I just emailed the girl......whats going to happen?

[isthisreallyme2]

Ok! This is my story this is the first time im posting here. I got married when I was 19 and my husband and I have been married for almost 7 years. The first time we had problems was about 2 years ago. He started to have a phone relationship with a girl he met in another state when we were living apart (He was in the Military-we lived apart for a year and a half due to him going on float). He said that him in the girl were only friends but they talked all the time, I mean all the time it got me so frustrated especially when I started to go through his things and started to see text messages and emails they were writing,, it wasn’t just friend talk. I couldn’t believe it. So that was then, he moved out for like two months and then he came back. We were doing good again. But things just got really worse. Every year I go on a girl trip with my friends and he goes on guy trip with his. We usually go the same week but this year we went two separate weeks. He went in the earlier part of the year and I went this summer. To make a long story short. When I went on my vacation he left town to visit a girl in the place where him and his friends went in the earlier part of the year he stayed for 10 days. I knew nothing of these plans and he didn’t tell me. I was so mad when I got back. We talked and he said that we need to be separated. I keep asking him if he wants a divorce and he says no, I m not even thinking about that. He says that we just need time apart. He doesn’t know whats going on. I keep asking him if he loves me still he says yes. I say are you in love with me I get silence. What the heck is going on. I asked him if he loved the girl he said no, he said he does like her. Also, I asked if they had sex he says no. I don’t believe him.

 

Its been a month now and he comes home when he wants we still do things and he still calls everyday to see what Im doing. I don’t know what to do. I love him and want to be with him but, I keep thinking about him having sex with her. He has never did anything like this before this was so low. He keeps saying he was an a**h*** for going but he still continues to talk to her.

 

The one good thing I like is this girl is thousands of miles away and when he’s here hes mine. Well sort of mine, I dont know who else hes talking to here. Man, I kind of feel like I don’t know him. We were/are so close. I thought I knew everything.

 

I don’t want to make it sound like Im an angel or anything but I have never cheated on him while we were married. He does complain that im too controlling and that I nag a lot and he doesn’t want to continue his life like that. The thing I don’t understand is, does he not realize I don’t like to nag and be controlling. It his actions that cause me to, Agh, it really annoys me. We have accomplished so much over the years and have been so many places (no kids ). He says he hasn’t been happy for a while. And if he was happy he would not talk to other females (e.g this girl and the other one from 2 years ago).

 

I know I can’t make a person happy if they don’t want to be. But I just wish we could work things out. He doesn’t want to do counseling, but he has recently started to go to church with me two weeks ago. I was really excited. I wonder if there is hope. I don’t want to give him up because we still have a lot together and he still pays for everything. I do have a good job and can live by myself but I just feel we are one and should have everything together.

 

When I ask him if he wants to be with me or her. He says it’s not that and she has nothing to do with our situation. I think he is full of bull. What do you think?

 

I originally wrote this message about three months ago.

 

I finally emailed the girl that is far away. My husband asked why? Hes home all the time we are togther? I told him it killed me to know he was still talking to her even though he doesn’t see her. O, does that bother me. He claims he will just stop talking to her cold turkey. I don’t think that is going to happen so I took it upon my self to just email her to tell her that he is married. Do you think I did the right thing? He said she didn’t know he was married.

 

Now its one day later and hes acting like nothing happened? Agh, that so bothers me.

[Ladyjane14]

His friendship with this girl sounds suspicious to me. If she's a problem for you then she's a problem in the relationship.

 

I doubt he'll stop talking to her though.

 

Check out <URL removed>, particularly the infidelity sections, for some good information on how to deal with a wayward spouse.

 

Have you had any marriage counseling? It would be a good idea if you elect to continue on in the relationship.

 

You don't have any children, and even though you have invested 7 years, it's not too late to say enough is enough. Think carefully on if you want to continue on in the marriage or not before you invest any more of your time or your youth.

[cheatersrsad]

You get the patience award for 2005! I have to tell you that I would have changed my locks and wished him well. At the very least, I wouldn't let him continue to chat with this OW in my house/home. Why not take a stand for yourself and let him have it. You can't control what he does, but you can control what part of you he has or does not have!