Moments of realisation that suck

[Pendawn]

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my bf broke up with me, and while I'm generally okay, I've just realised that I have millions of moments of realisation to go through when it suddenly hits you that such-and-such will never happen again etc.

 

Like tonight, I have a weird phobia about people getting stomache upsets - especially my parents (I live with them) - and tonight my mum came home from a Christmas party with an upset tummy. I was all freaked out as I usually get and it was so awful to realise I couldn't call my bf up to make me feel better about it. He was always really good about my phobia and would cheer me up and get me through it. Now I have to do it alone. UGH!

 

Plus it made me think of the future. My parents are getting old (my dad is in his 70s) and are going to start getting sick and frail and 2 weeks ago I thought I'd have my partner to lean on and help me cope with this, but I'm realising I'm going to have to face it alone.

 

These dawning moments really suck. It's like hundreds of little break ups as each new thing that you KNOW has changed finally sinks in.

[nan]

It sounds more like you're afraid of being alone than afraid of being without your significant other. But it's still not easy.

[Pendawn]

Well that is a large part of it, because after spending 11 years with someone, you assume you'll never have to worry about these kinds of things again. But of course it is specifically the support my ex gave me I am missing, as well.

[krazeeyk]

I know how you feel, but don't worry you'll be a better person because of this. Life has a funny way of showing us how to deal with things.

[Merin]

Moments of reality that suck.. getting an upset stomach and realizing I'm out of Pepto Crap!

 

 

Seriously.. I'm sorry you're feeling down.. you know it is of course nice to know that someone has your back like that.. that someone is there for you when you need them.. but better than even that.. is when you get to the realization that having someone is great.. BUT that YOU can get through anything because YOU are strong is even better..

 

Life has a way of happening when you've made other plans.. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[kodiak]

pendawn-

 

Im sorry to see that you are hurting. You were with your Bf for 11 years, thats amazing. what happened, if you dont mind sharing? 11 years is a long time to waste and im sure that somehow things will work out, just give it time. Also its funny you wrote about your phobia, i have the same and i know how it felt to be able to call my ex GF and she would make me feel better. I was with her only a year and its been 6 months and i still hurt bad. I would like to hear more about yoru phobia because if its the same one that i have, i can give you some good websites and advice. Take care....Kodiak

[bebop]

*sending some hugs*

Pendawn, didn't you mention awhile back that you also have a disability? So, between that and your parental concerns, I'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed. Do you have a support system at all, friends, other relatives? Be careful not to isolate yourself.

[Pendawn]

Thanks everyon for teh kidn words. i think what was makign it worse last night was 1) I'm coming down with a throat infection/cold/flu thing so I'm just feelign crappy and 2) I knew I'd be seeing my ex this weekend to swap stuff.

 

Kodiak -

 

Im sorry to see that you are hurting. You were with your Bf for 11 years, thats amazing. what happened, if you dont mind sharing? 11 years is a long time to waste and im sure that somehow things will work out, just give it time. Also its funny you wrote about your phobia, i have the same and i know how it felt to be able to call my ex GF and she would make me feel better. I was with her only a year and its been 6 months and i still hurt bad. I would like to hear more about yoru phobia because if its the same one that i have, i can give you some good websites and advice. Take care....Kodiak [/b]

 

It's good to know someone else has the same phobia. I used to me worse when my own health was worse but I have teh phobia mostly udner control now, though I do still freak out and feel a lot of stress and panic when someone i know has some kind of stomache upset. i wish i understood it, though i know I get it from my dad who has a total hysteria about germs etc. Mines just manifests in a different way.

 

Sorry about you and your ex, it doens't amtetr how long you've been dating it still hurts the same. I wish I could explain to you hwat happened because especially now I've seen my ex again tonight, I really have no idea what happened. Basically he just said he couldn't see us having a future, didn't know where we were going and was hurt i hadn't moved in with him. But specifically he can't tell me why he wnats to break up and is still saying he's unsure, he still loves me etc. I get the feeling his life has just hit a wall and he's just floundering and our relationship was the one thing he thought he could change hiumself. I don't know, that's just guess work. He also rambled on tonight about not having any social life, so I dunno if that's part of it. He has a new job which has killed his social life and because of my disability I can't go out much, so when he had time off he was coming round to mine and we'd watch DVDs etc. Maybe he just wanted to be going out more. *sigh* I don't know.

 

I know he doesn't seem very happy right now even since we've broken up, which is comforting in a way but still infuriating because it means we're BOTH unhappy now. ANyway I've started No Contact now, i said I need time on my own to get over him, and if he's still unsure he needs time not speaking to me to decide what he REALLy wants.

 

 

bebop -

*sending some hugs*

Pendawn, didn't you mention awhile back that you also have a disability? So, between that and your parental concerns, I'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed. Do you have a support system at all, friends, other relatives? Be careful not to isolate yourself.

 

Thanks for the hugs! I do have a disability (I have M.E.) and it's tough to know i SHOULD be at the age where I can start doing stuff for my parents and instead they've still looking after me. My bf was so good at looking after me, taking me out etc and I miss that and I also feel guilty that the responsibility has fallen back on my parents shoulders. But I DO have a good support system, I have lots of friends and my cousin is really good at being there for me. It's just that they have husbands and kids and can't just always be there at the moment you need them.

 

But hey I am coping in general it's just moments, and I will get past it. And in january I am going to being driving lessons to help me get some independance for myself.