding, then BOOM... "Oh dear, I seem to have caught the clap. CURSE YOU JELLO PUDDING".

 

It's not as if it had anything to do with...oh...I don't know...****ING PEOPLE WHO HAD STDs.

 

All I want is to have a decision either way.

 

(You big Turd)

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Spock,

 

It's entirely possible to want something that is bad for you, self-destructive, or simply something that it's not possible to have. Wanting something isn't really a good justification for pursuing a course of action that has already led to two situations that, in and of themselves, are "deal-breakers" for most people.

 

I understand addiction. I was a drug addict for 2 years, and am still struggling to stay sober. I read your statement about having your pick of men, but knowing that he is a d*ck and still wanting that d*ck. I've heard fellow users use that same phrasing when describing why they do their drug of choice (be it cocaine, heroin, or hell, even sex) rather than just doing every drug under the sun. It's not about getting off, so much as why you get off governing how you get off.

 

Even battered women find themselves inexplicably returning to their abusers. In this case I worry about self-destructive behaviors that you describe. I have been in your shoes, although not necessarily with a married man, but in bad relationships or situations that I could not or would not realize were dangerous and ultimately things that would drag me down. Only by the grace of whatever's out there, and the generosity and selfless support of people who could see more clearly than I, was I able to get out of those situations, and in one case, be able to live.

 

Ultimately, it is your choise. I don't need to tell you that. You seem so practical and straight-forward about so many things. But a wise person once told me, lie to everyone else in the world, everyone else in your life, but for god's sake, don't lie to yourself.

 

Oddly enough BO, I don't really have an addictive personality-at least in terms of substances.

 

I talked to him today, he's got so much on his mind-I DO feel bad for him. I need to stop putting pressure on him I think, we left it that I'd call him tomorrow at lunch. I think things are really exploding for him at home right now.

[RowanRavyn]

Oh, Spock.

 

What a lot to deal with this close to the holidays. You are in my thoughts hun. I am glad that this isn't something thats not treatable. I hope you will "double" your protection as it were.

 

I find it distrubing that there is such a need to throw stones here. I don't understand all of Spocks decisions, but its not really my job to.

 

Moose, hun. I have a lot more respect for you than you think, but I have to say your "laughing" and being ok with being "Self righteous" is a bit distrubing. How many times do you think Christ would have said "go and sin no more" to the adulterous woman? Seventy times seven?

[Mr Spock]

It IS a lot of crap to deal with at christmas, and I do regret things coming to a head over the holidays. As so far as protection, I was treated before my TA with blanket round of antibiotics that would have taken care of it, but I was called back into the doctor's office for more pills just to make sure. Which I haven't taken yet-not much point if he doesn't take the cure-and we can't be sure his CLW is safe either. Big Mess. I called him today and he was going through a LOT at home at the moment. Said he was having problems-I did ask to see him, perhaps that's putting too much pressure but we talked for a bit and he said to call him tomorrow (today, I'm working overtime nights at the moment).

 

I'm nervous about things. I worry for him-he sounded VERY stressed. I'm debating or not wether to call him, which I hate doing because it was agreed upon that I would.

[hotgurl]

spock,

just make sure you use a condom. If he is not taking anitbotics then you'll just keep passing the std back and forth. I would finish the anti-botics or else it might not be totally gone and will be harder to get rid of. Don't sacrifice you health for a D**k, not matter how big it is

[Mr Spock]

Well I called him, like he said to-picked up on the first ring as if he was waiting for it. Asked him how he was doing, if he was still busy-he's working overtime every night pretty much-asked him if he was still mad. Yes. At me? No. Then he said he had to eat lunch and he'd call me back.

 

Of course, he didn't. I am just pissed because I thought we were past this sh*t. So I'm going to back off now. No pressure, no phone calls-especially when things are (or were) tense at home. He can contact me when things aren't so f*cked up.

 

I just really don't need the added damn stress. I can't do this kind of crap anymore.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by hotgurl

spock,

just make sure you use a condom. If he is not taking anitbotics then you'll just keep passing the std back and forth. I would finish the anti-botics or else it might not be totally gone and will be harder to get rid of. Don't sacrifice you health for a D**k, not matter how big it is

 

I know, that's why there isn't any point in treating myself yet (have them in my drawer) because he won't get it done until he's ready to do what he has to do.

 

The whole thing is just so messed up. When I dropped the bomb on him I didn't expect to talk to him until this week-he called ME needing to see me a day after.

 

Make up your mind-what do you want?

[Debster]

Spock, you're probably not going to like this piece of advice, but here it is. Here's my opinion:

 

He has made up his mind. He chose his wife. However, he is willing to keep you on the side IN CASE his wife ends up throwing him out.

 

I'm not saying he doesn't have strong feelings for you. He probably does. The thing is, he doesn't have strong ENOUGH feelings for you. Either the feelings for his wife are stronger, or he just doesn't want the hassle of getting out of the relationship.

 

Does it sound like you have the raw end of the deal? Yep.

[immoralist]

Debster, that's exactly how I see this scenario unfolding. I suspect the MM is desperately trying to hold onto his family. And then, once the dust settles, he'll attempt to work his way back into Spock's sexual good graces.

 

Most straying MM are rather easy to figure out: Cheat; if caught, deny it; if denial is unsuccessful, beg for forgiveness; once forgiven, cheat again. And so on, and so on.

[Leaf]

debster and Imm are both right. My xMM is doing just as they are saying.. he got caught, said sorry, waits a few weeks (2 in this case) , tries to hold onto me, tells me one thing, tells her another, and is trying to get back into my sexual good graces at the moment...

[Mr Spock]

Oddly enough, I did get some answers.

 

Last night I told him he was in no danger from me-I would do nothing to screw things up any more than they are for him at home right now. I just felt too strongly about him to walk away. He told me I should. I said I couldn't, that I knew I should and I'd tried (I have tried to distance myself it works until I see him)

 

I explained myself to him. I stated that it should at least be given a chance.

 

 

I then asked him if he ever had any intention of leaving his CLW. And he said "yes". That it was going to happen. Although not tomorrow.

 

So I do have some answers. He said that it wouldn't be "fair" to me to wait around-then I said that I might not and he got mad. LSers would be fairly proud of me-I asked him ALL the questions that I've read and seen on here SO many times that we ask ourselves.

 

So what do I do know? I wait, I suppose. He'll come over again after christmas.

[Starry_Night]

I don't know your situation very well, except from reading this post. My question is are you going to be ok being the other woman still? He stated that he was not leaving her basically anytime soon so you'll still be in the same position. Is this ok for you?

 

 

I have been a lover to a married man before, well actually 2 married men. One of those lover relationships went on for 2 years and I never wanted more. I had my other boyfriend's or lovers (all safe sex of course) but I never wanted more with my MM except sex. But the second MM I slept with I really fell for. He did leave his wife and we moved in together but needless to say him being my MM was far better than him being my live-in boyfriend. The sexual excitement and mystery and danger of it was gone so I guess that is why the relationship died, besides the fact that I knew he wouldn't be faithful and I was way too young anyway.

 

So no judgements on my part I'm just curious since you said you have feelings for him if you're going to be ok being on the side?

[Leaf]

He is telling you to walk away? Ugh... Then got mad because you said you might not wait around?

 

Did his BS know he was with you again?

[Mr Spock]

I'm handling it OK so far. I'm just happy I've got a definitive answer. I did ask him WHEN and he just looked at me and said "Jan 26" and I laughed-when can you put a date on something like that?

 

I do recogize the "forbiddeness" part of the relationship won't be there but I'm willing to take that risk. And I told him that. About everything.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by Leaf

He is telling you to walk away? Ugh... Then got mad because you said you might not wait around?

 

Did his BS know he was with you again?

 

What is a BS?

[Leaf]

His wife. .. I was trying out the lingo around here.. lol

 

 

The reason I ask is because Mine is telling me to be patient, the very first day after he got caught he told me that he wanted to fix his marriage, I said (alot of things..) but I eventually said Fine. And that ws going to be it for me.. now... 2 weeks later.. he is back to acting like we've never had any blip in our relationship. And she (his wife) is stupidly trusting him... I think he is trying to get caught again..

 

So I wondered in your case does his wife know that he just saw you?

[Mr Spock]

No. They're not officially married, she has her suspicions I'm sure but she has no proof. I was worried that he'd just confess and beg to stay-I know now he won't do that. I told him he could not mention my name unless he was leaving-he said he probably wouldn't even when he did.