Ugh!

[aFighter]

Ok the weirdest thing. I can't stop thinking about my ex, the one that ran off with one of my pals ealier this year. It's probably down to the 'silly season' I'm not hitting a bottle or anything. Just thinking about her on & off, certain sights and sounds around the city remind me our last xmas together and I just remember.

 

Oh well, life goes on & I hope she burns in hell along with that gd traitor (oops was that out loud?)

[bebop]

Grief counselors (the ones worth their salt, anyway) always talk about the importance of the cycle of the first 12 months following a loss. That one will have the most difficulty with the first cycle of significant dates and holidays. You're going through the perfectly normal stuff - it just can catch us up by surprise now and then. I'm glad you said the last line out loud, that was healthy lol.

 

[GreenCap]

Yeah, I hope my ex and "the one she will marry" Effing burn and rot and suffer calamity and pain like I am now. But I am also drunk right now, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober.

[debs]

woohoo GreenCap!!!

 

My sentiments about my ex and his skank exactly! BRAVO!!!!!!!!

[GreenCap]

This 12 month cycle is interesting.

 

Talking some friends whom have either divorced or had been in a tough relationship, they keep talking about getting back to normal after one year, regardless of whether the relationship was for 10 years or 1 year. Most likely after opening up ourselves and showing the most vulnerable parts of our psyche to the special someone and have that trust betrayed can be traumatic.

 

Broke up three months but last contact was on Wednesday 12/15. Hopefully, it won't take me until 12/15/05 tp feel normal again but if it does, it does.

[beejsea2]

Today has been two months since my ex decided to sneak out when I was at work. There are days that I'm so okay with him being gone and there are days that the grief is overwhelming!! I look forward to the day when that pit in my stomach disappears and when I won't let thoughts of him invade my mind...I know that it's a slow process and I'm taking it one day at a time!!

 

I still think of an ex that I dated almost 12 years ago sometimes..usually just I wonder if he's okay etc.

[EC]

lol Green Cap I agree with the 12 month Cycle.

 

Once you go through the 1 year with out them and realize your not dead and you are still living and breathing...you pretty much end up ok.

[GreenCap]

EC

 

I rather have a fastforward button to get me past this "healing" time so I can be normal again and not a walking zombie :-)

 

Beejsea2 - despite our technological improvements, leaps in science etc.....the human brain and emotion remains the undiscovered frontier - what makes us tick and it is definitely more than just hormones. One day at a time - I hear you - but it is tough when they are out frolicking with new love interest and you are the one heartbroken.

 

Which begs this question: Do both parties leave a broken relationship clean/unaffected?

[beejsea2]

Green Cap,

 

I'd love to know the answer of your question!! I often wonder if my ex has any remorse or if he thinks about me or has he just moved on with his life as if I never even existed!!

 

I would love a fast forward button too!! I get mad at myself sometimes because I know that I'm going to be a better person once I get through this!!

[SpaceCoyote]

Greencap and everyone: I'm with you all, I'm not looking forward to 12 months of what I am going through now if that is how long it is going to take!

 

Fighter: Yeah, embrace that anger! If you are angry at her or even think you may hate her, it's a lot easier to deal with than to think she is perfect and want her back.

[thien_to]

I'm with SC, use whatever tool you have. Anger is sooo helpful. Just don''t let it turn to bitterness. Hmmm...12 months from when? The initial break up or from when you accept the reality of the situation?

[GreenCap]

This timeframe is definitely a moving target and counting the days won't help, it has to fade away quietly where you don't even realise you forgot all about her and the memories you shared.

 

Humans are creatures of habit, some more than others. The painful part of a breakup, emotions, love, feelings aside, is the absence of familiarity - the routine and the presence.

 

So, when people say move on with your life, we hold on to the precious memories and feel betrayed etc. That's why we keep rewinding all the memories and reflect on the past and it hurts even more.

 

Once we get over that lost of routine, I believe, then the healing starts. Today was the start for me, I deleted everything which reminded me of her and will soon move out of the apartment we shared. She was traveling with him this past Saturday to go home to meet his parents and then go meet her parents. I had the stupidity to call her and begged her not to go just as she was stepping onto the plane. You can pretty much figure out the response.

 

On Sunday after dying on Saturday, I knew I had sunk to the lowest point in my life (how apt, it is the winter solstice today, the shortest day of the year and from here on, the days get longer) and I had nowhere to go but up. I gave her one last chance to change her mind and now she never existed in my life - I did an astrology reading on Friday and the stars suggest that she will come back to me in the near future. Poppycock! She is non-existent in my life and from today onwards, the healing begins.

[moon]

If it is going to take me a year to forget about my ex (it's been 2 plus months) I hope that I cure myself of this need I have to try to fix Mr wrong instead of finding Mr right from the start. Did any of you have sneaking doubts about your boyfriend/girfriend even when you met them. Well, I did. But didn't listen to the gut or didn't let it nag me enough. Fast forward four years and I have a broken heart.

 

So if it's gonna take me a year to get over this....which is looking like a good estimate, please God let me find somebody at least resembling Mr right and not Mr wrong when that year is up. Just thought I'd add that.

[SpaceCoyote]

Did any of you have sneaking doubts about your boyfriend/girfriend even when you met them. Well, I did. But didn't listen to the gut or didn't let it nag me enough. Fast forward four years and I have a broken heart.

 

I had some doubts going into mine but I don't necessarily believe it to be a bad thing, regardless of my heart getting broken at the end. I think it depends on whether those doubts are enough to take away from your enjoyment of being with that person, and also how much you believe in that person. Maybe I am/was just naive... to think that if you believe in each other, you will overcome the roots of those doubts.

 

And maybe that is just my problem in general. Moon, it sounds as though you have already accepted in your mind that your ex definitely was Mr. Wrong. That is probably a big part of letting go, so you have taken that step in that direction and that is good for you. Me, somewhere in my mind I think I still believe in my ex... believe that she is a good person and that she was the right person for me. And that's a big part of my troubles.

 

12 months is indeed starting to sound more and more like a good estimate. And the reality of that road that lies ahead (I'm only 1 month in right now) is a very very bad feeling.

 

So if it's gonna take me a year to get over this....which is looking like a good estimate, please God let me find somebody at least resembling Mr right and not Mr wrong when that year is up. Just thought I'd add that.

 

I hear you, Moon.

[moon]

SpaceCoyote,

 

Personality-wise my ex was pretty good. He had sort of a sweet demenour. He could be terrifically charismatic, warm and enjoyable. But his habits were all wrong. He drank too much, he had a sort of fatalistic view of his life (things would either crash and burn or turn out marvelously), he could have a bad temper, he had trouble with the law occassionally, he had a good relationship with some family members, but others weren't so good. He didn't work a lot because his family has a lot of money. But he didn't have a career to speak of.

 

So, no I though my ex could be Mr Right when I met him. But when I learned all about his other things and problems I just didn't know how it would be that he or I could get passed it. I think in a way I didn't know how to deal with him. I would tend to get angry about things and demand change or I would be very sweet and understanding. I didn't do a very good job of meeting problems in the middle. We didn't talk things out very well. He also didn't see me as human at times. I believe he needed me and I was more of a symbol of his need. He didn't appreciate me very much. I was like a possession. I couldn't have real problems. We were always talking about him. I don't even think he knew half of the things that were going through my head. So I guess I realize I need more of a reciprocal relationship. My ex used to have a lot more compassion, too, which meant he never did horribly painful things to me (at least with out a major appology). Before we broke up he did something so unspeakable to me and never even appologized. He is still making me feel like it's my fault. That's not the guy I knew. I think he just changed.