Patrice Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 I haven't seen MM in over two years. He wrote me several days ago, telling me he is working extra hours so that he can end his marriage and make her a settlement offer. He is begging me to wait for him now, said that there is no other woman for him, that he has never loved a woman like he loves me. He asked me to travel to him, I said I would not until the marriage is over. I will remain firm on that, and why I haven't seen him in two years. I believe he has a daughter who will be leaving for college in January, and that was his biggest concern and has been for years - didn't want her to witness him leaving. He told me that if I travelled to him, he would leave the marriage in 30 days. He told me he has slept in a separate bedroom for two years, has not been with any other woman ... The next day, he wrote me and apologized, said that he meant what he said but that he had to stick to the timeline he originally had, and said he would not contact me. I am fine with that, just curious what people here think of this. I'm not sure he is what I want anymore, as I've taken the two years and done some major work on myself, my self esteem etc. Is this another case, of they pop up when they know you are doing well? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 I haven't seen MM in over two years. He wrote me several days ago, telling me he is working extra hours so that he can end his marriage and make her a settlement offer. He is begging me to wait for him now, said that there is no other woman for him, that he has never loved a woman like he loves me. He asked me to travel to him, I said I would not until the marriage is over. I will remain firm on that, and why I haven't seen him in two years. I believe he has a daughter who will be leaving for college in January, and that was his biggest concern and has been for years - didn't want her to witness him leaving. He told me that if I travelled to him, he would leave the marriage in 30 days. He told me he has slept in a separate bedroom for two years, has not been with any other woman ... The next day, he wrote me and apologized, said that he meant what he said but that he had to stick to the timeline he originally had, and said he would not contact me. I am fine with that, just curious what people here think of this. I'm not sure he is what I want anymore, as I've taken the two years and done some major work on myself, my self esteem etc. Is this another case, of they pop up when they know you are doing well? If you're fine without him, why go back given his track record? Do you remember a time you ached for justice? Here's your chance. Tell him "I am sorry but it is too late" and be thankful not to start the toxic process all over again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cdngirl5279 Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 You've spent two years working on yourself. Why would you take such a big step back? I agree with the above post, do NOT start the toxic process over again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 Sometimes I wonder if they prey on the compassionate people .. wondering if he is trying to get an ego stroke. I let him vent and didn't commit to anything with him .. simply said, I didn't know how he could live like that. I think he is torn and hurting .. and I know. I will go quiet and not respond again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 I would NEVER go back to that, ever ... so much damage from these relationships .. the guilt, the preventing you from moving on .. funny, how we get stuck there and waiting, and they let us down. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Sometimes I wonder if they prey on the compassionate people .. wondering if he is trying to get an ego stroke. I let him vent and didn't commit to anything with him .. simply said, I didn't know how he could live like that. I think he is torn and hurting .. and I know. I will go quiet and not respond again. He probably is torn. But your mental health cannot be at the mercy of his confusion. You are so far out. Keep sailing and keep yourself emotionally detached so you are healthy and ready to meet a guy who will never let you down in that capacity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 He has some pretty big balls to contact you after 2 years and then give you those bullcrap lines. Cut him loose and change your email address. Really after 2 years you want to open that door again? My guess is no. He's moved on and contacted you to see if you were still into him. And would wait? Jerk! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 The other side is a nice place to be ... I left a 27 year marriage, 4 years ago .. I've been on my own for all of those years, bought my own home, got a promotion at work .. I think he is sniffing for an exit place to stay, won't be here. Link to post Share on other sites
Cdngirl5279 Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Sometimes I seem to think YES, they do pop up when they know you are doing well. It sounds like you are doing well. You give me hope for my situation! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 You keep on working on you! The revelations come as they come about these people, who do so much damage to the spirit of others ... the wives who do not know, the other people caught in the mix .. just ugly ... watch some on the lies they tell... think there is something on Dr. Phil on that .. Don't sell yourself short .. ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 I don't see how the experience wouldn't change you. Sure, you've seen his good side and loved him, but you've also seen what he's capable of. Unless he is coming to you after much IC, I wouldn't bother. He has and should have a lot of work to do--besides just getting a D--to get back into your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 What do I think? I think he's full of crap! I think his wife is planning to leave him and he's lining up his backup plan. Even if he leaves and divorces - I hope you don't settle for such a selfish and self centered egotistical azzhat like him! Link to post Share on other sites
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