24inNYC Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 So some background: I have been best friends with this guy for 11 years now. We have always been really close: I've helped set him up with girls, spent many nights consoling him after breakups and other problems, and basically know everything about him (and vice versa). I had a crush on him in middle school, but I never told him and it quickly passed. I've always thought he was attractive but that was about it. We've had "moments" in the past where we'd be talking intimately and gotten close, but we've never kissed or anything. Last weekend he was in town and my roommates were away. We went out with his friends and got very drunk. I made out with his friend but decided not to pursue it and went home instead. My friend was also making out with a girl but things didn't work out there either. So we were both drunk and feeling horny and we ended up having sex. It was so fun. We stayed up all night kissing, and cuddling, and having sex. Right after, he wanted to talk about it. My mind was blank bc I was still in the moment and had not had time to process it. He started talking and told me a lot of stuff like: "you don't know how many times I've thought about sleeping with you", telling me how hot he thought I was, "I don't want to think about you sleeping with other guys now", "if we lived in the same city would you sleep with only me?" etc etc. I was pretty much quiet bc I didn't know what to say and I was exhausted. The next morning he had to go see his family, so we cuddled for a bit and kissed goodbye. I told him I was glad we had hooked up and he said me too and left. Things seemed fine. Now it's been a week and we've talked a few times briefly, but I want to have a longer phone conversation with him about what happened and he's been avoiding it. He told me over IM that he kinda regretted it and he feels weird, but I can't get more info out of him. I am mad that he can't admit that it was fun even if it was a one time thing. I don't necessarily see anything coming of this, but after he was saying all that stuff to me,I couldn't help but think about something more. I'm just curious where his head's at, and I wish he would talk to me. Advice??? Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sounds like he's been crazy about you for awhile, but took your silence and the way you acted as a pretty strong hint that you don't feel that way, and tried to let him down gently. So yup. The friendship is history now. There probably isn't any going back, especially from his side. If you're shopping around for a new boyfriend though, you might be in luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beyondcrushed Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I did the same thing. But we started a few months later to have sex again and we ended up being exclusive then married to each other. If you can, have the "talk" with him so you are on the same page. Be up front and honest about your feelings for each other and what happened and what you want. Then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 the major thing you (both) have in your favor is the years of friendship. most people won't turn their back on someone they have known for 11 years, whether the sex was a mistake or not. you should be able to be open about this, given the length of the friendship. if you find you cannot, then perhaps you are not as close as you think. i'd talk it over as fast as possible - to clear it up one way or another and not let time passing get to more awkwardness. but the friendship is over either way... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
headinthecloud Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 I agree with the other posters. He wanted more but picked up on your hesitation and is just trying to prepare himself for being rejected. I would talk with him right away and tell him that you've been in love with him for years. You have nothing to lose because the friendship is definitely over. I know it sucks but that's just what happens sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Hey, I think this is really sweet. I also agree that maybe he is preparing to be rejected because you seem to be acting "cool" (that's not bad at all by the way). Do you want to have a relationship with him? If you want, it is perfect; he already loves you as you have been fiends, he is very attracted to you, and he also wants exclusivity. Talk to him and come back here for a report! Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 The part about your post that is concerning is the drinking and making out with a guy, and him making out with a girl, prior. It did not work out, so you had sex together. This just feels odd to me, not sure why. Link to post Share on other sites
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