Can't stop thinking about my EX even thogu I have a new man

[Jaylene]

I will try to sum this up as best I can. My new boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. About 1 and a half months before I got together with him, I had just been dumped by my ex of 3 years which hurt me more tham anything I have ever experienced. I thought I was over the pain, but for some reason, I am still going through emotions like sadness and frustration. Here is a brief synopsis of how things ended with my ex:

 

He was my first lover and boyfriend. For the first 6 months, everything was great; then the rocky part of our relationship began. He was overpossessive and distrustful of me, especially because he hated my best friend who I always hung out with because she was single and he thought flirtatious and influential in a bad way towards me. He was also a major pothead, so I guess that that contributed to his mood swings, temper, and general lack of interest to do something meaningful with his life like go to college or whatever. There were times that I thought I was happy when we would go out and have fun together, but overall, he was very neglectful towards me in emotional ways. e argued a lot and I generally distrusted him most of the time. There reached a point which reached its climax towadrs the last 5 montsh of our relationship where all he wanted to do was hang out with his friends adn act liek he was basically single. At tiems he would say that he wanted space, but never broke it off offically. I was very hurt and vulnerable during that time and just believed him when he told em that he just wanted space to get his life together or whatever. I was stupid enough to basically let him know that I loved him and was willing to "wait for him". Inteh end, he basically broke up with em withotu even confronting me face to face. When I tried to bring up the issue of whether he wanted space or to break up he would just start an argumentsaying that he didn't want to be pressured. So, basically eh atgged me along and eventually I heard that he had cheated on me with some girl. I don't know the details of hwo long, but I am assuming that that it was while he was tagging me along.

 

A few weeks after I found that out eh started calling me adn acting liek everything was cool between us; that is like as friends. When I would bring up that I heard that I cheated on him, he denied it and said that those were rumors and sadi that he was simply trying to get his life together. Mind you, towards teh end of his ditching me, he had moved and didn't even tell me where. Rumors had it that he had moved in with soem girl but he denied it. For a few weeks every few days he would call me and try to flirt with me adn I started to go along with it on some level btu he never told me that he wanted me back, he just said that in the future we would probably get togther. I was just going along with it wven though at that point I had starting taking to my current boyfriend.

 

The breaking point was when I found a business card of his with his old cell # in an old frinds car and a new one stating that provided private car service. So I called teh new number, a girl pickep up adn I asked if this was his office #, and she sadi this his his girlfriend. I was in shock so I hung up. I called back again and asked to speak to him saying that I was an old friend. Eventually i todl her that I was his ex and that I was simply returning his call and let her know that he always called me adn that I wanted him to stop because my new boyfriedn didn't like it. Then he got on the phone and cursed me out asking me how I had gotten the # and telling me not to call. Later that night he left a message on my answering machien stating that eh didn't appreciate what I did. I haven't heard from him since. I was so mad because abotu three weesk before that eh had been calling me flirting. I was so upset finding out officially that h ehad a new girlfriend, even though she sounded unedcuated. I was so hurt, adn I guess that what hurts teh most is that he has apparently gotten over me; plus teh afct that he had cheated on me. teh only thing that makes me feel a litlle better is knowing that I had a fling whiel I was with im too and he accused me of it even though he never had proff. So I tried to rationalize in my head that that was on eof teh reasons that he did that, not because I was such a loser.

 

What bothers too is that when our relatuonship ended, I still had feelings for him. I am happy with my new boyfriend, but every now and then I get so upset thinkingabout my ex. I am pretty sure that I don't have repressed fellings for him because I hate him for what he did to me. But I hate the fact that he hasn't even made a bgi effort to try to get back with me.

 

I always thougth I ahd teh upper hadn in teh realtionship because I was better looking and in college, he wasn't. I guess that I got comfortable with him adn teh relationship.

 

What can I do, at times I start thibkig about it adn I go crazy adn it effecst my current realationship. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE....

[dave]

That sucks Jaylene. Guess you should just give it more time. What do you mean by, " he hasn't made a 'big' effort to get you back'? He just hasn't tried hard eneough.......or not at all? Would you still take him back?

 

I shouls say this too, before Tony does, you should be honest and talk to your current man about all this, something like this could cause a relationship to end.

[Tony T]

You didn't wait enough time to get into another relationship. You did not have sufficient time to grieve and go through the healing process. That's why you are still stuck in your previous relationship.

 

It is normal to think of previous loves now and then...but it is not normal to get to the point that it bothers you.

 

You need to forgive your ex for what he did but don't let him continue to eat at your precious life. Get over him and get your mind into the things at hand.

 

As far as him trying to get back with you...that may have happened if you would have given it time but you rushed right in to a new relationship. He's gentleman enough not to pursue you while you have a boyfriend. If you were wanting to get back with this guy, why did you rush into something else? Your ex is proper and courteous for leaving you alone.

 

You know, guys just can't win for anything. If a guy tries to get back with a gal, she gets all bent out of shape...if he doesn't try to get back with her that bothers her too...even if she has a new boyfriend.

 

Geeeeeeezzzzzeeeeeee!!!

[Laurynn]

Your ex boyfriend was a loser...and he treated you with NO respect, particularly towards the end. He played head games, he treated you bad, he cheated, didn't even have the decency to end the relationship with you face-to-face. Sounds like he was nothing but a pot-smoking bum who lived for his friends. YOU MISS THAT?

 

Come on, get some self respect! You don't deserve that. Nobody does. When you think about him and miss him, remember all the crap he put you through. If you can't stop thinking about him, then end things with the guy you're with........it's NOT FAIR to be with him if you're still pining away over your ex. It's not health for your relationship either.

 

Laurynn

[Deejette]

He wasn't very nice to you and showed you he would rather hang out with his friends and smoke pot than be with you. So, the way you describe him makes me wonder what's to miss about him?

 

Give yourself time, because, as Tony says, it was too soon for you to get into another relationship. In time, you might see how staying with your old boyfriend would have been a dead-end for you. It is pointless to pine over this guy, who has gone on to live his life without you.

 

But the death of a relationship takes time to heal and need to allow for that.

Your ex boyfriend was a loser...and he treated you with NO respect, particularly towards the end. He played head games, he treated you bad, he cheated, didn't even have the decency to end the relationship with you face-to-face. Sounds like he was nothing but a pot-smoking bum who lived for his friends. YOU MISS THAT? Come on, get some self respect! You don't deserve that. Nobody does. When you think about him and miss him, remember all the crap he put you through. If you can't stop thinking about him, then end things with the guy you're with........it's NOT FAIR to be with him if you're still pining away over your ex. It's not health for your relationship either. Laurynn

[strawberry]

i know the feeling, i am going through the same thing, mind you im in love with someone who is a better person, and has more going for him.

 

Really, its so hard isnt it, especially if you hear good things about your ex, or how about this, he went to my old roomates house for new years, and had a threesome with her and this other girl i know. I am so hurt.

 

The only thing that makes me feel better is when i focus on how immature he is and how im dating a successful doctor, while he has a measly business degree.

 

This guy sounds like a complete, loser, and i think you deserve better. How would he be able to give you the future you want? No education. Smokes pot.

 

There are plenty of men out there, dont call him, or go back to him. When you think of him, go do something for yourself..Buy some new makeup, or clothes, plan a vacation with your friends.

 

Good luck, hun.